Superman

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Superman is the name of a Mary Sue comic book character created by two Nerds hoping to wish away their inadequacies and a sex move. (Imagine like a "Chicago sunroof", but with heat vision.) This is interesting as comic book fans have no sex and a male porn star with a coked up dick has a better chance of coming to orgasm than they do. As always on ED, when there is more than one subject to be discussed in a single article, we discuss the subject that the majority of our readers will concern themselves with first. Every actor who's played Superman has been pwned in some way or another. Coincidence? You be the judge.

The character was born as Kal-El on the planet Krypton and put into a Rocket by his Daddy Marlon Brando who wanted to get rid of him because he was sure the kid wasn't his and they were to advanced to have thought of Maury Povich; when he came to Earth and started flashing his baby dick for all the pedophiles in the audience he became known as Clark Kent. Whatever, he's still an alien freak horse-rapist and eater of man-scrotum. Some would call him a dick, and others would call him a faggot. Still others would call him a sucker of foreskins, but they are Jew anyway.

Superman (The Character)

Welcome to Earth...

Superman is a character created by a couple of Nazis Jews to glorify the White race but was later turned into an allegory for the Jew and the loss of their homeland and being forced to integrate into a world that is not theirs by later, more progressive writers. IRL, Superman is Clark Kent, a mild-mannered newspaperman who looks exactly like Superman, except he wears glasses, a strap-on and parts his hair on the opposite side. In reality, he is Kal-El, the last survivor of some planet that blew up at least 100 years ago before, much like Illegal Mexicans, there were more Kryptonians than you could shake a stick at like Supergirl and General KNEEL BEFORE Zod. Like many landed immigrants, he crashed on US-soil in a small metallic escape pod from space and forgot to apply for citizenship, but they still let him vote. His brothers are Sonny and Michael Corleone & Tom Hagen, as his father was Vito Corleone. The name Superman comes from the German word "Ubermenschen" which was a Nazi term for the SUPERMEN, or the Aryan race]]. Superman's arch rival is Lex Luthor, a bald American-CEO and all-round rich bastard; it's almost like Jesus Christ taking on Wall-Street. As with the character of Batman, Superman is to stupid to realize that simply killing his enemy would solve the problem.

Also, Superman is gay and has homosexual relationships with his editor, a photographer boy, his archenemy Lex Luthor, and Batman. (Ya know, Batman would raep his butler if it brought his mommy and daddy back to life. Wait, where were we?) Superman also has a line of softcore pr0n films that co-star Aquaman.

The most interesting period of Superman's comics was the late 1950s and early 1960s, when the Nazis had been replaced with writers who were taking illegal drugs long before it was popular. The editor, who took the most drugs of any of them, was infamous Julius Schwartz. Under his guidance, DC Comics constantly cranked out comics that were always either awesome, stupid, or awesomely stupid. Making fun of these comics has become popular recently on teh internets, especially on Superdickery.

A large number of the people Superman knows have the initials LL, which means that they are lesbians. Yes, LESBIANS. One example is Lois Lane, an attention whore who pretends to be Superman's girlfriend but in all probability wouldn't love him if he had no powers. In reality, she's having sex with her rival Lana Lang. Lex Luthor qualifies as a lesbian even though he is a gay-man as he secretly writes fanfic. Fanfic lesbians know that Luthor is one of them. Since Smallville, lesbians have started have been obsessed with Luthor having sex with Superman in the ass.

Superman (The Sex Move)

The Superman is a sex move where you fuck a girl and then throw her out of a window; Quasidan tried posting this on Wikipedia and it got deleted faster than a speeding bullet. If you want to see a "superman" move, just try asking your mom, or her niggah manslave.

Superman in Second Life

Gene Turnbow, who plays Second Life, believes he is Superman and has adopted the identity of Kal El.

Rule 63'd

Superwoman is similar to Superman, only her kryptonite is penis.

The Death and Return of Superman

DC has killed him off and brought him back to life so many times, he might as well be Tom Preston. Or a GTA character with bleached skin. Whatever, he's teh ghey niggah.

Notes

  • Lesbian comic book readers have less sex than male comic book readers.
  • The aforementioned point is retarded, negative numbers are not real numbers.
  • Technically the aforementioned point is true as having negative amounts of sex results in other people around you having sex with anyone you try to approach.
  • The aforementioned point is pointless.
  • The aforementioned points are both valid as negative sexual numbers always leave ALL lesbians in a constant state of asking for it. Nature abhors a vacuum and like a black hole of cock this leaves them in a constant state of waiting to be raped.
  • Lesbian comic book readers spread their anti-male propaganda on Yahoo role playing chat rooms.
  • THERE IS NO SPOON. THERE IS NO RED PILL. YOU DO NOT HAVE GENITALS.

Gallery

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Also see

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Superman is part of a series on:
Comic Books

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Featured article December 4, 2005
Preceded by
Vampire
Smallville Succeeded by
George Bush doesn't care about black people