From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The "shit was SO cash" copypasta appeared on 4chan's /b/ sometime in mid-to-late 2007, as a picture of a typical Guido fuck with his girlfriend mocking nerdy basement-dwellers. Said guido was Paulie Carbone, a young man whose early death was mourned by relatives with heartfelt internet videos. Like gay bees to semen-flavored honey, the denizens of 4chan gobbled up this salty load of copypasta with smiles on their faces, and it spread like AIDS in a closed pool.
At first this forced meme was seen as a typical example of the cancer that is killing /b/; a typical piece of unfunny copypasta like any other. However as the original text was spammed relentlessly, chemo was performed on it, and many lulzy variations were created of the original load of copypasta, complete with an image and the variant text, making it notable for being one of the few memes to go from fail to a level of win. John, the protagonist of the original copypasta, is also dead IRL.
The failed meme has been briefly revived in the current SOHH projects. Typical use of the meme now involves the spelling "SOHH CASH". This is to reference the numerous niggers on the SOHH.com forums who foolishly and blatantly challenged 4chan/ /b/ /Anonymous to an internet death match.
It may be interesting to note that it is currently under debate as to whether John's original copypasta was not the successful efforts of a troll who happened upon said "Paul Carbone" memorial page on MySpace. This is largely due to the fact that the death date of Mr. Cash and the birth-date of the delicious copypasta appear to cross each other in the gray area.
The Original Cash
My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.
Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It's me and my bitch
RON PAUL. THE REAL FUCKEN JOHN IS HERE.
I am sick of you FUCKING BITCHES calling my house every night at 3am asking for "BATTLETOADS" and sayin' the STUPID FRESH PRINCE THING. The thing is, I really do hate you fat losers who have to make up stupid lies in order to feel good about themselves, you’re all right about that. Why don’t you just try washing your face and changing your flannel shirt once in awhile and maybe you wont keep getting your IRL ass kicked by guys like me and bean called “faggot” by girls like this (my bitch).
So fuck you all for putting words in my mouth, I know I’m not perfect yet, but I’m on my way. Go back to watching star trek and playing Mario or some stupid shit, I’ll be at the beach getting HIT ON by chicks that you couldn’t even imagine let alone meet in real life.
Stop posting my picture.
The Newfag Reply
OP you are really a dumbass. First off, you assume everyone is so bad. Let me point out your flaws. First, you said you were pretty much perfect. If that were so, you wouldn't brag about it, you would be humble and not attempt to gain attention from "no-life’s who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures." Second, you said we do nothing else than look at things on 4chan and the internet. There again you are wrong retard. I in fact only go on 4chan when i have absolutely nothing else to do. I (and I assume at least several others on here) have friends. By assuming that we are all people with no lives you once again prove your idiot ways to us- you cannot grasp a concept that people with lives can also use the internet. Third, if you are trying to prove to 4chan that you are perfect, at least type properly. "but you all take to a whole new level." You forgot a fucking 2 letter word. Fourth, A's are not that hard to get in high school dumbass. It's not a sign of intelligence, but an ability to listen. Good job for using something that everyone can do. Go to /sci/ and get your mind raped by some actual intelligence. There you go; I just wanted to you about how wrong you really are. With all honesty, I really don't give a shit what you say only wrote this because it’s fun as hell to rant to dumbasses. Next time, go tell someone who actually cares.
Another Newfag Reply
Number 2 as far as you're supposed "banging hot girlfriend" goes, she looks like a blow up doll with a fucking pulse, way too much makeup, fake ass tan, and you have better fucking eyebrows than she does. She's got a face like a fucking iguana. You guys kinda look alike, related perhaps?
And lastly as far as what I do for fucking sports, I'm over here in fucking Iraq wondering why I put myself in danger everyday for a country with a bunch of assfucks like you. I bet you've never done a hard day's work in your life, you have no idea how to be a real fucking man. I wonder how it feels to go through life completely devoid of meaning. Stop going online and disparaging other people just because you're existence is so dull and meaningless, you're embarassing yourself. A shit like you wouldn't last ten minutes out here. And btw how much did cost to take a picture with your sister?
