From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Breaking news!|
He's dead Jim. NIMOY HAS REENACTED THE ENDING TO WRATH OF KHAN IRL! TREKKIES AN HEROING EVERYWHERE!
|The nerd wars are now Doctor Who vs. Star Wars. Star Trek is small time.|
—William Shatner, On Encyclopedia Dramatica
— typical Trekkie talk
Star Trek (aka Virgin Trek) is a lulzy science fiction television show that went on the air at least 100 years ago. The Star Trek fandom, known as Trekkies, are rivaled only by Star Wars fans in terms of their ability to be basement-dwelling geeks. A debate between the two factions is devoid of lulz and is known to dry up decent drama in an inevitable shit storm of supreme nerd faggotry. This can be a useful tactic should you find yourself epically failing, as there are at least one geek of each variety for every square mile of internet. The ensuing argument should cover your back while you form a comeback macro!
The Prime Directive: Starfleet's highest law— they would rather die than break it (no, really)! In the idealistic future where anyone can have whatever they want (but still have jobs, to avoid hedonism and/or dead air) and where there is no need for money (except gold-pressed latinum), the goal is to "seek out new life and new civilizations", while at the same time not interfering with them. You can make peace with them, but you can't trade with them, or save them from impending doom. Much drama ensues. Note: Starfleet does, in fact, trade; but trade is not exciting, so more focus is given to morality and impending doom.
A Segment from a Typical Star Trek Episode
Star Trek Throughout the Years
- Star Trek: The Original Series - By all accounts, a terrible television show, but held up by Trekkies to be the best evar. Best known for William Shatner as Captain James T. Kirk, piss-poor hero, Jew bastard, and rabid womanizer. And a total asswipe. And Canuck. This show was said to be responsible for the killing of ice niggers in the Virginia Tech Massacre.
- Star Trek: The Animated Series - Possibly man's greatest achievement, and the only good thing to come from this Franchise since the death of its creator. It combined the sex appeal of The
ShatShit-Attack and his pet African Uhura, with the award-winning animation of early '70's hippies. However, Trekkies refuse to recognize what it did for America, and it is often a source of great debate. It includes a furry character.
- Star Trek:
The Next GenerationA New Hope - Actually a halfway decent reincarnation of the Star Trek universe. Starred Patrick Stewart (who is bald) as Captain Jean Luc Picard (also bald). Featured Boba Fett as a sad, little nigger.
Trekkies often PMS among themselves over whether Kirk or Picard was the better captain.
- Star Trek: Deep Sleep Nine (aka Star Trek: Let's Watch Paint Dry For Seven Seasons) - A spinoff of The Next Generation spinoff of The Original Series and easily the most dull and pompous inbred bastard step-daughter of the series everyone wants to fuck and have babies with. Rejecting the entire Star Trek formula for a series set on a space station, DS9 featured droning, barely distinguishable plotlines and later a four year interstellar war against the ugliest race of shapeshifters in the universe, the network executives. Despite being the most effective cure for insomnia to come along in the 20th century, it was widely either masturbated to by fans (all four or five of them) or cursed by Babylon 5 fans who screamed plagiarism as far as as Paramount ripping of Babylon 5's premise for the series. Because its meager but vocal fanbase (often referred to as "Deep Space Scientologists") love it and relentlessly attempt to convert others to its supposed greatness, Paramount executives HATE HATE HATE DS9 and like to pretend it never happened. Luckily, writer Ron Moore at least ended up on Battlestar Galactica, which bore far more of a resemblance to a real television show.
- Star Trek: Voyager (aka Star Trek: Snorer) - The only ship to have a woman as a captain, and they got lost. Coincidence? I think not. The show is about an affirmative action female space Commander who gets her entire crew stranded on the opposite side of the universe and constantly refuses to take help from aliens who would help them get home. Since the captain is an incompetent militant lesbian, the show originally featured as its main T&A eyecandy Kes, a weirdo pansy alien who was so fugly, they fired her instead of the Asian guy who was supposed to be fired, until People Magazine included him in their 1997 "People who are pretty and who we'd like to fuck" issue. As the show was so full of fail that even Trekkies were calling for the deaths of the show runners, they decided to exploit the then still popular "Borg" alien race by creating a sexy female Borg called "C3PO". Subsequently, Voyager became more focused on C3PO's ass. Her tits were relatively disappointing but we never saw them so they launched no spin-off shows. Neither her tits nor her ass was good enough for her IRL husband, who was a state representative from Illinois who was forced to drop out of the Illinois Senate race when she divorced him. Her reason was that he took her to a sex club and wanted to fuck her while a bunch of other sick fucks people watched. srsly. This whole affair resulted in Barack Hussein Obama's reaching the U.S. Senate, which oddly enough was predicted in the person of Turvok. The above is the view taken by many Trek purists. The show, however, was not as fail as the purists claimed. The plot was less episode-contained in format, the acting was more subtle, and it started afresh in terms of other races and their designs.
