Raelism

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Best. Logo. Ever.

Raëlism is a UFO sex clone cult. You already want in, amirite?

Raëlians believe humanity (and all Earth life) have been created by an advanced alien race. They advocate free love, masturbation, condom use, atheism, above average IQ as a voting requirement, the unionization of all African countries, cloning sciences, clitoris education and preservation, Diabeetus and the use of Lens Flare.

Excusez!
I believe! Where can I join?

Raël Himself

Claude was born on September 30, 1946 in France. Realizing he was a complete fag, Rael ran away at 15 to be a male prostitute named Claude Celler, and managed to move away from the cock to sell records. Madam Pipi (Mrs. Toilet Attendant) and Monsieur Votre Femme Me Trompe (Mister, Your Wife is Cheating on Me) are two of his greatest hits.

Before deciding to make shit up about aliens and volcanoes, Claude raced cars until the Elohim first visited him. He picked up the hobby again in 1994. When he's not fuckin' new age hotties or trolling world government, he plays a lot of video games.

Beliefs

In 1973 Claude met this John who offered to pay him in narcotics, and took him up on it. After seven steamy drug fueled visits inside a volcano, this mystery solicitor had Claude believing that he was Yahweh, a visitor from another planet and part of a superior race called Elohim. Claude certainly cracked when given large doses of hallucinogens , and kidnapped for free anal raepage. "Yahweh" convinced Claude to get in his "Spaceship" to have lunch with some of his fellow prophets, including Joseph Smith, Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, Moses, Confucius, and Cthulhu. Claude was taught the following truths:

Raël, as he henceforth decided to call himself, was given the task of creating an extra-planetary embassy. Rael has built this embassy in the outskirts of the hash capital of North America, and in his infinite knowledge and subtlety, dubbed it "UFO Land".

She has inner beauty, too.


Delicious flat chest to be had if you embrace the Elohim
They bring you fish and watermelon to eat.

Raël's Girls

Raël saw how LRON was recruiting celebrities to join his cult, and was immediately jealous. Feeling guilty about the whole Aliens in Volcanoes thing, he refused to bite Hubbard's style any further, and Raël formed his own master plan to recruit a group of people much more useful to the particular needs of his budding movement. Prostitutes, pornstars, and strippers would have their own special place in the movement called Raël's Girls. Posing as a support group for industry women who have been mistreated, but wish to remain sex positive, the group recruits people who fuck for a living. Those sluts then recruit basement dwellers and daily fappers to a perceived lifestyle of sexual extravagance.

In Japan

Appealing to the Japanese sensibility, Raelians have gone animu in an attempt to snag them.

Order of Angels

Raël's own personal harem. Over 100 young girls have been chosen to give their beauty, both inner and outer, to Raël and the other 39 prophets, and the Elohim that will return with them. There are two classes within the order: White Angels, who serve Raël and his posse as servants, and Pink Angels, who function as concubines. It is likely that the three women who appeared with Raël in the October 2004 issue of Playboy belong to the Order. Those three women are his lover, his secretary, and the daughter of Brigitte, who you're about to meet.

Females are encouraged to wear colored feathers indicating their status to males. Some of them save their virginity for the Elohim, much like nuns await Jesus' ponos.

Go Topless Day

Part political douchebaggery, part religious exploitation sold as liberation from sexism part fap fuel. On August 23, 2009 Raeliens worldwide took to the streets with the message that they weren't being whores hard enough and joined in a chorus tits or GTFO. Beardfag was there, and took time out from trolling Scilons in order to roll tape and fap vigorously. No coverage was provided in New York state because it's already legal to go topless there. There was also no coverage anywhere else because nobody gives a fuck.


Clonaid

Brigitte tells you like it is.

Since Raëlism rejects the idea of a supernatural creator, and denies the existence of an everliving soul, the movement looks to cloning as a means to eternal life. The movement gave birth to Clonaid in 1997 for the purpose of cloning human beings so they can "brain transfer" into younger bodies as needed (even Raëlians don't want to fuck Geezers). This Scientific wing of the church, run by Raëlian Bishop Brigitte Boisselier, is the faction responsible for trolling world governments through random claims of human clone successes. On December 27, 2002 Boisselier made the claim that the first clone baby named "Eve" had been born the day earlier. After promising proof, Clonaid took no serious effort to provide it. They continue to pull this stunt every few years when their recruitment rate slows down. Raëlian trolling history highlights:

