That Guy With The Glasses
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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| Breaking news!|
Thatguywiththeglasses.com has been shut down and is now using channelawesome.com instead, so remember to update your block list
ThatGuywiththeGlasses.com / Channel Awesome (AKA Mike Michaud's Home for Battered Ex-ScrewAttack Members and Rejected YouTube Partners) is a website consisting of several terribly unfunny video contributors drowning in a sea of equally terrible member content. It is the Auschwitz of video sites due to all the Jew contributors producing videos there.
A typical Channel Awesome video usually entails a cosplaying cam-whore awkwardly staring at the camera whilst trying too hard to be witty, sarcastic and funny in a Charlie Brooker-esque manner. They either miss the point of several factors in a TV show/movie/video game, nit-pick the most trivial flaws, or miss out on potential gags. This is all done whilst being cut between video cameos of other TGWTG members having pre-scripted, poorly acted arguments. Along with 99% of the videos being commentary on other media, most of their "humor", forced memes, and general identity comes from repurposing, parodying, or outright stealing from other movies/TV shows/whatever, so next to nothing they make is actually theirs... much like Carlos Mencia. They get around this by capping off their 20 minute shows with rushed 10 second snippet reviews so as to vaguely qualify as "commentary" for "fair use".
These are then all followed up by several pages of ass-kissing or butthurt fans, saying how excellent or incorrect their chosen messiah is. These same people then travel on over to Wikipedia, TV Tropes, and other similar sites to rewrite the relevant work page to conform to their opinion and spam the site with as many unfunny quotes and failtastic memes as they can possibly shoehorn. It's an effect not quite unlike the cancer that is killing /b/.
— Finally, somebody with a brain on this site!
After Doug Walker was kicked off YouTube, a bald, fat man by the name Mike Michaud immediately jumped on the chance to give Doug his own website so he could suck in 10,000 fucking dollars a month from his loyal monkey. Mike also founded Channel Awesome so he could make even more money from the internet's many man-children, and ultimately decides which talentless hack can post reviews on his website. Most of these reviewer parasites follow the shtick of giving themselves Ad-Lib-style names like "That (Noun) with the (Noun)" or some variation of "Critic" in honor of their sugar-daddy who lets them distribute their shitty videos on his egocentric website.
The Nostalgia Chick Contest
Being the pimp that he is, Nostalgia Critic held a competition allowing whichever female user could suck his dick dry to partake in reviewing shitty stuff with him under the moniker the Nostalgia Chick. Three contestants entered.
Lindsay Ellis is a smug leftarded, Mactarded, vegetarian, nigger-loving, feminist film student with a shit degree from San Diego that reviews movies and TV shows catering to young girls. After swallowing every last drop of NC's cum with a smile on her face, the Dudette quickly found herself crowned the Nostalgia Chick. Upon seeing a very special work of art from a loyal fan, she quickly pondered quitting the internet, only to review Armageddon in September.
When Lindsay suspends her feminist rhetoric, she routinely over addresses racial stereotypes even in the subtlest to nonexistent instances. Through such feats as dancing like a retard in public and dragging her fat, ugly nerd friend Nella into all her videos, she actually some how manages to be less funny than Doug. She currently reviews pop culture music in an attempt to prove that women are useful for more than making sandwiches and being beaten/raped (SPOILER ALERT: They aren't).
Despite Lindsay's loudly espoused Current TV hipster politics, every male fanboy on TGWTG never fails to praise even the worst video she shat out, including a half-assed review of the Last Unicorn where she literally went hiking and "improvised" her analysis (read: she pulled the script right out of her ass). Although she won't date any of her fans (unless the individual is either a black person or a curry muncher), her fans collective sexual desperation stands as the only explanation for their mindless devotion, which extends to grossly overpaying for anything this bitch touches. For instance, when she was selling her useless crap on eBay to help pay for her Master's Thesis, her $0.25 bowtie sold for over $500 fucking dollars. Even GoddessMine couldn't pull a trick this good. Unfortunately, so long as their fans remain permavirgins devoid of any dignity, Lindsay Ellis will stand above criticism in the eyes of her fans.