- However, the equally subtle and incessant preaching contained in every second episode was srs fail.
- Some of the things the writers bitched about during Voyeur's run:
- Animal testing
- The justice system
- Nuclear weapons
- Nuclear winters
- In spite of all this, the show was highly prized by Hollywood's professional critics.
- The show took a different direction, different plots and different formats and presented the fanbase with them. The fanbase did not accept this, seeing as how all they cared about was masturbating to Dr. Crusher and wishing that they were able to kill thousands of Romulanfags and Cardassianfags.
- Star Trek: Enterprise (aka Star Trek: Sweet Fucking God, Make It STOP Already!) - The result of Scott Bakula making a "quantum leap" into a dying franchise that was trying to keep itself alive by retconning the existence of a never before mentioned Enterprise ship into the show's timeline, right before the events of The Original Series, making it a classic case of fanwankery gone terribly wrong. Many lulz were had when UPN canceled the show because not even Trekkies were watching it. It sure didn't help that Paramount barely tried to promote it, and took off the name "Star Trek" for two seasons to "set it apart" from the previous shows. Its only redeeming factor was having the best theme song.
- Star Trek: New Voyages - Star Trek fan James Cawley began collecting costumes from The Original Series when he worked on Star Trek: The Next Generation. He went on to spend over $100,000 constructing the U.S.S. Enterprise in an abandoned car dealership in New York. Funding the project through his successful career as an Elvis impersonator (no really), Cawley has shot a new series of Star Trek, modestly casting himself as Captain Kirk. (Also notable for the fact that the actor playing Scottie is even less convincing than James Doohan.)
- Star Trek: Of Gods and Men - The bastard child of actors from The Original Series and crappy fanfic. Some jerk goes eliminates Kirk from the time-line, so suddenly the Federation and the Klingons are all buddy-buddy. And everyone's an even bigger jerk than the jerk who offed Kirk.
- 2 Trek 2 Furious: SYLAR'S SPOCK AND HE'S GOING TO EAT KIRK'S BRAIN!!!!!!: A "reboot" of the originals, directed by former basement dweller J.J. Abrams, it's actually a faggy sequel which involves two Spocks, more space niggers, and villains with no logical motives. Kirk mary-sues around a bit, jerks off to a green ho, and almost has his brains eaten by Sylar. Twice. And OH MAI GAWD THEY LYK TTTLY STOLE DA CAR CHAS E FROM STAR WHORES!!!!11!!!oneoneone!!1
- Into Darkness: Second Abrams Reboot movie, slightly less shitty than the first one, BUT OMG THEY TOTALLY RUINED WRATH OF KHAN BY EVER MAKING KHAN APPEAR AGAIN WTF IMMA HATE THIS SO MUCH EVEN THOUGH IT MADE MORE MONEY THAN ANY OTHER STAR TREK MOVIE EVER!!!!. Basically an attempted remake of Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan. Hardcore trekkies hate the fuck out of it, but anyone else who saw it Came immediately. Made almost 500 million Jewgolds, and there will be another one soon
The film is Abrams' attempt to appeal to Generation Y viewers by turning the franchise into a series of Michael Bay-esque action scenes with explosions, overdone "comedy", tilted camera angles with the shakes, extreme closeups, high-speed chase scenes every 90 seconds, tits, and planets being destroyed by surprise supernovas even though IRL supernovas take millions of years to build up. Kirk is still a smug dick and still gets to bang green chicks. Someone who was butthurt about the movie resetting the entire Star Trek storyline might say that this about the only continuity in the series. But let's be honest, Star Trek pulled this shit all the time, even in The Original Series. There wasn't much continuity left even before this movie came out.
