StolenSidekick

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The sidekick that caused all the butthurt.

The StolenSidekick Debacle was an internet drama that erupted into civil war between the Jews and the Niggers of New York City. The fierce battle raged for at least 100 years, but the Jews eventually pwnt their darker opponents and reclaimed their Sidekick from the nigras. In true jew fashion, the commander of the jews then auctioned off the Sidekick on eBay, leading many to believe that he only started all the drama in the first place because he was doing it for the lulz.

IT BEGINS

The incident was kicked off when Jew photographer Evan Guttman was notified that one of his servant girls had left her Sidekick in the back seat of a New York Taxi. Unfortunately for her, a nigra scout was the next occupant in the cab, and upon seeing the unknown Jew technology he immediately charged his lazer and blew a hole in the side of the cab, making off with the Sidekick and bringing it back to the nigger headquarters in the Bronx so that they could attempt to replicate the technology for use by their own forces (or sell it for crack, either way).

The Sashacristal Note

The niggers had underestimated the financial power of the jews, as Commander Jew purchased a new Sidekick for his servant (after punishing her by raping her AT FULL FORCE IN THE VAGINA MOUTH AND ASS). Because the stupid niggers had actually made a grave strategic mistake by actually using the Sidekick that they stole, the Jew special forces were able to track down and pinpoint the niggers to their hideout.

The Nigger emissary to Jew York, Luis X, had given the Sidekick to his little sister and love interest, Sasha. Being the stupid nigger bitch that she is, she not only took pictures with the phone but also signed on to AIM, forgetting about the Jews' elaborate SIM card technology which would allow them to spy on every move the niggers made.

Realizing that they had fucked up big time, the niggers attempted to intimidate the Jews by sending a strategic message to their Jewmander, designed to intimidate him into surrendering. After all, who wants to fuck with a riled-up gang of gorillas with fully-charged lazers? The niggers had sent the message in their native tongue, but the talented Jew translators made a valiant effort to decrypt the message. The full text follows:


   
 
Sashacristal8905: i got ball this is my adress 555 55 55 av corona come n do it iam give u the sidekick so I can hit you wit it
 

 
 

—Nigger princess, doing what niggers do best.

The message was spread throughout the Jew forces in New York and became their rallying cry to battle against the niggers. A few hours later, Commander Jew officially declared war on the Niggers and mobilized his forces on the internets.

THE FIRST JEWSSAULT

The Jews struck immediately, using their superior technology and jew magic to locate as much personal info on the niggers as possible. They successfully trolled the niggers IRL and uncovered a goldmine of sekrit nigger intelligence (OXYMORON LOL):

Niggas runnin scared

The niggers were clearly flustered by the speed and accuracy of the Jew preemptive strike. This prompted Luis X, the nigger emissary himself, to establish one-on-one contact with Jewmander Jew. One day after the first shots had been fired, the nigger tried to be an internet tough guy. The nigger emissary realized that he was overpowered on the internet but could still attempt to intimidate the Jews with the threat of actual, physical combat. Many lulz ensued:


   
 
listen you dumb mother fucker my sister bought that phone from some cab driver so what the fuck do you want . shes not going to return it if she bought it, and am military police so dont give me that bullshit about you going to the cops over a lost phone the nypd has better things to do then to worry about your friend losing her phone. you better stop harrasing my sister or you'll have to deal with me and you dont want that
 

 
 

—Nigger emissary X, being an internet tough guy

Jewmander Guttman, however, has a degree in internet law from Bantown University, and he replied to the nigger emissary:


   
 
U got involved by emailing ME first.. I had no knowledge about u before. And me talking about your family is NOT harrassment as I was given permission by your sister and her friend to post the information. I have their permission on record. Everything on that website was public record. That's the only reason I have not posted private materials like phone numbers and addresses that people have found out. Cause a.) I am not trying to have any harm come to you or your family at your home or anywhere else for that matter b.) I wasn't supplied that information by u guys and would like to keep this matter legally in my court.

What do u guys have? A stolen Sidekick? A threat made by u via email? A threat made by your friend saying he would post my friend's pictures from the sidekick onto the internet? I have had lawyers emailing me left and right... I am in the clear here. In fact, I was offered to be escorted to the police station to file charges against YOUR family. See...u guys can stop all this.... I want a APOLOGY and the Sidekick back. That's all... Not trying to threaten u guys..not trying to harrass u guys....Just want what is right.. Everyone realizes this except u guys. Once that happens, the website with the pics and info goes down. That I promise..and as I have shown..I keep my promises... I will only write on it that the matter has been resolved.
 


 
 

—Jewmander Jew

The Jews, rallying behind the fearlessness of their Jewmander, realized that the dumb niggas were just bluffing, so they continued their assault, uncovering even more personal info and scandalolus photos of the nigger army (SEE BOTTOM OF PAGE).

Jew Special Forces Get Involved

The Jews soon decided that the best course of action would be to end the war as quickly as possible so as to avoid an opportunity for the niggers to call in black person. The Jews deployed their elite special forces unit, also known as the NYPD.

With the assistance of their special forces, the Jews made quick work of the niggers, forcing them to retreat from every strategic point in Queens. The niggers were completely outnumbered as the Jew army continued to get stronger with each passing day.

The NYPD recovered the jew artifact from the nigger emissary and returned it to its rightful owner. The jews built a base in Queens as a symbol of their victory.

Jews being Jews

After going through all the trouble to recover the Sidekick, Jewmander Jew did the honorable thing by putting the phone up for sale on eBay. Of course, he was noble about it:


   
 
We decided to sell the Sidekick on Ebay. 1/3 of the total to her, 1/3 to me, and 1/3 to a charity for helping single mothers and children.
 

 
 

—Jewmander Guttman reaping the spoils of victory

The war was a vital turning point in the shaping of modern Jew e-politics. Some argue that if the Jews had not stopped the niggers in this war, all of the internets would be a target of the nigger menace.

This victory, combined with the fact that Jews did WTC, established the Jews as the dominant people in Jew York City.

Gallery of lulz

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