t.A.T.u.

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
(Redirected from Tatu)
Jump to navigation Jump to search


Pedobear 13.png WARNING! WARNING!
T.A.T.u. has the official Pedobear seal of approval.


Pretending to be in love <3
t.A.T.u. were known as pedophile bait.

t.A.T.u. (Tatu for anybody too lazy to type that shit out) is a Russian pop group composed of two underage whores who were forced into lesbianism by their pedo manager.

History

t.A.T.u., more commonly known as ТаТу (that's actually Cyrillic), are two exquisite little tarts named Лена (Lena) and Юлия (Julia or Yulia, crazy Russians have no real sound for "J" (Actually, they do have a sound for J. It’s "дж". So spelling for "Julia" is "Джулия" and its pronunciation are exactly the same. "Джулия Робертс" sounds exactly as "Julia Roberts," but the Russian equivalent for female given name Julia is Yulia because those crazy Russians use Latin pronunciation in this case).

They're known for kissing each other during performances of the song "All the Things She Said" (Я Сошла С Ума). Their album, 200 по встречной, gives most a raging hard on when they hear the scream НАС НЕ ДОГОНЯТ!

There is a prevalent theory that Tatu are actually escaped experiments from Bjork's robotic lesbian factory.

Underage Whores

By pretending to be in love they earned millions of dollars across the globe from stupid 16 year old girls who thought they were 'totally brave for coming out like that' and many an 80 year old Chinese man in panties. The girls from Tatu are about as lesbian as Furries are sane, logical thinking people. That said, even with their new image as "man-eating heterosexuals" they still manage to come off as gayer than Skittles, probably to maintain that 80 year old Chinese man/14-year-old girl fanbase.

Actual Totally made up quotes

   
 
You're only criticizing their music because you're homophobic.
 

 
 

—Random furry.


   
 
There's nothing more beautiful than two young women pretending to be schoolgirls and expressing pretend romantic feelings for each other by making out in public.
 

 
 

—Another random furry, desperately seeking validation.


   
 
Imagine if Dima Bilan did a music video with these two fine wimmins, where they have a threesome!
 

 
 

—Actual video pitch.

The Aftermath

Now that they are no longer underage, nobody gives a shit about them. It was later revealed that Julia got pregnant twice when she was supposedly a lesbian but her abusively lulzy ex-manager forced her to have an abortion.

Then one summer, Lena's priest told her that making out with Yulia was kind of gay. Despite being every pedophile's dream girl, Lena had no idea that sucking face with Yulia, grabbing her breasts, and having sex with her in hotel rooms was in the least bit gay. Determined to beat the gay disease, Lena started singing with the ugliest, most mannish woman she could find so she would never want pussy again. Rina Rok had a steamy affair with Ivan Shapovalov, who was disgusted to learn that Rina was not only an adult, but also a man. When she tried to apologize to Yulia, Lena found that her old girlfriend was not only pregnant, but bald as well. Lena had to either stay with the tranny who slept with her manager, or get back together with her pregnant lesbian girlfriend.

Yulia then became a hooker (the legal kind this time) who would sleep with guys, then randomly remembered that she was gay and shot them in the head. After making an extremely gay album and popping out a kid, Yulia got knocked up a second time and did a photoshoot for sick Maxim-reading perverts who like to see pregnant gay girls take it all off.

To add further pwnage to Julia's miserable life, she is not able to sing anymore (not that she could anyway) because her sick fuck ex-manager made her deep throat too much and it destroyed her throat. Her contract was so terrible that she couldn't receive medical care and she now has a huge ugly scar on her neck because of it.

The "Straight" Era

Nowadays Julia prefers a different kind of pussy .

After deciding that God wasn't too happy about Lena getting hot Yulia action every night, they decided to change their image to pseudo-psychological bullshittery. Their "concept album" known as "Dangerous and Moving" trails the experience of two NOT lesbians whining about their long dramatic breakup...and the moral disability of everyone around them. Currently, they are working on some movie with Mischa Barton in it. Mischa Barton is best known for being on a diet that allows her to only gain weight in her feet. This movie is bound to be extremely gay, and not in the good way.


The Third Album

Not content with annoying the world with their outdated and full of fail music, TaTy are releasing a third album called 'Waste Managmeent' and 'Upravleniye Otbrosami' (the name is in direct correlation with the fact Interscope Music INC and Universal Music International cancelled TaTy's contract because of the unwanted attractions of Pedobear,oh, and they're a shit band). The new English album will be the soundtrack to the film You & I (see 'The Straight Era' above)and will contain songs about Little People, Snow, Abortion and Electricity, all of which are illegal in Russia, thus giving them more controversy. For this Album, Lena Katina an Julia Volkover stripped their duds and went naked in their video for Beliy Plashik (White Robe), where as Lena was HAWT and much fapping occurred, Yulia was pregnant, thus only attracting the attention of weirdo's and pervs.

