Suede Bear

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Watch out America!

Suede Bear is possibly the hardest motherfucker who ever lived. Like all wicked men he has given himself a nickname which will strike terror into the hearts of his enemies - the Teddy Bear. On the front of his LJ profile is a small piece of text:

 
 
The truth is ugly, thats why we lock our prophets up in prison.
 

 

—Charles Manson

So just like his hero, Suede Bear goes to prove that he is a misunderstood yet brave and heroic individual, just like the Nazis, Communists and Mr. Charles Manson himself.

Mr. Bear Himself

His fursona is slightly less hairy than he is.

Mr. Teddy combines everything all the sickest of the sick aspects of the furry fandom, including but not limited to:

Any normal person left in the world which have the picture of a small, sweet-looking bear cub dressed in a Nazi uniform, smoking a doobie and sitting in his own shit.

Suede Bear is also a fat faggot, an alcoholic and a drug addict as well as having a fetish for piercings and Nazi uniforms. His attempts to prove how fucking badass he is are only emphasized by the fact he also likes to pretend he's a baby bear cub and swears at anyone who dares to suggest otherwise.

It's quite possible Suede Bear will not be with us for very long. Not only is he is a heavy drinker with heart and kidney problems, his boyfriend has also left him and his father is on the verge of death. So just like TheAmazingAtheist - another bear wallowing in his own shit - he decides to declare his stupidity on the internet.

Strangely Suede Bear also claims to be a mulatto - which may explain his love of Nazism and why he's as white as the spunk splattered all over his bedsheets. But if a faggot can love a Nazi why not a black person too?

Discovery

Recently another LJ user called miriena found this big ol' bear wandering aimlessly around the internet mumbling something about watching Captain Kangaroo having an enema, and decided to post this steaming sack of lulz for the rest of the web to laugh at.

However like all the baddest, meanest, cruelest men who have ever walked the planet Suede Bear will block users who write nasty things on his journal. That'll show 'em.

How do I Spike Arms?

Recently Suede Bear has announced he wants to implant spikes in his arms down to the bone. There have been a few suggested reasons as to why he would do such a thing:

  • To scrape the shit off his furry arse
  • To slash his own throat open
  • To open the caps on his beer bottles
  • To help hang himself on his custom-made crucifix
  • To help hang onto his buddies during buttsecks

Notable Quotes

Big Bad Bear Himself

The only thing known to fuck harder than Mr. Teddy.
   
 
I know what the fuck transderal implants are called, iive been a member of bme for years and found it useless,a bunch of whiners and fuckers who go on about their ONE suspension for years on end.

Im a mullato, two soulled fuck, I truly and honestly beg for you to not be a prick right now. Mind you ive been the biggest baddest mother fucker at times thatve ever wealked the earth, dont fuck with me. My bf will eventually leav me, my fathers dying and ill unforunately live long enough to see him pass.

I want to try a quite heavy modification like this. I can see very little to lose. Like the world gives a fuck is a used car dealer has a few spikes running out his arm.
 


 
 

—We care about you enough to have your very own article.

   
 
Elvis Presley: dont shit talk me about the King while in my prescence. Ill skull fuck ya and use your bones decor-actively
 

 
 

Careful! He's gonna hurt ya! PRO-TIP: He stole this exact quote from the movie The Devils Rejects..

   
 
Those with little to lose, dont give a fuck, hon.

This is something ive dreamed of since the early nineties. Ninja Turtle type shit.

My hearts going, my kidneys are failing, i dont give a flying fuck. I filed my outer teeth already. Im going down as a 21st century psycho-fucker fag.
 


 
 

—If Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles doesn't prove he's hardcore nothing will.

Responses

   
 
Should he be nominated for the Darwin Awards?
 

 
 

—yes.

   
 
He should have been a blowjob.
 

 
 

—But that means he wouldn't win the Darwin award :(

   
 
Mr. Suede_Bear,

I think I understand where you're coming from: you're dying, your gay. Basically, life sucks. But you know what? There are millions of people suffering right now from other types of diseases like cancer and AIDS. This isn't to belittle your pain, or make you out to be some whiner who is only concerned about his own suffering. The fact is that when life gives you lemons, you find someone whose life is giving them vodka, and have a party! (Ron White said that.) You shouldn't physically punish yourself and then turn around and claim that you're living life to the fullest. Living your life to the fullest is about making each day count, to let the people who are closest to you know that you love them. Or, at the very least, learning to love yourself.

Pain sucks. Life is hard. Everyone (or at least most people) have to deal with the same crap, if not more of it.

And furthermore, what intrigues me the most is that you posted this to begin this. Did it not occur to you that people would be, uh, not quite nice about it? I think this is a cry for help, and you certainly wont find it here. This isn't the community to throw a pity-party for yourself. If you want to feel better about yourself, and your life, I do not think that drilling spikes into your body is going to achieve that.

But of course, it is your life.
 


 
 

She doesn't recognise recognize futility when it's BAWWW-ing over the internet.

   
 
Methinks he's got a hard-on for Wolverine and wants adamantium claws.
 

 
 

—But he's still doing it wrong.

   
 
I hope his boyfriend stops him from being dumb. D: Also, I'm thinking of getting my labia pierced.
 

 
 

http://apis-cerana.livejournal.com/ Sometimes the replies are better than the posts.

   
 
oh goddddddddddddd the melodrama in his replies is KILLING ME.
 

 
 

From a guy painted as a panda.

External Links

See Also


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