Slenderman

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there is no reward for goodness; there is no respite for faith; there is nothing but cold steel teeth and scourging fire for all of us. And it's coming for you now.



   
 
we didn't want to go, we didn't want to kill them, but its persistent silence and outstretched arms horrified and comforted us at the same time..."
 

 
 

—photographer unknown, presumed dead. Possible fashionista., 1983

   
 
And if three people do it? Can you imagine three people walkin' in, killin' someone for Slenderman, and walkin' out? They may think it's an organization! And can you imagine fifty people a day? I said FIFTY people a day . . . walkin' in, slashin' somebody up for Slenderman and walkin' out? Friends, they may think it's a MOVEMENT, and that's what it is: THE SLENDERMAN MASSACREE MOVEMENT! . . .
 

 
 

How I Came To Stop Fearing Al-Qaida and Learned to Love My Own Batshit Crazy Religion


The Slenderman (spelled "Slender Man" if you're a faggot) is a LOAD OF BULLSHIT that originated on SA's forums in a 2009 thread topic Create Paranormal Images courtesy Victor Surge. It has since morphed into a bona fide urban legend (aka tulpa) somewhat akin to the Blair Witch Project that purports to be based on factual accounts of some kind of supernatural tall, skinny pedo who stalks and murders children.

Since then, Slenderman has become a fixture of /x/, where it has been so overrused, instantaneous assrape by other /x/philes can be expected when one so much as mentions it. This gives Slenderman the perfect opportunity to commit his crimes and have them blamed on innocent little girls because you'd have to be crazy to believe the truth.

Therefore, using Slenderman is one of the best ways to troll /x/, generating much lulz. And now it's gonna come for you... and you should run before it gets you and kills you... run.

Legal tip: Drinking alcohol won't make you an adult. Going to college won't make you an adult. Even getting laid won't make you an adult. But killing a fellow sixth-grader in order to placate a mythological character? Congratulations, you've made the grade!

Video Evidence


Five tips for encountering Slenderman

You never know when you might bump into this fellow, so here are some handy tips accompanied by people loosing it.

Spoiler Alert

   
 
<bloodlover1987> slenderman is a sexy beast
 

 
 

bloodlover1987

Slenderman is really the BFG from the children's book by Roald Dahl. In fact, Marble Hornets is just a giant ripoff of the first part of this cartoon movie.
Protip: skip to 3:30

Protip: even though that looks like a guy, it's actually a girl named Sophie in the glasses.

Early life in India

Before obtaining permanent residency status in the U.S., Slenderman was actually native to India, where he was known as Shaktimaan While in India he told children that his tentacles were the seven Tantric energy centers of energy, creativity, astral presence, heart, vibratory stimulation, and orgasmal oneness with God. In the U.S. nobody was interested in figuring out all that shit, beyond maybe wanking to some tentacle porn, so he had to switch to the goth shtick, but in India he was often able to persuade little kids to try to join him by proving they had the deep religious faith to really believe they could fly.

Motives

It is said that Slenderman's True Motives Is that there is no Wi-Fi in the club and he needs 20 Dollars For internet access on his android. Unfortunately, due to his unsightly appearance (his elongated limbs are caused by a genetic mutation present since birth) he is unable to hold down a job, therefore must resort to asking randoms for $20. However, many people seem to be afraid of him and don't give him a chance to speak. As of today, Slenderman is still trying to get $20 So he can Kick it in Zimbabga Style.

The Pasta

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He never lost track of anybody. Never.

So why did he feel so unsure about this place?

Of course Jay would try to run. They always did. They all thought they could hide from the Slenderman. A fruitless act, but amusing nonetheless. It made the chase all the more exciting. It gave Slenderman something to do when he wasn't stalking children that ventured too far into the woods.

This time, however, was different. It was not the first time he had been photographed or filmed, but now that the internet was around, he had become some sort of bizarre celebrity in the paranormal community. Not that it hindered his efforts to stalk people, but he had enjoyed being an anonymous entity that only crazy vagrants whispered about. The attention he was getting lately had ruined that atmosphere.

