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Skate boarding (also known as Edgy Stoner Plank and the skateboarders being known as "Neo Nazi Fucktards, Rollerboys or to the Layman, Faggots,) is a unique activity because no one does it because they actually enjoy skateboarding, they're really only skating in order to be absorbed into the pathetic, douche skater sub-culture and because they don’t have enough money for a car or a girlfriend.

While swimmers may swim just to enjoy swimming, skaters are always there because being a wigger/emo/hipster just fell out of style in their middle-class, white suburbs. Having such a diverse pool of applicants is partially the reason, the other being ugliness, for the fail cocktail that is the skater’s appearance. Just add the dirty, long hair of the emo with the style of the hipster and top it off with demeanor of the wigger, and you now have the animated pro-abortion poster that is the skater. Also it is important to take note that the above average mortality rate associated with skateboarding does not mean the activity is unsafe, merely that people love hitting skaters with their car because the skateboarders are often too stupid to get out of the way and if the do have the necessary 3 brain cells needed to move their legs out of the way, they are often stoned to the point that they think they are philosophers and start questioning the cosmos as to why an SUV suddenly appeared in the Skatepark and is running down everyone it sees.

How to ride a skateboard

How Skaters See The World

It is well known that skaters perceive the world differently from non-sick people, because unlike you and me, skaters along with their Faggoty cousins the Rollerbladers and snowboarders, see the world as a giant playground for their faggotry.

Normal people see this

This is how you should see the world.

This is how the autistic people known as skaters see the world


I love skateboarding, but it makes me the worst psychopathic maniac.



Mike Taylor
Finally admitting all skaters are fucking psychos

(Showing pictures of hackers) I got some of these from the police department, but it is quite similar (to skateboarding)... What they (hackers) do is very similar to our creative process.. It is the heart of ingenuity, it is the heart of a creative community, an innovative community..



Rodney Mullen proving that skaters are criminals

Having a girlfriend that skates is as bad as having a girlfriend that strips!



Clyde Singleton
While a male stripper was grinding his rail

US Skateboarding Medal Winners 2012

Recipient Details Manner of Pwnage
Skateboard Deaths Zachery Taylor Lindley.jpg
Zachery Taylor Lindley
Date: 12/06/2011
Location: White City, UT
Died: 09/12/2012
Age: Seventeen (17)
Struck by a vehicle while skating through a crosswalk. Zachery was riding a longboard.
150 points awarded for efficiency.

Achievementunlockedtrophy.gif ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
15G- First Kill
Skateboard Deaths Gerardo Garcia.jpg
Gerardo Garcia
Date: 12/31/2011
Location: Lake Elsinore, CA
Died: 01/01/2012
Age: Nineteen (19)
Struck by a hit and run driver.
1200 points for style and for killing a spic.
Skateboard Deaths Landen Swanson.jpg
Landen Swanson
Date: 01/09/2012
Location: San Marcos, CA
Died: 01/13/2012
Age: Twenty (20)
Struck by a hit and run driver.
550 points. Repeat trick. No spic killing bonus.
Skateboard Deaths Justin Stone.jpg
Justin Stone
Date: 01/18/2012
Location: San Francisco, CA
Age: Thirty-four (34)
Struck by a vehicle by while skating through a crosswalk.
150 points for finally getting him.
Skateboard Deaths Tucker Hacking.jpg
Tucker Hacking
Date: 01/27/2012
Location: Lafayette, CA
Died: 01/29/2012
Age: Twenty (20)
Fell while skating down a hill.
600 points for efficiency.

Achievementunlockedtrophy.gif ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
20G- Sometimes You Gotta Do It Yourself
Skateboard Deaths Caleb Daniel Simpson.jpg
Caleb Daniel Simpson
Date: 01/28/2012
Location: San Pedro, CA
Age: Fifteen (15)
Collided with another skateboarder while skating down a hill.
400 points awarded for failed attempt.
Skateboard Deaths Tyler De Martini.jpg
Tyler DeMartini
Date: 01/30/2012
Location: North Berkley, CA
Died: 02/01/2012
Age: Eighteen (18)
Struck by a vehicle while skating in the street.
300 points for getting that shit off the road.
Skateboard Deaths Steven Fisher.jpg
Steven Fisher
Date: 02/15/2012
Location: Denton, TX
Age: Sixteen (16)
Struck by a vehicle while skating alongside a rural road at night.
1200 points rewarded for search & destroy.
Skateboard Deaths Da Jion Sha-King Blie.jpg
Da’ Jion Sha-King Blie
Date: 03/08/2012
Location: Bloomington, CA
Age: Fourteen (14)
Struck by a vehicle while skating in the street.
600 points, x2 bonus for under 15.
Skateboard Deaths Brandon Campbell.jpg
Brandon Campbell
Date: 03/17/2012
Location: Tamarac, FL
Age: Fourteen (14)
Struck by a vehicle while skating through a crosswalk.
200 points. Repeat trick, x2 bonus for age.
Skateboard Deaths Noah Austill.jpg
Noah Austill
Date: 03/27/2012
Location: Temecula, CA
Age: Fourteen (14)
Struck by a vehicle while skating through an intersection at night.
800 points. Night and under 15 bonus.
Skateboard Deaths Jusheem Thorne.jpg
Jusheem Thorne
Date: 03/28/2013
Location: New York, NY
Age: Twenty-five (25)
Struck by a vehicle while skating in the street during early morning hours.
1600 points. Nigger killing bonus.