Their second single is 220, a song about suicide and death, but don't worry kids, it's "t.A.T.u's most colourful video to date and something quite special!". In the video, our favourite russian whores dance around in their duds and hats to music that sounds like a dentist drill going though your urethra. The whores also attempt to dance in this video, by doing so, they make Michael Jackson look like the shit.

So since they wasted so much time putting off the release of the underwhelming 'Garbage Disposal' CD, they decided it was time to produce something called 'Happy Smiles,' as yet another example of their pseudo-psychological bullshit. One of their songs is about being a fly on the wall and wanting to buzz around somebody's shower while they're naked. This is further proof that they need teh gay to not have teh fail.

But That's Not All...

The new album was finished in late 2007 and was to be released on December 25th 2007, but management realised their fuck up and postponed the release date tille Santa's Birthday was over. Many fans on TaTy's [1] fan forum were merciful and forgave the management, loss of lulz. So managment decided to release the album at the end of June only to postpone it again, only this time, the preteens and faggots on the forum weren't so forgiving. Criticism of the how managements ran the show ensued (and still is going on, Trolling vacancies for tatu.ru's forum avaliable!), giving Boris Rensky, Zhenya and Insider (see below) much butthurt.

To add lulz to the emo state tatu.ru is in, management have seemingly forgot their Administration password and cannot update the site with news on the singing hags, EPIC lulz. This Iron Curtain on the TaTy news has caused many fans to go emo and die because site admin haven't told them about how Julia shat herself on the train to Moscow or when Lena was caught puking her dinner in the bushes off Red Square.

The forum is currently full of confused weeaboos and n00b trolls. Some fans have been so dramatic as to announce they are leaving the site because they are tired of the way management is fucking with them and only want them for their money, only to resurface under a new log-in name. If you decide to troll the forum, be sure to check out the "Name the t.A.T.u. stuff you own" topic, where major fapping/drama over the weeaboos huge collection of preteen fake lesbian music and posters occurs.

Insider Said It's True

[EDIT Insider is a failed troll, Insider must be shown how to troll. http://blog.tatu.ru/insider . Enlighten the invaladi, manage his waste, do it for Domen, do it for the preteens and the faggots of the forum who have had to endure his whines and spitting his dummy (pacifier). ]

Apparently, t.A.T.u manager, Boris Renski, decided to create a character called "Insider" in the official blog of the group, where he talks about "The true story of t.A.T.u." while attacking fans by calling them "ludi invalidi" (handicapped people) and ЖГЖП-people (Russian initials, for greedy, stupid, violent and mean) if the fans say they don't understand their songs or think that their new video is a total flop. Insider tries to butthurt people, but fails on epic proportions, causing major lulz between the disenchanted fans. He is the tatu.ru equivalent to Lolly on DevianTART (god rest his soul...oh shit, he's alive?!) His complex ways of speaking is not understandable to anyone but himself and small dogs. His E-Go and self importance out weigh what information that he gives the faggot fans. All the exclusive news they receive was already discovered last Thursday by tatysite.ru and thus making Insider invalid and void.


If you begin to talk about your how you dislike anything about tatu's new songs and video, and you voice your opinion on the forum, it is most likely you'll get called these names by Insider:

  • Ludi Invalidi (or Handicapped People).
  • ЖГЖП (short for greedy, stupid, violent, mean).
  • Domen ( from a fan that showed his dissatisfaction about tatu's new album).

It is most likely that you'll receive these names if you say:

  • that you don't understand tatu's lyrics.
  • you think that their new video isn't as great as the rest.
  • you think that tatu's new album and movie will be a flop.
  • tatu isn't as successful as before.


According to Insider, these people are not human, and fans must give no place to them. Essentially, Tatu gives you full permission to summarily execute anyone who isn't a Tatu fan. Keep this in mind if you're going to kill someone, and make sure they're not a Tatu fan beforehand.

Insiders Favourite Come Backs:

  • That's the endless circle of dialectics, guys: having shut some "domen" up makes you turning to that "domen" yourself.

And nobody of t.A.T.u. team wants to turn. It is better that "domens" would live and prosper, and we will be humans here. I wish you to act and think in similar manner. [ Remember, in the Motherland, opinions have YOU!]

  • These events triggered the severe criticism from fans whose cup ran over, and they opened fire in all directions, even far away from the plate and the concert. [Basically what the douche is saying is, you aren't allowed to have an opinion. OBEY.]

See more of Insiders failed troll's / come backs at the link posted above.

Das Galleria

Lena Katina Naked

Lulzy screenshots of the Tatu Store/Site

See also


Portal music.png

t.A.T.u. is part of a series on

Music

Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.