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The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Suzumiya Haruhi no Yūutsu is an animu about some annoying tsundere female who is God. In other words, it's your average emo-oriented series, minus vampires and werewolves and with more happy gay shit that you'd only find in Japan. The show also contains various Japanese pop culture references that only an otaku would understand to any extent. Haruhi also started the Hare Hare Yukai dance, which both Waps and real Japs poorly imitate to the point where knowing it at an anime convention is mandatory.
A notable thing in the show is that the episodes were aired out of order, in an attempt to keep the series "deep" and "interesting", but this had proved to be a failure. It has, however, some lulz if you can laugh at "moe" bitches being molested by sociopathic Haruhi. Out of this come many flamewars of butthurt weeaboos who are offended by Haruhi acting too "cruel".
As Anonymous both loves and hates Haruhi with a passion, bringing the series up is a known way to start flamewars in /a/ (and /b/ at times). You can also pwn silly theism vs. atheism drama debates on /b/ by spamming pictures of Haruhi.
The show centers around a 16 year old Japanese schoolgirl named Haruhi, who is like God or Alien Overlord Xenu and created the world last Thursday. She believes that aliens, time travelers and the like exist (which, coincidentally do) and could make everyone in the world as such, but does not realize she has any powers at all. In order to keep her from destroying the world with her army of tentacle monsters, the others around her try to keep her happy by doing the shit she wants to do and eradicating all the drama around her.
To keep herself from having to suffer through the horrible lifestyle of the average Japanese schoolgirl, she creates a group called the "SOS Brigade" and recruits the following:
- "Kyon", the only normal person of the group, who had recommended she make her own club in the first place. He is the only one who has ever objected to anything Haruhi wishes to do. No one knows his actual name, but he has used the name John Smith before while talking to a younger Haruhi.
- Yuki Nagato, the group mute who always has some sort of book on hand. She is the only member of the literary club.
- Mikuru Asahina, the token female character with huge tits. She is the source of most of the series' fanservice, and loved by basement-dwelling, pasty-faced fucktards who are too secluded from society to go out and enjoy the presence of a real girl now and then. To the contrary, most girls hate her, likely due to her also being the token klutz character.
- Koizumi Itsuki, an esper who is extremely daft and flaky. Also the token "bishounen" of the series. Is commonly seen putting his face much too close to Kyon's.
Together the five of them go around doing extremely stupid, boring, and pointless things; such as making movies and repeating the last two weeks of summer vacation about 15000 times.
Because nobody can understand the plot, the creators threw in tons of fanservice. It's basically at the point where the ratio of Haruhi fanboys are equivalent to the amount of Ouran High School Host Club fangirls. Some argue that the two animu are the same thing in parallel universes, since they have the same protagonist, except that in Haruhi all the girls are hot and all the guys are losers, and in Ouran, all the girls are dykes and all the guys are losers.
The "Season 2" Drama
Once upon a time, the people that produced this animu said they were going to make a second season, and for more than two years they didn't give a release date. However, since the studio is full of greedy Jews, they decided to bait their fucktarded audience again and again with shitty calendars or supposed previews to squeeze out more money. This works because the audience will swallow up everything the Jews give them while in the meantime, they produce new crappy shows nobody actually watches.
As you may have picked up on already, Kadokawa Shoten and Kyoto Animation, the company and studio behind the Haruhi anime, are known to be masterful in the art of trolling. Fan pressure for a new season would not let up, yet a release date for the 10th volume of Haruhi was nowhere in sight despite this due to the creators obviously jacking off to their own drawings of Mikuru. Kadokawa and Kyoto knew they couldn't keep trolling the same way, but held off the second season despite there being at least five books of content available in their hands (one of which had not even been touched in the first season). So, deciding to go on with their schemes they then attempted to confuse and piss off everyone further by making two JewTube web series that were based off two spinoff manga that no one had ever fucking heard of.