Achievementunlockedtrophy.gif ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
40G- Early Bird Gets The Nigger
Skateboard Deaths Nathan Strube.jpg
Nathan Strube
Date: 05/08/2012
Location: Livermore, CA
Age: Thirteen (13)
Struck by a vehicle while riding a longboard. Nathan was wearing a helmet during the accident.
1200 points. Crash helmet & under 15 bonus.
Skateboard Deaths Jonah Kelly King.jpg
Jonah Kelley King
Date: 06/11/2012
Location: Raleigh, NC
Age: Sixteen (16)
Fell riding a long board while skating down a hill.
250 points. Repeat trick.
Skateboard Deaths Andrew Dudley Uhlman.jpg
Andrew Dudley Uhlman
Date: 07/06/2012
Location: North Carolina
Age: Fourteen (14)
Fell while bombing a street.
1000 points. Artistic impression bonus.
Skateboard Deaths Max Benoit.jpg
Maxime Benoit
Date: 07/27/2012
Location: Meadows of Dan, VA
Age: Twenty-six (26)
Struck by a vehicle while skating down a hill. Maxime was wearing a helmet when the accident happened.
950 points. One less Canadian bonus.
Skateboard Deaths Jacob Van Staaveren.jpg
Jacob Van Staaveren
Date: 08/28/2012
Location: San Luis Obispo, CA
Age: Twenty-two (22)
Struck by a vehicle at an intersection.
200 points. Repeat trick.
Skateboard Deaths Peter Cernansky.jpg
Peter Cernansky
Date: 08/28/2012
Location: Burlington, VT
Died: 08/30/2012
Age: Eighteen (18)
Fell while skating down a hill.
150 points. Repeat trick.
Skateboard Deaths Carlos Salas.jpg
Carlos Salas
Date: 09/07/2012
Location: Laguna Niguel, CA
Age: Twenty (20)
Struck by a hit and run driver.
750 points. Spic and style bonus.
Missing Image.jpg
Charles Delgado
Date: 09/11/2012
Location: Anchorage, AK
Died: 09/12/2012
Age: Twenty-two (22)
Struck by a motorcycle while riding a longboard at night.
1200 points. Night bonus. Variation bonus.
Skateboard Deaths Jarod Alan Maxwell.png
Jarod Alan Maxwell
Date: 09/14/2012
Location: Oak Hills, CA
Age: Fourteen (14)
Struck by a vehicle while skateboarding to school.
750 points. Before school bonus.
Skateboard Deaths Stefvin Caswell.jpg
Stefvin Caswell
Date: 09/20/2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Age: Twenty-nine (29)
Struck by a vehicle while skating in the street.
200 points. Repeat trick.
Skateboard Deaths Patrick Gurschke.jpg
Patrick Gurschke
Date: 10/12/2012
Location: Brookfield, IL
Age: Seventeen (17)
Struck by a vehicle while skating through an intersection.
150 points. Repeat trick.
Skateboard Deaths Reginald Reggie Destin.jpg
Reginald “Reggie” Destin
Date: 10/19/2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Died: 10/27/2012
Age: Forty-two (42)
Struck by a vehicle while skating to his car. Longtime skateboarder and skateboarding advocate.
700 points. Nigger and advocate bonus.
Skateboard Deaths Justin Dean Hertzberg.jpg
Justin Hertzberg
Date: 10/24/2012
Location: Chula Vista, CA
Age: Fourteen (14)
Fell while skating down a hill. He had just formed a skateboarding group in his neighborhood to promote skateboarding.
200 points. Repeat trick.
Skateboard Deaths Ryan Earl Esslinger.jpg
Ryan Earl Esslinger
Date: 11/05/2012
Location: Shoreview, MN
Age: Twenty-four (24)
Struck by a vehicle at night.
350 points. Night bonus. Repeat trick.
Skateboard Deaths Michael Gradzki.jpg
Michael Gradzki
Date: 11/15/2012
Location: Farmingdale, NY
Age: Twenty-eight (28)
Struck by a drunk driver as he was skating across the street.
1100 points. Drunk driver bonus.
Skateboard Deaths Kyle Larson.jpg
Kyle Larson
Date: 11/20/2012
Location: New York City
Age: Twenty (20)
Struck by vehicle while trying to avoid an oncoming cyclist.
50 points. Missed the cyclist completely.
Missing Image.jpg
Elijah Crayton
Date: 12/02/2012
Location: Largo, FL
Age: Eight (8)
Struck by a vehicle when butt-boarding into oncoming traffic.
1400 points. Super age bonus.

Achievementunlockedtrophy.gif ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
50G- Not even double digits
Skateboard Deaths Scott Hickerson.jpg
Scott Hickerson
Date: 12/07/2012
Location: Concord, CA
Age: Twenty-one (21)
Struck by a vehicle skating through a crosswalk.
150 points. Repeat trick.

Skateboard Chicks

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Skateboard Dicks

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Skateboard Depicts

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Skateboard Inflicts

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Skateboard Predicts

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Skateboard Tricks

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How to troll skaters

  • Say there just as gay as surfers, their mortal enemies
  • Put grindblockers on everything
  • Spray sand on the pavement
  • Become a security guard
  • Become a security guard at a skatepark
  • Replace their skateboard with a waveboard
  • Insist that Tony Hawk invented the ollie
  • Mow them down with your car
  • Make them explain the physics behind an ollie
  • Ask why they don't double flip down El Toro

See also

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Featured article August 15 & 16, 2013
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Phil Fish
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