Scientology Agents

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Info non-talk.png This page is a compilation of articles about Scilons that were funny, but only a few paragraphs long and were therefore fagging up the Scientology template and making it TLDR. If you want to contribute your own Pokemon to our 'Dex, please set up a Redirect when you do it so that their name can be easily searched on ED and Google. KTHX!


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ED'S TOP TEN(ish)
MINOR SCILONS

(in order of lulz)


  1. Icky Vicky: Theft, assaulting a cripple, high-speed disabled scooter chase through shopping mall
  2. Hansputin: Fired for trying to brainwash the Queen of Holland
  3. Annette "Fuck U Up" Refstrup: "Clawed and scratched" at an Anon according to police report
  4. /b/-Faced Woman: JESUS CHRIST GET IN THE MOTHERSHIP
  5. Pat Hardass: Ratted her cheating husband out to the Rehab Squad five years ago. He's still there.
  6. Babbles: The REAL reason Scientology hates TOW
  7. Anti Wilfred Brimley: WUT
  8. Sean Bubblehead: "Isn't Christianity JUST as much of a cult," asks 35 year old Trekkie? SPOILER: No
  9. Gavino Copypasta: USENET terrorist and Control-V Commando

Vicky Boyce

THE BOYCES! THE BOYCES IN MY HEAD!
Vicky attempts to scramble Stu Wyatt's brains with her OT powers, by staring at him unblinkingly for 60 entire seconds
The Plymouth Org now has black-out curtains

Vicky Boyce (born Esther Finkelstein) is the ugly Scilon bitch in charge of Scientology in Plymouth, England. The Plymouth operation of Project Chanology rose to prominence due to the considerable wins produced by Stu Wyatt and his PlymouthScientology YouTube Channel. The dedication should come as no surprise to anyone considering that Stu's father is a psychiatrist, and his mother is a tax-collector. Her official post title is Hive Mother, Plymouth. In her free time she likes to gut fish.

The Plymouth Scientology Org Staff have been responsible for assault, bullbaiting and numerous attempts at dead agenting, and finally stealing pickets signs and assaulting Stu as he attempted to recover them.

Theft and Assault

On the last day of May, 2008, Vicky was frustratedly offering free stress tests to the disapproving citizens of Plymouth, while Stu "Killdozer" Wyatt and a few other SPs peacefully protested nearby. Because of his health, Stu rides a motorized scooter. Suddenly, Vicky became highly enturbulated and stole the protest signs from Stu and his posse.

Lo-Speed Chase

With Stu and the gang in hot pursuit, videotaping everything, Vicky stormed back to the "org", trying to ditch them along the way by going through a large indoor shopping center. This only made the incident funnier, as Stu loudly introduced her to all the shoppers, "This is Vicky Boyce, a scientologist, a thief and a liar. She has stolen our protest signs."

Sclilons Love Hurting Cripples

At one point, still inside the shopping center, and still on camera, James May's deformed brother Vicky assaulted Stu. Eventually she made it back to the "org," where she got on the telephone and tried to look like she was having a wonderful time. Meanwhile, Stu asked the police to come over. The punchline is that Vicky was actually surprised when the police took the signs from her and gave them back to Stu.

Stu's action video of thief, scientologist and liar Vicky Boyce

Stu Wyatt reports the incident to FLAG - Lulz

Moar Plymouth Videos


Hans Beekmans

Clever Hans

Hans Beekmans is a Dutch Scilon, and one of the many angry ones they've got over there. He is allegedly an "OT V," which means he knows about Xenu and a lot of the other especially krazie stuff and is hangin' in there. Hans formerly had the prestigious position of dentist to the Dutch Royal Family. Hans was a Scilon with ambition though - just imagine the prestige if he was the first cult member to bag a member of a royal family! A Scilon on the throne, and all thanks to him!

Highly predictably, the Queen of Holland took about twenty minutes to get sick of his Rasputin shit and being asked if she'd seen Battlefield Earth, and he was promptly b& from the household.

U Heeft Mijn Slagship Doen Zinken!

During a mini-raid on the Amsterdam Sci{b}Org, Hans became highly enturbulated (not supposed to happen with these high-level OT dipshits) and broke Anon's movie camera.



Gallery

Links

Annette Refstrup

Annette Refstrup as seen just after the assault took place

Annette Refstrup, yet another $cifag and enemy of Anonymous. Annette Refstrup is a highly non-important person and is found at the bottom of Denmark's Scientology pyramid hierarchy. On 19 April 2008, in the midst of Scientology's "Book-a-thon" campaign to sell more Dianetics books, Refstrup assaulted a member of Anonymous in broad daylight in Copenhagen, Denmark while the Anonymous was waiting for /b/lackup.

"Clawed And Scratched"

Some argue that she approached him with a glass of milk and cookies in search for a partner for casual sex, while the Anonymous politely declined her offer. According to the police report, however, Refstrup clawed and scratched at the arm of Anonymous while forcefully trying to take pictures of him.

