Stephen Fry

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Fat squint-nosed Jew fag who has infiltrated the British media and now the entire internet so thoroughly that it is estimated that by the year 2020, the BBC licence fee will be payable directly to his bank account and his face will replace the Queen's on the UK's currency.

Started off as a comedian in the 80s and was quite amusing as BFF with House, before somehow metastasising unstoppably into the nearest thing Britain has to an intellectual figurehead, thus picking up the honoured mantle of Snow, Berlin, Bronowski, Clark and Francis (Stu).

It is highly likely that Stephen Fry's rise to prominence is entirely down to Stephen Fry doing a passable impersonation of what a thick person thinks an intelligent person sounds like.

(This observation is often credited to IRL Troll Julie Burchill, but seeing as even she can't remember whether she said it or not, we're going to claim it as original. As you will see, this instance of plagiarism is entirely in keeping with the subject matter of this article).

Actually, this quote was a cliché in the 1800s, well before it was attributed to .. Albert Einstein, NOT Stephen Fry

Contents

Insanity

Fry is a bipolar and as such has tried to off himself several times, both times by attempting to drown himself in the cum of teenagers, and Stephen Fry and his millions of fanbois will undoubtedly BAWW when they read this article over Stephen Fry's unusual sensitivity and knife-edge existence. Other bipolar people get stuck on meds and shunted into the corners of society where they belong, but of course, being Stephen Fry he gets a TV series out of it.

Faggotry

Fry-ed chicken


   
 
My first words, as I was being born... I looked up at my mother and said, "that's the last time I'm coming out one of those".
 

 
 

—Stephen Fry in one of his crappy books: He later admitted that he stole this line from a friend (in fact it was an unfunny cliché of a joke among old queens before he was even conceived)

Was so tormented by his AIDS and fail that he was celibate for 100 years before finally giving in to the lure of the cawk and appointing himself spokesperson for every fag in the UK. Needless to say, he got a TV series out of it. Because obviously if there's one thing that Britain is short of, it's fat mouthy fags with USI on TV.

Is notable for his love of twinks and changes his JB boyfriends like other people change their socks, thus proving that he is like any other old fag and sorrows for the years of his repressed youth in which he was not busy sucking hot sweet teencock. Cut it out, man, you're an embarrassment and they're only after you for your money (it's certainly not your pressed-against-a-window face or for your man-titted manatee-like physique).

Has played a gayer in the crappy movie of V for Vendetta and starred as the crowned flower-queen of faggotry Oscar Wilde in a movie about Oscar Wilde, in which he played the title role. Indeed, Fry has every right to sit upon the rainbow-spangled throne of poovery since in his 20 (or is it 30? seems like fucking 50) years of never being off British TV he has paid homage to his hero's supremacy by humbly never having once said anything memorable (unless it was put in his mouth by a scriptwriter).

All his 'great lines' have been analysed by science and proven to be nothing more than the up-again-down-again ramblings of a bipolar man dressed up in big words with an occasional 'bum', 'poo' or 'silly-billy' thrown in for good measure. Oh, apart from this one:


   
 
There is nothing worse than the British in one of their fits of morality
 

 
 

—St Stephen of Fry probably on Twitter at some point in the last five years

-- which is a rip-off of this one:


   
 
We know no spectacle so ridiculous as the British public in one of its periodical fits of morality
 

 
 

—Lord Thomas Babington Macaulay: Moore’s Life of Byron, June, 1831

Gadgets

Like many other people, Stephen Fry (an Apple fanboi) is fond of gadgets. In common with most fags, the gadgets of which Stephen Fry is fondest are dildos. However, Stephen Fry is often soundly pwnt when talking about other forms of technology that he is not quite so familiar with, such as, er, email, the internet and GPS.


   
 
Any email or transaction on the internet uses what's called packet-switching, which means the information is broken up into packets, and reassembled on the other side ... But each side has to be exactly synchronised, otherwise the message is nonsense. So the caesium atomic clocks are necessary to make all this technology work.
 

 
 

—Stephen Fry explains how the internet

When it was pointed out by The Register that Stephen Fry was talking unmitigated shit, Stephen "Unoffendable" Fry said he wasn't at all upset by his epic fail being publicised widely.

To most observers, Stephen "Unoffendable" Fry's highly personal form of not being upset looked suspiciously like he was throwing an almighty wobbly, denouncing the Register as "cruel and vicious" and "frankly, evil", saying that the IT-centred website "exists merely to be nasty" and, in a burst of Wildean brilliance, calling the Register's journalist a "twat".

But unlike most other people with a shaky grasp of computers and whatnot, Stephen Fry gets to make a TV show about his love of gadgets. Because he's Stephen 'Gadgets' Fry. Ker-ching.

Drugs

TL;DW: Stephen Fry wins the Nobel Prize for Chemistry by revealing that ZOMG!!1 alcholol is an addictive drug (only taking nearly five minutes and over 9,000 syllables to do so).

