From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Guardian is a Britfag newspaper. Unlike tabloids such as The Daily Mail and the Sun, this one is quite progressive and is mainly read by people who are rather left of center and dogmatically approve of
libertarianism liberalism (get it right everybody hates Matt fucking Ridley, eh Monbiot?) for all, as well as many college (aka university) students who don't know anything about the real world and are thus taken by the radically all-encompassing ideas within the newspaper. It's also well known for its online website version of its paper, which features many interesting articles and has a network of blogs which people with differing views regularly engage in flame wars on.
The chief reason for the Guardian being crap is simple. It was always crap, but stupidly appointed Alan Sinister Lesbian Rusbridger to the post of editor. Under his guidance, The Guardian adopted a policy of giving away its content for free online, without any attempt to recoup losses from decreased advertising revenue. At the same time, he made the paper adopt a new format, The "Berliner", a non-standard size that didn't fit any printing presses in the UK, meaning that the paper was trapped in terms of getting value for production, and then (because digital is DA FUTURE!) turned the print edition into a substandard collection of opinion pieces and cookery columns but doubled the cover price to try to claw back the website's losses. Suddenly, the Guardian's already-scanty profits took a nosedive so the Sinister Lesbian decided to sell off the one publication that ever turned a profit, for a one-off sum of £600m - money which was then pissed away within a year. Since the paper was going down the crapper, theguardian.com website began producing ridiculous SJW clickbait in order to produce sufficient traffic to justify its online advertising fees because that was now its only income.
As a result, The Guardian has turned into a parody of the parody of itself that it already was. The Sinister Lesbian has been kicked out, whining about his misunderstood genius and thwarted vision, while the new editor (some chick, natch) tries to repair the disaster he left behind. So far, the master plan seems to be to rattle a collection-tin under the noses of readers every five minutes, with more pleading and arm-twisting banner ads than even Jimbo Wales could dream of. Coupled with the fact that The Guardian often relies on user-generated content (e.g., crowd-sourcing big stories, soliciting first-hand accounts, and the like) this means that not only are readers doing a fair amount of work for The Guardian, they are being asked to pay for the privilege of doing so. Whether this strategy will reap dividends remains unclear.
History and Readership
The Guardian was founded at least 100 years ago, in Manchester in the north of England, but nobody gives a fuck. It mainly came to our attention for being one of the most interesting online newspapers, for good or for bad (actually, both). According to TOW and our own original research, it has created a new breed of stupid liberal, who believe that the child in Africa is equal to them on every level - morally, spiritually and monetarily. This usually manifests itself in stupid, liberal old fucks who smoke pot, are vegetarian, participate in paganistic rituals and live in the countryside and believe in universal harmony for all, as well as young people who have too many new ideas on their mind and haven't hit that stage in life where reality kicks in. On the rare occasion when these people have enough cash to part with they like to embrace cultural appropriation by drinking a fine wine and eating fine cuisine in a location too 'exotic' for the average Sun or Daily Fail reader to visit, being hypocritical because the 'ethical living' thing Guardian readers embrace is just a conspiracy amirite?
Guardian readers contrast massively with the readers of those other two types of tabloids. Whilst the average Sun reader is thick as pigshit and willing to swallow whatever vile propaganda Rupert Murdoch throws at them unquestioningly, and the typical concerned mother at the Daily Fail clearly does not give a fuck about what happens to anyone except the English and their children, the average Guardian reader doesn't give a fuck about people in her own country who read these other two tabloids and likely looks down condescendingly upon them whilst also experiencing much self-hatred and liberal guilt even for being a privileged, modern Normano-Briton, feeling misanthropic about everyone except those people who have never set foot on the island of Britain and have no ancestors who have ever set foot there either. Unlike normal tabloid readers, Guardian readers would quite likely allow criminal gangs from Pakistan and Nigeria to take over England if they had the choice, but they don't, because people with money think that this is batshit crazy.
Their website's main page and their newspaper's front page general reflects serious business primarily, but is a bit more quirky than the front pages of papers read by those who are taken seriously. The Guardian was anti-Iraq war right from the start and mocked Dubya at every opportunity. There was a lot of shit to do with Obama in there as well, and the views on him in The Guardian were as mixed as his parentage. They particularly enjoy talking about multiculturalism, homosexuality and other pieces of shit nobody cares about. The squealing over President Trump promise great things.