  • December 26th, 2002 in Florida. Birth of Eve. Caused America and France to outlaw the practice. serious business.
  • Claim a cloned baby is born in The Netherlands, causing the Dutch to ban human cloning.
  • Claim a cloned baby is born in South Korea, who immediately bans cloning with a ten year prison term.
  • Created the RMX2010, which does nothing but costs 10k. Clonaid lent one to a British Museum, but wouldn't let them open it. Very secret Magical Alien Technology, you know.
  • Operation Condom, in which a Raëlian trap drove around in a pink van and handed out 10,000 condoms to Canadian Catholic high school students.
  • Began baptizing new Raëlians inside of St. Peters Basilica in Rome, successfully trolling Catholics and tourists the world over.
  • Participated in the Rational Response Squad's Blasphemy Challenge on YouTube.

Clitoraid

Raël's success has made him a little bit of a philanthropist these days. Money for nothin' and the chicks for free have convinced Raël to give back to the world, through Clitoraid. Clitoraid seeks to repair the Clitorises of women who had their Clitorises forcefully removed, especially in Africa. After working one Clitoris at a time, Raël has decided even more Clitorises can be repaired if he opens "The Pleasure Hospital" in Burkina Faso. Of course this Clitorical project requires funding, so please, Adopt a Clitoris. ClitorisClitorisClitoris

Gallery

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Notable Members

External Links


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Raelism is part of a series on Cults
UFO Cults: ScientologyGalactic Federation of LightHeaven's GateRaeliansNibiru
New-age Faggotry:

WiccaThe DolmenMooniesPaganismBlack AlchemyFagnosticismPrem RawatVoluntary Human Extinction MovementThothRon Paul

Raep cults: SatanismManson FamilyMasonsAl Qaeda
Jesus Cults: Ex-GayWestboro Baptist ChurchMormonismBranch DavidiansPeople's TempleChick Tracts
Wannabe Cults: SephyismSonic CulTVampiresGothsFurriesMulderiteWooksBroniesLibertariansFeminismSJWs
Stupid Cults: ScientologyAtheismBreatharianMichelle Belanger/House KheperuSonic PassionHighgate Vampire, the
Troll Cults: AnonymousCult of the Dead CowRaptor JesusJohn SolomonChurch of the SubGeniusDiscordianism
Web 2.0 Cults: Atheist Scum UnitedRational Response SquadWikipediaYoung Tubers UnitedRationalWikiKony 2012Kiwi Farms
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Raelism is part of a series on

SCIENCE!

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Raelism is part of a series on

Trolls

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Truth

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[Case ClosedOpen Up to Us]
Raelism is part of a series on Psychology
Antisocial personality disorder Hannibal Lector.jpg Mental illness & Disorders

AcrotomophiliaAddictionAgoraphobiaAlcoholismAlexis Pilkington SyndromeAlzheimer'sAnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAnxietyADDADHDAsperger's SyndromeAutismBimboficationBipolarBorderline personality disorderBug ChasingBulimiaDeep thinkerDepressionDick ImpalementDown's SyndromeDyslexiaEating disorderFactitious disorderFake SchizophreniaFauxlimiaFeminismGender dysphoriaGirl on the Internet SyndromeHeterophobiaHero ComplexHFAHistrionic Personality DisorderHutchence's SyndromeHyperbolimiaInadequacyInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLow Self-esteem'Missing White Woman' SyndromeMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalObsessive Compulsive DisorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyRetardationSchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSelf-diagnosisSelf InjurySexsomniaSickfuckerySociopathySocial anxiety disorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeTrolling Induced Transsexuality SyndromeTulpaUnrealistic expectationsVictim complex

Fetishes:

AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMaiesiophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnant LoliPregnophiliaQuicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll SyndromeDeletionismE-goE-PsychiatristE-PsychiatryETDHivemindI-DosingI have a 140 IQIRC DiseaseImaginary girlfriendInternet Disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet poverty delusionsInternet RehabInternet troll personality disorderMega ultra super geniusNerdy Fandom Gateway TheorySex by associationLulz-BlindnessWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Experiments:

ask.fmBrainwashingHypnosisMilgram ExperimentScientologyStanford Prison ExperimentThe Hivemind Corollary

Sites:

Above Top SecretB/Bodies Under SiegeCYOCChatrouletteDefense Industries OrganizationDeekerFoolQuest.comInkBunnyNeuticles.comPsyke.orgWarpMyMind.com

See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamDSMEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning