Russia

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Welcome to Russia, where every day is race-riot Friday! (Courtesy Russian Ministry of Tourism website; they are so broke that they are promoting skin-head tourism because they need moar euros and dollars).
   
 
The difficulty in understanding the Russian is that we do not take cognizance of the fact that he is not a European, but an Asiatic, and therefore thinks deviously. We can no more understand a Russian than a Chinese or a Japanese, and from what I have seen of them, I have no particular desire to understand them except to ascertain how much lead or iron it takes to kill them. In addition to his other amiable characteristics, the Russian has no regard for human life and they are all out sons-of-bitches, barbarians, and chronic drunks.
 

 
 

—George S. Patton

Flag of Russia
This person is the greatest person who has ever lived, next to Jesus, Buddha and Willy on Wheels. Try to be more like him.
Since Most russian men are gay, Men from different countries such as china are busy filling up the gaps left in Russian pussy.

The Khanate of Russia or Tsardom of Russia is an Arctic shithole, and is quite literally what happens when hell freezes over. It's capital is aptly named Mosque-Cow which is base of operations for Queer Muslim Gremlins that dwell within fortress Kremlin. Mother Russia is inhabited by inbred Communist bear-fighting drunks with kalashnikows for dicks and mail order brides. Now Russia is like its former enemie the USA an ultra-capitalist pseudodemocracy, the inhabitants are widely considered Euro-niggers. As part of their primitive vodka-nigger nature, they often attack other countries for the lulz because that's what freedom is all about. Also Russia recently has become the first country which officially supports Darfur genocide, because the people of Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa like to refer to themselves as "God's chosen people"... and when you do so, you're basically asking for it.

Contents

Geography

Downtown Moscow.

East of our other big, inscrutable friend, China, Russia is a big, big place, only being surpassed in size by Goatse’s anus. Its location, as Sarah Palin knows, is right next to Alaska.

ðe Olde History

That's basically how it went.
A common Soviet propaganda flier of the Cold War era.

At least 100 years ago the Kievskaya Rus' ruled the area. Contrary to popular Russian belief, it was in fact founded by some lost Vikings who were hunting for Tartar Finno-Ugric aka "Russian" women because they wanted slaves.

FUN FACT: The word "SLAV-E" was actually derived from the word "Slav" because "Slavs" use to be "Slaves" traded by the heathen, no-good, pillaging, wimmin-raping, Jew Gold stealing Varangians! Long live Thor! Yep, that's actually no coincidence! Slavs=Slaves and their history reflects that pretty damn well! Please tell that to Ukrainians (yepp, Ukrainians, because it is well known fact that Russians are Finno-Ugric, in fact, there were no Russians at the time, and modern-day Ukrainians and Belarusians were being referred to as "ov the Rus" meaning "slaves of Rus", which is a Finnish name of the Swedish Vikings) next time :-)

Vladimir I decided to steal Eastern Orthodoxy from the Byzantines. His reasoning behind doing so was the Jew God was weak and pitiful, and Islam prohibits vodka, which even classical Russians could simply not resist. Vladimir wanted some Roman chick to be his wife. She was religious, and wanted whole country to be Jew. He said: "Fuck that(Rus')!". So the Othodoxy came...

In the 13th century Genghis Khan’s grandkid invaded and pwned the Kievskaya Rus'. Sweden tried to join the party, but everyone laughed at them because they hadn’t created cellular telephones yet. The Mongols controlled Russia through tribute for at least three hundred years, which is a long time. This is why all the Russian tapestries and picture books from a few centuries ago have the bad guys looking like Guy Sebastian, who all Russians think is ugly. In 1480, Ivan the Great got Moscow organized. By 1480 Western Europe was experiencing a renaissance in art and faith, while the Russians were still stretching their asses open to see how much vodka they could fill it with. Ivan I's grandson, Ivan the Terrible, got the throne when he was three, which explains a lot. He became the first Czar as a teenager and set the my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours precedent for the rest of Russian history. He also set the precedent for invading random obscure little countries, after which he finally kicked the collective Mongolian ass out of Russia.

