The Eunuch Archive

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
TEA in a nutshell (enjoying your castration Alex Ford?)

Is it possible there is a forum so unbelievable and horrifying it's beyond trolling? Perhaps. Some people deliberately cut off their own balls. No, they were not attacked by rabid feminazis or had an unfortunate accident while getting head from their pet dog, they did it willingly. Then they posted about it on the internet.

After mutilating one's private parts, one must create an account on The Eunuch Archive, a place dedicated to those who find satisfaction in removing (and maybe eating) their own cock thus turning into a hormone-less asexual. But however, TEA has everything a Eunuch needs, ranging from a wonderful collection of stories to a personals section, with many users willing to remove your penis if you haven't already.

The Site

The Forums

A TEA forum member IRL.
A task carried out by all their members.
   
 
fantastic pics Bill, did you take pics any of your severed cock too?
 

 
 

—modick68

   
 
My hand is up....It's a jerkoff topic for me...I have fantasized about being nutless for many years...Just a ball less slave to a dick...Leashed and lashed..

A eunuch slave....made to serve MMM dragonfly
 


 
 

—butterflyjack

   
 
I propose the start of National Penectomy Day. Imagine: A parade of dickless men, proudly marching down the street. Surgeons could offer half-off (pardon the pun!) sales on procedures to get rid of those pesky penises. A museum of penectomy art, as well as severed cocks on display. These are adults-only events, of course. That is, unless you'd like to teach your son, "This is what'll happen to you if you don't stop playing with it."
 

 
 

—stewie69

   
 
Man...these are great jobs...I'd love to be smooth and ball-less like these lucky guys..dragonfly
 

 
 

—butterflyjack

The forums have wonderful topics such as "I clamped my balls down to 5mm today" and "hey guys, come check out my chopped cock!". That is all there is to it. If you feel there is something wrong with yourself, all TEA members will recommend that you get castrated over any other medical treatment. The forums also have penectomy and transgender sections since simple castration just wasn't enough.

Most forum members wish to be "neutralized", as in getting their testicles removed, or just to have their cock completely ripped off. Wonderful! Now you get the idea why nobody wants to troll this place.

Stories

To TEA members, this is quality porn.
Their members think up new penectomy methods frequently.

The Eunuch Archive has a lot of terribly written stories dedicated to castration. All of them are quite frankly tl;dr and full of Engrish, and most of them involve buttsex with minors. No, srsly, take a look.

Other stories include husbands simply wanting to cut their dick off out of nowhere and tell their wives about it, a guy in a restaurant literally eating a waiter's dick or teachers mocking a schoolkid as they go to get him castrated with permission from the government. Sounds senseless and will never ever happen irl, but it's what you expect from sick fucks who wish to get themselves castrated in the first place, amirite?

Justin Bieber - A Boy Forever

The best thing TEA has probably ever done is write a fanfic whereas Justin Bieber gets anally raped and then castrated so his manager gets more money from his childish voice. We're not kidding. In fact we wouldn't be surprised if Bieber was castrated already. This makes excellent trolling material against groups of Bieber's fantards.

 
 
Justin was crying like a hysterical girl as The Doctor pulled his right nut out of the sac; he clipped a small weight onto the ball, then let it fall, smiling. Both men started laughing as the vas deferens was pulled to its full length! The Doctor made sure the cord was out as far as it could go, then he deftly clipped a hemostat onto it, sliced through the cord, and cauterized the end, taking the severed testicle and dropping it into a pan. He repeated the process for the other ball, then he picked up a pair of cosmetic testicles.
 

 

The whole thing

Archiv'd!

EA Personals

Oh baby.

If what they haven't already got isn't sickening and disgusting enough, there's their Personals section where sick fucks can meet other sick fucks. This includes trannies and people who actually cut off their genitals. They even have a Hot or Not section. You need to register to see these monstrosities, but the best ones have been posted here for your viewing, you freak.

WARNING!!! The content behind the gallery may make you feel... offended.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

TEA Success Stories

   
 
The cutter called me and told me he heard of my interest and he coud help me. Of course there would be a few things for him. He would videotape and keep my testicles and then only charge me for the local anesthesia. He told me of all his surgeries and I would be in good hands. The surgery did go well but partly because of my medical background and knowing what to insist on for technique. After the surgery when I would call and mention I was still having drainage it must have been something I had done wrong. He talked about his surgeries and that is when I found out he was not as experienced as he said he was. He also started to talk about people he wanted to castrate by force. It was then I stopped any communications.

That is my story and it does have a happy ending. I like who I am now. I am in love and I am loved. I am a member of a wonderful community. It took a long time but I am a eunuch and finally my true self. I must add that if I had not been so desperate I would never have considered a cutter. Life is too valuable to take such risks.
 


 
 

   
 
After giving the idea of castration much thought and contemplation over the past many years, being who I am and what I am, and after having some very serious discussions with my spouse on the topic since coming out of the "closet" and sharing with her who I really am, I have decided to proceed with the "big clip" to finally rid myself of these two most unwanted body parts.

I called Dr. Kimmel's office this past Monday and spoke at length with the Doctor on Monday afternoon. We discussed many things including my HRT and he took his time to answer all my questions in a very kind and reassuring way. Called his office on Tuesday and scheduled my procedure for Friday, March 24th. I have also forwarded the required $750.00 down payment. It's finally going to happen and I can't wait! Five weeks from today! Wish me luck Girls. I'll keep you posted!
 


 
 

—That's another relationship gone down the pan.

   
 
Since I visited these forums, I decided to get myself castrated and now I no longer have urges to ever sexually abuse any more dogs. Instead I am resorting to vandalising various ED pages in my spare time. Thanks TEA!
 

 
 

Dracoguard

Holy fuck! WHY?!

TEA members are very, very desperate
No time to flirt in TEA.

If you are still reading this article you are probably wondering why anybody in their right mind at all would want to cut off their own balls and dick. After literally several seconds of deep reflection and thought there are a few possible conclusions:



Though they may not be good theories, they are the only theories which do not involve actually asking these newly-made eunuchs WTF they were thinking. Some things are not worth knowing.

The Good News

Some argue that people who cut off their junk because they want to obviously have severe mental problems. Luckily however thanks to their scrotum-slicing ways they can never populate the Earth with their brain-dead spawn. Perhaps there is some method in the madness.

External Links

See Also

Portal sex.jpg

The Eunuch Archive is part of a series on

Sex

Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article July 29, 2010
Preceded by
Façade
The Eunuch Archive Succeeded by
Goosh Goosh