The Army of God

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The Army of God (AOG) is a batshit insane bunch of fundamentalist Christians who think that the best way to protect little fetuses from abortion is by killing doctors and blowing up or burning down clinics.

They support the "Second Defensive Action Statement", as produced by the Defenders of the Defenders of Life (redundant much???), which says:

  • We the undersigned, declare the justice of taking all Godly action necessary, including the use of force, to defend innocent human life (born and unborn). We proclaim that whatever force is legitimate to defend the life of a born child is legitimate to defend the life of an unborn child.
  • We declare and affirm that if in fact Paul Hill did kill or wound abortionist John Britton, and accomplices James Barrett and Mrs. Barrett, his actions are morally justified if they were necessary for the purpose of defending innocent human life. Under these conditions, Paul Hill should be acquitted of all charges against him.



Makes perfect sense.

Their History

Their holy purpose

No one really knows who started this group, but they first came to national attention in November 2001 because of letters, purportedly containing anthrax, sent to moar than 500 abortion providers around the USA. The FBI examined the letters and discovered that they really contained chalk dust and talcum powder. Clayton Waagner was arrested and convicted of sending the letters, as well as making threats against 42 other abortion clinics. He is currently in prison and undergoing constant intensive rehabilitation therapy.

Their Leaders

  • Rev. Michael Bray, considered the "chaplain of the Army of God". Convicted in 1985 of two counts of conspiracy and one count of possessing unregistered explosive devices in relation to 10 bombings of women's health clinics and offices of liberal advocacy groups in Washington, D.C., Maryland and Virginia. After a plea bargain, he spent 46 months being the prison bitch of a skinhead gang leader.
  • Shelley Shannon, non-fatally shot Dr. George Tiller in 1993 and received an 11 year sentence. In 1995, she confessed to participating in setting fires at several abortion clinics and received a twenty year sentence, which she began serving after her sentence for the Tiller attack was completed. The judge in the arson case decided that the sentences would run consecutively. Despite her seemingly desperate claim that she did it for the lulz, many people suspect that she actually looked forward to thirty uninterrupted years of lesbian prison sex and providing the occasional blowjob to some guard in return for a cigarette or two.
  • Rev. Donald Spitz, webmaster of their web site where he publishes the batshit crazy rantings of Paul Hill, Eric Robert Rudolph, Shelley Shannon, Paul Ross Evans and Clayton Waagner. He is a typical internet tough guy where he will encourage and justify the bombings and killings, as long as other people do it.
  • Clayton Waagner, mentioned above.
  • Neal "Mule-Raper" Horsley, occasionally acts as their spokesman. While running for Governor of Georgia as the Creator's Rights Party candidate, he admitted to a FOX reporter that when he was a young chap, he had engaged in sex with another man, a mule and a watermelon. Some argue that Horsley's favorite movie is "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" due to its loving, non-judgmental focus on the sensual plant. He is also the suspected mastermind of the Furluminati.

Their Friends and Known Associates

Message for Scott Roeder
  • Wiley Drake, California Southern Baptist pastor and former 2008 Vice-Presidential candidate of the American Independent Party. Cheered the murder of Dr George Tiller, comparing Tiller to Adolf Hitler. He later made the news when he admitted to praying for President Obama's death. He had previously acknowledged directing attack prayers towards employees of the Internal Revenue Service.
  • Dave Leach, publisher of Prayer & Action News magazine, where in a 1996 issue, he published the Army of God manual, which advocates the killing of the providers of abortion and contains bomb-making instructions.
  • Scott Roeder, nutjob charged with the murder of Dr George Tiller. Trailer trash who to this day utters prophecies of more attacks on clinics and doctors in the jihad against abortion rights. Since Roeder is so much against women having the right to control their bodies, perhaps he won't mind so much when control over his own body is handed over to large hairy men with many tattoos and life sentences of their own to serve.
  • Eric Robert Rudolph, convicted terrorist and murderer after bombing the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta, GA. Wrote an article for the AOG website and complained about the conditions of the supermax prison where he is incarcerated [1]. Apparently, he ignores the fact that the three people he fucking killed are currently confined in coffins, which are rather smaller than his spacious 80-square ft. concrete cell, so he can just STFU. The only reason he is even in prison is due to a plea bargain, which allowed him to escape a well-deserved death penalty. It seems that Rudolph will only go so far for his Lord and Savior. Some argue that Eric hates supermax because it isolates him from the other inmates, and Eric may be staying up all night dreaming of having his ass torn-up by the Boys in Cellblock D.
  • David Trosch, a former Catholic priest who refers to the killing of abortion providers as "justifiable homicide". One is left to wonder how "father" David feels about child molestation, on which he seems to have expressed no opinion. Feeling a little guilty, Dave?


Understand that the Army of God have a documented history of IRL blowing up things and people. Their supporters are known to honest-to-fucking-God kill people or, at least, try to kill people. They are called "terrorists" for a reason.

Nevertheless, there are some opportunities for lulz to be had:

  • these idiots provide contact email and postal addresses (P.O. Boxes), so feel free to add their names to whatever mailing lists you may think appropriate. Maybe they can use some Miracle Spring Water.
  • post the link above regarding Horsley's mule-raping ways to Craigslist, especially in Georgia (where he lives) and in Virginia (where AOG is based). Remember to refer to him as "mule-raper"
  • send pictures of sexy mules and assorted fruit to Horsley, for him to fap to.



Their Website

The Army of God website is full of insane ranting about God and pics of undead unborn babies that mostly died from other injuries besides abortion; all in all, great fap material. One particularly lulzworthy section entitled "Homo News" features news articles about fags behaving badly (mostly engaging in the ancient and delicate art of boy love).

Notable quotes from their website include:

  • "Large numbers of unborn children scheduled to be murdered by George Tiller are spared by the action of the American hero Scott Roeder." (Because women can't just drive to another abortion clinic or perform their own abortions at home.)
  • "Birth control is evil and a sin. Birth Control is anti-Baby and anti-Child. Isn't the purpose for birth control to stop the life of an innocent baby from being born?" (Because God allows all sperm to fertilize all ovum every time a man spooges into a vagoo and certainly never causes the 30% to 50% of natural miscarriages that happen all the time. Also, it isn't "an innocent baby" if it hasn't even been conceived yet.)
  • "Civil officials have a God ordained duty to execute sodomites." (Lulz!)
  • "The United Way refuses money to the Boy Scouts because the Boy Scouts will not let sick, sodomite, sex perverted, homosexuals become Scout Masters and take your children out to the woods and molest them." (But that's exactly why I wanted to join the scouts when I was a kid!)
  • "Never trust police, FBI, or other agents." (Amen!)

See Also

External Links

The Army of God
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See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamDSMEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning