Space is a boring void designed to rape people by disabling the victim's ability to call for help. It is also a majestic fairy-tale wonderland that Atheists use as proof that God does not exist, and for Joss Whedon to set his miserable television show. It is supposedly populated by gay niggers and other foreign intelligent life-forms, however we have never been able to confirm that such life exists out there.
Space generally consists of black holes, planets, galaxies, asteroids, comets, and all-in-all; nothing of value. Sometimes space can be lulzy and decide to throw huge chunks of rock into regions of the Earth populated by dumbasses. It is a well known fact that polen cannot into space.
The truth is that space was invented by NASA during the 1950's as a plot to give the Ruskies srs penis envy. CSIII-graduates from both countries spent at least 100 billion dollars building bigger rockets with moar thrust and a larger payload in order to prove they had the most potent nukular arsenal, the pre-tubes analogue of an e-penis. In order to keep this elaborate farce afloat, they started strapping primates into these rockets to prove that they were doing it all in the name of science. Naturally, as soon as these rockets passed the clouds, they entered the Kingdom of Heaven, where God promptly bitch-slapped the rockets right back to Earth, instantly killing said monkeys.
In spite of the fact that it doesn’t actually exist, many people claim to have been in space, even walked on the moon. NASA has video of two men that they say “walked on the moon.” Some argue that this video was doctored, and the two men are actually Jews in full body condoms dancing Hava Nagila in the Israeli desert at night. This issue is a popular one for basement dwellers on conspiracy forums and Libertarian IRC channels.
People who claim to have been in space call themselves “astronauts,” and will go to great lengths to convince you of its reality and having “been out there.” In reality, these people spent months tripping constant balls in a CIA holding cell, being read Star Wars slashfics by Rick Moranis over a loudspeaker.
- 1 Space Bar
- 2 The Apollos
- 3 Famous Lady Astronauts
- 4 Fact of the day
- 5 Personal space
- 6 Videos
- 7 Gallery
- 8 External Links
- 9 Discombobulation
Jews opposed to Nazi Wernher von Braun fill the space capsule with velcro, copies of the Protocols of The Elders of Zion and lit menorahs, providing us with our first taste of Crispy Astronaut Latke.
Hookers and blow are smuggled into space thereby inventing the biro pen, bendy straws and the sex position known as the Weightless Reverse Cowgirl.
From Stickipedia; "About an hour after starting his sleep shift, Borman requested clearance to take a Seconal sleeping pill. However, the pill had little effect. Borman eventually fell asleep but then awoke feeling ill. He vomited twice and had a bout of diarrhea that left the spacecraft full of small globules of vomit and feces."
Crew dump Borman out of the airlock and defect to the Soviet Union.
NASA discovers that the "Lunar Module" which they had commissioned from Tony Soprano on Long Island is in fact an old tumble dryer covered in gold foil and shunt-welded onto the chassis of a Hindustani Ambassador. They realise that the Moon landing will have to be faked.
Armstrong and Aldrin are fed LSD and stuffed into an isolation tank whilst special effects supremo Ray Harryhausen produces a realistic movie of a moon landing complete with sword-fighting skeletons and a rubber brontosaurus. Armstrong's inpromptu speech on stepping into what he thinks is the moon - "where dem selenite wimmin at?" - is hastily over-dubbed by actor Ronald Reagan.
Spoiler :Some idiot "accidentally" filled the o2 tank with c4.
James Lovell and his fellow Kerbals were in a gold painted washing machine which was over 9000 kilometers away from earth and they were on their way to the moon. After James pressed the self destruct button an o2 tank exploded. Guess what? They didnt fail at life but they failed at everything else.
All further flights cancelled in order to divert the money to the 1972 Committee to Re-elect the President.
Famous Lady Astronauts
Not strictly a lady, but David Bowie instead. Nuff said
Ulala from Space Channel 5
Famous for the words "Up, right, right, down, shoot, shoot, shoot" and her friendship with Space Michael Jackson
Colonel-Engineer Valentina Vladimirovna Tereshkova
First woman in space, who threw up whilst trying to parallel park Vostok 6. Voted "Worse Space Pilot Eva" until her title was stolen from her by Christa McAuliffe, who tragicallly mistook reverse for third gear during the launch of the Space Shuttle Challenger.
Led to 3058 stories on Google when she tracked and attacked another lady astronaut over a male astronaut. Or something.
Ripley from Alien
Wears tight white panties. She's only in a film though. Real lady astronauts have to wear daipers like as if they were permanently on the blob. Yuk.
Invented "Tits or GTFO In Space". Commenting on ED; "Make love? But no one's done that for hundreds of centuries!"
Fact of the day
Main article: Personal space
According to research from the German Institute For Phrenology different races have different ideas about the comfortable distance to remain from other people, that is, the concept of "personal space". So next time a Chinese person walks straight into you on the street, just put it down to a celebration of cultural diversity.
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