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Subspace/Continuum is a shitty online version of Asteroids. It is well-known as being the first MMO, and along with Newgrounds and YTMND, it was one of the driving forces behind of the devolution of the internet into the cesspool of sick fucks, furries, and guro enthusiasts that we see today.
Subspace came about when Estonian leaders approached serf Priit Kasesalu and told him to create an online game to boost the nation's morale. Priit later described, in broken English, the terms of his assignment:
So Priit and his crack team of developers got to work taking the only game their country was able to afford, Asteroids, and attempting to turn it into an online game. They slaved for at least 100 years until they finally shat out Subspace. The game was terrible but because of the immense amount of retards on the internet, it became an instant success. Virgin Interactive Entertainment produced the game, for obvious reasons.
The premise of the game is that you control a spaceship, looking at it from a top-down view. Your goal is mainly to fly around and kill other players, but occasionally you'll have to do other things like cap the flag in a virtual dash or shoot a sphere of fire into a goal in some terrible clone of hockey.
The main draw of Subspace was that it allowed its users to create their own zones, which are different servers with different rules and settings to cater to each player's desires. As you've probably guessed, each of these zones has its own unique way of failing.
The interesting thing to note is that Subspace, much like 4chan, is divided into various social classes by its zones, the same way 4chan is divided by its various boards.
If Subspace is 4chan, Trench Wars is its /b/. This zone has the highest population of players and there are so many random arenas to play in that nobody really knows what the fuck the zone's premise is anymore. If a zone is going to invade another zone, this is where the briefing takes place.
The best way to troll someone in Trench Wars is to:
- Camp someone at the spawn point in the middle of the map.
- Get in a Weasel, turn on cloak and stealth, and fly around giving everyone headshots.
Note that some people retaliate in a strange way-- by somehow knowing where you are at all times and exclusively hunting you. In this case, turn your cloaking shit off and wait for the failure to approach, then teleport. Repeat. The dumbass will get tired of this shit after about 5 minutes and ignore you or give you more time to fuck around.
- go leviathan, attach to a terrier with a lot of people on it, wait for it to go near a wall, and fire missile into wall. Mass death and hilarity ensues
Both of these methods are guaranteed to produce many Corrupted LOLs.
Hockey Zone is where retards who are too stupid to kill another ship or capture a flag play. The only objective in Hockey Zone is to take a ball and shoot it into an oversized net. Ironically, the game is nothing at all like hockey; it's more like stabbing yourself in the face repeatedly.
Hockey Zone has a pretty long-standing league, the RSHL (Retard aSspie Hockey League). Your ultimate goal is to suck enough cock so that you can ride the bench on one of the good teams and win yourself a championship, which in Hockey Zone is known as the black person.
Hockey Zone is pretty easy to troll provided you are on dial-up or from Poorupe. Basically the more you lag, the easier it is to tank through the entire other team and score a goal. All the best players in Hockey Zone have been laggers, such as LtFlagger and Sertifi.
HOW TO WIN AT HOCKEY ZONE:
- Move to Europe
- Get dial-up
- Run every torrent and P2P program you can.
- Enter Hockey Zone
Also, get banned and then DDOS the server; you'll win every time!
Where Hockey Zone's rejects go. This zone is terrible and boring as fuck.
The best way to troll this zone is to join a full public arena and spam "SPEC FOR SMALLPUB!!!11!!!!" until lulz ensue.
Chaos Zone is the zone where all the uber-1337 Subspace players who have been around since the game was in beta play. There is a pretty tight clique of people here who constantly try to raise their zone scores in a battle of who has the bigger e-penis.
This zone prides itself as being the only zone to use the standard settings that Virgin Interactive implemented when the game was first released. The problem with this is that these settings were fucking horrible and full of fail and cancer; that's why people would rather create their own shitty zones than play in Chaos.
A fun game to play in Chaos is to get into a ranked 4 vs. 4 match and then lose all four of your ship's lives as quickly as you can. The amount of lulz this generates is inversely proportional to the less amount of time it takes you to win.
Dragon Ball Z Zone
DBZ Zone is what is referred to among Subspace players as a "Superships" Zone, which means that the zone creator opened the settings file, set every value to the maximum, then turned on the server and watched the lulz ensue.
This zone is an exercise in what it means to truly fail. If you so much as tap an arrow key, you'll go flying in some random direction and lose all control of your ship. Holding down any of the weapon buttons fires an endless stream of bombs. Of course, it doesn't really fucking make a difference because, as the name suggests, everyone has energy levels of OVER 9000. Much like the shitty anime its based on, nobody has ever died in DBZ Zone. There is no real way to troll here since the players troll themselves by playing such a shitty zone. The owner changes the format of the zone every 6 month which turns out even shittier, but who cares? No one plays this already shitty zone anyways.
Take all of the shitty zones above and combine them, and lo and behold you have Extreme Games. This zone is so bad it's not even worth writing about. If you want to know how bad it is, download the game and see for yourself. Or just cut the middle man and become an hero.
An old zone that was created by the nerdiest of people to transform a simple ship game into a gayass RPG. Its just like every other shitty zone but you actually have level ups. Each level up you get some useless skill and some HP. If you suck at aiming then your ass raped by a level 1, and the only way to not have that happen is to make it to level 100 but bout the time you make it there all your friends and family will hate you and you'll commit suicide. If you play this zone everyone will laugh at you and beat you with a bat.
When Virgin Interactive went bankrupt, Subspace went under for a while too. However, it was rereleased by Priit as Continuum, which is equally as shitty. Nothing is really different about the game, except you get updated graphics and extra skins for the main menu.
PLZ IT CAN BE OPEN SAUCE TIEM NOW?
The devoted community of weeaboos, otherkin, basement dwellers, and faggots who play this game have continually petitioned Priit to make the game open source so that they can continue its development. However, because Prick is a greedy, communist fuck, he refuses to let anyone else play with his precious sauce.
Sites to DDoS
- GetContinuum.com, where to get this shitty game.
- Subspace Central, a Subspace site.
- SubSpace Downloads, a massive collection of game-related files.
- SubSpace Base, links to zone homepages, downloads and other information about SubSpace/Continuum.
- SubSpace News, Subspace news site.
- SS Forum A widely used forum site
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