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No television experience is finer than shirtless, oiled-up men with mullets and overtanned skin, dry humping each other in front of a crowd of redneck inbreds. No television experience is more heterosexual than an aging blonde man sporting a Village People mustache and well-waxed saggy man-tits rip off his shirt in a broad show of masculinity, his barbaric yawp sending shivers through the crowd and a tingle through the bosoms of women and questioning youth everywhere. What was once about showing wrestling skills has devolved into little more than a weekly soap opera, except with a far trashier audience. The shows are mostly taken up by the diva stars and the search for louder, more waxed, and more shirtless men to display their steaming masculinity and total lack of skill. Do not confuse professional wrestling with buttsechs, though to the undiscerning eye it may appear nearly identical.
- 1 World Wresting Entertainment (WWE)
- 2 Total Nonstop Action Wrestling
- 3 Ultimate Fighting Championship
- 4 Wrestling Forums
- 5 Deathmatch Wrestling
- 6 Popular wrestlers
- 7 Trolling Wrasslin' Fans
- 8 Greatest Match Evar
- 9 Videos
- 10 Galleries
- 11 See Also
- 12 External Links
World Wresting Entertainment (WWE)
The WWE is the oldest MMA promotion in the USA (Mehican group Consejo Mundial de Lucha Libre (CMLL) having the edge on them by 40 years or so), having easily crushed it's opponents with money, ass and fail back in the days when wrestling was actually good. Back in the old days, they used to have storylines that were made for the non-retarded, good wrestlers and tits. Nowadays, they try their hardest to fuck everything up by doing crappy stories and making awful champions. (See John Cena and The Great Khali)
Employees in WWE consist of talentless wrestlers, managers, play-by-play and color commentators, ring announcers, interviewers, referees, trainers, road agents, script writers, and whores.
After sucking Vince McMahon's dick, an employee's contract ranges from developmental contracts to multi-year deals. Generally, if employee's suck him off good enough the first time, they are placed on one of the promotions main television brands (Raw and SmackDown). If a employee gives Vince a bad blowjob, they will be offered a developmental contract and be placed on a shitty promotion called NXT, that only basement-dwelling smarks watch. Unless they improve on giving head, they will never make it to one of the main brands.
WWE Male Roster
|The Autiste||A Pasty white faggot that was in a jobber tag team called "The Vaudevillians", a team from a "Bygone era", until man-boobed Simon Gotch got released. Became a jobber along with Simon after an orgy for the tag-team championship against The New Day. He's now a singles wrestler with a singing gimmick.|
|The Phenomenal Faggot
The Fag That Loves to Shag
|Former TNA midget with the gayest hairstyle on the roster. Every IWC basement-dweller cums buckets whenever his shitty theme song plays because he wrestled in Japan as part of a shitty NWO ripoff stable called the "Bullet Club". His Finisher is literally shoving the opponent's face in his crotch, lifting their ass in his face, and then falling forward into their ass. Became the WWE Champion and every Smark blew their collective loads.|
|The Bulgarian Brute
The Super Faggot
The True American Queero
|The Swiss Superfag
King of Swing
The Professional Salad Tosser
|Balding Eurofag, and one of the IWC's biggest wet dreams. His fanbase is constantly getting trolled by Vince due to Vince's refusal to push him. Like Rusev, He forgot his first name in 2014, and has been known just as "Cesaro" since then. Now butt buddies with Sheamus.|
|A Terry Crews lookalike who can't stop smiling to save his life. Got into a series of matched because Daniel Bryan fucked up his name by calling him "Apollo Creed".|
|The Lone Wolf||A long-haired lanky queer with a stomach face and a receding hairline. Made a Spaghetti-haired faggot named Dolph Ziggler and a Masked Spic named Kalisto his bitches.|
|The Babe Ruth of Beatdowns
The Big-Breasted Bambino
The Don of Parmesan
|Another long-haired lanky queer with wet hair and breast implants that can't talk to save his life. Only cared about because he's partnered with the overrated and unfunny Enzo Amore.|
|Big E (Langston)
The Alpha Unicorn
|Big gorilla with breast implants. Debuted to cuck Dolph Ziggler by ramming his nigger dick up AJ Lee's ass. Lost his in-ring last name 'cause he's a filthy monkey and slaves don't have last names. Later joined up with fellow niggers Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods to form a shitty stable called the New Day.|
Paul Wight II
|The World's Largest Athlete
The Gayest Giant of All Time
|Giant drooling fatass that spits everywhere and can barely move around in the ring. Has turned face and heel more times than your mom sucked dicks in an alleyway.|