Ivan the Terrible was an incredible lolcow. As an 8 year old boy, he was molested by the majority of boyars presiding under him. Hobbies of Ivan included robbing his own subjects, killing animals for fun, and sitting by the fire with a nice book. When Ivan got around to settling down and marrying, he had a Mrs. Russia pageant to look for his waifu. He picked a woman who he called, My heifer. Ivan was a deeply religious man and promiscuously bisexual. He himself was the abbot of a little monastic order called the Opprichniki, which would storm churches and have torture and buttsex while preaching Christian values.

Ivan the Terrible hit his son with a metal pole, which was fatal. When asked, Ivan said he "vaz chust doeengk eet for zee lulz". His next son was an idiot who got kicked out by his brother-in-law. Then Poland invaded because Russia forgot about them. Ironically, Russia has never forgotten about them since. Thus Russians can often be heard making snide remarks about Poles and partitioning them into tiny pieces with the Germans, who enjoy them in sausages.

The next poor idiot to hit the Russian throne was Michael Romanov, whose descendants held onto it with an iron fist until the Gommunists shot them. The Romanov dynasty was uneventful until Peter the Great, who decided to copy the West and forced all the nobles to shave and learn French. He also pwned the Church. Everybody hated him. His grandson was a drunk and let his wife Catherine rule the country. She was called The Great too. This is because Russian historians aren’t very imaginative. They could have called her Catherine the Slut. Anyway, she did all sorts of shit for museums and newspapers and educational stuff. Catherine died at the age of 67 while having sex with a stallion (she was crushed to death by the humongous horse-cock).

Then Napoleon invaded. Russia tends to get invaded a lot. Napoleon was a crazy Frenchman who had at the time conquered most of Europe for the lulz. Alexander 1 did not share his sense of humor. Being a chickenshit he told the army to just keep retreating. This turned out to be a good idea, because by the time Napoleon occupied Moscow somebody had set fire to it. Contrary to popular belief though, Napoleon was defeated during the Russian Summer, not Winter; he invented the winter story so it wouldn't be so humiliating for him. He ran away to take it in the ass at Waterloo.

Rasputin was the single reason for the downfall of the Romanov dynasty. A man who would now represent a pedophiliac Baloo Bear from The Jungle Book, he made the Tsarvich's son Alexi sing "The Bear Necessities" while stroking his erect penis.

Spoilers: Lenin dies sleeps.

The Russian revolution shortly followed, as they were homophobes and not impressed by this PETA like behavior by the heir to the throne. It also turns out Alexi was emo and used to cut himself whilst thinking about all the times his father had ignored him over the years.

Meanwhile, all the peasants were serfs and hating it, so they decided to have a Gommunist Revolution, which was never particularly communist but, to be fair, was a pretty cool revolution. Lenin was the first “communist” leader of Russia. Then he had a heart-attack from eating too many smuggled McDonald's burgers, and everything just went downhill from there. Stalin was a paranoid bitch who had all his enemies shot. Leon Trotsky, his main opposition, died by mysteriously falling brain-first onto an ICE AXE while living in Mexico City. Mexican officials were not at all suspicious. Then he had all his friends shot for good measure. Then, in case he had missed someone, he starved all the Ukrainians to death, which was a good idea because they were going to turn into zombies 60 years before Chernobyl anyway. The KGB NKVD is the organization that did all the shooting because they were the only Russians who could be trusted not to shoot Stalin. The KGB NKVD ended up shooting itself multiple times, including the organization's leader. After a while they decided propaganda was easier than shooting people.

The Cold War

The Cuckold War began at Yerevan, when Wilson and Churchill became jealous after overhearing Stalin and President of Armenia comparing the size of their wangs. Churchill's and Wilson's wangs being much smaller, because they gave each other blowjobs too much, they felt the need to overcompensate by taking over the Eastern World.

Unfortunately for Stalin, people need to eat in order to work and be content. What Russia was good at was getting into missile pissing matches with the United States and collecting third world nations like Pokemon cards. The super holographic card of the deck was Cuba, which had a rich supply of cigars, sugar and pork sandwiches.

Soviet Russia was very different from the Western World. For example, in California, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the party could always find you. In other ways, they had things in common. For example, the citizens of Soviet Russia were very hateful of Latvians.

Reagan informs Gorbachev that his country has been pwned by the United States, or that its his bedtime.

