|This page has potential but it needs a lot of work. It could benefit from less Uncyc and moar ED!. Discuss edits that might add to the lulz on this article's talk page.|
A perennial candidate for President of the United States, Ralph Nader has actually won the election on numerous occasions, both by popular vote and by Divine Intervention. However, the Republicans and conservatives managed to steal his election every single time. He doesn't mind, because that means he can keep running, whereas if he actually won, he'd have to stop after the second time.
He is most notable for writing a book about seatbelts and calling Obama an black person.
Facts about Nader
- He surpasses Dumbledore as the greatest wizard who ever lived.
- Supports the legalization of marijuana. He does this with the intention of getting support from stoners, but doesn't realize that stoners don't vote.
- He is also the most stable candidate the US ever had.
- He is Lebanese, which makes him a terrorist who hates America.
- Once proposed to British journalist Ali G that it is would hard to collect methane from cow farms for energy because "they haven't come up with a way to attach a box to the cow's asshole." Tom Green suggested a tube would work better.
- Helped John Kerry by finding some votes on the ground that Kerry had dropped by mistake. This was repeated numerous times.
- Never laughs. EVER. Except that time when everyone thought he's laughing but he was just directing satellites.
- His campaign bus is a bicycle (He's in the Green Party).
- Is hated viciously by Democrats for spoiling the 2000 election. This led to him getting pied in the face.
Accomplishments of Ralph Nader
- dirty water
- dirty air
- Invented cancer
- Seat belts for dogs
- lamer cars
- preoccupation of liberals with FOIA data that proves it was an inside job
- Endoscopy Protoscope Acquisition (EPA)
- black lung
- 24% APR credit cards
- W (to sore-loser Al Gore fans)