|The Inspirational Faggot||Wrestler whose gimmick is being oblivious to the fact that no one likes him. Basically, he's John Cena. Had a pretty impressive winning streak before losing to a nigger and becoming a jobber.|
|The Abominable Strowman
A Monster Among Men
A Retard of a Man
|Fat retard who sounds like Christian Bale's Batman who replaced Erick Rowan as the Wyatt Family's resident furfag. They kept him around after Rowan rejoined, and then they could usually be found yiffing backstage. Was separated from the Wyatt Family due the brand split and is now feuding with Roman Reigns.|
|The New Face of Faggotry
The Eater of Pins
|Fat cult leader who wears a fedora and has a neckbeard. Is basically known for always losing his feuds, making him the WWE equivalent of the kid on the playground who acts tough despite routinely getting his ass kicked by everyone else. Absolutely no one gives a shit about this unscary loser anymore. His follower isa guy who wears a sheep mask.|
|Brock Lesnar||The Bestiality Incarnate||Inarticulate shaved ape who told WWE to fuck off 10 years ago to join UFC. Came back after he was too much of a pussy for them and lost his first match back to John Cena, even though he spent the whole match kicking the shit out of Cena. Later caused every wrestling fan in the world to shit themselves and retreat to their hugboxes by ending the Undertaker's Wrestlemania streak. Later got pwned in an instant at Survivor Series by Goldberg. Later pwned Goldberg at Wrestlemania 33 for the Ugly Universal Championship.|
|A Kurt Angle and Charlie Haas ripoff that can't cut a promo and is one-half of the World's Greatest Tag-Team ripoff called "American Alpha".|
|Y2Gay||A Canuck with concave tits who was in a gay relationship with fat fuck Kevin Owens and can get almost anything popular among the IWC neckbeards. Examples include: A faggy scarf, "The List", & The Power of Friendship.|
|The Prince of Queers||Perhaps best remembered for having threesomes with Edge and Zack Ryder throughout 2007-2008. Now jobs to everyone on the roster. Want proof? Ask your local cable provider, or if you're a cheap Jew watch it on pirate streams, you sick fuck. Now back in the WWE as a Chuck Norris Wannabe.|
|Shit Nobody Cares About
|Was expected to go big by the fat internet fan slobs known as the IWC but failed to garner any fans in the process. He's only recognized because his father was the stereotypical Nazi jock who died after consuming large amounts of crack. Used to be managed by kike walrus Paul Hymen and is now another jobber.|
Frederick Rosser III
|Mr. No Days Off (of Men's Dicks)||Black John Cena clone and IRL gay nigger. He is the only WWE wrestler who actually admits that he enjoys getting fucked in the ass by other dudes, and likely enjoys grappling with other oily half-naked men for a living. Now managed by Oldfag Bob Backlund in order to "Make Darren Young Great Again" even though he was never great to begin with.|
|A flabby NXT faggot with a jacket and a towel along with his butt buddy Scott Dawson. Together they're "The Revival", where they hug each other every 10 seconds.|
|The Lunatic Cringe
The Ironfag of the WWE
|Unstable faggot with a shitty combover and a love for Hotdogs who was Seth Rollins' butt buddy in the Shield. After Rollins betrayed the Shield, Ambrose took the loss of his boyfriend pretty hard and devoted several months to beating the shit out of him. Later got de-pushed after Vince McMahon got butthurt that his merchandise was outselling John Cena's. Got screwed over in a ladder match for the WWE Championship by a chinless faggot named James Ellsworth before becoming the Intercontinental Champion.|
Theodore "Nick" Nemeth
|The Showoff (your ass)
|A Spaghetti-Haired Faggot and Das Fuhrer's Aryan nightmare: A former cheerleader turned male prostitute that dated Eddie Guerrero's beaner widow. Got fame for getting IRL pwned by Wolverine because the Australian fag thought wrestling was real, Bub. Another one of the IWC's Wet Dreams.|
Queer of Song Style
|A hipster with a scarf that plays the Guitar. Got "fired" from NXT for losing to fatass Kassius Ohno in a Loser leaves NXT match. Walked across the stage on an episode of Raw, but no one cared.|
|A Certified G and a Bona-Fide Stud
Jersey's Finest Faggot
Gayest Guy in the Room
The Michael Jordan of Jargon
|Loud-mouthed annoying wop midget who can't win shit without Cass' help. IWC basement-dwellers cream their pants at the sound of his unfunny promos. Once got a concussion from a botched spot in a match with the Vaudevillians, but unfortunately, he wasn't forced to retire. Currently trying to obtain the Raw tag titles with his retarded friend Cass.|