The USA was jealous of the Soviet Union having control of Russia. To counter this, NATO installed nuclear missiles in Turkey to show Russia who was the boss. Russia attempted to place a large arsenal of nuclear weapons in Cuba, leading to the Cuban Missile Crisis. The US's naval superiority and JFK's stunning good looks quickly put Russia back in its place, safely ending the crisis. And Americans won't really buy any nuke shelters til present day...

The entrance of Ronald Reagan spelled doom for Soviet Russia. With Reagan's super strength, heat vision, and with Bonzo the Supermonkey at his side, the United States would soon become the victor in the Battle of the Cocks, for America's cock was/is biggest of all (approximately the size of Japan...x2).

Gorbachev tried to prevent the United States from conquering the USSR by implementing perestroika and glasnost. Perestroika was an economic reform which consisted of changing the Russian currency to the US dollar and hiring Donald Trump to clean up the business sector of Russia. Unfortunately for Russia, Donald Trump soon left the project in favor of cultivating Paris Hilton's career and filming reality TV shows.

Glasnost was social reform. Some freedom of press was allowed, resulting in angsty teenage poetry being printed in all major newspapers in the U.S.S.R. Prohibition was also enacted since Gorbachev felt that Russians drank too much vodka, not leaving enough for his personal use. This resulted in the Great Vodka Revolt of 1985 in which 1.2 million people died.

Ooh, then it was THAT much????


Prohibition was lifted soon after.



Roll the end credits...


"If you're dissolving the Soviet Union and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the world laugh too, because, come on, life is funny."

Russia wants war with EU and the USA. This image shows direct evidence for my accusations.

In 1991, the Soviet Union fell after Gorbachev admitted to being quoll furry during a press conference with the Prime Minister of Australia. Disgusted with how godless their country had become, the Russian population revolted against the government and installed a democracy. This quickly led to a flood of Tropicana orange juice, Nike sneakers, and heroin into the country. The Russian Federation was born. In the spirit of the newfound democracy, the Russian people selected a new leader that was truly representative of the people. In that, we mean, he consumed three meals consisting entirely of Stolichnaya every day. This man's name was Boris Yeltsin. Yeltsin oversaw the country's transition from a command economy to a free-market economy, and needless to say, in his drunk hands, the experiment failed miserably. Dazed Russians who all once again found themselves in the bread line wondered what the fuck happened. Yeltsin was one of the most corrupt, unpopular failures in history, and left the country in shambles. Unsurprisingly, he was elected to a second term, nonetheless.


In 2000, Yeltsin handed over power to the new glorious leader and proud pedophile, Vladimir Putin. Putin quickly assured that he would dismiss all of the corruption charges hanging over Yeltsin's head. What a fucking guy.

Government

Stalin note.jpg

There is a government, but the Russian mafia or "Brotherhood" (in Russian Bratva/"Братва") is much more interesting and influential. The "Brotherhood" also have much, much more money than the Russian government. If you have any business in Russia (although hopefully you don't), it is much quicker to work directly with the "Brotherhood" rather than through government agencies. It's also cheaper.

In Russia, one needs to know people in power to make things work. You must know someone, who knows someone in power; it is the way to have the things done in Russia.

The Ruskies, or Tundra/Commie Niggers, have received a bad reputation due to the cold war. However, Tundra Niggers made extreme advances from a backwards feudal nation to a country more expensive and less sanitated than west nearly overnight and at the cost of only 40 million slave-labourers. During WWII Stalin also managed to mortgage a lot of cannonfodder to the Americans to assrape Der Furher DEN FÜHRER (Edited by Grammar_Nazi_88 00:34 January 30 2009), and then steal both their technology to pride themselves in its glory.

The Brotherhood has replaced the Italian and Sicilian Mafia as the principle ultra-capitalist element in the United States, so USAns can now have the convenience of working for them directly from home. You know that new skyscraper in your nearest big city? Well, they probably own that.

In 2000, Tovarish Putin decided to honour the good old commie times the Great Russian Federation by restoring the Soviet Anthem the 1944 Alexandrov tune. As you can see/hear/research in the below linked videos, the lyrics are copypasta incredibly original and of enormous patriotic feeling (Edited by p00t1|/|_ru, 14:21 October 25 2009). Some argue Tovarish Putin is attempting to justly honour past Russian struggles and wondering how to run a single-party democracy to pwn the country in a neo-Stalinist surge STOP WROTE LIES, YOU WESTLY STUPID PERSON Edited by p00t1|/|_ru, 14:27 October 25 2009).

