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Toontown
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Toontown is the most badass MMORPG a roleplayer could ask for. You play as a furry who, alongside other furries, combats evil robots dressed in suits. If this doesn't sound awesome enough, you fight them by hurling pies and other slapstick-esque items at their faces. Need more be said? If that's not enough, Disney is responsible for this abomination of the internet. Its levels of faggotry even challenge those of Neopets.
Oh yeah, and you have to pay to play this shit. You might as well be given a monthly fee for cutting your balls off.
The Toontown tree first sprouted in 2003. Since then, it has grown catastrophically. With more and more updates to the game, more and more children are sucked into the dark void that is Disney's Toontown Online. It can be described best as a horrific monster, similar to The Blob. The more children succumb to this monstrosity, the more powerful it becomes. We can only hope that the internet will one day be rid of this horror for eternity. Unfortunately, we all know that expectation to be approximately as realistic as Dianetics.
- Not to be confused with the Toontown from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. This Toontown is much more fail.
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Gameplay
When the game is first begun, you will create your character just like in any other MMORPG. You choose which animal you want your character to be, his or her personal appearance, then his or her name. The most common way to do so is by using Toontown's name generator, the resulting name is never any less elaborate and ridiculously, unnecessarily long than something along the lines of "Queen Happy Dildoshitter The Thirteenth". Once the character has been created, you are walked through a short tutorial that explains how to play the game:
1. Select gag (weapon).
2. Enemy's turn.
3. Repeat.
4. You win/lose.
5. Move on to next enemy.
6. Continue from step 1.
Once the tutorial is completed, you are free to roam Toontown. What you do from then on is not much different from the tutorial itself. However, you may embark upon lengthy and irritating quests which involve killing the same kind of Cog over and over again. This is just about as much fun as it sounds like. When you run low on gags, you must play minigames to earn more. Also, if a player "goes sad" (the family friendly term for dying), said player is forced to wander around aimlessly in a safe zone until his/her laff points (the game's health system) have replenished. This takes an unnecessarily long amount of time.
Gameplay Sample
Gag Types
Toon-Up
Toon-Up gags are Toontown's version of healing potions. These gags consist of a flower with which you can molest other toons, a cane for doing Dr. House impressions, and lipstick so you can initiate yiffing. Many toons in need of a toon-up will shout "TOON PLZ" over and over until they inevitably go sad, at which point they will blame anyone in the room. Denying toon-ups is one of many forms of trolling Toontown players that is available. The maximum level toon-up is the high dive, in which your toon becomes self aware and climbs a tall ladder, jumping off at the top in an attempt to commit suicide after realizing what a horrible game he/she is in. This causes great lulz to the other toons, who, knowing you can never escape, laugh harder than at any other toon-up gag.
Trap
Despite being a game targeted towards children, trap gags are decidedly violent. They include quicksand pits in which your enemies drown and TNT which can blow a foe's face far, far away. Although they are the only thing that comes close to even a fraction of cool in Toontown, nobody uses trap. The maximum level trap gag calls in Asians to build a railroad track, which, if the enemies step on, instantly sends a fucking train through their fragile robot bodies.
Lure
Lure gags must be used after a trap has been set in order for the trap to work. Lure gags include money attached to fishing rods and magnets. One jellybean can be exchanged for a twenty dollar bill, because the gag shop is run by counterfeiters. A lured cog cannot attack, and stands still for several turns contemplating whether it would be better to an hero for falling for a stupid prank, or to get revenge and do penance for its sin of idiocy. The maximum level lure gag is a projector screen with loli displayed, drawing all foes in and distracting them while they fap.
Sound
Sound is the ultimate weapon of lulz. The jews at Disney made a gag track that almost always hits, hits all enemies, and does barely any damage. No matter what sound gag you use, if it hits, it WILL draw enemies out of lure. This can be used for trolling in situations with high level enemies, as a bike horn will do about three points of damage and piss off the evil robots enough to cause massive damage to all toons involved. Alternatively, higher level sound gags like the Foghorn are useful for taking out groups of foes, but you can't win at this game, so why bother trying? The maximum level sound gag is an opera singer, whose ugliness and horrifying voice combine to make the foes slit their wrists for 90 damage.
Throw
Throw gags miss about as often as they hit. Many toons think they are 1337 because they throw birthday cakes at foes, but everyone knows all the awesome toons creampie their enemies to death. All toons start with this gag, and squirt. The maximum level throw gag is a wedding cake, which makes the bad guys so fat they develop diabetes and fail to get testing supplies in time.