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Trekkies are hard-core fans of Star Trek, in all its various televised and movie forms. A good majority of Trekkies are basement dwelling nerds who spend far too much time on the Internets writing fanfic and slashfic, and who frequently dress up like Star Trek characters and attend conventions and speak Klingon to each other thinking they're 1337. Most of the people consist of 40 yr. old loser-nerds who never had the chance to grow up ;-(. Interestingly, this description also fits that of the typical pedophile. In fact, Trekkies have become, in the eyes of the old media and the NORPs, the standard of nerdiness and basement-dweller-dom. Some will argue that Star Trek is better than Star Wars (however in recent years its shown that it's not as big as it used to be so really Star Wars and Doctor Who are better than Star Trek). You can help trekkies by viewing the list below.
Typical Trekkie --- Warp Factor Love
Picard on his day off
Ways to Troll Trekkies
- Ask why the Federation can travel faster than light but still can't male pattern baldness.
- Invent an episode of random shit that you can't remember the name of. Now pretend you can't remember whether it was TOS or TNG and ask for help in identifying it from a fan.
- Say that Star Wars and Doctor Who pwns Star Trek and/or the Death Star could pwn the Enterprise in a matter of seconds. Because Trekkies have nothing better to do (except masturbate to naked pictures of Kathryn Janeway), saying this will usually spark a totally pointless flame war that will last for years, possibly decades.
- Say that Battlestar Galactica pwns Star Trek.
- Say The Original Series is a piece of shit. As above, this will spark a seemingly never-ending flame war.
- Ask why Professor X was in The Next Generation and why the hell he wasn't in a wheelchair.
- Point out the irrefutable evidence of a connection between Star Trek and pedophilia (e.g. this Slashdot post).
- Tell an Enterprise fan that Trip and T'Pol is like watching a piss poor soap opera. Srsly, that works quite well, even better than flooding the shipper fansites with the pain series.
- Explain the the Federation uses a Communist economy and the "utopia" portrayed in the show is little more than a totalitarian regime.
- This link.
- Claim that the Börg are ripoffs of The Cybermen.
- Refer to Worf as Teal'c.
- Demand to see Vorlons.
- Go on and on and on about how Picard's head looks like a penis.
- IRL TROLLING: Make the "Live long and prosper" hand gesture while saying "May the force be with you."
Proceed to act like it was an honest mistake.Wear a "BattleStar Galactica" shirt while doing this. (Note: Teh nerd may BAWWWW and may also try to apply teh Sleeperhold on you, which always fails.)
- Show up at a Star Trek Convention dressed as a stormtrooper. Bonus points if you bring a lightsaber.
- Photoshop Börg cubes into goatse.
- Walk up to a Trekkie and explain why Sheridan was way better than Kirk.
- Refer to the new movie "Spock" as "Sylar."
- Show up at cons dressed as elves from LOTR and say you have pointy ears- doesn't that count as Vulcan?
- Call them Trekkies.
Fun Star Trek Facts
- Star Trek broke down two important racial barriers: an azn navigator (azn's can't drive!), and a black communications officer (when was the last time one of them payed a phone bill?).
- Kirk proceeded to snog black communications officer, becoming the first man, on tv, to snog a black person onscreen.
- William Shatner recorded music! Not only was he known for his terrible Beatles covers during his Star Trek days, but he recorded an album in 2004 that is masturbated on by indie fucktards frequently. And Khan kicked his ass! For one of the funniest things you'll ever see, watch Bill Shatner sing Elton John's "Rocket Man" here on You Tube.
- Patrick Stewart was actually a Shakespearean actor, but decided to sell out and go the Star Trek route. He played the evil Sejanus in the BBC's version of I, Claudius....with hair! This show is actually quite watchable, since it among other things portrays the greatest IRL troll of all time, Caligula.
- Gene Roddenberry
created(lookup and download Forbidden Planet) the series. He also wrote the lyrics to the theme song and may have been a pedophile and Freemason.
- Leonard Nimoy recorded the song and video "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" which then spun off into the LOTR series of books.
- Wil Wheaton was never popular in the series or IRL because even the weirdest Trekkies hated him. Oh well.
- Klingon, the language spoken by a type of furry character on the show, can actually be spoken. Geeks and nerds often have discussions with each other in Klingon IRL.
- The Börg, the resident Swedish computer nerd villains on the show, are often the victims of will verb again! by such Unfunny people such as Uncyclopedians.
- Phasers are actually just barcode scanners.
- All Azn people in Star Trek were fags.
Typical episode of Star Trek: Voyager
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