Russia's current president Dmitry Medvedev (your left) with his subordinate Vladimir Putin (your right).
Move along, citizens, there is nothing special to see.

Russia's government consists of:

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Government Critics

Moar info: wikipedia:List_of_journalists_killed_in_Russia

Having your own ideas about how Putin runs the Government is perfectly fine and legal, and in fact when you receive your dose of lead, or perhaps even Polonium, mr Putin himself will express his regrets and condolences on public television.

Foreign Policy


   
 
And this slut - Condoleeza Rice. She is a black whore. Who needs a good cock. Send her here, one of our division will make her satisfied...She will choke in Russian Sperm as it will be leaking out of her ears.'
 

 
 

—rcbuchanan

Looks like somebody got Jungle Fever.

Military

The Red Army loves children. Epic Lulz can be gathered by mentioning this fact to Russians/and or telling them that all Russian bitches deserve to be raped as punishment.


Chronicle of the Russian army

During WW2 Germany attacked Russia intending to to conquer it but got pwned by secret Russian war technique. The entire population of Russia has charged at the enemy with no weapons or equipment, the bodies of the fallen eventually stack up so high that a tower of corpses topples onto the enemy, crushing them all. After Russia regained all the territory it lost in the beginning of the war, it rained down on every other country past it's border like a giant wall of drunken rape, raping everything from: children, men, old women, old men, animals, dead bodies, retards, and the occasional woman, that would make even the sickest pervert today blush. Russia essentially is a very poor country but so are many of its neighbors which explains Russia's prolonged existence and why it isn't a nuclear crater today. Unable to produce sufficient funds to start a war leaves Russia and its neighbors at a stalemate, the only reason russia is considered a superpower and not a 3rd world shit hole is because of its huge population where it can get scientists for cheap by paying them with loaves of bread and its massive taxation all of the money which goes directly into its military and research. Russia barely hanging on to make it to super power status in reality most of their arsenal is aging and faulty.

The Russian Army 'liberating' Europe...Thanks guys!!!
Sick Russian Racists!!!

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Economy

Zangief, the "Red Cyclone", a hero of the Soviet Union, about to kick the shit out of Ryu.

The Russian economy is principally organized by the Brotherhood. This is very comforting to government and business leaders in Western democracies because it's a familiar system.

If you have problems with your business partners, your "brotherhood" will meet with the other guy's "brotherhood", and they will try to settle your problems through discussion. If they can't get right, they may apply to a "thief in the law" who will take a decision. There also is an official way of settling the problems through a court, but it is less effective. Many businesses prefer to employ commercial departments of police or private security companies, which in reality are just a camouflaged brotherhood aka "bratva".

The accepted currency in Russia currently are the following: American dollars, German cars, vodka, and attractive women. The currency is subject to change. With the huge revenue out the Export of Oil and Gas, Russia can import machines, electrical appialiances and other quality comsumer goods like forgein women (mostly from their Brother Republics like Ukraine but also from China).

Russia's only technological breakthrough and main export is the Avtomat Kalashnikova, an aussalt rifle capable of killing Africans even when covered in mud. Other leading exports are cp, pirated mp3s from allofmp3.com, PC Trojans, vodka, balalaika and internet brides.


   
 
"I am feeling a spit flying out of my mouth from mouth watering."
 

 
 

—Mayonnaise lover.

Mayonnaise is one of their largest exports as seen here in this video. The commentary alone produces much lulz.

Religion

The Glory of Putin (more like the glory of poontang, amirite?) is the official religion of Mother Russia. It's worth noting also that many are of Russian Orthodox faith. Just like in Catholicism, the priests wear funny hats, but in this instance, they are even much more funny looking. Also just like Catholicism, the nuns in this religion are all total cunts. Amirite? Though steamy hot pleasure sex with these nun-cunts are is quite hard to come by, one can solve this issue by tying them to the bed and slapping the shit out of their tits until they agree to give you the best blow job a man could possibly desire. Haha, and you didn't think such atrocities were common in mother Russia?? You silly American faggots!

