Reportfag

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Artist depiction of a reportfag
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A Wild Reportfag Appears

A Reportfag is a subspecies of snitch indigenous to social media, and is the result of cross breeding social justice warriors with trolls. Their primary method of attack is anonymously reporting posts that are politically incorrect. The general belief is that the reportfag exists to cleanse everyone's online experience of offensive content, and while that may be a secondary motive, they receive a more immediate gratification in the antagonized responses they get from their natural enemy, the Edgelord. After a successful round of reporting, the reportfag can expect to be showered with butt-flustered posts crying that their freedom to spout racial slurs and post pictures of horse cock on a public platform has been violated.


The History of Reportfagging

   
 
Hello 911? I'd like to report an expired parking meter.
 

 
 

—Reportfags IRL

While the act of whining to the mods has been around since the dawn of the man, reportfags didn't come to prominence until after Facebook became bigger than the internet. Prior to Facebook, reportfags were mostly ineffective as their only means of reporting was to send an angry letter hoping that the offensive content gets removed; however, it was more likely that these reports were ignored by the admins because lol nobody cares. It wasn't until Facebook began allowing anonymous reporting and banning accounts did the reportfag receive any type of gratification for their efforts. After realizing that they can make people upset by forcing them to spend precious minutes opening a new account, reportfags put on their best trollface and weaponized the reporting process, creating mass confusion as their victims lashed out against the invisible moralfag boogeyman for creating minor inconveniences.

The Future of Reportfagging

   
 
'When people stir up sedition on social networks using their real name, it's not only the state that has to act, but also Facebook as a company should do something against these paroles
 

 
 

—Angela Merkel's vision of the future

According to the Facebook Community Standards, hate-speech is considered to be an attack directed at race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, sex, gender, sexual orientation, disability or disease. Facebook does, however, explicitly state that humour, satire, and social commentary directed at all of the aforementioned topics is permissible, although this tends to be overlooked most reportfags are completely unable to differentiate between the authentic and the parodic, a phenomenon almost certainly attributed to the average specimen being a grotesque, hollow caricature of a human being. Facebook--alongside Google and Twitter--has agreed on a deal with the German government to insure that all hate speech is removed from within 24 hours Archive today-ico.png (archive); those well-versed in European history will notice that this is not the first time the German government has made strident attempts to censor the dialogue of its people. It is now extremely common to receive a 30 day ban for application of good, wholesome words such as nigger or faggot, even for posts that were original published months before the ban has been put in order; it can therefore be postulated that the overall level of reportfagging will continue to rise in a somewhat ghastly fashion. As previously mentioned, a 30 day ban isn't of any real hindrance, seeing as a sock account can be established in a matter of minutes.

As a meme

Example of Reportception:

Pleb 1: I really like this site and the people on it.
Pleb 2: Reported
Pleb 1: Reported for reporting
Pleb 3: Reported for reporting a reporter
Pleb 4: Reported for reporting a reporter who reports reports
Pleb 5: Reported for reporting a report reported reporter report report report

This chain will continue until mom hits a combo-breaker and declares that dinner is ready.


Edgelords React

Below is a series of quotes from ED's own facebook group responding to reportfags:

   
 
I GOT REPORTED IN AN ED GROUP FUCKING PUSSIES
 

 
 

—Gregory F

   
 
Who ever reported me, you are a very sad human being. Thanks for attacking freedom of speech. Idiot.
 

 
 

—Matthew L, muh freedoms

   
 
Because of white knight moralfags of this group I'm not going to post or comment anymore. I hope you are happy whoever you are
 

 
 

—Szekely R, ragequitting

   
 
Since I am finally allowed to post again, I just wanted to express my deep appreciation for all of the morally superior ED members who help regulate and control the discourse by filing reports on other members. You vigilance has kept the intarwebz safe and ED a warm welcoming place for all people. Keep up the good work, we all really appreciate it.
 

 
 

—John M, passive aggressive

   
 
srsly wtf. Why do I keep getting b&? this random banning shit with no explanation is just moronic, and it's not even funny
 

 
 

—Erik W, crying

   
 
Who was the shitsmearing turd-coon who reported my post "Nice chode faggot" from like a week ago?
 

 
 

—Brandon H, detective work

   
 
To the gentlemen and or women who keep reporting my post, if you continue to do so, I will have no choice but to find you, head butt the base of your skull,rip off your nipples and all the nipples of everyone you know and love in your stupor, order a hot dog pizza from pizza hut, take off the pepperoni and replace them with said nipples, and feed that nipple pizza to you while you are in recovery from blunt trauma and nipple loss. With meh prayers of course.
 

 
 

—Anthony B, threats of violence

   
 
Nakul reported me for calling him shit (I can't repeat) what a god damn loser. Get off this page you worthless POS. some admin needs to ban his ass.
 

 
 

—Kody W, begging for justice

   
 
I would like to thank the person who reported me and got me banned on fb for 24hrs. Job well done, fggt.
 

 
 

—Kevin I,

   
 
The other post of the drawing of the man kicking a pregnant women got reported instantly. I deleted it and told the people reviewing it that this page is specifically made for offensive material and the fact that the person is a member therefore confirmed they are aware of this and therefore are accepting of this knowledge and that the person can suck a dick.
 

 
 

—Devin C, tl;dr

   
 
Brett R Villiers is a buttmad little faggot and he gets extra mad when someone insults him so he reports their account. Maybe he is mad because he looks like an emaciated hobbit and talks like a tough guy because he could only get fat chicks all his life up until recently.
 

 
 

—Johnthan D (Hazmat), getting angry

   
 
> post crisp Simpsons incest meme on ED
> gets reported and thrown in "facebook jail" for nudity on ED
> "TOP FUCKING KUK"

 

 
 

—Brian S, greentexting on facebook


Anonymous

Epic trollface

In November 2015, the collective Anonymous declared victory as they "hacked" 9000 ISIS Twitter accounts and had them all purged. Their method of hacking involved recording the name of everyone who retweeted something pro-ISIS and reporting their profile to @support. While it's blatantly clear why reportfagging != hacking in any way shape or form, we still give Anon a consoling pat on the head knowing that real hackers haven't palled around with them since 2011 and they're still trying their best to make a difference stay relevant.


Where do the reports go

Free speech violation in progress

All reports are handled by slave children in Morocco who work in a sweatshop for $1 a day weeding through hundreds of thousands of reports determining which ones are valid (No really, you thought South Park was joking? Archive today-ico.png (archive)). The ultimate irony is that social justice warriors are exploiting a very serious human rights violation by using slave workers in third-world economies to troll people. But who cares about little Akmud being exposed to gore and child pornography for pennies an hour when micro-aggressions are running rampant on the internet, amirite?


How to stop a reportfag

There's two ways to stop a reportfag: Either stop doing things they can report, or don't acknowledge them when they report you. Free speech does not apply to private entities such as Facebook so your cries of justice are unfounded and ignorant. Witch hunts are pointless because they never admit to what they are doing. Or you can simply do the right thing and stop supporting facebook altogether, but we realize that asking you to spend your time on a website that doesn't have a smartphone app is a bit much.


See Also


Portal trolls.png

Reportfag is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

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Reportfag is part of a series on

Social Media

Visit the Social Media Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article November 24 & 25, 2015
Preceded by
Campo Elías Delgado
Reportfag Succeeded by
Black Lives Matter