One of those vagrants, driven mad by a previous encounter with him, had taken to making rudimentary internet videos himself to try and make Jay nervous, taking up the "Totheark" monicker. He would've done away with the little bastard long ago, If only Jay didn't respond to each of the videos with one of his own. As much as Slenderman loved a good chase, the videos were making it much easier to find both Jay and his friend, "Alex", who was the one who started the video nonsense in the first place. The sooner Slenderman got his multiple hands on those two, the sooner the videos would stop, and he could enjoy his solitude once again.

Now he had arrived at the old house where he believed the two had been hiding. He had left Totheark behind, not wanting to put up with his annoying video stunts this time. He wanted to be alone when he ended this. No more unwanted attention.

Creeping in from the unlocked back door, he did his best to keep as quiet as possible, watching and listening for any movements, sounds or smells that would indicate where his soon-to-be victims were. He held perfectly still, waiting, waiting for the moment when one of them would walk across a hallway or even cough. Instead, aside from the settling of the old house, there was only silence. Slenderman shook his head in annoyance. Perhaps they were sleeping? It was pretty late, after all. But if that were the case, he would have at least sensed their scent or sounds of their breathing. The only smells around here where the musky scent of old wood and a strange faint aroma of sea air. He crept upstairs and checked every room. Nobody. The only other place they could be was the cellar, but he had already checked that before coming in.

"/Dammit./" Slenderman muttered inwardly. He could've sworn that they had come here. His senses had never betrayed him before. Besides scent and sounds, everyone who came in contact with him carried their own special aura that he could track miles away. They were now connected by something inhuman and unnatural, which gave Slenderman the ability to watch over them any time he felt like it.

So why was he having trouble now? There was definitely something bizarre about this place, but the people who were supposed to bring on that vibe were nowhere to be found. He crept back downstairs, deciding to double-check the house.

And that's when he spotted something.

Shrouded in darkness at the far end of the room was the figure of someone, most likely Jay, slumped on an old couch and dressed in a fedora and an old trench-coat. Most likely asleep as well, seeing as they made no attempt to run. Slenderman smiled inwardly. "/Found you.../"

As Slenderman crept toward the figure, he noticed with some puzzlement that the figure seemed much bulkier than the two skinny young men he was currently after, even with the trench-coat, and the mysterious smell of sea air was especially strong around this person. Was this Jay? The fedora and thick coat collar did a good job of obscuring the stranger's face. He bent down and peered closer.

That's when the figure's bright yellow eyes shot open, causing the suddenly startled Slenderman to jump backwards and trip over his limbs. Quickly recovering, he watched as the figure stood up, removing its hat and undoing the first few buttons of its coat, letting a few long, green tentacles spill out. It was as if the figure had the face of a mutant octopus. In fact, it probably was the case.

The mysterious stranger bent down over the surprised, skinnier monster, giving him a somewhat smug look. "Well well well,." the creature drawled, a few of its strange facial tentacles lightly brushing against his suit, "So, we finally meet the famous Slenderman."

Slenderman flinched at the touch of the bizarre stranger, who didn't seem to have any sense of personal space. "/...And you are...?/"

"Oh, yes of course, how rude of me..." The creature replied with mock concern, its eyes flashing, "You may call me Cthulhu."

Cthulhu? Sounded familiar. Where had he heard that name before?

"I'm a popular topic amongst the stranger circles of humans." Cthulhu answered, as if listening to his thoughts. He leaned in closer to the Slenderman and lowered his voice slightly. "It seems the two of us have something in common, don't we?"

Feeling wholly uncomfortable with Cthulhu's increasing closeness, Slenderman pushed the creature away and sat up, gaining a slight advantage over him in terms of height. He was getting impatient. "/I'm a bit busy right now, what do you want?/"

Cthulhu leered at him. "You."

"/What?/"

He rested a hand on Slenderman's left thigh, causing the skinny creature to flinch back. "Your little videos got my attention. As I learned more about you, I became increasingly interested." The hand on his thigh began a light stroking motion. "It is especially interesting that my presence has brought you here."

