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Sword Art Online
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Sword Art Online, also known as sword fart online, my little teenage power fantasy, sordo artu onrain or shit wank online, is a "light novel" written by a chink known as Reki Kawahara, which later got adapted into an anime.
In The Beginning
When Reki was a 13 year old boy he was often bullied in school for being an autistic retard, and thus he spent a good deal of time alone in his room. Since internets didn't exist at the time, he was forced to do boring things like read books, collect stamps or capture pokémon.
One day, having nothing better to do, Reki decided he would put time and effort into writing a deviantART-tier novel.
In 2012, he conjured the abomination up from the deep grimy pits of his mom's basement and begged several producers to adapt his work into an anime, after sucking several cocks for the CEOs of a Japanese company named abec, he finally got his way.
Plot
The story follows an emo nerd named Kirito, who lives in Japan in the year 2022, there is a massive hype about a Virtual-Reality MMORPG called Sword Art Online being released on the NerveGear; a virtual-reality console that puts the user in a hyper realistic 3D environment.
On release date, Kirito is playing the game, after 4 hours of gameplay he realizes the game is absolute shit and that he just wasted good money that he could instead have used to buy the also-newly-released Half Life 3 on steam, but as he is about to log off and put the game on the shelf forever, he sees that there is no option to log off.
That is when the Game creator summons every player to the world spawn to bring out the news that they can't log off unless they beat every boss in the game, and if you die in game you don't respawn, you die IRL.
After at least 100 episodes (of which only 3 have actual plot progression), Kirito predictably defeats the final boss and wakes up from his gaming comatose, the first thing he does is to try and locate his internet gf. He succeeds in doing so, but she hasn't waked up from her comatose because an evil Japanese businessman is keeping her trapped in his virtual sex dungeon and plans to fuck her IRL, Kirito again sets out on a journey to prove his manhood.
It actually is as boring as it seems.
Characters
- Kirito: The author's shameless self-insert of a protagonist, you know this guy is srs bznz because he wears black clothes and has a hueg sword, he is completely devoid of any personality. Despite being a quiet guy who plays vidya all day, he gets hordes of wimminz wanting to suck his dick, giving teenagers the impression that they too, do not need confidence, or even an interesting personality, to get laid.
- Asuna: Kirito's bitch, at first she seems like generic tsundere, but in the latter half of the series she becomes a giant attention whore for apparently no reason other than wanting to fuck Kirito, she is also in an arranged marriage with Sugou.
- Klein: Typical highschool fuckup who goes to /v/, he only gets around 10 minutes of screentime for the duration of the series so he plays absolutely no role whatsoever and is there only for comic relief.
- Agil: A huge fucking nigger who found his way to the internet, he Miraculously doesn't die during the first episode.
- Sugou/Oberon: In real life, he is nothing more than your average hard-working Japanese man, but In videogames, he is a game admin and appear as a fairy, letting his true sexuality come forth, he keeps Asuna trapped in his dungeon and is hell bent on fucking her, despite his obvious sexual preferences, and he is always horny. Kirito eventually manages to defeat him using h4x, he then tries to fight Kirito IRL but fails because he got stabbed in the eye in-game and therefore his vision is blurred.
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