It has come to the attention of fans (who might not give a shit) that Lindsay had an abortion. Apparently, her mother was raped at one point in her life and had one too(it was a shame it was not her). So she decided to make a film about her dead fetus. Literally days after this premiered, Doug Walker thought it would be funny to do a It's a Wonderful Life parody. In this travesty of a one sketch, it involved Lindsay being successful and didn't have the abortion if Doug was never born. Thanks for keeping it classy, Doug.
In January 2015, Lindsay ended her association with Channel Awesome and retired the Nostalgia Chick character.
Kaylyn Dicksion, TGWTG's obligatory weeaboo dyke dwelling in some rock near San Antonio, TX, spends the majority of her time blithering about her latest convention attendance and ranting about why cartoons/animation suck these days besides anime. If you don't love anime, then she'll h8 you. Her latest series, "Anime News Editorial", is about as entertaining as nailing your dick to a wooden plank, and she continues to ramble on about some piece of anime news that 99.9% of the rest of the world doesn't give a shit about. While she's not blabbering about being able to go to Japan while all of you losers can't, she is bitching out the fans who watch her videos about manga being taken down from the internets because it's illegal to scan and translate them. She has done this three times now. CRY SOME MOAR. This may cause lulz to ensue if she keeps this up.She's also cool with being 34'ed as evidenced here, which appears to redeem her shitty character, but anyone with an IQ of room temperature would know that's like being cool with someone taking a bat to your totalled car. What's the fun in that?
That Chick With The Goggles
Krissy Diggs, a person of African descent who, true to her stereotype, was the most useless contributor, making a plodding video once a year that was about a minute long. Apparently, her lack of contributions were due to a computer virus which compromised her security and, in the process, deleted fucking everything. Looks like someone should have taken Computer Science III. Her last appearance was a very small bit in Kickassia, but who can blame her for wanting out after that?
Since all three were in the finals, and the fans were about to riot and kill everyone due to the possibility of their favorite fap material going away, Doug gave The Dudette the title of Nostalgic Chick while the rest would be allowed to continue posting crappy videos to the site.
Inked Reality is Channel Awesome's latest foray into whoring out another site, but after learning their lesson with Bar Fiesta and Blistered Thumbs, that their viewers are too Autistic to click on a site that isn't splattered with Doug's face, decided to keep them on TGWTG.
Inked Reality is to its subject as Blistered Thumbs to vidya games, a bunch of overweight perma-virgins bleeting on about shit noone cares about. But this time them bitching about either comics, animu or reuploads of animations from newgrounds.
With the exception of their second poster boy, Linkara and Happy Harry, Inked Reality is populated by contributors no one watches, hence the rather sparse amount of names below...
Blistered Thumbs (previously named: Bored Shitless) was created when TGWTG decided they weren't ripping off AVGN enough. So realizing that the Internets really didn't give a shit about a review site unless the subject matter was video games, they desperately whored up a bunch of random video game reviewers from all over the Internet, the majority being ScrewAttack (an actually funny site when compared to Blistered Thumbs) rejects.
Since Doug has received far too many complaints from his cock worshippers, the admins have finally decided to give this pile of shit its own site. Ironically, however, more and more people are visiting TGWTG in order to watch this shit (probably because nobody cares about movies, just video games). So one can now notice Nostalgia Critic updates being rammed up the ass of visitors to the site because nobody gives a shit about Channel Awesome's precious leading manchild anymore. Angry Joe posted a video begging kids to copy/paste existing articles from better websites and rewrite them. They're not compensated for their work and they won't get any real credit for college or the actual journalistic field, but hey!, at least you could get know the staff from Channel Awesome and participate on their podcasts and crossover movies (a.k.a Shitassia 2: Electric Boogaloo).
