SysOps (also known as cyber pigs, system operators, admins, oradministrators) are overzealous, drama-loving ex-nazis with the extreme case of USI. They are power-hungry fuckfaces who are known to rape a thin skin for vandalizing their beloved articles. Those sysops in particular are set by their own master for the ultimate purpose; destroying the Earth just for the lulz. Some argue that the SysOps are secretly devoted their lives of trolling millions of Internet users worldwide without the risk of being B&, or V&. These nigger-hating, jew-slaughtering monsters carry on their glorious tasks that amount to banning a shithead, eating pocky for both breakfast, lunch, and dinner, cos-playing as Chris-Chan, imitating as furries, ponyfags, weeaboos, having gay secks, and talking about shit nobody cares about.
How do I become sysop?
Most people think to become a sysop generally you would have to be a good poster, or show how much of a completely non gay person you are by following the rules and setting an example for other nice-hearted people. Or maybe you are secretly tested through triggered events and chosen on how much lulz you provide.
- WELL UNFORTUNATELY FAGGOT YOU ARE 100% WRANG.
Unless you were written in the holy staff book, in order to become a sysop on ED, you had to do things the old fashioned way. In other words, SUCKING GOOD OL' THROBBING FULLY ERECT PENISES!
Why that you ask? Well other than the fact that it feels fucking good to get your cock sucked, it also felt quite the opposite for it's victims. Most moderators report having sore throats, irremovable semen on their face, and constant bleeding from the anus weeks after the suck fest, but still they agree that the unendurable pain is what undeniably trained them into becoming a full fledged pig fucker.
Will this way of becoming mod ever change on ED? NO, because most importantly it's tradition. Indeed, it all started back on February 3rd, 1943, just 20 years after the creation of ED, that the blue whale's wiki had become very popular with the US, as it was the only site to provide 100% PURE LULZ. Though the 300 pound sack of blubber was starting to face some problems caused by the increased growth of users, which caused more attackers and vandalism.
It was obvious she needed some security, and lucky for her millions of people applied. Cause seriously, back in those times, people dreamed about working in ED, and now since they had the chance, why wouldn't they take it? BECAUSE OF THE INTENSE FUCKING TORTURE. Those who applied were sent to training camps, in which they went through various psychological tests of their own sanity, strength, and weaknesses not seen again since MK Ultra. Their asses were ripped apart and bruised, their throats were penetrated continuously, their nostrils were indulged in semen, their ears were raped with giant 15 ft nigtanium dildo's, their eye sockets were jammed deep inside the back of the head by the constant clacking of the hairy, iron balled, testicles. Honestly, no hole went a bare second without getting fucked to pieces.
By the end of the 1940's (6 years before the cruel betrayal of the over weight blubber sack) Blue Whale had killed more than 72 Million people in its camps, that's more than Hitler and Stalin killed combined. Though fortunately, out of the millions of deaths, some of the subjects passed and became moderators. (Some mods were chosen before the camps with the staff book, and some were chosen after the betrayal of the sack of whale blubber).
Now with that history lesson in mind, it is pretty clear that after the FAT BITCH ate her way out of ED, and shat a new gayer one, that the tradition was sort of changed, in a way where you don't have to go through that terrible camp to become admin now, but instead just suck a few cocks.
How to deal with an ED SysOp
Protip: To troll a SysOps, shoot at him until he dies:
n'tbe a complete and total idiot.
n'task for something that can be found somewhere else.
- Simply say "Fuck The Sysops" and leave without reason.
- Start a war between the SysOp to gain full anarchy on ED.
THE SHAMEFUL TRUTH OF SYSOPS
Believe it or not, sysops are just pussies hiding behind colored usernames and ban hammers. Many consider them being two times as fat and lazy than the regular user on the internets, and over 10, FUCKING TEN times lonelier. Banning, one of their sexual fetishes, comes from a lack of outside and oxygen, as even the most pathetic faggots go out in the fresh air at least one time a year. Unfortunately, sysops were too busy protecting their shitty wiki to go outside and see real life.
To cope with this, around the 1960's James Hoffmen, a professor at the EDF2 Academy of Lulz and Faggotry (The original EDF Academy of Lulz and Faggotry was destroyed when their leader, Blue Whale, moved their home into some gay new one called Ohinternet Fagcademy) created a real life simulator, which allowed fat fucks to finally experience how real life could have felt like without having to move their hands from their penis. It was very successful and eventually led to CODE: LOLITOUCHLIGHT in 1974, somewhat of an add-on to the original real life simulator. Basically, sysops could now simulate anime as if it were a simulation of real life, which meant they could finally rape a young loli in REAL TIME!
Though later regular internet users became jealous of their power and generally wanted some of the action too, so they hired Ken Fraikoshi, an expert [email protected], in 1977. Days later, Ken hacked the SYSTEM and gained the codes which allowed regular internet users to have the same abilities as mods themselves. Sysops tried to patch the problem, but the hole was way too big to fix. Soon, knowing this couldn't go on any longer without causing utter butt rape, all the sysops met together in a secret location hidden underground to try find a solution to this breach of code in 1981.
Master Zaignut, and the rest of the pigfuckers (a term that had been inv3nted by the reg's a few months before this meeting) created the MOD HAMMER, which in simple terms gave them the power to ban mods only who had not been in the staff book. What is this staff book you ask? Well it was a list of people who were chosen to be sysops since birth written inside a book created in 1922, a year before ED was created. Internet users who gained the codes to have the same privileges as regular sysops, were still not written in this book, which allowed them to get UTTERLY PWNED. Yes, indeed soon after the invention of the MOD HAMMER, the chosen sysops smashed every single forced one back to their original status (FAGGOT), and released a patch that fixed the glitch in the system, which all users had to download to connect to the internets (THEY HAD NETS BACK THEN, EXCEPT IT WAS SUPA SEKRET NETS). To this day no one has dared to challenge the power of the fat, faggot, disgusting pig fucking mods.
Contacting a SysOp
- Find them on their talk page
- Get on IRC
- Several SysOps are also highly active on the Forums - DO IT FAGGOT
- Search for them on LinkedIn, they are actually stupid enough to list their "work" at ED there. Pay money to send them mail.
- Encyclopedia Dramatica's ED Sysops Active Duty Roster.
- Attention whore
- The Encyclopedia Dramatica Jews
- WHY IS THEY AN SYSOPS?
- He does it for free
- Taking Down ED
|SysOp is part of a series on Language & Communication|
|Featured article August 9 & 10, 2013|