Newfag Reply #3
LMFAO, NOBODY GIVES A FUCK DUDE. YOU LOOK LIKE SOME KIND OF FUCKING BITCH OUT OF JERSEY SHORE. WHAT, YOU WEREN'T FUCKING GUIDO ENOUGH TO MAKE THE CUT? YOUR FAKE TAN JUST WASN'T FUCKING UP TO SNUFF? NOBODY FUCKING CARES KID. CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM?! MY FUCKING ASS LOL YOU ARE SKINNY AS SHIT AND NICE FUCKING FAKE CHAIN AND EMPTY BOTTLE OF FUCKING KID VODKA. IF YOU WERE AS HARD AND "GANGSTA" AS YOU CLAIM TO BE YOU, FIRST OF ALL, WOULDN'T BE HERE TALKING SHIT AT FUCKING 8 AM IN THE MORNING AND SECONDLY YOU'D PROBABLY BE TOO HUMBLE TO GIVE A SHIT. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT EITHER WAY. I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF YOU FUCKING TWIG FUCKS WHO WEIGH LESS THAN THE ANOREXIC WHORES THEY ASSOCIATE WITH ACTING ALL FUCKING HARD AND SHIT WHEN A SIMPLE BREEZE WOULD MAKE THEM CRUMBLE.
One of the current theories is that this faggotry was brought on by a welcome change of layout by moot, and an increase in moralfaggotry and anti-lulz in /b/. (Note: the following was done by cancerous newfags trying to cover their tracks) However this is not so as evidence shows this response dating back to at least early September 2010.
Last Thursday John came to his senses and apologized to all /b/tards:
You probably remember my name is John, and I want to apologize to every single one of you. I'm pretty sure most of you arent fat and are probably cleverer than I said, and if you guys want to look at pictures and stuff, then that's cool, everyone has a different life. The world is here to be shared, and I'm happy to share it with you guys. Most of you have probably got pussy before, anyway... I had a look around and there was a picture of a bitch being plowed by a guy with "RON PAUL /b/" written on his dick. I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people... I do it myself, but not as well as you guys. I actually met my bitch through facebook, so I guess we're all a bit nerdy sometimes.
Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I deserve it after what I was like. I resigned from the football team and took up chess, and quit basketball when I realised the only people playing were niggers anyway. I also tried jacking off to an anime girl, which actually isn't all that bad. I only got straight A's because my mom fucked the principal, and my hot girlfriend is actually just a blow-up doll (She just popped; Shit was SO shit). You are all just reasonable people who should disregard what I said to you, don't become "an heroes" LOL (am I a newfag or what?). Thanks for listening, no hard feelings, right?
Pic Related: It's me and my blow-up bitch. We're both really, really sorry
- None of you have obtained kitten
- Excrement was SO effective
Jenna speaks out (anti-pasta)
My name is Jenna, and I'm asking every single one of you to help me. My boyfriend is this skinny, greasy-haired guido who spends every second of his day looking at his stupid ass hair. He is everything bad with today's youth. Honestly, do all men brag about having fucked their "bitches" last night? I mean, I guess it's because of peer pressure and trying to be accepted, but he takes it to a whole new level. This is even worse than drinking beer all day and listening to Heavy Metal.
Don't ignore me. Please, help me. I'm pretty much desperate. I was a regular at the literature club, and vice-president of the science club. I also had a thing for classical music? I used to get straight A's, that is, before I met him (He just made me blow him; Shit was SO gross). He's a faggot, and I want to kill him. Please help me!
Pic Related: It's me.