Child molestation

(Not of course that Stephen Fry has actually molested a child himself. His twinky boyfriends are all legal).

In August 2013 Stephen Fry raised eyebrows when he recited a 'humorous' limerick on BBC TV about a paedo priest, during the ongoing Jimmy Savile loldrama and less than five minutes before a news programme that led on new developments in the paedo scandal sweeping Britain.

Eyebrows were raised further in June 2014 when Stephen Fry launched into a rant at a Labour Party fundraising dinner, criticising Operation Yewtree due to its treatment of his old friend Paul Gambaccini.

Reportedly, Stephen Fry based his argument on the fundamental principle of civil liberty that people are innocent until proven guilty (something his hero Tony Blair shat all over while he was PM) and called for tougher laws against people who invent claims of sex abuse.

However, Stephen Fry is obviously unaware that inventing any criminal allegation is already a prosecutable offence in English law, thus demonstrating that we can add "Law" to the vast array of subjects about which he is very well-informed.

Stephen Fry also thinks that if 14 year old girls have had sex with rock stars, they are probably proud of it and wouldn't call themselves 'victims'. Stephen Fry doesn't seem to have dropped the other shoe and realised that the 'rock stars' in question would have committed the sexual offence of 'sexual activity with a minor', but that's OK right?

Stephen Fry also thinks that people claiming to have been sexually abused shouldn't be allowed to be called 'victims' until their abuser has been convicted. So presumably the same logic applies to hitting a granny over the head with a brick and stealing her handbag -- she's not a victim until the mugger has been caught, tried and convicted, right?

As you can see, it's vital that English law be brought into line with the infallible pronouncements of Stephen Fry, before the country goes to Hell in a politically-correct handcart with children claiming to be victims just because someone's raped them and not yet been caught.

Asked whether he was ever worried that he himself might have become the object of suspicions along these lines, Stephen Fry didn't exactly give a straight answer. The closest he got to denying it was to say: "I've never groped anyone as far as I'm aware."

Religion

As stated, Stephen Fry is a sheeny but is also like many many other perfectly average people in being an atheist. Needless to say, Stephen Fry gets a TV series out of it as well as getting to cuddle up with other God-bores like Christopher Hitchens (lol, burning in Hell) and dear old Dicky Dawks -- whereas other atheifags are confined in their 24/7 search for attention to the ignorability of Youtube and Wikipedia where such dullness actually belongs.

Oh, but Stephen Fry has a sort of religious bipolar thing going on too, because he's a yid when it suits him which allows Stephen Fry to hold forth about how his love of Wagner is "tearing him apart", which is handy because he then gets to make a TV show about that too.

(The video of this programme isn't on Jewtube but is worth hunting out if you're a muso for the scene in which Stephen Fry is seen pretending to be able to read music and failing hard at it -- obviously no-one else involved in the making of the show noticed his pretence, so Stephen Fry thought he'd got away with it ... despite the fact that he could not prevent the musically-literate from watching the eventual programme, to whom it would be hilariously obvious).

And like any other snipcock fairy, Stephen Fry thinks he is supremely qualified to pontificate about the lolocaust:


   
 
Let's face it, there has been a history in Poland of rightwing Catholicism, which has been deeply disturbing for those of us who know a little history, and remember which side of the border Auschwitz was on.
 

 
 

—Stephen Fry on C4 news, October 2009

As a result of this little gem, Britain's national treasure #1 was thoroughly pwnt in the ass by the entire nation of Poland.

Oddly, when Johnny Polack made it clear how offended he was, Stephen Fry did not boldly declare: "So fucking what?" -- In fact, Stephen Fry crept quietly back to his hugbox and licked his wounds while showering in the never-ending stream of jizz splurging forth from his millions of adoring fanbois, for comfort.

Twitter

Complex theological and cosmological issues are no match for the mighty brain of Stephen Fry
Stephen Fry B.jpg

Following Stephen Fry and reading his every brainfart is a condition of joining Twitter and as such there are rumoured to be only three people left on the planet who don't know the dimensions and shade of Stephen Fry's most recent bowel movement.

Stephen 'Unoffendable' Fry has threatened to quit Twitter twice in the past, on the first occasion because there was "Too much aggression and unpleasantness around" (translation: Someone called his tweets 'boring' --srsly) and on the second because he had allegedly been misquoted by some journalist on the matter of whether or not women like sex, which he is of course uniquely qualified to judge because he is Stephen Fry.

But Stephen Fry without the adoration of millions being just a keystroke away 24 hours a day would be an impossibility, so back he came both times.

Stephen Fry responding to accusations of attention-seeking behaviour with a keenly-crafted bon mot. Dear Oscar himself couldn't improve upon it.

Stephen Fry is also noted for not having been offended by a Daily Mail article about cute boyband member Stephen Gately dying of gay, and then storming the barricades on Twitter to show exactly how unoffended he was.

