Shibari

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Compelling and lolicon

Shibari (縛り) is the Japanese practice of tying people up. Originally used for subjugating and humiliating people the samurai dudes didn't get along with, it has come into its own in these days of internet porn pollution and is now, predictably enough, most commonly applied to pretty young women and cartoons. As fans never like to leave a good idea on the net where it belongs, it is also now practiced absolutely everyfuckingwhere, including most likely in your parents' bedroom. Daddy bought three new clotheslines this week, eh? Hmmm...

The principle basically involves doing without wussy crap like handcuffs and learning to tie some fucking knots. If you're a ninja motherfucker, you may be able to do this to someone who's unwilling, mostly it's fucking difficult if they struggle though since yards and yards of rope are tricky to cope with. Basically, you may have to practice first on someone who's unconscious or - you know - willing.

Shibari enthusiasts fall into two basic categories: the anal and the not-anal. The anal type are to be avoided at all costs, unless trolling them for lulz. If you consent to let them show you their techniques, they will not hesitate to bore you to tears with shit you see in every damn hentai ever or wow you with shit so amazingly advanced you could never do it in your wildest dreams. Do not ask the anal type for advice on this matter unless you are anal yourself because you will always be doing it wrong.

On the plus side, the anal type of shibari practitioner is easy enough to troll, both online and IRL. Have some ideas, you less-than-creative trollios:

  • insist on pronouncing it Shee-Barry (bonus points if said practitioner is a weeaboo)
  • when shown their best work, shake your head and vocally doubt its authenticity.
  • call their work 'fusion'--or even worse, 'American'-style bondage.
  • insist that they've rolled their ropes (let two cords that ought to be parallel cross over one another)
  • say "yeah, it's pretty, but it's no good for actual fucking!"
  • ask to be tied up, and complain of pain, circulation loss, and pins and needles every thirty seconds until the Twue Shibawwy Mastor you are working with tears out their hair and leaves. To be tried only by the brave and well-armed.

If you find shibari attractive, try the instructional videos here, you sick kinky fuck: http://www.knottyboys.com/code/downloads.php

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