Squirt
The other gag toons start with, squirt nearly always hits but does 3/4 the damage of throw gags. To use a squirt attack, a toon first touches his/herself furiously, then cums on the foe. This level of pleasure can be obtained through such means as rubbing flowers on one's genitalia, or even humping a hose, but the most backed up toons release a geyser of body fluids (the maximum level squirt gag).
Drop
Drop gags, much like playing Toontown, are useless. They do a ton of damage, but trap is more useful for hard hitting. They miss more often than any other gag type. Most of all, they are used last in a turn, so they don't even get a chance to try hitting their target half the time. However, if you can get a drop to land, it often kills the victim. Drop gags include safes, pianos, and even the maximum level "Toontanic" if you feel like adding more victims to an already horrid tragedy (and you know you do, just like you know you love that Celine Dion song, faggot).
Cogs
You battle business robots called "cogs" as they fight against you just to make a minimum wage (Making Toontown even more fail as it teaches kids to get rid of good office people). They come in four fruity flavors. They are all based of slang terms for business people.
Cog Types
Bossbots
Flunky - Dropped out of robot highschool and became a fat fuck.
Pencil Pusher - A walking pencil, literally. Often confused with being a walking dildo.
Yesman - Says yes to being fucked every time, it's ironic sometimes when he says no if you want to battle him.
Micromanager - A woman boss (lol).
Downsizer - Spends more time walking around streets then actually downsizing people.
Head Hunter - His huge body compensates for his tiny head.
Lawbots
Bottom Feeder - Fat ass piece of shit that has nothing to do with being a lawyer.
Bloodsucker - Vampire lawyers that make stupid 1950's horror story references.
Double Talker - Walks around the streets offering two oral jobs at once.
Ambulance Chaser - Possibly the only Lawbot the has a lawyer reference that roams the streets.
Backstabber - Another non lawyer name for a Lawbot.
Spin Doctor - Skinny ass blue dude that does the most damage for a street cog.
Sellbots
Cold Caller - Fat ass credit card caller, does the least amount of damage in the game.
Telemarketer - A Cold Caller that goes on a diet gets promoted to this.
Name Dropper - The only nigger cog, some how isn't a Flunky.
Glad Hander - Fat ass that offers hand jobs.
Mover and Shaker - Skinny French dude that always says lines that you can end with "That's what she said".
Two Face - A white Double Talker.
Cashbots
Short Change - Cold Caller with a green suit (Shows how much time Disney put into the game).
Penny Pincher - A walking red penis, seriously.
Tightwad - See Money Bags.
Bean Counter - Downsizer, but with a green suit.
Number Cruncher - Another female cog, and somehow not a lower Lvl cog.
Money Bags - Fat ass jew that never shuts up about money.
Building only Cogs
Some cogs just stay in a cog building and fap all day until players go and stop them from molesting other players. All these "building only" cogs can also be found during Invasions and in Cog HQ's. Go figure....
Corporate Raider - Fat pirate that does more damage then the Big Cheese somehow.
The Big Cheese - Although he is the highest of the bossbots, he is the weakest building only cog.
Legal Eagle - A walking bird, does shit damage making him a joke.
Big Wig - George Washington robot, also does shit damage. Highest of the Lawbots.
Loan Shark - Up there with the Corporate Raider and Mingler in the OP department. He does 24 damage all the time.
Robber Baron - Highest of the Cashbots but does less damage then a Loan Shark.
Mr. Hollywood - Highest of the Sellbots, but is a joke compared to The Mingler.
Cog Buildings
Sometimes a street cog will take over a building and make it a secret sex torture chamber. Players go in and defeat all cogs in it just to change it back. You will get tasks to visit a shopkeeper in a building on some street. That one building you have assigned is always taken over and made into a four story cog building, cause players don't give a crap about your missions.
Cog HQ's
Cogs made permanent fap areas in each corner of the map with a boss battle for each. Players have to disguise as cogs and team up to eight players to prevent further fapping.
Sellbot HQ
The Factory - Players go into a factory in teams of four and fight basically a super Cog Building.
Sellbot Towers - The Sellbot boss battle. Eight players go into to fight the V.P. by throwing cum pies at him until he falls off the top of the tower. Super easy. Players with only 50 health practically solo this damn boss even though it's meant for eight players.
Cashbot HQ
The Mints - Noobs go in thinking they can solo it like a factory then die cause they didn't know that it's just a series of four Lvl 11 cogs waiting to kill you. Cashbot HQ started the process of making all cog HQ's besides Sellbot mad hard by making every cog in there either a Lvl 10, 11, or 12.