Slenderman swatted the hand off his thigh and attempted to kick him, but Cthulhu was instantly upon him, pinning him down. "It's been a very, very long time since I last came across somebody like you that I didn't already know about." His voice was suddenly very husky. "Poor lonely Slenderman, creeping around on the edge of human consciousness, receiving fame from those who seek out the unknown. but never getting the /proper/ form of attention."

"/I don't WANT attention!/" Slenderman hissed, trying to squirm out of the other monster's grasp.

Cthulhu held fast, leaning his face closer to his newest acquaintance, his yellow eyes turning red for a split second before becoming heavy-lidded. "/PROPER attention. Something I can tell you have not received in a very, very long time."

Though he had no face, Cthulhu could feel the waves of hate coming off the skinny man. "/Get your hands off me./"

He raised an eyebrow. "And if I don't...?"

"/I'll KILL you!/" At that instant, three more pairs of arms sprang out from the Slenderman's sides; two hands attempting to choke the monster while other four worked on prying him off.

Cthulhu gave off an annoyed snarl. "I knew I'd be needing assistance with you."

Suddenly, a couple of black, smoke-like tentacles reached out from behind the taller creature and snagged the extra limbs currently trying to battle the other monster. Alarmed, Slenderman fought against them, even freeing his two normal arms to do so, but they all became caught in the dark mass, getting pulled painfully behind his back. Cthulhu let out a dark chuckle, watching his new captive panic. "Thank you, my friend."

"N͏ǫ͝͝ ́͞p̛ŕ̕ơ͘b͞l͏͝e̷̴m̵ ͜͢a̢t͏̸ ̡̛a͘l͜l͟.͟͠" A voice from behind the distressed monster whispered.

Slenderman struggled a few seconds longer before sputtering out "/Who...?/"

"To̢ ̴i͡nv̡ok̸e th͞e͝ ̵h̵i̛v҉e͞-͢mi͡nd ̵re͝p͏r̛ese͟n̡ti͘ng̢ c̷ha̛os͡.̛ I͟nvơkin͞g̛ ҉th̕e ̢f͜e͏e͞l̷ing o̢f̨ c̛h͏aòs̴.̴ W̵i̷th ͝o̕u̡t ͡órd̢e͝r.̀T͢h́e ͟Ne̴zper̸día̴n hiv͟e͝-̛mi̛nd ͜of͞ ćh͘aơs͢.̡ ̛Zal̡g̢o.͟ He̢ ͜wh͘o ͟Wa̡i̧ts B̵ehind͜ ͠T̴he Wal̶l̸.̴ Z̧A̴LGO!

"You don't have to introduce yourself like that every time." Cthulhu muttered, rolling his eyes. He quickly drew his attention back to Slenderman. "So, yes. Aside from the fact that you or anyone trying to kill me is laughable, I knew getting you to cooperate would not be an easy task." He fingered one of his tentacles idly, taking a moment to look the thin monster up and down, drinking in the prelude to what was about to commence. "...Showtime."

Without further ado, Cthulhu ripped open his captive's suit, causing buttons to fly everywhere.

"/HEY!!/" Slenderman shouted.

Zalgo chuckled behind him. Y̨ou͡'r̡e̡ i͝n for͟ a̷ r͢ea̧l ͝t̸r͏ea̸t, t͘àl͏l,́ ski̷nn̶y ̴m̕an.

After giving his shirt the same treatment, Cthulhu leaned back for a moment and let his trenchoat slowly slide off his shoulders, making a bit of a show out of it. Slenderman felt his blood run cold. Oh god. He hadn't been wearing anything underneath. If he had a proper mouth, Cthulhu would probably be smirking at him.

Returning to his previous task, Cthulhu leaned closer to Slenderman's exposed chest and began running his tentacles over every little curve and bump he found, all the while, slowly moving his hands down to undo his captive's belt.

Slenderman was aghast. "/S-STOP THAT!!/" he yelled, struggling against Zalgo's tight grasp. Zalgo muttered something against his back, but it was too garbled to understand. He would've tried to kick his tentacled molester if he hadn't been sitting on his legs.

