Shenmue Dojo

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Ryudo holds back OL as another noob asks about Shenmue III

The Dojo is infested with pathetic little crap-sacks that continuously suck at each other's bumhole because they don't have much else to do with their pitiful existences. Ryudo tops the lot by being an ugly snot-nosed cock-straggler that has a face only his mother could love. Although could your mother really love you if she dropped you as a child so many times? Ryudo's only chance of ever losing his virginity is by visiting a syphillis-infested whore (probably one that his mother works with), but there is a possibility she would rather pay him to leave her alone than have his bloated, sweaty, man-tits slapping across her face.


Massive fuck-candle with an over-inflated impression of self-worth. Constantly e-rimmed by Ryudo, but craves the attention due to lack of physical interaction with the opposite sex. Changes colour font to orange to match his "cool" username; Orange Lighting. Definitely fucks children.


Ryudo shopping for video game t-shirts.

Fat cunt that needs to get a life, tbh. Has a face as white as snow due to spending the majority of his life sat in front of computer / TV screens. Hideously grotesque, definitely still a virgin. Constantly bangs on about his alcoholic dad, but no one gives a shit. Has no friends away from the internet, this is due to his greasy, obese face scaring all but the most hardened-stomached of people. Has a huge collection of video games which he is immensely proud of, but doesn't really see that this makes him a massively sad twat. Penis size is a maximum of 2 inches when erect, however Ryudo can't actually see his own cock due to the massive tyre of chub which resides on his midrift. Has no career of which to speak of, would rather work in a game store than join the real people in the real world. Probably has a squeeky voice like Mickey Mouse due to his balls not dropping yet.

Crimson Ryan

Total wankshaft. Massive bullshitter. Has never met QWERTY, let alone live with him. Jog on.


A negro. Probably likes KFC, gangsta rap and fat, white women. Or most probably eating KFC, while listening to gangsta rap, as he fucks a fat, white woman.


Oppy trying to pose in his back garden

Some Aussie prick that is dull as dishwater and makes no lasting impression to the forum in any way at all. BORING.


Another one of those cock-salads that thinks it's ever-so cool to change the colour of his font as it supposedly makes him more mysterious. Posts incessant twaddle on a regular basis which no-one considers to be of any particular worth in the slightest. About as useful as a cock flavoured lollipop.


An avid viewer of Sex and the City. Gayer than George Michael sucking off 4 rent boys in a back-street alley while sniffing amyl nitrate and stuffing butt plugs up his ass.


Another mundane member that gets the impression that people give two tosses what his opinion is on movies. His reviews are a massive yawn-fest and offer no particularly insightful depth. However they're not as bad as his pitiful attempts at creating a comic.


Gingefners as he gets the first round in at the first and last Dojo meet up.

Ginger. Needs to be burnt with the rest of them as they have no souls and smell of biscuits. Not nice smelling biscuits however. The ones where you open the packet, eat half, put them back in the cupboard and then forget about them for a considerable amount of time. Then they get nibbled at by rats and start to stink a bit off and weird. Like gingers.

LawXiu (小朋友)

One of those sad fuckwits that chooses to have a username linked to Shenmue. Can't get much more pathetic than that really.


Muppet. Spends the majority of his time hanging around school playgrounds asking if they would like to see his "special little magic wand". Also dresses in his mother's clothing while she is at work and wanks himself off while he is adorning her attire. Can't ejaculate without fingering his prostate.


Possibly the biggest ass-clown on The Dojo, but that's not saying much. Utter bell end in all honesty.


The Manchester chav who makes it his duty to point out stuff to make people feel like class A cunts. He has drove 26 people to suicide since they disagreed with him over The Dark Knight.


Nick takes his job very serious in keeping note on all personal details of the Dojo members. Many felt this was him being creepy but he just wanted to be able to contact someone in case of an emergency. It still didn't explain why he made a topic on how big evreyones mum's breast where.


Shendream started internet life with his own forum dedicated to Shenmue. Following his success in France he was then asked by Yama to become a mod in the dojo. Since he started he hasn't bothered to post anything but has taken it upon himself to follow people he doesn't like and edit foul language out of their posts. He will soon get bored with it though or maybe he will realize it is forum rape and he should fuck off back to his own forum.


Some cockhead moderator that nobody seems to like. Quite often tries to sound smarter and more respectable then other members, even though they all think he is an idiot. Really doesnt contribute any valuble information to the Dojo, and was only made a mod after bouncing on Yamas cock. One day he may stop posting at the dojo after realising that everyone hates him, and continue with his passion of inserting carrots into his japs eye (penis hole).

Mr. Rod

Mr. Rod and Yamas midnight shenanigans

Another one of Yamas gay lovers, All Mr. Rod seems to talk about at the dojo is how good his and Yamas work is. There is an urban ledgend about the origin of his name. It is said that one night during steamy hot sex, he pulled his penis out of Yamas anus to find a fish on the end of his knob, from that day forward he has been named 'Fishing Rod' or just plain simple 'Mr. Rod'.


Jokatech or 'Joka' is a dickhead, plain and simple. He has no friends in real life so he posts all his life problems on the Dojo. What he doesnt seem to understand is that nobody gives a fuck. Scince the day he joined every one of his posts have been downright idiotic, and have showed no signs of improvement even after being belted over the head repeatetivly by other Dojo members. It is still unknown whether he is partially retarted, or just an idiot.


After being outed as a human poodle on the Dojo beedle hit the bottle hard, but because of his weakness the bottle didn't even fall over. The mocking hurt his feelings so much he turned to cutting, first his wrists, then later his hair after realising that'd be the cleverest move. He now looks like a neo nazi.

New Owners

When Yama took over the Shenmue Dojo he made it clear that it would focus more on David Cage games. This didn't go down to well as all anyone does on that forum is make jokes about Shenmue III. After many voiced how against this they were Yama gave in and let it stay in the lame state it's in. Many felt that Yama was pissed about this and may at anytime destroy the place so the members worked hard to bring Jeff back to life to fight alongside them. Now evreyone waits as the fight against Yama and Jeff is sure to happen at anytime.

The Movie

Once Kenny got a camera for his birthday he decided that he wanted to be a director. Kenny teased people with parts of the script which was very promising and most couldn't wait. In the summer of 2009 Kenny showed the first trailer. Dorian claimed it to be a piece of shit after watching the first 3 seconds and said 'If I have to watch that I will kill myself'. Others watched the whole trailer before coming to the conclusion it was shit. All Kenny had done was record his PC screen with the Dojo open in a webpage. After the backlash Kenny forgot about the project all together. Despite seeing only 2 minutes of this some believe he had sat and recorded his PC screen for over 3 hours. Because of this the Clint nude scene remains a mystery.


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