As a loony leftie, Stephen "Unoffendable" Fry is in a permanent state of his personal version of being "not at all upset" by the Daily Mail's somewhat right-of-centre editorial stance. He is not upset so much, in fact, that he has seen fit to add to his website a TLDR essay about the fact that the newspaper supported British fascists and took a pro-Hitler line during the 1930s.

Obviously, this observation had never ever been made at any point in history before Stephen Fry so righteously brought it to the nation's collective attention, and is completely original and worth making.

From time to time, Stephen Fry deigns to make a wish come true for a frantically-fapping Twitter fan by answering their questions on life's imponderable mysteries, answers which are obviously not available to mere mortals lacking an open-ended contract to make TV shows based on e.g., whatever happens to be their favourite colour that week.

For instance in response to the deep, profound and deeply profound question: "Why is art so pretentious?"


   
 
Art is never pretentious. It's almost a definition. Fear and contempt of art is pretentious however. Caliban's fear of his reflection.
 

 
 

—Stephen Fry on Twitter as usual

However, Stephen Fry obviously forgot to mention that mangling a quote and not attributing it could perhaps be seen as a teensy bit pretentious.


   
 
The nineteenth century dislike of realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass.
 

 
 

Oscar Wilde (preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray (1891))

Stephen Fry may have a TV series about being on Twitter in the pipeline, only time will tell.

Radio work

For alcoholics, a recognised cure is to play the Stephen Fry/Radio Four drinking game, in which one downs a shot if 30 seconds pass without Stephen Fry being referred to, quoted or appearing as a guest. Needless to say, this never happens.

TV work

Fun fact: During the fortnight spanning Christmas 2012, Stephen Fry appeared on British TV on 189 separate occasions (not including adverts and voiceovers at c. £25k a pop).

At the moment, Stephen Fry has over 9,000 new series in the pipeline but can be found most regularly lording it over Essex-boy and tramp-nibbler Alan "I'm not violent, honest" Davies on the BBC TV show "QI", a programme that looks like it was filmed for radio and which is worshiped by millions of dullwits and Wikipedophiles across the UK as though it were the RAND corporation crossed with the fucking Brains Trust or something.

Since there is a series of this show for each letter of the alphabet, it promises to be with us until the year 2050 at least by which time Stephen Fry will own a measurable percentage of the world's total wealth as he gets >£45,000 per show. They'll be a bit fucked when they get to "X" though and will probably have to show 13 episodes of the 90-year-old Stephen Fry putting his shrivelled willy in a paper cup or something to keep the asspies awake.

All the real spadework is done by researchers (nerds refered to as "Elves", who change regularly due to being sacked off when they spurn Stephen Fry's odious drunken advances) and all Stephen Fry's many many errors of fact and random outbursts of unfunny get edited out, thus making him appear an unimpeachable intellectual colossus of the airwaves.

As yet, Stephen Fry has yet to make a TV series about being a person called Stephen Fry who makes TV series about any old shit for the money, but this can only be a matter of time. In fact, he may have already done it while I was typing this article.

Books

  • Rewriting History (subs pls check title). Someone invents a male infertility pill, travels back in time and puts it in the water supply of Hitler's home village, rendering his father infertile. So Hitler was never born! BUT oh noes, the Nazi party gets a worse leader than Hitlol and he uses the magic water of infertility to render all of Judenkind infertile, thus effecting the lolocaust more humanely -- without spending a penny. This proves that Nazis are secretly Jews. In the end the narrator and his boyf go off to live in a fabulous parallel dimension of faggotry. TL;DR: Basic Hitler time-travel shit with added AIDS.
  • The Liar. University drop-out and chronic plagiarist becomes thieving rent boy (remind you of anyone?) and at the end some shit happens and he perhaps becomes a spy or something. TL;DR nothing happens for hundreds of pages and then a deus ex machina stops it from not happening and no-one cares.
  • Mossad is my Tosspot and another volume or two of self-indulgent autobiographical crap, you'd have to pay me good money to even touch them.
  • Probably others, e.g., I think he wrote some dipshit novel "recontextualising" The Count of Monte Cristo.
  • More Fool Me (released September 2014). Another 1,000 page dose of autobiography (has such an interesting man ever existed?) Advance publicity reveals that Stephen Fry "used to" spend vast amounts of money on cocaine, and once missed meeting Robert DeNiro because he overslept. If those are the "newsworthy" highlights, you can imagine what shit the rest of it must be.

Summary

Actually, it was Thomas Jefferson who said that, not Stephen Fry

This article can only be regarded as further evidence of Stephen Fry's unstoppable progress until all the information in the world mentions him in one way or another. While you have been reading this, Stephen Fry's personal wealth has increased by at least £9,000.

See Also

External links

If you use the internet, you are never more than three clicks away from Stephen Fry, so this section is redundant.


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