|Epic (fail)||Some Puerto Rican freak show who hides behind a mask to avoid being confused with Rocky Dennis. Teamed up with Primo and no one cared, even though they were tag team champions for a while. The two later got repackaged as Mexican bullfighters, and people continued to not give a shit as usual. Now a timeshare scammer with Primo as The Shining Stars.|
|The Big Red Aspie||Wyatt Family member who dresses like a garbage man and wears a sheep mask. After the Wyatts broke up, WWE gave him an autistic savant gimmick. Was left out of the Wyatt Family once they reunited because the others told him to fuck off and yiff in hell. Was back in the Wyatt Family, but got a shoulder injury from said yiffing in 2016.|
|The Ballroom Faggot
The Dance Expert
The Gay And Faggy
The Lord of the Dance
|A dancing queer who won his debut match at Wrestlemania against Chris Jericho and jobbed ever since. Now buttbuddies with a fruitcake with a fuzzy selfie stick named Tyler Breeze.|
|The Demon Queer||A Sawed-Off Irish Twink who has no personality even when he puts on Venom and Carnage facepaint. Won the ugly Universal Championship on his third match on the main roster making Smarks jizz in their pants. Prayers were answered when he got injured by Seth Rollins during said match in 2016 and wasn't on 'Raw' for the rest of 2016.|
|The Bizarre One||A Face painted fuck who hasn't done anything of importance in over 20 years. Current in a tag-team with the incomprehensible R-Truth called "The Golden Truth".|
Heath Miller III
|The One Man Orgy||A redneck jobber who was once in a band of jobbers with an Indian and a Scotsman. Currently getting fucked in the ass by his tag-team partner Rhyno.|
|The Big Hog||A chinless faggot that got squashed by Braun Strowman that somehow got beat AJ Styles then John Cena did. Fucked over Dean Ambrose in a ladder match for the WWE Championship. The IWC also masturbates to him.15|
|The same as Chad Gable above, but replace Charlie Hass with Shelton Benjamin.|
|The Charisma-less Enigma||See his ED Page here to find out what this Spot Monkey is all about.|
|Jimmy & Jey Uso
Jonathan Solofa Fatu (Jimmy)
Joshua Samuel Fatu (Jey)
|Twincest for the Wincest||Twin Samoan queers whose fatass father is best known for forcing his thong-covered butthole into his opponents' faces and making an ass out of himself during the Attitude Era. One of them got married to an ugly, big-lipped nigress who is on SmackDown and WWE's shitty "reality" show Total Divas so the Usos got a run with the tag titles. Won the Slammy Award for "Tag Team of the Year" in 2015 despite the fact that they spent half of that year out of action, proving that nepotism is alive and well in the WWE. Are related to the Rock, along with every other Samoan shitskin in the WWE currently.|
|The Man of "Peace"||Indian jobber who was part of a jobber stable called "3MB" and got released in 2014. When he came back 2 years later, no one cared and he's still a jobber, but on steroids.|
John Cena Jr.
The Leader of the Cenation
|So much faggotry and fail that he warrants his own page here on ED.|
|The King of Flight||A masked spic with two underserved US title reigns. Was in an irrelevant tag team with botching spic Sin Cara called "The Lucha Dragons". Best known for fucking up his promo during the Brand Split.|
|The Devil's Favorite Demon
The Big Red Machine
The Big Red Monster
|Oldfag known for using fire in his entrance. He's been jobbing for over 20 years, and has apparently developed schizophrenia as a result. Electrocutes peoples' testicles and fucked his dead cheerleader girlfriend.|
|The Machine Gun||A bald, oiled-up queer partnered with a taller bald, oiled-up queer named Luke Gallows. Is supposedly a big deal because, like AJ Styles, He wrestled in Japan as part of the Bullet Club.|
|The GameStop Customer
The Fag of America
|Fat fuck with swamp ass who looks like a slightly less bloated Charlie Green, or like any given douchebag you'd see buying the latest Call of Duty at GameStop. Wrestles with his T-shirt on and in gym shorts, because he's fat and doesn't want anyone to see his man boobs and beer belly. The IWC masturbates to him because he used to be in Ring of Honor, and simultaneously creamed their pants when he beat Cena clean. However, because Cena is the ultimate troll of pro-wrestling fans, he made Owens his bitch later. Is the holder of The U.S. Title which he has to hold over his shoulder because he's too fat for it to fit around his waist..|
|The AIDS-ridden Dynamo||Some African who acts like he is Jamaican. Was a WWE Tag Team Champion alongside his fuck buddy, Evan Bourne. Is responsible for the Boston Marathon Bombings. Now part of a shitty stable called the New Day.|
|A rat-faced jobber in a jobber tag team called "The Ascension". Was a big deal in NXT before becoming a failure on the main roster.|
