The Greek Semen

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What happens when you combine Tom Preston and Bobby Crosby with a vagina? You get Jacqueline Howett, the lady who wrote The Greek Seamaen, an "indie" (vanity-published) novel.


As you know, in the writing business as in the art business, you gotta take criticism. Many TARTlets were barbecued upon not realizing this. Unfortunately our friend Wacky Jacky fared far worse.

There was a nobody named Big Al who reviewed her book on his blog. He said that while her plot was lovely, she needed to really work on her grammar and spelling. She said No U my sentences are the bestest and she will only listen to the GOOD reviews. Big Al stood by his review. Wacky Jacky then demanded that he take it off his site. When Big Al refused to give in, Wacky Jacky elegantly told him to Fuck off. Those words caused the internet to pile onto her. Haters flooded her Amazon pages causing her books' ratings to tank. Even made an article on the blowup. And it was Twatted around in... publishing circles, killing her chances of being a seriously-taken writer.



Don and Katy watched hypnotically Gino place more coffees out at another table with supreme balance.


She carried her stocky build carefully back down the stairs.


Jacqueline Howett

You obviously didn't read the second clean copy I requested you download that was also reformatted, so this is a very unfair review. My Amazon readers/reviewers give it 5 stars and 4 stars and they say they really enjoyed The Greek Seaman and thought it was well written. Maybe its just my style and being English is what you don't get. Sorry it wasn't your cup of tea, but I think I will stick to my five star and four star reviews thanks.


Fuck off!



I've traveled the world and can understand the author's attraction to Greek Seaman. Although, I have never experienced Greek Seaman, I consider myself an expert in Seaman from around the world. I have been exposed to warm Seaman, cloudy Seaman, forceful Seaman, drippy Seaman and salty Seaman. I have received Danish Seaman, Russian Seaman, Japanese Seaman and even countries that couldn't provide Seaman. Obviously, I love Seaman. I'm always looking for any chance to experience Seaman. Thanks to this author, I know now that Greek Seaman is something I have to have. The desire for Greek Seaman is so intense that I can almost taste it. Please read this book. I guarantee that you'll want to have as much Greek Seaman as possible. This book is excellent but don't read it as much. I don't want you to choke on Greek Seaman.


—Dunning Kruger

This book is like the novelization of a Nigerian email scam, written by a 4 year old, and generously infused with creepy homoerotic imagery. Every other sentence starts with "hmmm" "so" or "well." The author's use of grammar is startlingly bad, to say the least, and she seems to string words together with no immediately apparent relationship. "However, Katy detected in her mother in laws eyes her reading into something more with where they were really going together in life." Yes, that's an actual quote. Try reading that a few times without getting a sharp pain in your temples.


—J Jordan

Under the cover of the tablecloth, Katy removed her slingback, fuck me high heels and sensually worked her bare feet up Don's leg. She held back a smile as she felt his arousal heighten. But Don was paying no heed towards Katy's amorous advances; he was focused on the mesmerizing grace of Gino, their Adonis of a waiter. A man who could flawlessly serve coffee, unlike so many others. A man who, with the supremest of balances, could bring them water.



"Katy." Don whispered, barely moving his mouth. "Yes, Don?" Katy breathed erotically. "I think your toes pinched a pube out of my sack."

But it was too late. The pube was gone, and so was Gino.}}


Wacky Jacky reads from her book
Dramatization of Wacky Jacky flipping the fuck out

See Also

External links


The Greek Semen
is part of a series on
[Fuck reading. Just use Sparknotes.See Also]