"Mmm, I promise you'll enjoy this." Cthulhu purred, running a few tentacles over the skinny man's nipples, eliciting a small grunt from him. Tossing the belt aside, Cthulhu proceeded to dip his hands into his captive's pants, giving his butt a little squeeze.

Slenderman shuddered. "/I'm... I'm going to kill y- AAH!/" He let out a low shriek as one of Cthulhu's hands migrated from his backside to fondle his balls. Zalgo let out a scratchy laugh. The thin monster struggled to suppress the gasps he felt bubbling up in his throat. It was then that he noticed his pants were becoming increasingly tight. The fact that Cthulhu's hands were rummaging around in there didn't help.

"Thanks for not wearing any underwear, by the way." Cthulhu muttered in a snarky tone. Slenderman's blood boiled. He hadn't had any need for them up until this point. Cthulhu paid his anger no mind and began to lower his head down the monster's pale body, his tentacles gripping and sucking at everything along the way. He pulled his Hands out of his pants momentarily, only to violently rip them off. Mostly, anyway. Some of Slenderman's pant legs continued to hang off his twiggy limbs.

The action caused the Slenderman to yelp in surprise, as his nether regions were suddenly exposed to the cool air. Cthulhu eyed his erection lewdly, crawling off his legs and settling between them, no longer concerned with whether or not the thin man would kick him. He lowered his head further and allowed a few stray tentacles to tease him.

Slenderman choked back another gasp. "/Cth...ulhu, no.../"

"Ct̢h҉u͝l͢h͘u̵, ̕y̴e͜s!́" Zalgo garbled excitedly.

The elder god gave out a dark chuckle, "Brace yourself." and slurped down on Slenderman's dick.

Slenderman let out a loud gasp as Cthulhu's mouth and tentacles enveloped him, lapping and sucking at him hard. Any thoughts of what he was going to do to his two rapists when this was over were suddenly shattered. He couldn't think. He was definitely not used to this kind of attention. Watching humans perform this act while he was waiting impatiently outside their window to terrorize them was one thing. Having someone whose mouth was surrounded my a mass of moist, suction-inducing tentacles give him the most mind-blowing oral sex ever was an entirely different experience. The inhuman moans that escaped him were music to Cthulhu's ears. Zalgo's grip on Slenderman also tightened under the excitement. It was unclear how the black-tentacled... thing was getting off to this, but that wasn't the skinny monster's concern at the moment. What remained at the center of his attention at the moment was how unbelievably incredible the elder god's hot, wet mouth and tentacles felt around his cock. The pulling, sucking, teasing, tickling, and licking at his flushed skin was becoming far too much for him to take.

With one last inhuman shriek, he came into Cthulhu's mouth. The tentacled creature rode off the orgasm, swallowing everything, twisting his tentacles against the Slenderman a few more times before he lifted his head. Slenderman went slack against Zalgo's grip, letting out a few shudders, but no longer fighting back. He could feel the creature grin against the back of his neck. "H̸è co͜me͠s.͝"

Cthulhu leaned forward, brushing a hand over the exhausted creature's cheek and giving him a smug look. "Did we enjoy that?" Slenderman, unable to say anything at the moment, gave a short nod. He chuckled. "Don't worry, I'll give you a moment to catch your breath."

Curiously, Cthulhu continued looking at the skinny gentleman's face while he hung in Zalgo's grasp trying to comprehend what the hell had just happened. In the past half-hour, his plans had gone from 'find Jay and Alex' to 'get forcibly blown by an elder god.' He hung his head, giving out a long, ragged sigh of frustration. Even if the two other monsters never spoke a word about this ever again, he would never live this night down. This was humiliating. Here was Slenderman, the mysterious entity who could watch you from behind the fabric of space and time, who would snatch you away and make your life a living hell, laying sweating and exhausted and trapped in the grasp of some horrible creature with his pants and suit torn to shreds, and he had just gotten molested by another horrible creature. Joy. "/Let me go./" he growled.

That's when Cthulhu lifted the man's head back up, his eyes having gotten that mischievous look in them again. "We're not done yet, you know." He said, motioning to his own painful-looking erection. Slenderman looked away, only to have the elder god turn his head back. "Come on, you can't deny that you enjoyed yourself."

