Soldier Of Fortune II
Soldier Of Fortune II (also known as SOF2) is an online first-person shooter game. Like most FPSs, it is full of 13 year old boys. Unlike most FPSs, the amount of no life and faggotry on this game is of titanic proportions. The no-life aspect of the game revolves around clan drama. The seriousness of each clan war is incredible. The easiest way to troll SOF2 is to accuse old players of hacking during wars and to claim you can beat anyone in a 1v1. These claims will cause a massive bitch fit and probably result in a kick or ban. Most of the people in each clan suck each others' cock via Teamspeak or Ventrilo. They spend hours socializing with each other, locked away from the outside world in their parents' basement, where they exchange stories of being molested. Should one of these members decide to leave their current clan for another, an argument of "I WEIGH 200LBS, I COULD FUCK YOU UP IRL" will rage for hours, days or even weeks. Claiming you're drunk on SOF2 means you're the man, which means IRL, you don't get pussy and have no friends outside the game. Smoking weed is another popular conversation on SOF2, also failing in the IRL "I'M COOL" department. When people are not talking about drinking, smoking weed or fucking your mom, they occasionally war. Clan wars usually consist of 4v4's and 5v5's. Winning a war is very important in SOF2, because it ensures that your online life will gain lots of respect and you'll be THE MAN.
Soldier Of Fortune II only has two active game types, Infiltration and Capture The Flag. These game types are like Mars and Venus because they contain no life. They're opposite in every way and players of both game types are totally alien to each other. Infiltration players (also known as INFers} are the prime species of hiding under a fucking rock. They don't need sunlight to survive because they live on energy drinks. INF players abuse a hack known as "thirdperson" or "3rd" where you can look around corners and see your enemy approaching. At the very moment you pass, he'll jump out and surprise you with a shotgun and then make outrageous claims that he "owns" and just "pwned" you. As pussy and pathetic as this technique may sound, it's abused all over INF while poor regular first person players have to put up with it. 90 percent of whining and hackers originate from INF and spill their way over to CTF, like shit flooding from a toilet. Capture The Flag players are right on the other end of the shit scale. They're like the pussies of Soldier Of Fortune II. They try to keep what's left of the first person view, but has only recently been overtaken by hackers deported from INF, like Mexicans from USA. Capture The Flag players also has its fair share of faggotry, there contains several clans and everyone knows one another on a first name basis. This game type contains the highest rate of cock sucking and prostitution within its community. CTF players have been known to cyber sex clan leaders in order to join their "l33t" clan. Getting in the highest clan in CTF automatically gives you "pro" status. The whole CTF and INF thing still goes on and are slowly beginning to tolerate each others stupid ass game play.
Since the release of Soldier Of Fortune II in May, 2002. There hasn't been an anti-cheat available for version 1.00. This caused players to whine and ban people during clan wars for hacks. Reason most likely to be banned for is "2know", whatever the fuck that means. In early 2009, rumors started appearing around the SOF2 1.00 community that somebody was developing an anti-cheat. Everyone thought this was a great idea, seeing as the game had been out since the 17th century and nobody gave a fuck about it. All of the 16 players left on SOF2 1.00 cheered and supported the Hitler like figure who was developing this anti-cheat. When the anti-cheat was finally released, it was the biggest fucking failure in the history of video gaming. It was so humiliating that Michael Jackson died a few weeks later. The name of this anti-cheat was called "Mousetrap". It had been coded by some four eyed geek virgin who couldn't even code a fucking keygen. This looked bleak for the 1.00 community and it caused massive butthurt. Months after mousetrap died and everyone left, somebody decided to copy and paste the coding from SOF2 Demo anti-cheat over to 1.00. This program is called Fairplay. A shitty website and forums were set up for tutorials, wars and other shit nobody cares about. This website is hosted by a bunch of faggots that have absolutely no life what so ever. The only people that post in the forums are wanna be "pro" players who are serious about SOF2. You can troll these geeks by offering out 1v1's and telling them their clan sucks. Calling them campers is a good technique to make them shout at their parents. Accusing them of wall hacking is even better. Saying "DUDE, FAIRPLAY SUCKS" is probably the most affective way of trolling. See here...
There is only one confirmed real life female on SOF2. She goes by Jello and is so female that most of the flaming homosexuals that play SOF2 cower in fear of the unknown girl specimen. She often owns so many of the already-insecure 13-year-old boy populace that the most insecure of the lot try to assert their boyhood by making claims about their penis size to her or demanding she makes them a sandwich. They do not realize that this does not make them come across as hard, but rather as even bigger douchebags than they already appear. Some also claim Jello is a fat, pimply, old man, but those who have had the good fortune to see the woman IRL insist she is a right sexy goddess in addition to being a video game legend, and is thus every SOF2 boy's wet dream.
Thirdperson vs Firstperson
Soldier Of Fortune II was originally designed to be a firstperson shooter. A year or so after its release, some 12 year old European boy who was sick of being grounded by his parents, decided to explore the .PK3 files located in his SOF2 Base folder. Little did he know, he was about to change SOF2 forever. While talking to his best online friends about being a l33t haxz0r, he told them of a little command he found that can change your view to a thirdperson perspective. After they finished watching each other jerk off on web cam, they both decided to go on SOF2 and try it out. After spending months of hiding their thirdperson view, they decided to go public and announce it in Infiltration where it immediately became a smash hit. As thirdperson was growing in popularity, firstperson players could only sit by and watch their game crumble before their eyes. Most of the players decided to become An Hero, while others decided it was time to install the v1.3 patch and say fuck you to SOF2 1.00. After years of drama, banning, accusations and dick sucking. People finally accepted the thirdperson view. Today, they both play side by side like cats and dogs. Firstperson players feel like victims of the holocaust and cry whenever they get killed by a thirdperson player. Thirdperson players also use something called a "3rd cross" that they say is a hack, like thirdperson isn't already a fucking hack. You can download one easily from the internet and lie about using it. Seeing as they all secretly use one, it's hilarious watching them accuse each other like fucking hypocrites. The equivalent of this would be if Hitler got mad at you for killing a Jew. Since the release of Fairply, everyone has been forced to draw a "3rd cross" on their monitor with markers. This is what makes SOF2 more unique to other firstperson shooter games. They will go to extreme lengths to protect their internet credibility, even if it means ruining their $300 LCD.
SOF2 Jump Videos
—R!per, a 13 year old boy
At least 100 years ago. Somebody on SOF2 had a brain storm. One day while playing a war, he realized that jumping is awesome. Yes, that's right, I said jumping and awesome. After recording a video of himself jumping around maps like a fucking idiot to shitty techno music. He decided to post it on Jewtube for us all to be amazed at his space bar tapping skills. This spawned a craze and before you know it, everyone started making videos of themselves jumping; because people want to watch videos of someone jumping around in a video game. Thinking they looked totally cool, they had no idea how pathetic and unoriginal their videos were. These videos baffle medical experts as to what is so "cool" about them. They believe it's caused by a traumatic gang rape experience. They mainly appeal to people who masturbate over Anime, 13 year old boys, and basement dwellers. Which is over 9000 percent of the SOF2 population.
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