Taco Bell

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Appearing in a ghetto neighborhood near you, Taco Bell is well-known for its cheap food and even cheaper restrooms, usually occupied by fat people who have just downed their sixth Chalupa and are getting ready to give the restaurant five more via the commode mode. Even so, Taco Bell is butthurt over the fact that the big three of fast food restaurants (McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's) are well known for producing better food, better service, and hiring less spics than said restaurant (even if the food is still crap. Srsly, don't buy it). Using anything, including a commie chihuahua and the Illuminati, Toxic Hell will do whatever they can to get their rat meat into your stomach.

Origins

Typical Taco Bell customer.

Taco Bell was founded sometime between 1954 and 1955 by a fat ass fuck named Glenn Bell. Of course, back then it was called Taco Tia, "tia" meaning "aunt" in spicspeak, and featured a fat red woman with a double chin and a smile. After all, that's all anyone wants to think about when they're eating tacos. Bell sold the small Californian chain a few years later and opened up the first true Taco Bell in 1962. People were amazed at how cheap the food was. But what they didn't know is the food was truly cheap. Think about it. You can hide anything in a taco. Thus the chain continued to expand.

Failed New logo

In 1978, Pepsi bought Taco Bell because soda just wasn't selling enough for them. The capitalist pigs continued to expand the restaurant, placing more non-Mexican food on the menu and building the fast food joint in various airport terminals, bus stops, malls, and other places where the white man did his business (except for bus stops and the white house. That's black man territory). The thought was Americunts are stupid enough to believe if it sounds cultural enough, it will be bought by fat people and liberal fucktards, as well as be supported by republican nazis who like corporations running America. They were right. Taco Bell exploded in the 1980's and 1990's and continued to grow with the arrival of mascots, rap stars, and various other failed promotions.

Taco Bells can now be spotted alongside many Pizza Huts, Long John Silvers, and Kentucky Fried Chicken, because all four chains are owned by the same company, PepsiCo. It should be noted that if one spots any two of these stores side by side, they should avoid it at all costs, as two of these fast food joints put together equal a Spics grocery store.

Menu

Think outside the bun

Comprised mainly of rat, raccoon, and just about anything that can't traditionally outrun a Mexican, (including other Mexicans), the menu features pretty much anything under two bucks. But, did you know that ingesting large quantities of rat could be bad for your health? Truth be told, Taco Bell is one of the worst things a human being could eat, besides fried chicken and cornbread, of course. Srsly, one Gordita runs about 560 calories, 33g of fat, and 44g of carbohydrates. Compare that to the McDonald's Big Mac, which is about twice the size of a Gordita, and comes in at 540 calories, 29g of fat, and 45g of carbohydrates. No wonder "Gordita" is actually spicspeak for "little fat chick". And no wonder America is so fucking fat anyway. Looking up and down the menu reveals just how bad the food is for you. Actually, it is healthier to eat at Burger King or McDonald's than Taco Bell. The reason? Most people will buy one Big Mac or maybe two junior Whoppers when they dine out. Likewise, most people will buy 3-4 different types of tacos if they decide to go to Taco Bell. The bottom line in all of this: just eat a fucking carrot if you're hungry, tubby.

But is Taco Bell created from grade D meat? Sources say yes. If anyone has worked at Taco Bell, or had a friend, ex-girlfriend, or known someone else who has worked there, they'd know the meat comes in cube-form surrounded by a clear gel packed inside a bag that washes off in hot water most of the time. But the USDA doesn't give out grades for its meat. Instead, it gives them nice names to go along with it. The bottom rung of meat consists of the categories canned, cutter, and commercial. Taco Bell's meat? Canned, cutter, and commercial. The USDA does give out Yield Numbers for their meat, however, with one being the highest and five being the lowest. Taco Bell doesn't have to disclose their meat's Yield Number, though many believe it's four or five.

Taco Bell Customers

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You and Taco Bell take-aways

Many people actually eat at Taco Bell despite the knowledge of their food being complete and utter shit. Usually, a Taco Bell will have the following living organisms inside:

  • Lesbians that mistake it for something other than a regular taco restaurant.
  • Weeaboos that finally decide to get off of their anime-fapping asses and disregard the ramen noodles for once. No pocky for you!
  • Niggers who talk to themselves.
  • Women who talk about feminist bullshit.
  • Gamers who are getting a score for tonight's Wii tornament.
  • Spics who are lost and figure more spics will congregate there to help them.
  • Prostitots who will one day lose their metabolism, becoming trailer trash.
  • Fags who think the place is hip and can't afford Chipolte.
  • Sick fucks looking for said prostitots.
  • Drunken whores hoping to get tacos for sex.
  • Fat People
  • 13 year old boys with nothing better to do on a Friday night.
  • Rats. See link, asspie.
  • Parasites, such as AIDS and herpes.
  • Other various animals rooting around in the dumpster out back.
  • Retards running the cash register.
  • More wetbacks not wearing gloves, picking their asses, making your food.
  • Stoner faggots

But typically Taco Bells are filled with empty seats, and for good reason. No one should ever have to eat there. Even if he or she is starving.

The Dark Side of Taco Bell

A sad, sad life

Many people don't know Taco Bell actually has a darker aspect. Well, actually a few darker aspects. Everyone knows Ray Kroc, former owner of McDonald's, donated money to the church of satan. What you don't know is Taco Bell might also have some satanic undertones with the Illuminati. Some argue this is direct proof that Taco Bell is aligned with the enemy. They claim that the new logo, the one with the red bell against the purple background, has three sixes in it: two on the bell loop, and one within the bell dinger, sort of hidden by the loop itself. Furthermore, they believe that if one removes the bell entirely, only allowing the inner part of the bell to show, it will reveal the eye of satan. Obviously if you believe this you should don your aluminum hat immediately because the government will be tracking your knowledge from now on. We're so sorry.

Everyone knows the Taco Bell dog is cute, furry, and annoying as fuck. What you didn't know is he was slowly integrated into Taco Bell's push for world domination. Viewing the video below will reveal a small tidbit of Taco Bell communism. These commercials, airing in the late 1990's, portrayed the chihuahua (whose real name is "Gidget", and is actually a bitch) leading a communist revolution against mankind, all in the name for Gorditas. He brainwashed the common public to worship the shitty food like it was a sort of god and tried to rise to power, complete with the communist love colors of red and black. Furthermore, the Che Guavara-esque hat on a chihuahua sealed the fucking deal. Their plan backfired, however, as soon the common public realized how shitty and bad the food was for you, and they instead turned to their other gods: an evil clown and a guy wearing a king mask. Woe to the masses.

Finally, the rapper known as Fifty Cent is suing Taco Bell for asking to him to change his name to 79 cent, 89 cent, or 99 cent to promote the value menu in a commercial. We all know this to be false, of course, because the inferior race will do anything for money, especially when they have money in their fucking name.

And, aside from occasionally finding roaches, rat droppings, rats themselves, raccoons, dandruff flakes, e coli, and the occasional finger inside a taco, nothing too terrible happens at an ordinary taco bell. That is, if no one minds eating fingers and bugs with their "meat".

Reasons Not to go to Taco Bell


See also


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Taco Bell
is part of a series on
Food and Drink

[BleurghOm Nom Nom]

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