While Annette Refstrup is not out doing her duty for the Scientology cult she is often seen enjoying reading, large spliffs and gang-bang sec-checks in Christiania, Copenhagen. Favorite books include Mein Kampf, The Communist Manifesto and Excuse Me!: A Little Book of Manners by Karen Katz.

Toni Chambranis

Toni is in ur rAIDS doin' her invest werkz for OSA
Toni doing her trademark B Face for NYC ANONS
Toni being forced meme'd by New York Nurse

Toni Chambranis or BFace Lady as she is affectionately known in New York City is a member of the Office of Special Affairs. As one might expect from her moniker, she became internets famous because of her passing facial resemblence to certain numeric characters of ancient Canada.

IS THAT HER HEAD?

In her capacity as an idiot Toni Chambranis is part of the super secret team which polices the Internet for anyone dissenting against Scientology and employs a number of tactics such as trolling to put down said dissent. Toni uses the skills of people like Lynn Farney from Los Angeles, Gloria Idda and terryeo to troll the Internet.

Personal Life

Toni is the brother of Jay Spina, an idiot who works at the New York Organization and has chiropractic business in NYC. She is twice divorced and relies heavily on a diet of roaches and ramen noodles. She has only one known friend, a mysterious woman by the name of Deb Kaiser who apparently is a slut and uses her sex powers to help Toni do investigations on Anonymous in NYC through the Connecticut DMV.

John Travolta

Midlife Crisis (aka Joining Scientology)

Travolta became a Scientologist after his TV told him it would be a good idea. He had been looking for direction ever since his movies Grease and Saturday Night Fever completely flopped, and he found it in the form of paying people to evict alien squatters from his derelict dockfront warehouse of a body. It is estimated that Travolta has purchased one billion dollars worth of Scientological horse shit.

Shortly after joining, Travolta auditioned for the role of Goatse man but lost out to Rob Schneider. That's why to this day he only performs in movies based on the writings of L. Ron Hubbard, like Battlefield Earth, The Passion of the Christ, and Throw Mama from the Train.

Gallery

See Also

Pat Harney

Pat Harney showing off her weev-do before spouting out more lying bullshit

Patricia Harney is a member of Scientology's Office of Special Affairs and a PR Slut for the Church of Scientology. Nothing Pat Harney ever says on television or the radio is ever true, evidenced by her claim there were more black people receiving auditing than white when most of them are too poor to afford bikes. In fairness, the claim probably stemmed from a her marriage to a Nigra named Mike Harney - seeing as how she can't tell those damn ne-groes from each other, she just assumed that every time she did her husband it was a different man.

Life-Ruining Marital Betrayal

Originally, her name was Pat Jones but she consumed Mike's name after their marriage, also soul and career. The former was down to her being a Soul Reaver. The later occurred five years ago when she caught him cheating with a pretty young Scilon clerk and decided to get her revenge and protect her PR career at the same time.

She ratted him out to the Rehab Squad, and he remains there to this day.

See Also

External links

Anti Wilford Brimley

Anti Wilford Brimley standing in front of a wall at the 10th Feb IRL Project Chanology Raid.

Anti Wilford Brimley (AWB) works for the Church of Scientology of Portland (Oregon) as a security guard. He is an evil clone of Wilford Brimley, made apparent by his identical appearance.

International Man of Marcab?

Anti Wilford Brimley was first encountered at the 10th Feb IRL Project Chanology Raid. Anti Wilfred Brimley would infect people with diabeetus whenever they touched the wall of the Church of Scientology building. Anti Wilford Brimley carries a small black notebook with him at all times. He writes down the license plates of Anonymous members. At the 15th March IRL raid, AWB refused a slice of delicious cake, resulting in minor skirmishes with anonymous picketers. AWB is generally considered to be a neutral party. He defended anonymous to the police at one point. AWB was absent at the May 10th protest.

Trivia

  • Anti Wilford Brimley has an ornate mustache because he cant grow a full beard like WBM
  • Anti Wilford Brimley and Wilford Brimley will one day do battle, and decide whether diabeetus is good (the funny outweighs the pain) or bad (vice-versa)

Sean Stubblefield

Sexy shot of the "philosopher poet"
Yes, he's a "Trekkie"

Sean Stubblefield is an airhead "New Age" dumbshit in Texas with a huge case of unwarranted self-importance. In May, 2008, he wrote what amounts to an "opinion" column about Anonymous vs. Scientology on a "news" web site that is probably read by 50 or 60 people. For an unknown reason, though, this site is indexed in Google News. Thus, a search in Google News for recent articles mentioning "Scientology" produced Stubblefield's little piece.

While Stubblefield himself does not seem to be a Scilon, he is strongly in favor of them. More accurately, he just wanted to write something, chose a topic he knew little about, and decided to "back the underdog" in an article showing the rhetorical brilliance one might expect to see in a 13 year old boy. Yet Stubblefield is 35 years old.

Why SHOULDN'T Scientology Make A Profit?

Here are some delightful examples of Stubblefield's scintillating wit.