|Another Bald Queer who was once in the WWE as a lobotomized retard named Festus and then a member of CM Punk's Straight Edge Society. Got Future Endeavored in 2011 and , like Karl & AJ, wrestled in Japan as part of the Bullet Club before coming back to WWE.|
|The Backwoods Brawler||Dirty, balding redneck who was once Bray Wyatt's sex slave before becoming another jobber.|
|Mark Henry||The World's Strongest Man
|An Injury-prone waste who only got one championship title in his entire 20+ year run. Best known for "Sexual Chocolate" and his Fake Retirement Speech where he would later get buried by Cena.|
|The more talented of the Hardy Boyz, even though that's not saying much. Got Released in 2010 because he was butthurt over getting sent home from the European Tour. Was "Broken" in TNA for a year before coming back and winning the Raw Tag belts with his brother at Wrestlemania 33.|
|The Cleveland Faggot
The Awesome One
The Gayest WWE Superstar of All Time
|MTV has-been with abnormally huge lips that cushion Vince's frail dick. Was successful in 2010 as WWE champion to the point he replaced LeBron James as the financial source for Cleveland until Punk got in the picture by stealing his gimmick by telling the world how much Cena sucks. Despite being married to Maryse, Is undeniably gay for Dean Ambrose.|
|A Cocaine addict who has no personality whatsoever and is only known because he has buttsechs with Zack Ryder as "The Hype Bros.". Won a worthless trophy on the Wrestlemania 33 Pre-Show.|
|A jobber on the roster who we usually only see on WWE Superstars. Tries to mimic his dad's moves but fails because he's not a nigger. Currently buttfucking his cousin Epico. The two later got repackaged as Mexican bull fighters, because nobody gave a shit about them. Now a timeshare scammer with Epico as the Shining Stars.|
The Gaypex Predator
|Asshole with an eternal erection who failed at being a marine because he couldn't handle orders or topping recruits. Thought that naked and sweaty guys rubbing on each other wasn't gay at all, so off to WWE he/she went. Is totally riding on HHH's jock and being Vinnie Mac's cock mitten for to earn himself over 9000 titles. He's Currently the WWE Champion after Beating Bray Wyatt at Wrestlemania 33.|
|The Man Beast
The Gore Machine
|Wet-haired former ECW faggot who's currently fucking Heath Slater in the ass in the Tag-Team division.|
Leatie "Joe" Anoa'i
The Big Dog
|Samoan nigger known for his shitty promos. The IWC has a raging hate boner for him after he trolled them in 2015 by winning the Royal Rumble instead of Daniel Bryan or any other Vanilla Midget/IWC Wet Dream, and later beating Bryan when the latter got butthurt and wanted Roman's title shot.|
|The Conspiracy Theorist
|See: Bix nood, Ebonics and Rap to read about what this lowly nigger encompasses.|
|The Underdog from the Underground||A Canadian Ginger Muslim that dances on the way to the ring and has an eternal hard-on for Kevin Owens. Loved by the IWC even though he cuts the same promo about "Opportunity" every fucking week. Currently on the SmackDown roster.|
|The Destroyer of Cheeseburgers
The (Samoan) Salad-Tossing Specialist
|Fatass potato with no neck that used to be in TNA & ROH, which means he's fap material for smarks. Beat the shit out of and injured Seth Rollins on an episode of Raw, proving that Indie faggots can't do anything without injuring themselves and/or others.|
|The Same flabby, jacket and towel-wearing NXT queer as Wilder, except he's bald.|
|A beaner with two-toned hair. Best known for cheating on his fiancee with some tattooed whore and getting pics of his undersized dick leaked online as a result. Made Smarks cry in their cum stained bodypillows when he injured Finn Bálor in the summer of 2016. Beat Triple H after HHH betrayed him several months ago at Wrestlemania 33.|
|The Celtic Faggot
The Great White Cumstain
|Irish faggot whose skin is pale white due to always being covered in cum. He wins pretty much every match he's in due to being Triple H's butt buddy. Once got his ass kicked IRL by a Jap half his size. Now butt buddies with Cesaro.|
|Shinsuke Nakamura||The Queer of Strong Style||A Skrillex-Haired Azn that does nothing but kick people while having a plumber's crack. Being Japanese, he has a big Weeaboo fanbase in the IWC. Makes retarded faces and spazzes out like a retarded child on the way to the ring. Every Smarky Neckbeard in the arena will jizz their pants over him and his theme song.|
Luis Urive (originally)
Jorge Arias (currently)
|The Internationally Botching Sensation||Masked spic best known for botching in every match he's in due to being mentally retarded. His mask covers his entire face and he never talks, so he's generic enough to be able to be replaced at will. Was in an irrelevant tag team with fellow masked spic Kalisto. Known for getting into fights with Chris Jericho & Simon Gotch. Now apart of the vanilla midget division, also known as the Cruiserweights.|
Thaddeus Bullard Sr.