Soon after they produced much rage among their rabid fanbase by announcing a new Haruhi "TV anime" for April, which was thought to be the second season. Of course, everyone who isn't a moron would be skeptical about this, since this wasn't the first time those geniuses trolled. But Haruhi's retarded fanbase obviously couldn't see through this, which made them rage even more when they found out the truth. It was revealed to be a rebroadcast of the same shit, just to produce more money. Rage and drama ensued, and weeaboos across the globe committed suicide by shoving countless pocky down their throats. What they didn't know however, is that the new anime contained new episodes that were supposed to be in season 2. So just as soon as everyone smart would have given up hope, they would have missed at least one of the new episodes they so dearly wanted to see. GG Kadokawa, GG.
Haruhi fans thought now the wait was finally over and they would finally get what they believed they deserved. As if they hadn't learned before, they still couldn't figure out that Kadokawa and Kyoto still had a few lulz up their sleeve. On June 18, 2009, the new episode "Endless Eight" aired.
On June 25, "Endless Eight" aired.
On July 2, "Endless Eight" aired.
On July 9, "Endless Eight" aired.
On July 16, "Endless Eight" aired.
On July 24, "Endless Eight" aired.
On July 31, "Endless Eight" aired.
On August 7, "Endless Eight" aired.
That's right, "Endless Eight" deals with a time loop, and while it was solved pretty quickly in the novels, Kadokawa Animation Studios had 8 episodes air going over the EXACT SAME EVENTS, albeit with very minor changes. All in all, brilliant trolling. It was eight fucking episodes long, and it was once thought that it could make up the rest of the series, but that's not all. You see, they tried to make the viewers believe that the anime version of "Endless Eight" was going to have a different, and even more horrible ending. So to fool the viewers, they put these paper airplanes in the fourth episode to make the viewers think that Haruhi would stop BAAAAAWING and finally let time continue if they flew some paper airplanes. I'm not kidding you. PAPER. FUCKING. AIRPLANES. But instead they gave us the best trolled ending ever.
At the end of the last episode of "Endless Eight", instead of basically saying, "I don't know what that bitch wants, I give up." like he always does, Kyon gets out of his seat and yells "I HAVEN'T... FINISHED MY LIST YET!" at the top of his lungs. No, srsly, that's what happens. Haruhi then turns around and is all "lolwut?" Then this incredibly inappropriate victory music plays as Kyon screams at the top of his lungs like a faggot about how he hasn't finished his homework, and that the SOS Brigade members should all do their homework with him at his house. The funny part is that he does this in a way that sounds like he's preparing them for battle like Leonidas or some shit. Completely caught off guard, Haruhi switches to RAGE mode, backs Kyon into a fucking corner, grabs him by the collar and screams "I'M THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF! I MAKE THE ORDERS! YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH ME!". Then after a pause she gives in and decides to go with them. Then Kyon wakes up to see that his choice somehow made Haruhi end her five hundred year summer repeating streak; unfortunately, for the fans, he still didn't get laid. Yes, according to Haruhi, homework is SOOOO GOOD that it will make you stop repeating the summer for 500 YEARS. You know what? I'll take their word for it, BRB JACKING OFF TO SOME HOMEWORK.
It is interesting to note that this was The Best Story Arc in the whole series but that was because they were ripping off Groundhog Day.
Former Haruhi Anime Director Speaks Out
At some random weeaboo faggot farm, the former director of the Haruhi anime decided to speak out against Kadokawa and Kyoto Animation's epic trolling. He then proceeded to BAAAAAWW about how they were actually planning this ahead of time while he was still there, and if he was there he would have never let this happen. Kadokawa, now laughing their asses off, couldn't hide their troll faces, so they sent their representative, Serious Cat, to say the following:
Recently, the makers and shakers behind the Haruhi animu have recently announced that "something is going to happen". Apparently though, this "something" is SO BIIIG that it will involve interviews with some of the voice actors of the series. Some speculate a movie, others speculate another season. All we know is that there is going to be more trolling involved, and it will surely be epic. So check this section for actual content in the next couple of weeks or so. Either way, anyone who is still loyal to the Haruhi anime, and is currently waiting for a comeback, is obviously a fucking moron. They gave us a list as follows:
—Newtype Magazine, on how you should obediently buy their crap
Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya
Haruhi Movie releasing February 6th, 2010.