On Islam

   
 
Zaporozhian Cossacks, to the sultan of Turkey:

You Turkish Satan, brother and comrade of the accursed Devil, and Secretary to Lucifer himself, what the hell kind of noble knight are you? The Devil craps and your army eats it up. You will never be fit to rule over Christian sons. We do not fear your army. On land or sea, we will fight you. You scullion of Babylon, you wheelwright of Macedonia, you beer-brewer of Jerusalem, you goat-flayer of Alexandria, you swineherd of Egypt, both the Greater and the Lesser, you sow of Armenia, you goat of Tatary, you depredator of Kamenets, you evildoer of Podoliansk, you grandson of Beelzebub himself, you great silly oaf of all the world and of the netherworld and, before our God, a blockhead, a swine's snout, a mare's ass, a butcher's cur, an unbaptized brow, May the Devil take you! That is what the Cossacks have to say to you, you slimy rascal! You are unfit to rule over true Christians! We do not know the date, because we don't have a calendar. The moon is in the sky, the year is in the book, the day is the same for us here as for you over there, and you can kiss us right back there!
 


 
 

—Koshevoi Ivan Sirko of the Zaporozhian assembly

It was actually ukrainians, but who gives a fuck? Only you.

People

Russian music

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Russian punk rockers during a concert.
Welcome to the 21st Century Russia.
Russian soldiers not only liberated Europe from fascism they also cared for girls and women in said occupied liberated countries
Russia's primary export is gold digging whore brides.
In Soviet Russia, the ginger stab you!
Typical Russian taking a bath.
   
 
Likewise there can be no doubt that the Finnish element played a part in the formation of the anthropological type of the Great Russian, since his physiognomy does not by any means reproduce every one of the features generally characteristic of the Slav. The high cheek-bones, the dark hair and skin, the squat nose of the Great Russian all bear credible witness to the influence of a Finnish admixture in his blood.
 

 
 

—Vasilii Kliuchevsky on the origin of the “Great Russian stock” and state

   
 
The native inhabitants of North-Eastern Rus’ were Finnish tribes — tribes of the race described in the Chronicle as neighbors of the Eastern Slavs from the moment of their first entry into the Russian plain. Nevertheless those Finnish aborigines had made their homes in the swamps and forests of Northern and Central Rus’ long before any Slavonic element becomes traceable there (e.g., in the 4th-7th cc. — Author)… The extensive area between the Oka and the White Sea furnishes us with thousands of non-Russian names derived from that aboriginal race — names of which the lingual uniformity makes it clear that the same tongue was spoken throughout the whole of that region, and that it was a tongue closely akin to the one now in use among the native population of Finland we find scores of names of rivers ending in va (va in Finnish means water) such as the Protva, the Moskva, the Silva, the Kokva, and so on, while the name of the Oka itself is of Finnish origin, since it is only a Russified form of the Finnish word joki, of which the general meaning is river we see that the north-eastward direction taken by the Russian immigrants brought them in contact with Finnish aborigines almost at the exact centre of what now constitutes Great Russia.
 

 
 

—By using the phrase "Russian immigrants" the author implies they were from the territory of the Kievan Rus' (or what is now known as simply Belarus and Ukraine

   
 
That is why the writer of that part of the Ancient Chronicle which records events of the eleventh century gives not a hint, in his references to soothsayers, customs, or beliefs manifestly Finnish, that it is of an alien race, of the Tchudes, that he is speaking. To him paganism, whether Russian or Finnish, was all one, and he took no account of racial origin or ethnographical differences when writing of heathen beliefs. It is clear, then, that, in proportion as the two races drew nearer to one another, their differences of belief tended to disappear.
 

 
 

—Kluchevsky, V. O. (2013). pp. 210-1. A History of Russia (Vol. 1). London: Forgotten Books. (Original work published 1911)

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The people of Russia are collectively referred to as tundra nigras, and have no real connection to ice niggers, who are full of anti-lulz. For the most part they are all robotic alcoholics, but you would be too if you lived in that shithole, amirite?

Russian men express love with their fists, and most Russian children are the product of rape and inbreeding. Orphans are also readily available from Russia, as baby factories are set up in Siberia to fuel their child prostitution and pornography industries.When you go to Russia, and you are not Russian, be sure not to smile if you are alone, this is a sign that you wish to have kbs. Though many children are beaten from such a young age in Russia, it's ok, because most of these children actually find this quite enjoyable. Many psychologists deem this to be the cause of such interest in sadomasochism as they age into adults in present-day Russia.

