TolstoyKafkaEvsky

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TolstoyKafkaEvsky is a typical Jewtube fag who tries to make edgy, yet informative, videos about games and consoles that he's never played. His hilarious and hyperactive style of humor has earned him a over 9000 subscribers, mostly of the 13 year old boy demographic who think gaming is serious business. Tolstoykafkaevsky miraculously has maintained a loyal fanbase, despite his many attempts of leaving Youtube because the creators only care about the money. He also has had a blog, forum, and a LiveVideo channel.


Contents

How it all began

In the beginning, TolstoyKafkaEvsky's channel used to be somewhat bearable. It presented an array of somewhat informative videos about retro consoles and cheap, Chinese knock-off toys. Afraid to show his identity (yeah, right), he only showed his torso in his early videos. It was obvious early on that he was a douche because of his "The Who" and "Boondocks" shirts. Another thing that was fucking annoying was when he filmed himself playing the console. Instead of using screen capture like every other respectable human fucking being, he just recorded the screen with his shitty camera that he always bitched about running out of batteries. Tolstoy was also notable for making videos about himself and his personal life, like his Thanksgiving and Halloween specials about his unremarkable Amerikkkunt family.

When Tolstoykafkaevsky showed his face for the first time in his EyeToy review, the channel started to turn into even more of a pile of shit. He realized that since he attracted a respectable fanbase, he could now express his faggotry through videos about things like politics, religion, and Youtube. Immediately his videos morphed into a big pile of severed donkey dicks, as he then started talking about airsoft guns and his sexual lust towards C.S. Lewis.

Even though it seemed it couldn't get worse... it did. Tolstoy stated to delve into his anarchist, pinko, bullshit beliefs. Like every other Generation Y-er on the planet, he criticized the policies of every fucking politician with blatant straw man arguments. Recently, he has been an advocate for universal healthcare, claiming that he is too poor and can't afford it, despite the fact that he's 21, unemployed, and lives with both of his parents.


The Fail

At a certain point of Tolstoy's self-described "fame", he started to get all uppity. Declaring that Youtube was the root of all evil, he migrated to LiveVideo, and phailed to an epik degree. Nobody gave a shat about his new videos nor the point he was trying to get across. Even his buttbuddy, "Crammage", called him a douche and told him to fuck off. In the end, Tolstoy admitted that he didn't know what the fuck he was thinking and moved back to Jewtube. It was too late, however, he had reached a new level of shitness. Instead actually posting videos about video games, Tolstoy started to clusterfuck his channel with videos about airsoft guns, stuffed animals, and overall, shit nobody cares about.


   
 
...and so we dip into a digital stream.

Who gives a fuck that Michael Jackson died,

When someone's Facebook status can make you cry?

Coca Cola ads glow in bright, whole red,

But I'm on DeviantArt, so to me, they're dead.
 


 
 

—TolstoyKafkaEvsky, attempting to rap

What I Believe Series

In an attempt to surpass his already record-breaking level of douchery, TolstoyKafkaEvsky created a series where he talked about his religious views. It was an undeniable straw man factory consisting of four episodes, and a response video containing bawww. In it, he claimed that atheists are ridiculous piles of shit while he paced around his living room without a shirt on. TolstoyKafkaEvsky also claimed that you were wrong because he knows more about world theology than you do.


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