From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Switzerland (also Confédération Suisse, Schweizerische Eidgenossenschaft, Jüdischen Raubgold Shhh!, Confederazione Svizzera) is where Europe and wealthy people everywhere like to keep their cold hard cash (laundered) and priceless artwork (looted).
When they are not making sweet, sweet love to those bars of golds, the citizens of Switzerland spend the rest of their time making chocolate, manufacturing wristwatches, skiing during two-hour lunches, begging rich people not to take their money out of Swiss banks, colliding protons with lead ions without first reading the manual, and applying for patents.
- Swiss people are a combination of German, French and Italians. But they won't admit it.
- Switzerland at one point and time was the leading exporter of mercenaries, mutant wigger jock reptile soldiers who kill without conscience and whose descendants are the modern American Marine Corps.
- Switzerland was embarrassingly conquered and occupied by France, led by Napoleon Bonaparte, for about 15 years.
- Switzerland's location is secret, this is to prevent Jews ever managing to get their Jew gold back, and to keep the foreigners out.
- One-third of Swiss people own guns, in case the European Union or Jews find them.
- Even though there are so many guns in Switzerland, more people die from alpine horn-related injuries.
- The Swiss have enough bunkers to put the Führer to shame. Seriously.
- All secret policies and documents are kept in Switzerland; this is to prevent the liberal media revealing them.
- Swiss people learn martial arts, which they use to protect the Pope from tourists with rabies.
- When faced with the idea of change, liberalism, or foreign ideas, the Swiss turn to their government to fix such problems (See SVP)
- After 10 years of construction and scaring the shit out everyone, the Swiss finally turned on the Death Star in 2008 and nuked Alderaan.
- They hate Mexicans because even Mexicans think they are lazy fucks.
- They hate minarets and successfully banned all Muslims from the country.
- They are, not to the same extent as Europe's other mongrel country Belgium, pedophiles. Roman Polanski is their mascot and that's why they won't extradite him.
- They preserve Nazi culture far more efficiently than the decadent ex-Axis-Powers Italy and Germany, taking the lead in intercontinental pedophile trips e.g. to Kenya, defending the Nazi dogma that abusing non-whites is not equal to abusing human beings .
Switzerland's Plans for World Domination
Switzerland has subtly colonized the world better than any other major European power. The Swiss's clandestine imperialistic subtle super-genius agenda to rule the world has been going on for a very long time. The arch-rival, nemesis and natural born mortal enemy of Switzerland is none other than Austria, their asshole molesty neighbors, led by Prime Minister Herr Josef Fritzl. All Swiss agree that all other white dominated countries, except Switzerland are really all just a bunch of White trash assholes that can't organize anything resembling a Confederacy worth a shit.
The one non-white country and only country period resembling anything like Switzerland is the Confederated Grand Ronde Tribes that no one worth a shit reading this is likely to give a fuck about. Anyways, they deserve an honorable mention here because these Injuns use the same super ingenuity to loot jew gold with their Spirit Mountain Casino a lot like the Swiss do. Also, a lot of Aryan fags running this site who jack off like monkeys will appreciate that fact.
Like any other conquest for world domination, there are many different tentacles coming from the same sea beast, all trained and highly organized in their own separate special talents in world domination. Some lawful, some chaotic, some neutral, some good, and some evil. (But all chocolate.)
Every Swiss Canton has its own separate tactical special forces team with seemingly conflicted interests, butt their system is still way better organized than any intelligence operation anywhere else worldwide. Which Canton or corner of the galaxy each team originated from is completely unknown except the fact that they all share a common interest. As one Swiss Sith Lord put it. It's all "For the glory of the Swiss empire". This article names a few of the major obvious Swiss Special operation Agencies:
One faction of subtle Swiss expansion is "Golden Harvest Seeds". "Golden Harvest Seeds" was originally a colony of Mennonites. Mennonites are Swiss immigrants posing as pacifists completely out of their Alpine habitat in low-elevation flat bum-fuck Midwestern United States, based out of Illinois, butt has since expanded everywhere else in the world, even into outer space, finally sealing their pan-Swiss solidarity many generations later with the Syngenta corporation merger. Another faction of subtle Swiss Expansion is the invention of LSD. An offshoot of the invention of LSD is Gary Gygax, a known pure Swiss immigrant, Swiss nationalist, and Spy spreading Dungeons and Dragons everywhere liberating the minds of children from Americunt television and public schools everywhere. And yet another Swiss imperialist is H.R. Giger, co-founder of the Large Hadron Collider.
Moar Swiss videos
Switzerland's Weapons of Mass Destruction
Every Swiss man serves in the army, and Swiss women may also serve if they feel belligerent enough. Catholics (males only) who are flexible, hairless power bottoms serve in the Pontifical Swiss Guard in the Vatican. At the age of 16 most Swiss boys are given a SIG SG 550 assault rifle so that they can practice shooting foreigners, especially Jews.
Unlike loser countries Iran and North Korea, Switzerland develops working nukes at the CERN (IRL Black Mesa) without the need to fear any repercussion from the UN and the IAEA. C'mon, you didn't believe a program that cost many billion dollars will just be there to deserve science, right?
The LHC produces everyday enough antimatter, also known as the Rolls-Royce of nuclear weapons, which allows Switzerland to be a serious competitor amongst USA and Russia in terms of nuclear firepower. The Swiss, supposedly neutral in all the world's wars, now have the ability to pwn the whole planet (and they don't even have Asians to help with the science). They need the LHC to troll everyone because of the complete faggotry of the Swiss army itself (see photo).
Switzerland's Doomsday Device
Switzerland has the potential to decide the fate of this world: The LHC itself, and its previous version, the LEP, has the ability to destroy this world according to a secondary protocol, overriding the LHC's safeties to collide only neutrons. Suicide being commonly accepted in the Swiss culture.