Russians speak Russian (Русский язык), which is written in Cyrillic. Their ability to write a simple alphabet that differs from the Roman alphabet gives them a major superiority complex. Never mind the fact that Chinese, Japanese, and Korean are much more complicated writing systems. Their ignorance of their neighbors to the East may be the cause for this fierce sense of superiority. Most aren't willing to admit their oriental ancestry even after centuries of sino-mongol rape

Russian general knowledge and 'education' is virtually nonexistent, and the majority of the populations inability to either read or write has remained essentially unchanged since the middle ages....which is understandable given that a full 80% of them spend their miserable, insignificant lives on small desolate farms surrounded by rats, lice, grain alcohol, infant skulls, and pig shit before the government every so often decides to arbitrarily 'off' them in vast numbers simply because...well...they're RUSSIAN...so why the FUCK NOT?!? The availability of food is unimportant to the Russian (which is good because they are always starving), as he can simply brew vodka in his bathtub which otherwise, judging by a typical Russian's appearance, is never used for its intended purpose anyways.

Some favorite pastimes of Russians are drinking vodka, pedophilia, selling organs, buying 1980's Jordache yankee blue jeans and Adidas tracksuits on the black market, shooting people, not bathing, standing in bread lines, and killing Chechens for their delicious oils. When America does something it is usually evil; when Russia does the same thing it is glorious!

Due to their god awful history and present situation, the Russian people are a hearty bunch. It is not uncommon to see roving street gangs in Moscow beating up innocent people. Do not fear though, as this is the police. The police also commonly use scare tactics such as sarin gas and other hilarious forms of lethal force. Often times little children and fat old babushkas are also tragically suffocated by this hilarious nerve agent. But as the signs say in Russia, "when shit's goin' down, get out the muthafuckin' way NIGGUH!!"

While it is unusual for heterosexuality to flourish in modern Russia, the occasional straight male tourist will likely be disappointed by the leg hair, mustaches, and overall stench of the women in this bizarre nation.

It may seem a surprise, but Tundra niggers have their own niggers. These are the brother nations from Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Azerbajan, Armenia who leave their countries because they love to work for Russian people just for "thank you's". "Thank you" is worth 1 wooden ruble and four internets. Today so many people have moved from those countries that now they actually don't exist at all.


Typical place for Russian party is common area in high-rise project housing.

Did you know the Russian Army invented hip-hop? Many nigras claim they invented it, however, they are liars.

A typical Russian cartoon for kids of all ages.

Modern Russian medicine

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Russian spies

Russia is home to KGB, the most notorious spy organization ever. Russian spies are known to be horrendously ugly.

Russians as immigrants

The comrades will return!
   
 
forgive english, i am Russia.

i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss.

We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fuck this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though.

I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.
 


 
 

— a Russian immigrant to America


Notable Russians

Fucking Zangief.


National hero Nikita Litvinkof explaining how he shaved his balls earlier this morning.

Jura Demidovich on Children Satanic Song Contest — Volshebni Krolik (Magic Rabbit). Etis atis animatis.

Russian rising star DickS ("ХуйС").

Drunken Russian clubber.

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Culture

Russians cultivate Multidrug-Ressistant Tuberculosis, mainly within prisons. Other Microbiological Cultures include B. Athracis and Ebolapox.

Russian Disco

   
 
This is an example of sample Russian disco party.

It looks the same probably in all the Russian not so big towns.

All guys who visit are ready to fight, they find somebody who is alien there and attack. And nobody would call police - just because it’s not something unusual - if you going to visit Russian disco party in smaller towns - you take the responsibility of participation in the fight.

Most of the young guys know that they need to be tough because they are going to go to Russian army and in Russian army it’s more like in prison - officers don’t control what happen - there is a big hierarchy between the soldiers.

Those soldiers who served longer - they beat EVERY day the younger ones - just because when they came - they were treated in the same manner. In Russian army there is thousands of soldiers die every year just because of this. And nobody cares. The latest story that was discussed nationwide in Russia is regarding one soldier who lost both of his legs because he was humiliated awfully in the army.

So when the elder guys return from army they have a broken psychics which is being transfered to the younger generations.
 


 
 

— In Russia, Disco party find YOU!

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Work of security in Russian night club.