Turns out that the "something" is a two hour and fourty-three minute long movie called The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya, based entirely off of the fourth novel that the producers had skipped in the two animu seasons. The book could probably be read in roughly the same amount of time as the movie (for the faggots that even read those things anymore), but since we are speaking of KyoAni here, making Haruhi fans sit through over two hours of Kyon getting his ass almost pwned by Tsuruya and Haruhi herself, and generally having schizophrenic moments while in some parallel world seemed like a good idea to them.
These two webseries that were based on those spinoff manga that no one had ever heard of before were known as "The Melancholy of Haruhi-chan Suzumiya" and "Nyoro~n Churuya-san".
This series is about a deformed autistic azn girl named Churuya who spends her day smacking her mouth full of smoked cheese while saying Nyoro~n all the time, and it is also about a similar girl named Ashakura who spends her time stalking Kyon waiting for the perfect time to spring out and rape him. The series is so bland that it takes the most hardcore ADD-ridden Haruhi fan to conquer their disorder to watch a whole episode. Actually, scratch that: anyone with an IQ of at least 100 would stab their eyes out less than half way through a single episode of this. The storyline for each episode is so bad and poorly thought out that it makes you wonder if they hired squirrelking to write it. Regardless, Nyoro~n is still more funny than the original series. The series also brings new meaning to the phrase "THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS."
The Melancholy of Haruhi-chan Suzumiya
The more watchable, yet some argue less funny of the two series. Take Haruhi, use chibi renditions of the characters, try to parody the the original writing, and you get this. The series tries to be funny, but ends up failing in the end because most of the episodes make just about as much sense as a gaiafag conversation and lack any sort of structure.
Haruhi - Hyperactive, sociopathic, bisexual Lord of All Creation. Masturbates to the supernatural. She enjoys raping Mikuru and blackmailing other characters. Causes some weeaboos to be butthurt because she isn't "omfg nice and friendly".
Asakura - Short lived character. She tries to kill Kyon for the lulz, but fails and dies in the process. In Haruhi-chan, she's resurrected as a chibi and gets a complete personality overhaul. She returns in the movie, but fails yet again in her attempts to kill Kyon.
Emiri Kimidori - Comes to the SOS Brigade asking them for help, claiming to be the Computer Research Society president's girlfriend. This is bullshit however, as anyone who has a life knows that people attached to a computer will never get a girlfriend. The story confirms this by saying that the Computer Research Society president never had a girlfriend to begin with, leaving her entire existence a
mystery huge plot hole.
Tsuruya - Most noticeable minor character, yet nobody has a clue who the fuck she is. She works as a drug dealer down the street. Laughs like a fucking moron. Trips on her own hair rather than shrooms.
Kyon's Sister - No one knows her real name, all we know is that she is Kyon's little sister. She doesn't show up in the plot too much (except to say "Kyon-kun, denwa!" multiple times in "Endless Eight"), but that sure doesn't stop the fanbase from obsessing over how "UBER KAWAII DESU" she is.
Computer Research Society President - He gets blackmailed into giving away his best computer by Haruhi, while suffering the humiliation of having to set it up for her. With his pride and dignity down in the trash, what does he do? What any respectable human would do: turn into a giant bug thing and kick some ass!
Sunou Mori - A maid with a very minor role in the story who works for the agency. However in Haruhi-chan, she does all sorts of crazy shit with Arakawa for unexplained reasons, because apparently its supposed to be funny.
Mr. Arakawa - A butler (who's probably gay) with a very minor role in the story who works for the agency. However in Haruhi-chan, he does all sorts of crazy shit with Sunou Mori for reasons said above. He also has a route in the Haruhi-chan Japanese eroge (pronounced arrow-gay) for people with a creepy gay and/or old person fetish.
|About missing Pics|
- Official Haruhi website, in moonrunes of course. What else did you expect for an animu's site?
- Fan-made Haruhi website
- IIIchan's Haruhi board. Beware, faggotry may ensue.
- Haruhi's wikia
- Another Haruhi wiki, but not as good.
- Another URL for the bad Haruhi wiki. Just how many of these are there?
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|Article of the Nao May 16, 2011|
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