The Rescuers

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Christian idiot who obviously doesn't know bluebirds are stupid, The Rescuers

The movie's most famous scene.

Directed by the noted Wapanese director Don Bluth, The Rescuers (known as Bernard und Bianca – Die Mäusepolizei in Germany) is one of Disney's most important movies ever, despite being omitted from most lists of them. The movie's main theme is the eastern expansion of Germany before World War 2. The story entitles two rats, Bernard and Miss Bianca, who are assigned to save an orphan loli named Penny from an evil Nazi bitch named Medusa. It was a smash-hit at the box office, and received bunches and bunches of praise.

Plot

The Tzar's Eye

The movie starts when a bunch of pack rats receive a letter from a bottle of Russian champagne with a message inside. Such message was written by an Austrian girl named Penny, who was kidnapped by the evil communist bitch Medusa. In order to form a pact between Germany and Austria, the rats' chairmen sends two lab rats (one from Hungary) to save her (which is absurd, given the fact he could have used the whole army of pack rats). The two rodents then go to the USSR by using the Italian albatross Orville, sent by Germany's ally Mussolini. Upon their arrival to the island, Medusa's Soviet army sends atomic missiles; afterwards, her communist slaves, Snoops, Brutus, and Nero, go after the rodents, only to be murdered by the inhabitants of the swamp the rats managed to convert. It is later revealed that Medusa's plan is to use Penny to get the Tzar's Eye, which contains the Five Year Plans. Fortunately, Medusa is eaten by a Grue and sent to a concentration camp, and Penny is rescued and sent to a caring family. And then World War 2 starts. But that's another story...

Characters

The bitch in a huff.
  • Miss Bianca: One of the rats that went to save Penny; wears a lot of perfume.
  • Bernard: The other rat; castrated in the end.
  • Madame Medusa: An evil, hateful, arrogant communist bitch who despises anything that doesn't belong to the German/Nazi race (except herself, obviously), and desires to get the Tzar's Eye.
  • Penny: An Austrian orphan loli who was kidnapped by Medusa.
  • Mr. Snoops: Medusa's sidekick who is only in it to get a share of the Tzar's Eye.
  • Brutus and Nero: Medusa's pet Baikal seals. They are very aggressive and very horny, so if you see one of them in freshwater beware or you'll have your ass raped (even if you're a girl; they don't like pussy).
  • Rufus: A gay, jewish cat who lied when Bernard and Bianca asked him what happened to Penny saying that she run away instead of being kidnapped. Well, technically she DID run away, but was captured by Medusa. However, because of his actions he was sent to a concentration camp at the end of the movie.
  • Evinrude: A Japanese dragonfly who aids the rats. Later murdered by Medusa for not being a Nazi.

Sequels

Disney later made the movie The Rescuers Down Under the Furher, which follows the adventures of Bernard and Bianca while saving a Serbian boy from a Britfag pedophile. Unlike the first movie this one had a poor performance in the USA, due to the appearance of a Sapeornis, something that pissed off creationists. Still, it was praised by the critics again, who enjoyed the sex scenes and the anti-semitic brutality.

Another sequel was made that was inspired by AVP, which was TR-V-AC, or The Rescuers vs. Alvin and the Chipmunks: Two Rodents, One Small Battle!, which was rated PG for Mild Action, Crude References, and Minimal Language. It was so good that a sequel, TR-V-AC II: Rodents vs. Roaches, was released two years later, which was rated PG-13 for Action Violence, Slime, Some Crude Language, and Explosions.

Gallery

See Also

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