If they can't run this world's economy anymore, if the global crisis, war, revolution affects Switzerland in any way, they can just basically turn it off: a special Swiss military division is required by their federal government to seize the CERN's installations, killing everybody on sight and activate the doomsday device.
World's Longest Tunnel
After nearly 20 years of construction, the Swiss finally got around to finishing work on what is now the world's longest tunnel, clocking in at 94 miles (151km). To celebrate this occasion, the swiss performed a bizarre play as seen below:
About half of Switzerland's area is mountainous. This poses both threats and benefits to the population as it is hard to reach those regions. Obvious benefit is the fact that it allows the swiss to hide from foreign invaders. One of its negative aspects though, is the fact that it allows the Swiss to hide whether they are being threatened or not. Since all Swiss people are racist and xenophobe, they always choose to hide in the mountains and never get out, forcing them to have a jolly isolated communities.
Cities in Switzerland
Most Swiss cities are small redneck mountain towns.
Three of them, however, are big and civilized enough to attract Jew gold.
First being Zürich, with an estimated population of 340,000
Second one would be Geneva, holding a population of about 200,000. Since there are only foreigners living in Geneva and everybody speaks French, it is not really part of Switzerland. The Swiss in Geneva burned down a synagogue for the lulz in 2007.
Switzerland was created by German, French and Italian religious forest types who decided to run a country together. This has given Switzerland the gifts of Italian courage, French wisdom and German efficiency. Also well-known attributes are the Italian narcissism e.g. most Switzers won't marry because they feel that masturbation is fine; French arrogance, because even though the Cold War is over they still build bomb shelters, although who can blame them when the Jews want their money back, and German unfriendliness, because even if you help your neighbor when their car breaks down they still will not say thank you and stare at you when you pass them as if they've never seen you before. As well they will stare at you as if you're a pedophile out to get their kids.
Switzerland is largely considered neutral. This means they banked gold from the Jews during World War II, and also banked large quantities of Jewish dental gold for the Nazis. They also enjoy storing money for dictators, so they can continue to be rich and beautiful in exile.
Switzerland is best known for dealing "discreetly" in money so the "investor" has to pay nothing on it. This is thought to be used by Jews and the Pope as both are well known to hide money to fund their secret plots, like hiding children in basements for their discreet pleasure. For the Jews, this involves the funding of terrorism and the Pope uses it to plot for the expansion of the Vatican City.
Switzerland is also the home to the invention of absinthe. They also were the first to make it illegal because they felt a man killed his family from drinking it.
Also they're moralfags
Like Canada, the Swiss don't really have their own culture; rather, they steal from other cultures. The two things the Swissies have as a national claim to fame is the language of Swiss German (which is not to be confused with real German. Swiss German is much like Quebec French, or Newfie English), and their nationwide unsociable behavior. Do not expect any smiles or small talk from this group of people unless you have embarrassed/injured yourself, or they are about to embarrass/injure you.
The Swiss hardly ever smile due to the fact that when God created the Earth, He forgot to give the Swiss people smiling muscles, therefore they walk around looking very gloomy, it is also a common known fact that at birth Swiss children have a 40-centimetre black rubber dildo shoved up their ass to prevent any laughter or smiles and compliment God's error.
The Swiss claim to speak four languages, these being German, French, Italian, and Romansh, although it is a well-known fact that nobody speaks more than one fluently. This leads to delicious trolling IRL when two people are from the opposite sides and one can't speak the language of the other. Elsewhere, lulz usually ensue because both Swiss German and Swiss Italian are ridiculed by real Germans and Italians.
Remember those core phrases for basic interaction with your average Swiss person. The legal drinking and tender lovemaking age is 16 in Switzerland.
- Do you want to hang out with me? - Ich bin Chaschte
- How are you? - Bisch du schwul?
- Wanna have a drink with me? - Wieviel choschtisch pro stund?
- Where's the next hotel? - Wo isch s nögschte KaZet?
- This story of yours is very relevant to my interests! - Figg dini muetter, du hueresohn!
- You are a nice person! - Du bisch än schnäbichätscher!
- I admire your intellect - Bisch ä dumms möngi
Switzerland has a raging social stigma against foreigners. The Swiss are afraid and opposed to foreign ideas, languages, and cultures; any tourists daring to approach Swiss citizens should be fully prepared for the Swiss army knifing they'll receive. Like in Germany, France, and Italy, almost none of them speak English (often pronounced "Muuuuuughhhhehhgh"), they'll derive great pleasure watching your abortive attempts to combine a woeful lack of German, French or Italian with frantic charades as you try desperately to ask where the nearest Large Hadron Collider is. And then knife you, obviously. This is due to the fact that after 10 million years of incest Switzerland has only opened its borders in the last 50 years, allowing flocks of Bosniaks, Croatians, Macedonians, Portuguese, Serbs, Spaniards, Turks and vengeful Jews into their country; all these groups are commonly known as "Yugos" (as in, "You go back to where you came from, cunts.")
Youth in Switzerland
Since Switzerland is still partially in the 1980s, almost all kids will have faggot piercings in their ears, which usually come with some crappy five pound earring. The concept of "Gangsta" has only reached Switzerland in the last three years, and since TV other than incest porn doesn't exist the Switzers don't know that "gangsta" or faggot German rappers such as "Bush-fucker-ido" are "out". They insist on wearing round baseball caps that are usually pink and look fucking gay. They wear their jeans down to their knees and try to skateboard, but instead the years of incest kick in and they start yodeling.
Laundering moneyHonest, trustworthy banking
- Caran d'Ache pens (to write account numbers)
- cheese, chocolate
- Incest porn
- Jew soap
- Odontological gold mining