The C.F.O. Battle - Eight players fight the Cashbot boss battle. A giant fucking cash register. You have to hit him on the head with mini robots then hit him on the head wit safes to damage him. If you hit him on the head with a safe when he's not knocked out, he will use it as a helmet (Great trolling technique for other players). Some players say he's too easy and purposefully give him a safe helmet to make it harder.
Lawbot HQ
The District Attorneys Office - Same as the mints, but with no Lvl 10s and more cogs.
The Chief Justice battle - Eight players play makeshift lawyer in a attempt to defend a nigger for killing his hoe. Players who defeat the C.J. get to call in Cog Invasions which makes the entire game make nothing but the cog you called in for 7-10 minutes (troll players who need to kill a certain cog by calling in invasions of other cogs).
Bossbot HQ
The Golf Courses - Same as the D.A. Office only more cogs. They also made new V2.0 Cogs where when you defeat them, you also have to defeat their skeleton.
The C.E.O. Battle - You and seven other players break into a kitchen, poison the food, and squirt the bossbot boss with water until he gets demoted into a Flunky. It's the longest boss battle but it's also the lamest.
Other Cog HQ info
Goons - Walking mini robots that shoots a giant UV light unto the floor. A player caught in it dies of cancer unless they get out of it.
Skelecogs - Only found in Cog HQ's. They are basically just skeletons of cogs.
Virtual Skelecogs - Skelecogs projected off a camera. Players fight these thing even though it would just be easier to turn off the fucking camera and move on.
The Toontown Within Toontown
- Toontown is a city populated by odd, brightly colored creatures referred to as, "Toons".
- Toontown consists of several districts, each of which governed by none other than a member of the cast of The Mickey Mouse Show.
- Toons use a system of currency much different than our own: jellybeans.
- Jellybeans, which are necessary for purchasing gags (weapons), are earned by playing minigames repeatedly.
- Gags are the weapons for use against enemies.
- There is a variety of gags that can be purchased, such as pies or bottles of seltzer water, and more powerful gags are unlocked at later levels.
- The enemies in Toontown consist of robotic entities known as, "Cogs".
- Cogs wander around Toontown in their endless search for rape victims. A Cog makes no effort whatsoever to harm a Toon unless the Toon in question has made a direct attempt to make physical contact, therefore issuing a life-or-death challenge.
- Cogs attack by throwing objects at Toons. However, rather than pies, Cogs throw ties and other businessman-related objects.
- When a Cog has been defeated, said Cog will explode in a blazing inferno of cogs and gears. Not before entering an epileptic seizure, of course.
- Sidewalks are completely safe from Cogs.
Players
You can only imagine the kind of people who actually spend their money to play this. Due to Toontown's playful and innocent nature, nobody older than thirteen can be found playing this (with the exception of aspies). As a result, it's a breeding ground for jailbait. However, you must be able to prove you know a player IRL to actually attempt direct communication, making sexual harassment but a distant dream. If you don't know a player IRL, you are forced to select a preset phrase from a list. One can only imagine what manner of badass phrases are allowed to be said in this horrid game. Had this not been the case, Toontown may have just become the newest Habbo Hotel.
Fandom
As you may have assumed, due to the game being entirely populated by furries, some players go so far as to make webcomics and other fan art/fiction about this godawful game. Some are poorly drawn serious comics with horrible storylines, like most webcomics (an example of which can be found here). However, some people are sick enough to make traditional furry works. The fanbase also consisists of retarded 14 year old 2013 fags who would spam the Yolo, Swag, Dubstep, and twerking trends and how "kewl" 2013 is like they're new fads and totally didn't become old mold on a cold plate. They would also blindly bash or ignore things that isn't Toontown.
People Who Don't Play Toontown
- Heterosexuals
- Anyone whose balls have descended.
- Anyone who has a job.
- People who leave their homes.
Known Players
Toontowns Closed
In 2013, Disney finally decided it was time to mercy-kill the failure shitpile of a game that is Toontown. Thus resulting in lulzy collective crying from all the furfag sperglords who actually still play the game. This was the most cringiest and saddest things that a fandom has ever done. The fans of Toontown obviously don't know that MMOs come and go and Toontown is one of them.
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Muh childhood ;_; Toontown is SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS (Also, FUCK CLUB PENGUIN!!!!) [Bawwwing Intensifies] |
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External Links
- Toontown's official website. /b/ware.
- Unofficial (but most often frequented) Forum.
- Quite possibly the gayest fanfictions you could ever read.
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DeviantART fan account.
| | Toontown is part of a series on MMORPGs. |
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