Their blogs and comment is free sections are one of the biggest havens for moralfags to debate things with each other on the entire internets. On South Ossetia and Kosovo-related issues there are many communist sympathizers who believe that Putin is better than Tony Blair because they've never been to Russia and they don't realize that saying one totalitarian state is better than another is like saying that one woman in a porno featuring an MFF threesome has a tighter anus than the other one. Still, it is awesome that The Guardian dislike the large number of bureaucratic laws created by
Tony Blair Gordon Brown's government because they don't want to see censorship or their beliefs being made into thought crimes.
The Guardian is also a pioneer of the culture of the internets, rather like Encyclopedia Dramatica. They are known to loev Anonymous, and even stood up for Epic Nose Guy (although the Daily Fail did as well, lawl), whilst also embracing the unfunny aspects of chan culture such as the Obama Rickroll and Bush being made into a lolcat. As a result of this faggotry, they were goatsed by Britchan who The Guardian actually linked directly to, hogging bandwidth from them.
They also go into excessive detail about Wikipedia to a degree that the average Sun reader wouldn't even be able to begin to understand, even worse than Valleywag. Much of it is critical of TOW which we here at ED appreciate, yet since it has many different people writing for it, sometimes Jimbo is allowed to use it as a mouthpiece for his driveling bullshit, which is likely to be able to brainwash Guardian readers being the moralfags that they are. Hell, they even mentioned Willy on Wheels in The Guardian, wonder who's gonna be next?
"Facts are sacred"
- Incensed by Trump spokesman Sean Spicer's statements about "alternative facts", columnist Jonathan Freedland ✡ writes a pompous column sticking up for the importance of the press and their duty to report things accurately. Unfortunately he relies on a quote from a Marx Brothers movie, which he ascribes to the wrong Marx brother, uncorrected version archived and . He then tries to rewrite his column to disguise his carelessness. However, his "excuse" is that one character was disguised as another, and so he ends up making an even bigger mess of it since it suggests he couldn't tell Groucho from Chico, which was the whole gag in the first place
- Airhead libfag female Guardian columnist incensed by Trump's election victory writes hissy-fit column demanding that media start denouncing people as Nazis - without apparently realising that she has just had the chance to do exactly that but failed to do so
- Guardian editorial board member writes column about European Referendum which is happening the next day, but it was obviously prepared way ahead of time and not proofread, because it says "Now, days before the vote, minds have started to focus..."
- Story claims English town is thinking of renaming itself, except the same story tells you that it's not and it's just some random kid's suggestion.
- Guardian publishes TV review of top-rated show only to discover that the reviewer hasn't even watched the program, has got the basic premise of the series completely wrong, and has instead written a load of politically-correct horseshit to disguise his misconduct
- "No country in the world dares suggest decriminalising all drugs, except the two countries that I then immediately mention, one of which has in fact already decriminalised all drugs."
- Some curry-nigger writes a column called "Please, no more smug articles by white people leaving London," is panned to Hell and back in the comments, and The Guardian pussies out and changes the headline to something less racist
- Guardian art critic writes several hundred words about a video 'still' of a politician crying over the demise of his party (which obviously constitutes great art) and it is published before anyone had bothered checking the source video, which showed that he wasn't crying at all, after which the Guardian simply deletes the whole article
- A debacle to rival that of NYT villain Jayson Blair erupts when The Guardian discovers that it has printed around 60 stories by one man that were more or less complete fabrications (although they only retract about half of them in a face-saving exercise). This does not become a great journalistic scandal because no-one who matters reads the fucking Guardian.
- Guardian attempts to swing the vote in Clark County, Ohio, so that W loses the 2004 US Presidential elections, and is immediately pwnt by irate American readers in the targeted area, provoking such a massive backlash that it looks like the Guardian actually helped Bush win
No mention of the Guardian is complete without GuardianTalk, an online talkboard filled to the brim with hard core trolls and the lulz that accompany them but which is slowly declining despite the fact that the banhammer there is pretty lame and their security is about as robust as the American economy. GO NOW AND TROLL!
- Guardian Talk. Dedicated talkboard which runs on a hint, hint|not-very-secure version of WorldCrossing. Home of endless, epic political trolls by both conservatives and libtards alike about such topics as Freedom™, why you hate America, and of course the ever-popular Israel / Palestine conflict. Feel free to goatse until it bleeds, oh, and give BryanHinnen my love while you're there.
- Their website.
- Guardian talkboards were shitcanned a couple years ago, the gibbering remnants of this once-proud empire now continue their pointless bickering at justthetalk.com, where some promising drama occasionally happens. Infiltration in progress since June 2014, watch this space. April 2016, disregard that. Shithole full of oldfags so boring that your correspondent forgot to report back. Only thing worth noting is that the site's final boss is an aspie faggot who is building a Large Hadron Collider in his kitchen.
| The Guardian|
is part of a series on