"/I didn't ask for it./" Slenderman spat.

"But..." Cthulhu added. "If I offered to do that again, would you say 'no?"

Slenderman thought for a moment. He really didn't know how to properly respond. "/I hated it./" he lied. Zalgo snickered.

"And YOU." The elder god continued, looking at Zalgo, "I have a new job for you. Let him go."

"H̀e̡'l͟l ̶e҉scąp͘e̡.́." Zalgo warned.

"No, he won't. Come here." Slenderman felt himself fall backwards as his arms were released. He retracted the three pairs of arms he had out before, tending to the aching of his regular ones. He looked over at Cthulhu, who was whispering something to the creature, making little motions with his hands. A normal person would've taken this time to run, but Slenderman, not being normal in the slightest, found himself to be surprisingly curious. What were they talking about now? As angry has he was, he couldn't deny that Cthulhu's actions had indeed felt good. Plus, these were the only creatures stranger than himself that he had come across in a very long time. Also, his legs were sore and wobbly at the moment. If he tried to escape, they'd catch-

"/AUGH!/" Slenderman screeched as he was suddenly tackled by Zalgo, who was screaming a bunch of incomprehensible gibberish. Slenderman tried to push the shadowy tentacle creature off him, but to his shock and confusion, he found Zalgo had quickly sunk beneath his skin.

Panicking, the thin monster looked up at Cthulhu for an explanation. Cthulhu's eyes narrowed in glee. "Give it a minute."

It took a few moments, but Slenderman suddenly began to feel very strange. He began hearing Zalgo's nonsensical gibberish being uttered inside his head, and soon, he feel parts of his body begin to change. Black streaks began running down his face where his eyes were missing. His fingertips disappeared for a moment before coming back again. Two hissing, spitting mouths sprouted out of his belly, followed by another on his chest, two on his back, and the final one sprouting out of his face. Then Zalgo's voice went quiet.

Dazed, he curiously fingered one of the mouths on his belly. Then the one on his face. He didn't know whether to be amazed or horrified at what had just happened. He looked back up at Cthulhu. "/What... did Zalgo do to me??/" The mouth even moved when he talked. Incredible.

"Relax, this is only temporary." Cthulhu replied, taking a step closer to Slenderman. "I just want to try a little experiment. First, try smacking your lips and moving your tongue around.

"/Why?/"

"Just want to see if you can do it."

He didn't know if he was lucky or if Zalgo's corruption had given him the knowledge to do so (probably), but despite being without a mouth his whole life, he managed to perform Cthulhu's request, odd as it was. Cthulhu's eyes narrowed with deep interest. "Verrrrrry good."

Before he could ask another question, he found himself being shoved face-first into Cthulhu's crotch, getting an eyeful(?) of his massive R'lyian hard-on. It took a moment for Slenderman to process what Cthulhu wanted. Oh no no no no no. "/Absolutely not./"

"Absolutely yes." Cthulhu drawled. "Now don't bite down or I'll make the rest of your evening extremely unpleasant." With that, he shoved his dick into his skinny partner's mouth.


The mortified Slenderman was entirely unprepared and gagged upon getting a sudden mouthful of elder god cock. Cthulhu held a firm grip on the back of his head, preventing him from escape. "Suck." he ordered. Seeing no other way out of the situation, Slenderman did as he was told. The tentacled creature let out a low hum of pleasure. "That's right, a little bit faster. Ahh, just like that." Slenderman, trying to get this over with as quickly as possible, tried to remember what he liked when Cthulhu had done this. With no tentacles at his disposal, he found himself using his tongue a lot, much to Cthulhu's delight. As he continued fellating the other monster, he became acutely aware that his own erection had made a return. Desperate for some sense of pleasure out of this act, he began stroking himself, making his other mouths give out happy little hisses.

"Okay... stop." Cthulhu suddenly said, pulling out of Slenderman's mouth. Slenderman ceased his stroking and looked up at the elder god, confused as ever. What happened? Did he have a change of heart? Cthulhu's voice became husky again. "Lie on your back."

