Saint Hill

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Oh Christ, Caramelldansen.
A Scilon lurks in the bushes with the Portal gun.
Two members of the RPF get rid of some body thetans the old-fashioned way.
Prospective members leave the conference convulsed with laughter.
Many people mistake SP (real name) for an OG, but she actually runs with Anon. She was on the Sea Org with Hubbard, and will kick your ass.
The East Grinstead Police are, as can be plainly seen here, awesome.

Well, Scientology already has a ship, a black ops division, a paramilitary wing and alien gadgets. A personal castle in the English countryside pretty much completes the set.

Saint Hill is a mock Norman castle built by L. Ron Hubbard in 1968 behind the main manor house, which he bought from the Mharaja of Jaipur who won it in a game of strip poker with Indiana Jones. Once a year it becomes Scientology Party Central, and its occupants get really quite irritated if, say, people turn up on their doorstep with megaphones and Rick Astley music right when they're trying to convince David Miscavige how much they have their shit together.

They warned me that Saint Hill was even more of a menagerie than the New York Org. Gerald himself had been involved in bizarre happenings. His wife had declared him suppressive because he was constipated for several days.


—Robert Kaufman

The Party Where It Would Be A Very Bad Idea To Mention Cake

The International Association of Scientologists throws a big party every year. Some may recall giant neo-classic columns that hark to the Nuremburg Rally, three-story tall portraits of Hubbard, intergalactic freedom medals being awarded to Tom Cruise and lengthy, creepy speeches by David Miscavige.

Speaking of the evil midget he flew in personally for this year's big bash and fevered fund-raiser in the heart of the English countryside. It seemed the perfect setup to avoid controversy - anyone who wanted to come had to take trains, cabs, buses and in many cases WALK across hill and dale in order to get there. And, of course, Anonymouse being Anonymous there was no centralized planning in regard to the location.

No planning.

No organized transport.

On the top of a hill with no access routes.

Final Destination.

The News of the World, which broke the story, said that a fifteen-year-old girl who was taking a Scientology course was found asleep near East Grinstead with three men in a scrap metal truck. The next day, the girl allegedly admitted that she had had intercourse with three boys, once with a man she met at a youth club, the second time at a party where she said she got very drunk, and the third time with a gypsy, one of the men found with her in the truck.


—Paulette Cooper

The Day Anonymous Took Back The Chanology

Over the course of the three days, 28 Anons showed up from everywhere from the south coast to the northern border. Everyone of of them was shitting bri/x/ and convinced they were going to be the only ones there.

They proceeded to dance, shout, rickroll and enturbulate for six hours.

On a groundspace of ten by one meters, thirteen anons got more enturbulation done than previously seen from a two-hundred strong demonstration in the heart of the city.

No planning.

No organized transport.

On the top of a hill with no access routes.

It happened. And it happened for one simple reason.


How To Recognize Different Types Of Scilon From Quite A Long Way Away

Camerafag runs from OTIII

(Two weeks later Anonymous Amsterdam beat the high score: the Dutch IAS event was spontaneously canceled by the hotel one day in advance when they heard there would be a UFO Cult Vs. The Internet battle outside their front doors. Scientology then shat itself and went home to cry. tl;dr HOTEL'S CLOSED DUE TO RAIDS)

Timetable Of Win

Friday 24th

  • Seven Anons gather with LOUD trollcannon.
  • Scilons attempt to drown them out with a three piece bagpipe band. Happy Anons dance to bagpipe music. (Video on Flickr here)
  • One bullbaiter sent to engage protesters. Anon doesn't care and the OG are better at it than her. Not only fails but actually concedes that the asbestos problem on the Freewinds would be a good thing for people to know about.

Saturday 25th

  • Police approach Anon looking pissed off and say "Your website said there would be cake."
  • Scilons spy on Anons from the bushes. Anons chase them away with OTIII.
  • One way system begins to fail hard due to abundance of foreign drivers. "YOU CAN'T EVEN CLEAR A CAR PARK" becomes a new meme.
  • Police return, look at Anon's pictures of the concealed cameras, get REALLY pissed off and go off in search of Scilon camerawoman. Happy Anons dance moar.
  • Crowd begins to trickle out of main event clutching bundles of freshly-bought materials. Thirteen Anons chant "YOU'VE BEEN HAD!" One man flinches so hard that he literally nearly falls over.
  • Cars eventually start to get out. Five vessels of furious Scilons, male and female, give the finger through their car windows. In other news, the state of Clear gives you perfect control over your emotions.