Drops His Bitch
It seems like you keep reposting my image the whole time, you're even editing my text and photo. Do you think I care? Youre just miserable - it's just like I said. By doing this you try to hide your own problems. Fuckin HUGE problems
Well, my life keeps getting better and better. I just dropped my bitch: shes just a whore who slept with my best friend (well, I still wouldnt kick her out of bed for eating crackers). Also I keep BIG PIMPIN, just got a new fuckin spendy car (a porsche) and changed my style - calling it BLUE STEEL. And you? I guess the best thing you did in the last month was masturbatin to some drawn animal sex or sick shit like that; well Ill meet two girls tonight and plan to get off with both of them.
So, do the world a favor and kill yourself before youll rape a person for real. You make me sick.
Pic related: its me and my car
John & His African American
You think your funny? Real funny faggots. you think this is a joke?
yea making fun of me is so funny, so funny i forgot to laugh. I'm tired of getting dogged on by you faggots all the time whenever i respond to anything or any thread. If you wanna talk like that to me why don't you come here and say it to me face so i can answer your insults with a swift fist to the nose. yea you have a lot to say from hundreds of miles away but i bet if my fists were in reach of your face you would be like a tv on mute with no volume button So do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut unless you want to die. Next time you think about saying something like that to me I want you to remember one thing. I know the guy that created google maps and I can locate you in the time it took me to type this.Don't want anymore problems....didn't think so faggots. You have any idea what gorilla warfare is.? I do, I was in the US Marine Core and I perfected it. I'm fully capable of using it on you motherfuckers. Do you know the dander your in if I find you? I am 100$ serious. Bunch of god damn newfaf loser here and I will not have it. At least I've had sex, had girlfriends, and gotten laid, and blowjobbed unlike you virgin pieces of unpatriotic SHIT. Pic related: I'm on the african american on the right. Don't fuck w/ me.
My name is Jack, and I like every single one of you. All of you are cool, witty, funny guys who spend your free time of their day looking at funny pictures and macros. You are the sense of humor that lacks in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any hate mail? I mean, I’m sure it’s fun making fun of people because you are so witty, but you all take it to a whole new level. This is even more awesome than stand up comedy.
Don’t be a stranger. Just laugh with me too. I’m pretty cool. I was editor of my school newspaper and started my own detective agency. What funny activities do you do, other than “having fun to awesome drawn Japanese anime”? I also live with my mother and have a modest friend who is a girl. (She just taught me calculus; Stuff was SO complicated) You are all awesome who should gather at a big party. Thank you for listening to me.
Pic Related: It’s me and my female friend.
John's death was SO crash
"John" is actually Paulie Carbone, who died July 10th 2007 in a fucking idiotic street racing accident where he and his idiot friend sprayed their combined 2 oz. of brains over the pavement of mountainside street in Jersey. Since his death was SO cash, his friends and family immediately created several shitty videos on YouTube with shitty songs
(which got owned by copyright) NOT ANYMORE, VIDEO ALIVE AGAIN (NOT LIKE JOHN LOLOLOL). Because you don't fucking mourn by posting vids on YouTube visible for everyone, Anonymous, as the good-hearted person he is, offered the Carbones his condolences (video has been removed) at the comments page resulting in Paulie's mom getting a heavy period and going crazy in the comments herself.
—pauliecmom, failing to realize that no one ever solved anything with a run-on sentence.
—mariaNpaulie, making a very loud point.
His name was John, and he was loved by every single one of you. He thought dearly of you Anonymous, spending every second to try and steer you away from what he thought were bad life choices. He thought what he was doing was everything right in the world. Honestly, he was so deeply rooted in his beliefs. I mean, now that he's gone, so are his insecurities, and at least his soul is at a whole new level. To his family, his loss is the worst thing that could happen. Please, mourners of /b/, don't be a stranger. Speak up about your favorite memories with John. He is now in perfection, looking down on all. He was captain of the football team, and starter on his basketball team. He knew he was faster and tougher than a lot of people, and wasn't afraid to say it. He got straight A's, and had a beautiful girl at his side (he was going to propose next week, shit would have been so cash). You are all welcome to mourn at his casket. Thanks for listening. Pic Related: This is John in Australia; where the passanger seat is on the left, and the cars are down under.
