Sammich

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Slapped meat alright

The moment the Earl of Sammich slapped meat between two pieces of bread, the world changed. It has ushered in a brave new world of culinary revolution. Our taste buds can only thank God that such a delicious entrée known as the sandwich exists. Sandwich! Oh, beautiful sandwich! I love you in so many ways. I love that you are compact and mobile. Your deliciousness is ever so apparent. Make no mistake, a sandwich is the best meal in the world.

The reason the sandwich is so good is because of how it is made; i.e. by women who know their place and/or by British earls, who are kind of faggy anyway. And suck a mans dick while preforming the task of making him a sammich which makes the sammich much better, as long as she's not a stupid fat whore. Take any edible object in the world, and that object is instantly made better by being stuck between two pieces of bread. The combinations are endless. The peanut enthusiast can thank his lucky stars, for instance, for the peanut butter sandwich. Cheese: staid and boring until you transform it -- with the aid of wheat and a pan -- into a grilled cheese sandwich. Let us not forget the ultimate sandwich in the world: the BLT. Separately, bacon (bacon is never boring.), lettuce and tomato can be quite boring. But add them together, top it with mayo, and bring on the bread, a BLT creates havoc upon your taste buds­ or -- as I like to call them­ -- your pleasure sensors. Yes, with so many combinations, this is one of the reasons the sandwich is the best.

Yet, it is also compact and mobile. In other words, sandwiches make eating practical. While you can enjoy a sandwich on a plate, there are also myriads of places a sandwich can be enjoyed. Take, for instance, your car. While eating spaghetti when you are driving is possible, it is guaranteed to be messy. Not so with the sandwich. With only one hand, the sandwich can be enjoyed and consumed within minutes. Any mess at all is minimal, and the best thing part? You come away mostly clean. Also, a sandwich can also be enjoyed on a park bench, in a roller coaster, and in prison. The sandwich sees no ethnic boundaries -- unlike calamari and escargot.

Make no mistake about the sandwich; while it may be pragmatic in its design, it is also tasty. There is nothing comparable to a BLT. You may think that Chinese food comes close, but nothing can make you praise the Lord the same way the marriage of fruit, vegetable, and Jew meat does. A roast beef sub with Monterey jack cheese also puts you in ecstasy. The same can be said about a cucumber sandwich with a hint of mayo. The sandwich is not only a boon for the culinary arts, it is also Western civilization's greatest statement.

Make no question about it: the sandwich is the greatest. It can be made so many ways. It is compact and can be taken anywhere. Most importantly, however, it tastes great. The sandwich should be appreciated for what it is: it is not only good food, it is Man's greatest statement about Existence -- condensed in edible form.

How-to


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Here is a poem written by Ricochet rabbit to commemorate his sandwich experiences.

I want to go
To the oasis of fresh taste
Where the cold cuts
Taste like infinite orgasms
I want to inhabit
The condiment circumstance
Where mayonnaise and mustard
At last make their coitus
Subway
Tantric tastebud tease
How do I define delicious except by a bite?
I want to occupy
The carbohydrate cataclysm
Where whole wheat rebellion
Makes use of whips and chains
I want to congregate
With the vegetable party
Where lettuce, tomato, and cucumbers
Swing so lasciviously nude
Subway
Kama sutra savour
How do I explain delectable except by a swallow?
I will do anything for you
I will even kiss the sandwich artist
With peach fuzz on her upper lip
Because I suspect she tastes like sandwiches

Gallery

See Also

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Sammich
is part of a series on
Food and Drink

[BleurghOm Nom Nom]

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