Again, Slenderman obeyed. While part of him still wanted to get the hell out of this place, another part of him was curious about what strange, arousing feats Cthulhu still had up his sleeve. Cthulhu got down on his knees, spreading the thin man's long legs apart and positioning himself properly. He dipped two of his fingers into the mouth on Slenderman's belly, coating them in spit. Giving out another low hum, he began probing them into Slenderman's anus. "/Whu-/" Slenderman breathed, both confused and getting a slight pain in his ass from whatever Cthulhu was doing.

"Hush." whispered Cthulhu, rotating his fingers a little more before pulling them out. He them positioned his dick against his entrance, still slippery from the blowjob he had recieved. He raised a menacing eyebrow at his thin friend grabbing his hips and letting out a low chuckle. "Ready?"

"/Uh... no?/"

"Too bad." With that, he thrust into him.

Slenderman let out an alarmed screech upon being penetrated, which died down into pained gasps as Cthulhu slammed into him. Requests to stop or slow down went unheard or ignored. Allowing his hips to do all the work. Cthulhu bent over, letting his tentacles squirm into Slenderman's mouth. Slenderman stopped his writhing for a moment and bit down on them lightly, causing Cthulhu to give out a low hiss. This actually managed to get a smile out of the skinny monster for a second, before he began sucking at the intruding tentacles. He didn't know if it was Zalgo making him behave this way or if the pain he had felt earlier was slowly dissolving into an angry pleasure, but Slenderman found that he was actually enjoying this. He sat up a little, wrapping his arms around the elder god's shoulders and pressed himself deeper into the unorthadox kiss. Soon, the mouths on his chest and belly began licking and sucking at Cthulhu's torso. Cthulhu gave a dull snarl of approval and quickened his movements. Moving one hand away from Slenderman's hip, he reached behind the other man to finger the mouths on his back, and then over his chest to tweak him. Slender gave out more inhuman moans than before, taking it all and loving it.

And that's when Cthulhu paused himself

Slenderman shuddered with confusion and anticipation. "/Why did you stop? WHY DID YOU STOP?/"

Cthulhu leered at him, panting heavily. "Tell me," he growled, "Did you really hate that blowjob I gave you earlier?"

Slenderman shuddered. "/No, no, I lied, it was great, i loved it. I swear, I'm sorry./."

Cthulhu gave an approving growl. "You can make it up by begging for me."

The thin monster shuddered against him. Dammit, Cthulhu. "/P-please, Cthulhu.../"

"No, no, no, not like that." The elder god gave him a steely glare. "Repeat after me: ia, ia, Cthulhu fhtagn."

"/Ia, ia, Cthulhu fhtagn./" He didn't know what that meant, but he honestly didn't give a damn about that right now.

"Keep saying it." Cthulhu panted as he began to thrust again. "Louder!"

"/Ia, ia, Cthulhu fhtagn!/ Slenderman gasped, throwing his head back as Cthulhu sped up again, "/IA! IA! CTHULHU FHTAGN!/" Holy living fuck, this was better than stalking people, better than murdering them, even better than trying on a new suit. Slenderman knew he was close. Desperately, he grabbed onto Cthulhu's shoulders even tighter, still gasping Cthulhu's bizarre chant, and began scratching at his back. Cthulhu let out an inhuman moan of his own at the action, and that was what finally pushed Slenderman over the edge. He came hard, onto both their torsos, letting out an unholy scream from all six of his mouths, which seemed to disturb the foundations of the house, and did Cthulhu in as well, coming inside him.

After a few seconds, Slenderman went silent, letting himself fall back onto the floorboards with a heavy 'thud,' breathing heavily and passing out.

He awoke a few minutes later, finding himself alone in the house once more and back to his usual mouthless self. He was still a mess and his suit lay in tatters everywhere. He sat up, groaning and shaking off the dizzy feeling as a note and a few twenty-dollar bills fell off his chest. Still wobbly, Slenderman picked up the note and read it carefully:

"Here, buy yourself a pretty new suit. -Til next time."


TWITTER @marblehornets Marble Hornets 10:30am -Someone left another tape at my door today. What the fuck did I just watch?

THE END


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