As Blistered Thumbs own site has been launched it appear that nothing has change from the typical bullshit content we've seen time and time again. In response to this a thread was created on their forums asking for answers. In place of that we get mouth breathing tards who suckle the teats of their fellow creators. Even some of their staff gets involved in this mess. The OP tears open every asshole of fellow staff members in their home territory and much lulz ensues.
The site ultimately closed since it became clear that nobody gave a shit about it.
Notable current members
- ToddInTheShadows - Kenneth Munson is a hideous creature from the swamps who needs to wear a mask in order to hide his ugly mug. Tries to come off with a Phantom of the Opera persona. Doesn't work. He is also a staunch anti #GamerGater, and it doesn't take much to trigger him. Literally just Tweet to him "I support GamerGate" and he'll fly off the wall.
- MikeJTV' - An unfunny retard who's gimmick is 9gag tier English jokes like drinking tea and saying m8. Reviews sequels because it's easy to tear into films that everyone knows are crap by just reading the title.
- FilmBrain - An autist and with a speech impediment that forces him to extend the last vowel of every sentence. No one knows if he does this deliberately or if he was born with such an ear-raping voice. Either way he should do everyone's ears a favour and put his tongue in a blender and go live in the woods.
- RapCritic - Token nigger. Reviews rap music, because that is what niggers like.
- BradJones - Soft spoken because he constantly is being pleasured in the ass.
- GuruLarry - Former e-beggar and television host. Reviews games that nobody cares about, as they were only released in England. Hates DarksydePhil, but then again, who doesn't? Guru Larry
- Needs More Gay - No, that is really the name Jamie Maurer went with. Being a complete faggot he actually believes that movies should have more gay instead of less.
- FoldableHuman - Dan Olson is a pedophile, who tried to frame 8chan for pedophilia by downloading tons of CP onto his computer only to reupload it to his own website, for educational purposes. He still has the originals just in case.
Notable Ex-TGWTG Contributors
TheDistressedWatcher / TheAmazingAtheist
REASON FOR DEPARTURE: Who really gives a flying fuck?
Finally, in the middle of September 2011, The Amazing Atheist had parted company with TGWTG. Leaving in a hissy-fit and bitching he left because TGWTG kept placing his videos at the bottom of their schedules and that they "only looked after their own". Soon after his depature, he went banana.
Angry Video Game Nerd
James Rolfe is the man that Doug Walker owes his entire existence to for ripping off his Angry Reviewing style. From a stupid crossover rivalry fight scene to a 30 second cameo in the biggest internet travesty possible, James has really shown how far off the deep end he's gone for self whoring. Still, James one day hopes to make a movie that is similar to Kickassia. On another note, you have to wonder how awkward it is when Guru Larry and The Game Heroes run into him whenever the folks at TGWTG invite James to a get together.
Spoony was fired from TGWTG when his videos got too edgy for them to handle.
LittleKuriboh is the man responsible for Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series. He's also a big TGWTG fan boy and thought it would be great to do crossover videos with Spoony in order to get into the TGWTG family. In the end it backfired, but he still hopes to acquire another shot and a new flat chested waffu.
For the most part an unfunny, unnoticeable member of the crew, who eventually decided to depart from TGWTG in a memorable way.
They finally told him the truth that his CGI for their already shitty movie To Boldly Flee is shitty, so he got butthurt and left.
Their shit movies
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Rule 34 Gallery
- Doug Walker
- Angry Video Game Nerd - Future acquisition for TGWTG after
James realizes thatScrewAttack, being money grabbing cunts, have milked him for all his e-fame is worth.
- Asalieri - Writes the negative things about them here, still to this day.
- Irate Gamer - Although Blistered Thumbs had made some sort of joke video saying that they were going to add him very long ago, the funny part is that even Bores is too good for a site like that.
- Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Another program featuring reviews of poorly constructed films, only actually funny.
- ScrewAttack - Arch nemesis of TGWTG and the animal testing lab of contributors Mike Michaud liberates.
- The Rapping Dog - See it for yourself.
- Video Game Reviewers - Potential future Blistered Thumbs fodder.
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