Santa Rosa

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Santa Rosa - famous for its wine and cartoonist (and maybe some obscure botanist, but nobody gives a shit about him). Santa Rosa is a town north of San Francisco and right by Sebastopol. Much like any other Californian town, it is plagued with too much good weather, too many Mexicans, too many hippies, too many liberals, and too many homosexuals. This is probably why Alfred Hitchcock liked filming movies in this area.


That's right - he's OTI, bitches!

Charles Schultz

Apparently, this guy lived (and died) here. Every-freaking-body knows the Peanuts comic, so any retarded Santa Rosan can say, "Hey, my town's famouser than yours because we've got a famous dude. Uh huh, he drawed good cartoons." If anybody points out the fact that Mr. Schultz is dead, the Santa Rosan will more likely than not scream, "STFU, don't make me get emo!!111onoeone" They will then proceed to actually say the words, ": (" (pronounced "colon end parenthese") in a horrible attempt to talk l33tspeak IRL.

Alcohol

Santa Rosa is located in Sonoma County, which likes to make fun of all the other counties surrounding it because it makes more wine than them (especially Napa County. They only make auto parts.) This means Santa Rosans can get drunk much easier, leading to an increasing number of faggots who wake up the next morning and wonder why the hell their ass hurts so bad. They then proceed to go teach at one of the city's public schools.

Alcohol consumption & production has only increased since Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governator. Although no Santa Rosans know it, he's actually visited the city at least 100 times. His motorcade was so fucking huge that it tore up the city's main streets and highways, and now the city has to rebuild them [1].

Internets

The only way to get a decent internets connection in Santa Rosa is to use a connection reserved for the local government. Since the City Council is a bunch of uptight assholes, they took most of Comcast's bandwidth for themselves and their cronies. This has led to increasing internets withdrawal, and a substantial rise in the emo population. However, since over half of the city's residents are Mexicans (and we all know they're incapable of using the internets), it doesn't really matter.

In addition to stealing the internets, the City Council also fucked up Santa Rosan television, by the aforementioned stealing of bandwidth from Comcast cable customers. This means Santa Rosans can't get Comcast OnDemand. Once again, this caused an increase in teh emo.


Much like small woodland creatures, Santa Rosans are preyed upon by Sebastopolians. Other known predators include Europeans and webcomic artists.