The Biggest Loser

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One of the rare examples of truth in advertising. The Biggest Loser is a reality show (hosted by a reality show actor) exploiting the fact that America is a bunch of fat people. Fatties dream of being on this show to meet the FFA Jillian and the homosexual Bob, a faggot with unwarranted self importance. The odd couple constantly acts as if they are God's gift to the obese morons that watch their show, sobbing with their cats and mothers. It showcases a group of socially awkward individuals that are puzzled that the exhausting, mindnumbing action of walking to the refrigerator from their basement dwellings doesn't burn fat. After being a hit in America, it became big all over the world which gave rise to The Biggest Loser Asia and The Biggest Loser Australia. That media effect is proof enough that Azns and Aussies are just as fat as Americans.


The party (not that they've ever gone to, will be invited to, or ever show up at a party) gets to work out every week, and whoever loses the least amount of weight gets rolled out of the competition (if it's the first week, when they're still fat, the contestants get to roll him out for brownie points). Bob and Jillian force the group of misfits to participate in overdramatic pushes of repetitions for ratings and send them to the hospital sometimes for the lulz.

Show Format

What to expect from every episode:

  1. The contestants are exposed to all the delicious shit they used to eat like krispy kremes, lardburgers and deep fried milk shakes. Bob and Jillian watch how the fatasses control urges which is somewhat lulzy because like every normal person knows, fatties are prone to sweating and screaming (as if they were having buttsecks with a horse) when they know there's food but can't eat it.
  2. After hours of hunger and psychological trauma, the fatties are forced to do simple exercises such as doing a fucking push up, doing jumping jacks until they destroy the entire gym and falling down the treadmill over and over again. This might the most important segment of the show because it is where most of the falling and the screaming happens, which is the only reason anyone who isn't an obese housewife would tune in.
  3. The competition begins against the teams. Now they must stand against each other in a series of degrading sports to see which group of fatties is moar of a luzer.
  4. The weigh-in happens after the sports (at least if there was any possible weight loss). The moar weight they lose, the better their chance of staying on the show another week. This is possibly the worst part of the show because all contestants must take off their clothes, revealing their sweaty disgusting chunks o' fat (making your eyes bleed and your penis retract into your body). Take note, however, that by turning off the TV during this segment of the program, you can avoid the soul-destroying sight of a half-naked tub-o-lard but you risk missing out on a bunch of people crying about being less fat than before.
  5. The voting begins, wherein the losing team tells one of their lazier members to fuck off. Now they must set aside their differences and throw someone away, ensuring they will remain fat forever. Encyclopedia Dramatica can assure you that the use of the word "throw" in the above sentence is purely a figure of speech - any contestant able to lift something heavier than a Cheeto is automatically declared a victor.


The show's well-known testosterone injector, Jillian, got into a lolsuit for promoting the use of a weight loss drug which doesn't work. The baited loser claims to have been misled by the promises of automatic drug loss with the slogan "Two Capsules Before Main Meals and You Lose Weight...That's It!" (Nobody seems to care that this goes completely against her supposed morals of good things coming from hard work). Humorously enough, with her getting all this money from endorsing shit, she failed to pay Mexican laborers for their work on her house. Srsly.

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See Also

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