Tabris Macbeth

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When you check your e-mail to find over 100 e-mails worth of mailing list drama, understandably you would be irritated and probably delete every one of them that wasn't from an admin without reading a word of it. Afterward, you would unsubscribe. But wait, you're still getting 200 e-mails worth of mailing list drama. After two more unsuccessful attempts and 40 more e-mails, you would have two options: Get an admin to unsubscribe you, or send out a mail full of butthurt and spam threats to the entire mailing list and earn yourself an ED article in the evening. This lolcow chose the wrong answer.

I got benned

Trollin Attempts

 
 
I got a theory about this list. See, when you sift through ED, you'll notice two things: It's only funny when it's pointing out the truth (well, so long as it's never about themselves, 'cus when you make fun of ED, that's crossing the line!) and there's a bunch of internet nobodies you've never heard of. My theory the average ED editor is such a profound loser that he can't be bothered to think up anything clever, or witty, or satirical by the dictionary definition of the word (or do anything of actual signifigance(sic) with their lives, for that matter), so they piss off whoever happens to get within reach so they write up some dumbass article full of racial and homophobic slurs. That shit's edgy, yo. Lulz and whatnot.

"Oh, Tabby! You're just cranky 'cus your inbox is being constantly flooded with messages you don't give a rat's ass about!" True, voice in my head, true. But I've tried retrieving my password once and tried getting off this damned list three times, and clearly that ain't workin', so here's what gonna happen: I'm gonna try to unsubscribe to this crap one more time, then I'm spamming you assholes with whatever shit I feel like harassing you with until I get taken off this damned list. We'll see how you like it until you figure out how to filter your email and eliminate my minor annoyances! THE DAY IS MINE NOW!
 


 

—-Tabris

The Butthurt That Provoked It All

 
 
I've barely been registered for a few hours (if even that long), and I already have some whiny punk flexing their muscles at me. The punk in question is "ShitsSoCash", some illiterate 13 year old boy who banned me for this reasonable and detailed reason:

"holy fuck how did your shitastic edits slip under the radar take a few days off faggot."

Well, curses and damnation! All those few hours of editting unfunny entries that were official labelled as unfunny, ruined! Damn you, you clever bastard! (shakes fist)

I'm kinda guessing I made his peepee go ouchies because I either made better edits than his (I've been mostly staying in the "Crap" category, so I doubt I'm ruining anyone's masterpieces) or- and gosh darn it, I think this is why- I called out a good 90% of ED editors by pointing out that using racism, anti-Semitism, and homophobia a million times isn't "edgy", nor is repeating a bunch of tired old memes "clever". I did it for the sake of humor, of course, and I know I only did it in the "Crap" entries, 'cus they're...y'know, crap. But I still got banned because apparently- and oh, the sweet, sweet irony- one of the guys running Encyclopedia Dramatic got the butthurt! Yeah, rather than just not be a huge douche bag and just re-edit the edits I made for spiteful amusement, I got banned! This shit's what you make ED entries about!

I'm not asking for my ban to be lifted (despite it being total and utter bullshit). Hey, the only reason I signed up is because the Beyblade entry fucking sucked and needed a serious injection of not-suck. No, I'm asking that someone slaps that little bastard upside the head, and either tell him get a fucking sense of humor or kick his punk ass off the staff! If this guy's the typical staff member, Encyclopedia Dramatica is in serious danger of becoming what it makes fun of.
 


 

—-Tabris butthurt over a 3 day block

And nothing of value was lost

This isn't extensive, but it should give you an idea of the mind in question. It is also a fine example of what not to do on ED.

A Little Background

When I first stumbled upon Tabris' email I was only partially amused by his faggotry. It wasn't until other members of the mailing list started utilizing their investigative skills that the true scope of utter fail that is Tabris Macbeth was realized.

Let Me Tell You A Tale

Making shitty edits on ED was apparently not Tabris' first foray into the field of creative writing. He also gets joy and fulfillment out of writing tl;dr fanfics about the Teen Titans. Some of the topics covered in these Ann Rice-esque piles of shit include showering, sex, masturbation, internet porn, and some bitch named Raven. Raven seems to be the focus of most of his works which leads one to wonder if Tabris might have a bit of a crush. Here is a lovely excerpt of the creative genius that is Tabris:

 
 
Beast Boy could kick himself for having that water drinking contest with Cyborg. He should have known something was up, and now- at 2 am- he was dragging his tired, full bladdered self to the bathroom. And as if someone wanted to add insult to injury, the door was locked.

"Oh, c'mon! It's the middle of-" He heard soft moaning on the other side of the door. "Wha? Terra? You in there?" There was a gasp. "Oh, uh, hold on! Almost done!" After the sounds of flushing and running water, the door open. "You're up pretty late, BB." "Mm. Pee tank's full." Beast Boy muttered as he shambled into the bathroom. Terra sighed in relief. He didn't suspect a thing. Her hands were clean now, but they still felt dirty. Worse still, the urge hadn't left her. It made her feel sick, but she felt like she had to it out of her system. She had tried to resist, but that disgusting urge wasn't leaving her alone. She found herself staying up whole nights, thinking about relieving the pressure building up down there. She thought she could just slip a finger inside and be done with it. After a month and a half, she discovered it was only a temporary solution. A solution that Beast Boy had interupted. She returned to her room. She had to finish the job.
 


 

So Ronery

It can be a cold and lonely world out there for those whom have no one significant other to share their lives with. Not surprisingly, Tabris happens to be one of those poor, broken souls listlessly moving about desperate to find someone to fill the emptiness in his heart. Willing to try anything, Tarbis opened himself up an okcupid account in hopes of scoring some internet cooz. However thare is just one small problem; being the gigantic asshat he is, Tabris thought it would be a good idea to include a variety of subjects in his profile which are not conducive to attracting those of the opposite gender. Some of these subjects include stalkers, rape, Oblivion, Encyclopedia Dramatica, his "heart of darkness," having "cat eyes," violent video games, anime, cartoon porn, getting his blood drawn, RPGs, and being anti social. Also, his writing generally comes off as being pretentious, slightly delusional, and possibly megalomaniac. Enjoy all that pussy you're not going to get you arrogant fuck.

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Tabris okcupid.jpg

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