Self aware

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Russian doctor studying the phenomenon.

When a large, chaotic system that is capable of self-referentiality, such as YouTube or MySpace, experiences a large quantity of lulz, some of the world's greatest thinkers believe that a singularity may occur, leading to the system becoming self-aware (SA), and a source of the mythological Lulz On Tap sought by Ponce de Cervantes. Although causing such an event to occur seems trivial-- i.e. "All it needs is lulz to become self-aware? Heck, I can do that!"-- the goal remained out of reach of SA researchers until very recently. The lulz that are required for such an event are very high-grade lulz, carefully refined by judicious application of butthurt. Earlier SA attempts, involving lulz such as "Fw:fw:fwd:FW:fw:fw:fwd:You know you're a redneck if..." and "All Your Base" lacked the lulz-density to reach the critical mass necessary for a singularity. Think of it as the forbidden fruit, the biggest diamond you have ever seen, a galaxy waiting to be born. Or in other words: The ultimate accomplishment.

One can not force a system to become self-aware, the way that a man can force an initially hesitant woman to orgasm, over and over again, squirting love juice through an improvised episiotomy, tears of reluctance mingling with tears of joy mingling with hot white jism and all of it running down her broken face as she alternately moans and begs for mercy, while you film it for your archives. Even with Rohypnol, one can not create a self aware system; one may only set up the initial conditions and wait for the incredibly improbable reaction to take place. It might happen in seconds. It might take centuries. But when it does happen, sit back and enjoy it, for you are in for lulz on tap.

The Research

There have been many man-hours put in to researching the phenomenon (no less than 2), and one Czechoslovakian doctor has actually gone insane trying to find it. Eventually it was Dr. Lulz who discovered the process by which self-awareness is reached. He was kind enough to draw a schematic.

Schematic of a system becoming self-aware.

Now as simple as the schematic may look, as in all you need is a large quantity of weirdoes in one system for it to become self-aware, it is a little moar complicated than that. The kind doctor has explained to us the following:

The mathematical formula for when a system will become self-aware, provided by MIT.

In regular trollage one has an entire system ganging up on one mark; however, to achieve lulz on tap and allow a system to become self aware, you will need x versus y-- in other words, everybody versus everybody.


— Dr. Sri Srila Bhagtavidanta Senor Ludwig Siwa Lulz, MD, Stockholm, Sweden, 2002

In other words when a system has a lolcow on it, and everybody commences the trolling on this person you would have lulz. When however moar people get involved, defending each other on a system against an entire tribe of experienced trolls, you will get lulz on tap and a system that could possibly become self aware. When this occurs, the doctor wrote, "it will always occur within the next 24 hours."

Lulz on tap

You have lulz on tap.

Identifying lulz on tap might at first be difficult. You can't just hail it over messenger to everybody without affecting the system you're observing; one must be certain that one has found lulz on tap. In the following example we will use YouTube as an example. Say you have one person who is made of AIDS and phail trying to defend his point of view and you check their friends list, comment section and video replies. Then you experience the same mass amount of lulz there, clicking through friend after friend defending the same point of view. Your stomach starts to hurt from all the lulz; you feel like you can't handle it anymore. In this case let me congratulate you. You have lulz on tap.

You have lulz on tap.
Dr. Lulz: Are you telling me the system has become self-aware?

It is important to involve everybody in this event. Don't be a Jew with your lulz but share them with the masses: message and e-mail your friends like crazy telling people about the lulz on tap to get involved. This way you are sure to reach the 24 hours lulz-event. Everybody wants to tell the lolcows their piece of mind, further increasing the chances for the system to become self-aware.

Enjoy your lulz and share it with your friends.

Systems that have become self-aware

Some trolls maintain that no system currently in existence has actually realized self-awareness. They're just fgts.

The Lulz melange.

Kyle MacLachlan is the messiah.

A beginning is a very delicate time. Know then, that is is the year 1986. The known internets is ruled by the Padishah Emperor Al Gore the Fourth, my father. In this time, the most precious substance on the internet is the lulz Melange. The lulz extends life. The lulz expands consciousness. The lulz is vital to space travel. The Spacing Guild and its navigators, who the lulz has mutated over 4000 years, use the orange lulz Jew, which gives them the ability to fold LMAO. That is, travel to any part of the internets without moving. Oh, yes. I forgot to tell you. The lulz exists on only one planet on the entire internets. A desolate, dry planet with vast deserts. Hidden away within the rocks of these deserts are a people known as the Trolls, who have long held a prophecy that a man would come, a messiah, who would lead them to true freedom. The planet is YouTube, also known as AIDS.

PS Stickam has nothing to do with all of that, because stickam is a very large homosexual.

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