Sunday 26th

  • Four Anons arrive from the North East (having travelled over 9,000 miles and spent 6 hours in a small car) with signs calling Hubbard a convicted fraudster. Scis BAWWWWW to the police, saying that the conviction was quashed, and they can prove it. The police invite them to prove it. They fail it. To add insult to injury, Chief Constable had already confirmed Anons' story for himself after a brief look on TOW.
  • The world's worst spy proves that an OT can make a hilarious hash of even a simple thing like hiding behind a tree easily wide enough to conceal a person.
  • One group of Scilons spent 7 MINUTES trying to open a car boot so they could stow their luggage. Upon successfully opening said boot, a large cheer and round of applause from Anons (numbers now having swelled to 8) caused the Scilons to look mighty pissed off/embarrassed, also the on-duty policeman laughed. Scilons then moved their car down the road and "out of sight" as they attempted to close the boot.
  • Saint Hill's private helicopter made an appearance and was dubbed Failwolf, to much amusement.
  • Anons get in the car. Scilons set out in hot pursuit in the Clearmobile (a silver Subaru). Anons lose them at the first roundabout by going around it three times, Clearmobile could be seen in the distance, disappearing up the wrong road . Clever Anons head back to the North East, laughing.

When I was an intern at Saint Hill I was given a preclear who was one of the biggest fanatics in the place but never held his gains. I audited him a total of thirty hours and just as I was about ready to give up I had an inspiration. I said to him, `I've just received a message from Ron,' pulled out a blank piece of paper and pretended to read it to him: `I, L. Ron Hubbard, hereby confess that Scientology is all a hoax. I created it to amuse myself, as well as make a buck, and every morning I wake up laughing to know that I've perpetrated the biggest con job in history.' Then he shouted, `I knew it! I knew it all along, but I didn't have the guts to admit to myself that it's a big crock. Ron Hubbard is full of shit. I'm a free man!'


—Gerald Tyber

Epic Taxi Guy

Throughout the weekend Anonymous was chauffeured by a local taxi driver who has been repeatedly harassed by CoS with false reports of assault. He provided free transport and coffee. The police characterized him as "a shitstirrer". Anon thought he was a pretty cool guy, eh got b& from Saint Hill and didn't afraid of anything.

The townspeople were worried that their children might become Scientologists, perhaps justifiably, since they and their children were constantly being solicited to join, and Scientologists allegedly said they planned to make East Grinstead the first "clear town." School officials complained that they couldn't even let the children go outside without encountering Scientologists.


Paulette Cooper

How Not To Be Seen

Number One: The Larch.

See Also

External Links

Xenu homeboy.pngSaint Hill is part of a series on ScientologyXenu homeboy.png



DianeticsDisconnectionChild abuseSaint HillScientology's History of the UniverseSec CheckFreewindsSea OrgGlossaryReligious Freedom WatchVolunteer MinistersOSASpace Opera


L. Ron HubbardDavid MiscarriageTom CruiseScientology AgentsTommy DavisRogues GallerySuri CruiseTerryeoHeaven's GateThe RegimeEvil Jacket GuyJoe FeshbachVaLLarrrTom NewtonJohn CarmichaelFreezoneCaptain Bill RobertsonDanny MastersonWill SmithOschaperKendrick MoxonTim ArmerJorge SerranoRon SaveloJohn TravoltaJett Travolta


AnonymousWise Beard ManJason BegheGas Mask GirlMagooNew Zealand Fail GuyMessage from ScientologyShawn LonsdaleRorschachMoralfagsLeaderfagsRaidfag WenchJames PackerEpic Nose GuyStu WyattTommy GormanThe Unknown AutobotPsychiatristsMarcab ConfederacyDavid Wu-KapauwEpic Sword GuyAgent Pubeit


PROJECT CHANOLOGYWhy We Protest ForumsA Scientologist's Guide to 4chanThe GeteratorPaul "Fetch" CarnesReligionIsFree.orgYou Found the Card/i/alt.religion.scientologyComplete binge of LEAKED SCILON DOX888chan

Featured article November 5, 2008
Preceded by
Saint Hill Succeeded by