The drama bomb erupted when someone suggested using a French bread in a traditional, thousand-year-old mafia dish . Much "racism" ensued on the part of the bonny Scottish Lass, while racism spewed forth from the Mafiosa, who was terribly upset at her mother-in-law's extremely recent (Think: No more than 99 minutes from the original post) death. Said mother-in-law has recently come back from the grave, only to be struck with cancer. 
Much lulz ensued
A Brief History of the World
To sum it all up, this former mandyke has done everything evar and has done it better than anyone will ever manage to do it. Evar. The following list comes directly from her shaky, AIDS-riddled hands: All of the following has been stated by tranzutopia except for one. Can you spot the exaggeration?
- Was a test tube baby (despite the fact that she was born in 1959)
- Won a full college scholarship at age 11
- Was a traditionally trained Italian chef, who won the respectable if never heard of 'Italy's Apprentice of the Year' award twice.
- Had a TV show
- Had a stage career
- Is a world champion in Judo, Karate, Tae Kwon Do, and Aikido (Despite the fact that the USAF, AAA, AS and do not hold competitions and TAIN has never heard of her.)
- Ran marathons
- Played lacrosse at World Level
- Somehow went from an athletic guy to a curvy, beautiful blonde bombshell
- Has at least 100 diseases, including MS, epilepsy, asthma, and AIDS
- Has an 18 year old son who is also diseased and should, scientifically speaking, be dead. HALLELUJAH!
- Lived in Nepal, in a Buddhist monastery, as a tranny...for years
- Thinks Bono is a saint
- Graduated college with a degree in speech therapy, all while carrying her retarded, diseased son around in a sling
- Has two other degrees, as well
- Used to do stand-up
- Is writing a book
- Was admitted into Mensa at age 13
- Was a mental health counselor for five years
- Did a ridiculous amount of crystal meth and then kicked it cold turkey, by herself
- Somehow, made millions and had it all taken away by her crazy ex wife
- Has a child with Asperger's Syndrome
- Owned and operated a world-class security company whose clientele included supreme court judges and rock stars.
- Was a cook for oil rig employees in the North Sea
- Out of her 8 brothers and sisters, 7 of them were murdered
- Has a 14 inch machete scar on her tum
- Was once thrown into solitary confinement for 120 days (despite being able to prove she was not in the country at the time the crime happened)
- She doesn't have poor grammar because she shakes. Apparently, severe epilepsy kills grammar.
- Was kicked out of 16 boarding schools by age 10
- Was, literally, stabbed in the back by her best friend. Took 27 stitches and three days in the hospital.
- Alludes to having killed someone
- Had to have her face reconstructed after being struck 17 times with a baseball bat by a burglar
- Is a lawyer
- Built six hot rods
- Can lick her own eyes
- Owned and operated the highest rated Italian restaurant in Australia and Hong Kong
- Owned and operated the highest rated European bakery in Chelsea, New York
Oddly enough, she does not list "once accused a one-legged Trinidadian bicycle messenger of perpetrating a hate crime after a punching match on the New York City subway" even though this is one event in her life which can actually be verified.    
Add pixplzkthnx to TranzutopiaPlz to be adding some pix now kthnx. Consult the image selection process for help, or just google up some pix.
Plz remove this notice once there are plenty of pix.
Oh noes, it's the Sicilian children!
|Featured article January 15, 2007|