In memory, John. You will be missed.
Rage From John's surprise secret gay lover
You think you are all fucking funny, don't you? Don't answer that, dickwads, I was being rhetorical. You are all super hot dudes with even hotter womens.
I've seen the "John" thread, and it's fucking hilarious. John is dead. What's wrong? He was a guido douchebag trying to fight the internets. It's not so funny now, is it? How about this for a 'LOL': I'm coming to kick each and every one of your asses. Yeah, go change your underwear, pussies. I know people who are hacking experts; they will get every single IP logged on this pathetic site. You are in for hot buttsecks, degenerates. I'll fuck your ass when you least expect it. I know you are all awesome; but don't expect me to show mercy.
We apologize for how unfunny the above edited copypasta is. We are working on making it funnier.
2010 The Rise of Koda: The Canadian John
"Before I begin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7FyTt870Vs
My name is Koda, and I just want you to all know that you are actual faggots and creepers. You have no life outside of this fictional persona that you have created in this fucked up cyberspace that you have adopted as your home and, just like in real life, cluttered with trash, filth, and your own shit.
I bet you're thinking right now "Lol, OP is a troll" and I bet after I said that you're gonna sarcastically post that to seem funny, but the truth is, you're not.
None of you are funny. You never have been. Outside of the internet this entire website is viewed as the shithole that it really is. Hell, even IN the confines of the internet it is still viewed as that. All of any of you do is spend your day posting non-funny jokes, making shitty photoshops even though you have no real talent in graphics, and typing on your crappy little computer that your parents bought you to shut you up for a while.
You are not anonymous. You are not legion. You are actually just faggots. You will forgive and forget once you step to someone in real life and get your ass kicked up and down the street while you're praying that you never left the safety of your bedroom.
In Real Life, None of you would last. None of you have girlfriends. None of you have FRIENDS. None of you have any real positive attributes or talent. You serve no purpose on this world other than merely existing and eating your own weight in cheetos, twinkies, redbulls, and hot pockets. The only solution is mass suicide. Kill yourself. now.
Pic Related; It's me, actually showing some talent in making videos that do not include homo shit like Boxxy or Jessi Slaughter yet still getting famous on the internet.
BONUS: Guido images
Google translates from English to Ginzo back to Engrish:
My name is John, and I hate you all. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lives who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You're all evil in the world. Honestly, some of you have never obtained any pussy? I mean, I guess it is fun to make fun of people because of your insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off pictures on facebook.
Do not be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was the captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A, and are a banging hot girlfriend (he just blew me Shit was SO cash). You are all queers should just kill yourself. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It's me and my bitch
Sal', onaniguloj, Mia nomo estas John, kaj mi malamas ĉiuj. Vi 'stas korpulentuloj, malfruuloj, kaj senvivuloj, kiuj ĉiam vidas stultegajn fotojn. Vi 'stas ĉiu malbonego en la mondo. Vere, ĉu vi iam fikis? Eble 'stas amuza amuziĝi aliaj homoj ĉar Vi havas malverojn, sed Vi altigegas tio. Ĉi tio 'stas pli malbona ol onani al fotoj en facebook. Ne faru nekonuloj. Donu al mi via plej bonan insulton. Mi 'stas perfekteta. Mi estas usonfutbalestro, kaj ekisto en basketbalo. Kiujn sportojn Vi ludas, aliajn ol “onani al senvestaj gejapanuloj„? Mi havas A-ojn kaj seksantan amulinon (merdo 'stis TRE mono). Vi estas onaniguloj kiuj devas malviviĝi. Dankon por Viaj oreloj. Fot' parenca: mi kaj mia fihundino
- Fart Fetish - His fetish is smelling girl farts like the rest of the guido smugs.
- Make Sex
External Links are SO fucking Cash
BALEETED BALEETED BALEETED BALEETED BALEETED
- A memorial MySpace
- A memorial Facebook
- Shit was SO cash on Urban Dictionary.
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