Pastimes

Russian Pastimes include, and are not limited to:

    • Jumping off apartment towers
    • Shooting your self in the street
    • Generating most of the content on Nothing Toxic
    • Getting buzzed on high alcohol content drinks

A Popular Russian Pastime Being Enjoyed, even outside of Mother Russia
The Russians did it first.

Russian Roulette was invented by Stalin in an attempt to make tourists feel at home. Typically, it's like musical chairs, except with bullets. Of course it failed because no one did this at home and the Russians soon forgot about it. However Asians soon decided this is exactly the kind of thing that they want to be associated with. And began using it to try and lower their horribly large populations. Russia declined to comment. For extreme fun, make sure there are as many bullets as there are people!


Weed is moar fun than a bullet to the brain.


Music


Russian Rammstein.

Russian Vodka.

Russian Wacko Jacko (pedobear IRL).

Happy New Year!

Typical russian rap song.

Russian secret weapon - Khirkhorror.

Mistake, this is from Bulgaria
By far the best music from Russia!

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Sport

A popular pastime in Russia.

During the Cold War, after their discovery of anabolic steroids, the Russians whupped American asses at almost all sports, until Arnie "I'll be Bach" Schwarzenegger stole the formula and in in return was made Governor of Carly-fornya. However, excessive use of these drugs made Russian men infertile, and gave the women pubes that reached almost to the floor, making the high-jump particularly hazardous, and leading to a low birth rate. Nowadays, because Russians prefer unsung feats of brutality like Head Stomping and Hammer Killing (that's Ukraine you dumb fuck), they usually only do well at hockey and at sports with bribe-able judges. They aren't so good at baseball, football, basketball (except in European league). Even in hockey, they aren't as good as Canada anymore, despite PWNING Canadian rookies three years in a row in some meaningless tourney that no one in a world gives a flying shit about, they got seriously ass-fucked by Canadians in the 2010 Olympics hockey game, having become to hockey what Japan is to baseball. Still, they suddenly fucked all the black person's asses in boxing, crazy barbarian bastards. They also pwn everyone in chess, but no one gives a fuck because chess isn't really a sport.

Typical extreme russian sports:

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Russian National Anthem

Russia, Russia
Where women look like men
Russia, Russia
Eyebrows FTW
Russia, Russia
Soul crushing and cold
Russia, Russia
We do it if we're told
Russia, Russia
...Vodka.!

Trolling the Russians

In America you advertise capitalism, In Russia capitalism advetises you!
Typical Russian couple.

Russians love their country. Moar than Amerifags. Here is a short list of things they don't like you doing:

Trolling the Russians, by use of Georgia

Mentioning Georgia is an epic way to troll Russians. Upon showing even one ounce of support for Georgia, you will be immediately flamed by every Russian on the internet and their mother, and cause a huge amount of butthurt and drama. A good place to start is ED's own South Ossetia article's talk page. Showing any sympathy for Georgia and it's plight will get any Russian infuriated, and having them doing their best Khrushchev impression, banging their shoe on their desk and crying out that they will bury you once through with Georgia.

Also, telling Russians that Josef Stalin was Georgian will also cause huge amounts of BAWWWWWing. They will be insulted and damn you to the pits of hell.

Supporting Mikhail Saakashvili will also create huge amounts of drama on Russian forums. Be sure to let them know you think he's a prophet and perhaps one of the best politicians to have ever existed. You will send them into such a rage that they'll probably end up destroying their keyboards in an attempt to respond to you. If they try to say that he's a war criminal, accuse them of being hypocrites, and say that Vladimir Putin is. The amount of drama caused by this tactic is amazing and almost unparalleled; and will be sure to give you lulz for a long time to come.

Anon in Russia

Because everything in Russia is so fucked up, Russian Anon community consists of all those faggots nornal Anon hates, like:

So as result, being founded on the cancer that is killing /b/, Anon lived amazing 3 years.

Only good thing about whole community is their æ which is caller Lukomorie (Russsian fairy land) which name drives from Lurk moar. Unlike 2ch it's edited by real Anons and contains important knowledge on such an important topics like cam whoring, attention whoring and different Russian ways of trolling (some of which are pretty Lulzworthy)

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Putin-absorbing-childs-life-force.jpg

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Things That Piss Russia Off

Things Russia Likes

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Featured article July 2 & July 3, 2013
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