This article I refer to complains of Scientology being an extortion cult. But I submit that such a claim can justifiably be said against Christianity. Does not Christianity also exhibit the traits of a cult? Indeed, IS just as much a cult as Scientology? Does Christianity not exploit the susceptibility and fear inherent in the faith to separate parishioners from their money to support "the church"? Does not Christianity also manipulate and magistrate the beliefs of their followers? Why do we not bring as much criticism against Christianity for the same "crimes"?

Ummm... It's fine not to like Christianity, but this is an exceptionally weak comparison.

I admit Scientology tends to be a litigious organization, and that-YES-it has the financial resources to do so. In large part because of their member donations/fees. And why shouldn't Scientology make a profit from services rendered? You pay high fees to therapists for their counseling services. Consultants, advisors and motivational speakers aren't cheap, either. Aren't many Churches also operated as a business? Is Christianity any less of a business? And while I abhor the litigious approach to problem solving, I can understand why they use it. Because in this world, money talks. With all the assaults on Scientology, it is only reasonable that they would want to defend themselves against defamation and censure. What better way to hurt/deter their opponent than by suing?

No comment is really necessary; 35 year old man is flat-out retarded.

Beam Me Up, Tom!

It is not a long article, but it is packed very densely with stupid ideas. A little "bio" at the end tells us about this great thinker:

Currently based in Houston Texas, Sean Stubblefield graduated Sam Houston State University with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Television Production. A philosopher poet, Stubblefield has been writing non-fiction for 15 years, and has penned eight books to date. His first book, Paradox: A Journey Inside Out is available today. For More Information: www.myspace.com/exastral

This Just In: Dead Babies Funnier Than Old People

Like most 35 year old men in Texas, Stubblefield has a MySpace page. Unlike those other Texas men, who use these pages to cheat on their wives and meet loli, Stubblefield's MySpace exists to showcase his poetry and other deep thotts. Here is a sample of this:

It is tragedy when a child dies? How much more tragic it is to reach old age without having lived! Potential denied? What of potential squandered? How awful to have merely existed, simply going through the motions! How terrible to find out that you are not yourself, you are what the world has made of you; not a person, but a placeholder in an assigned role.

Boom! Headshot. I feel enlightened now! Actually I just want to kill myself. I wonder if anyone in history has ever before known and written such profound wisdom?Impossible! This man is a fucking genius.

External Links

Gavino Idda

Sup Gavino? I saw you walking to work, thought I'd take a picture of you!

Gavino Idda is an asshole and Internet Terrorist who is employed by the Cult of Scientology in Hollywood California. He is considered widely to be the man in charge of all black-PR operations for the cult on the Internet and has committed numerous acts through agents or through his own doing that make him a HUGE faggot

WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES?

  1. Flooding alt.religion.scientology with massive amounts of gibberish in order to drown out discussion using such bots as: Tom Newton, Terry E. Olsen, Nora Roberts, Maria Rodriguez and others.
  2. Flooding alt.religion.scientology with massive amounts of pro-Scientology boilerplate, much of it taken from the "What is Scientology?" book.
  3. Associating with members of The Regime
  4. Forging the names of Scientology critics to offensive racist posts that were then cross-posted to other newsgroups
  5. Flooding alt.religion.scientology with off-topic anti-psychiatry posts.
  6. Posting libelous personal attacks on Scientology critics.
Xenu homeboy.pngScientology Agents is part of a series on ScientologyXenu homeboy.png

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LOL TECH:

DianeticsDisconnectionChild abuseSaint HillScientology's History of the UniverseSec CheckFreewindsSea OrgGlossaryReligious Freedom WatchVolunteer MinistersOSASpace Opera

SCILONS:

L. Ron HubbardDavid MiscarriageTom CruiseScientology AgentsTommy DavisRogues GallerySuri CruiseTerryeoHeaven's GateThe RegimeEvil Jacket GuyJoe FeshbachVaLLarrrTom NewtonJohn CarmichaelFreezoneCaptain Bill RobertsonDanny MastersonWill SmithOschaperKendrick MoxonTim ArmerJorge SerranoRon SaveloJohn TravoltaJett Travolta

NOTORIOUS SPs:

AnonymousWise Beard ManJason BegheGas Mask GirlMagooNew Zealand Fail GuyMessage from ScientologyShawn LonsdaleRorschachMoralfagsLeaderfagsRaidfag WenchJames PackerEpic Nose GuyStu WyattTommy GormanThe Unknown AutobotPsychiatristsMarcab ConfederacyDavid Wu-KapauwEpic Sword GuyAgent Pubeit

ENTURBULULZ:

PROJECT CHANOLOGYWhy We Protest ForumsA Scientologist's Guide to 4chanThe GeteratorPaul "Fetch" CarnesReligionIsFree.orgYou Found the Card/i/alt.religion.scientologyComplete binge of LEAKED SCILON DOX888chan

Featured article July 3, 2008
Preceded by
Internet police
Scientology Agents Succeeded by
Cyndilovespiccolo