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Serving 14,959 articles since December 10th, 2004

Article of the Now


Drugs are pretty awesome.

According to a very reliable source, a drug is any chemical substance which changes normal body function. While drugs are used by nearly everyone and being high is a hoot and a holler, the discussion of drugs is the source of much drama on the Interbutts.

The drama generally starts with drug users who post while high, and whine endlessly about the legalization and decriminalization of their drug of choice. Their reasons range from the general harmlessness of being stoned to their beliefs that tripping balls provides legitimate cognitive benefits, as opposed to simply being fun. These morons generally piss off the rest of the druggie community (the ones with functional nervous systems, at least) by making them all look like ignorant burn-outs.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are those who hate drugs; these types claim to not see the point of taking a drug, regardless of it being harmful or not and regardless of the fact they they most likely chain-smoke and are alcoholic, coffee addicts, who chronically masturbate to their child porn. Despite the glaring hypocrisy, these upstanding citizens are too burnt out from their mentally onerous worship of social fascism to even acknowledge their own cognitive dissonance. Dr. Park N. Stones has studied this phenomenon and claims that these people are either lamers, larpers, underage B&s, trolls, fundies, straight edgers, or people that took Reefer Madness way too seriously. Particularly in the United States the Christians fear that if people, especially children, started to do drugs then they would turn away from religion and there simply would not be enough adolescent semen for their Evangelical overlords to guzzle. Furthermore, the subset of these geniuses that are not trolling are the same people responsible for the war on drugs as well as the genocide in Darfur.

A special mention should be given to sXer's, who tend to view themselves as analogues of John Wayne and therefore TOO independent and self-sustaining to ever rely on chemicals, you weakling. A MAN IS NOT AN ISLAND. Channeling the snide countenance of Vegeta and acting like they have reached the height of Darwinian perfection, they walk stolidly into their giant parties of disaffected whiny youth DRUG-FREE. To these folks, drugs are an anathema. On the other hand, insidious bitching about a harmless toker or wishing genuine violence on a contrived archenemy alliance of potsmokers/rapists/atheists is considered a healthy social activity.

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What have I missed?
Playstation
2 days ago
Alcohol
4 days ago
Death
6 days ago

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