Rummy

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Cementing diplomatic relations.
Secretary Rumsfeld makes a surprise visit to Baghdad in 2005.

Donald "Rummy" Rumsfeld was the Secretary of Defense of the United States under the Bush administration, where he did a bang-up crackerjack job.

Rather than being born from a human womb, Rumsfeld was created during the Carter administration by the Pentagon's Office of Special Plans. The project entailed making a perfect physical clone of Franklin Roosevelt, except with legs and the ability to properly conduct a war. The goal was to eventually create a race of charming humans who could walk around on their hind legs like Rory Calhoun but who would not be able to harm their fellow man. As such, POSP took a long time to think of a name for the newly created meat-puppet that would not be too threatening, while sounding completely retarded: Donald. Although the project was a success, it was discontinued by the Reagan administration, which instead focused on the practical applications of astrology.

His sidekick Bucky was killed by the Red Skull, and has since been replaced by Paul Wolfowitz.

Rumsfeld has an annoying habit of asking and answering his own questions during press conferences, etc., in the following fashion:


   
 
Are there still Taliban around? You bet. Are they occupying safe havens in Afghanistan and other places? Certainly they are. Is the violence up? Yes. Does the violence tend to be up during the spring, summer and fall months? Yes it does. Does that represent failed policy? I don’t know. I would say not.
 

 
 

—Donny

Breaking Broken News

DO NOT WANT
"Have I been pwnt in the arse by my own boss Mr. Cast? You betcha, Mr. Rummy.
HOW DO I KEPT JOB

On November 8th, 2006, Rumsfeld "stepped down" from the position of 'Lord of War' after his loyal boss W and the Republican Party were brutally ræped by the American public (in a rare moment of clarity) in the previous day's midterm elections. Overwhelmed with feelings of rejection, he abandoned his LiveJournal, never to return. Warning! Reading those mediocre decade old posts written by Rumsfeld's cock-sucking staff will immediately trigger depression as you will remember how much the Bush's years in office were shit, and left wondering why this account was allowed to survive that much time on LJ and not flushed into the toilet of obliveon.

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Rumsfeld Fighting Techniques

Rummy
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