The Power 5
An Overview Of The Shocking Nature Of The Internets
Coming from different times of different realities, The Power 5 shock sites have been owning noobs since their inception. Consisting of a ragtag team of misfits with a devil-may-care attitude and nothing to lose, Goatse, Tubgirl, Lemonparty, Meatspin and HAI2U are out there in the dark corners of the internets, waiting for Baptist mothers of nine and retired online bingo players to stumble upon and flip out over. Rumor has it that every member of The Power 5 can combine together to form the mega-monster that is Last Measure, whose legendary battle cry is "HEY EVERYBODY! I'M LOOKING AT GAY PORNO!!!". It should be noted that LUE is responsible for two of these monstrosities being spread like wildfire through the series of tubes and corrupting the noobs.
2girls1cup has been repeatedly nominated and is likely to make it into The Power 5, even if this means expanding it to the Power 6. However, some have argued that this would be inappropriate, since all the other Power 5 sites were Web 1.0-era phenomena (in fact, all but one are only static images) whereas high-quality streaming video came into prominence only in the Web 2.0 era. However, this is not a subject of large scale debate because few people give a flying fuck.
The Power 5 are some of the most basic shock images/clips a computer user can stumble upon when surfing the web. Whether it is an accident (not too likely), "an accident" (most likely if they are a sick fuck), or a trap (most likely if they are a noob), naive internet users have found these images to be completely disgusting and revolting on all accounts. However, these are some of the first shock sites people are desensitized to, which is how internet users become internet abusers.
After the initial "OMG WTF GAY BUTTZ OPENING" and "oh my word how disgusting I hate poo blaaaahrghdjdfdfff", the more a person sees these images, the less disgusted they are, even noticing the subtle nuances of these images, such as Goatse's gold ring, the eyeshadow on HAI2U lady being gross, the fact that the centripetal acceleration on the tip in meatspin is about 31.8 meters per second squared, and the odd, miniscule censoring of Tubgirl's vagina. The shock value continues to decrease until it becomes old meme, making it worthless as a trap. However, the knowledge of the Power 5 becomes usable ammo against known noobs and can result in large amounts of lulz to those more net-savvy around them.
EXAMPLE: A chatroom full of part-time trolls with a retard.
- ~#*iLUVabercrombie*#~: Hay guyz, do u kno any good places to get cool glitter text for my Mypace>?
- anthonyroma: Yeah, www.lemonparty.org has lots of good text options and colors
- ~#*iLUVabercrombie*#~: thanx!! *wink*
- lostard: lol
- greenacresrules: lol
- oh ok: loal
- ~#*iLUVabercrombie*#~:YOU GUYS ARE SICK OMG WAHT THE FUKK WAS THAT OLD GUY GAY PORNO JEEZUS UR MEEN
- anthonyroma: lol
And repeat the lols. However, a word of caution: This only works on the most noobiest of noobs, e.g. grandparents and toddlers. When used as legitimate trolling tools, these can readily backfire. Tricking someone with The Power 5 is particularly embarrassing for the trollee because it aggressively emphasizes how little internet experience they have. However, trying to use them on an experienced mark is embarrassing for the troll - don't they know how played out this content is?
The MySpace generation is so desensitized to violence, gore and sexual fetishes that few will even look up from their poorly-designed HTML pages to notice the apocalypse. Additionally, it is entirely likely that everyone you know has seen Goatse, Tubgirl, Lemonparty, Meatspin and HAI2U, so don't even bother with them. Instead, show your 16-year-old cousin the Pain Series or another site from our lovely collection.
The Power 5, Mudkips Style
The Power 5 is part of a series on
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