|The Real Deal||A nigger who's best known for getting suspended for grabbing Vince after Daniel Bryan's Retirement speech. Was the former buttbuddy of gay nigger Darren Young as the Primetime Players.|
|The Perfect 10||A Canuck sporting a man-bun whose only purpose in the WWE is to shout the Number 10 everytime he goes out to the ring to compensate for the lack of personality.|
The Sultan of Semen
The King of Cockville
The Definition of Dick Sucking
The Gorgeous One
|Even gayer version of Dolph Ziggler. A male camwhore who sodomizes himself and his opponents with a selfie stick. He feuded with Ziggler over which one of them could suck the most dicks in under an hour. Now in a gay Tag Team with Fandango called "Breezango".|
|A jobber with a receding hairline and apart of the Ascension with rat-faced Konnor. Was also, like Konnor, a big deal in NXT before failing on the main roster.|
|The Valedicktorian||Another nigger who currently teams with Kofi Kingston and Big E as the New Day. His gimmick is being an obnoxious monkey who plays a trombone. Has a gaming channel IRL called UpUpDownDown where he does shitty let's plays. Has a smaller dick than Brad Maddox, thus further proving that not all black men have giant dicks.|
|The Internet Sensation
The Long Island Iced-Z
The Ultimate Fagski
The Woo Woo Woo Fag
|Homosexual club kid who whores himself out on YouTube. Is totally BFFs with John Cena, which makes him some sort of sellout cunt but the IWC is too blind to see this obvious fact that Ryder is nothing more than a ploy from the WWE to push Cena even further. WOO WOO WOO! Now Injured and not missed by anyone who is not an IWC Neckbeard.|
WWE Whore Roster
|Ring name||Real name||Notes|
|Alexa Bliss||Alexis Kaufman||A Harley Quinn wannabe with a Jew nose who beat Becky Lynch for the SmackDown Women's Champion despite being shorter than the average dick of an IWC Smark. Feuding with the Troll Doll Becky Lynch because she believes in Fairy Tales.|
|Alicia Fox||Victoria Crawford||Crazy bitch that hasn't done much of anything of any value even though she's been in the WWE for over a decade. Currently the Valet for a Cruiserweight midget named Noam Dar.|
|Bayley||Pamela Martinez||A Rule 63 Jay Leno who was a part of the irrelevant Divas Revolution. The Human version of My Little Pony in that she was meant for little girls, but mainly attracted fat, neckbearded manchildren. Buried herself on an episode Raw Talk because she can't cut a promo. Is Somehow Currently the Raw Women's Champion.|
|Becky Lynch||Rebecca Quin||Goggle-wearing slut who may be legitimately retarded if the sound of her voice is any indication. Was introduced as part of the "Divas Revolution," meaning that she gets cheered by IWC smarks for doing fuck-all.|
|Carmella||Leah Van Dale||An Ugly bitch who was once the Valet of Enzo & Cass. Called out Nikki Bella for only getting where she is by sucking John Cena's dick. Currently being Managed by the chinless James Ellsworth.|
|Charlotte Flair||Ashley Fliehr||Daughter of Ric Flair (see below), which WWE constantly reminds its audience of. It's not like they have to tell people, though, seeing as how she looks just like him if he became a tranny.|
|Dana Brooke||Ashley Sebera||A Caitlyn Jenner lookalike that was the bitch of Australian whore Emma before she got injured. Now she is the bitch of the tranny Charlotte.|
|Emma||Tenille Dashwood||Australian retard who's only known for getting arrested for shoplifting. Is so shit she was quickly put back in NXT after she debuted on the main roster. Returned in 2017 after a back injury, but no one gave a fuck.|
|Eva Marie||Natalie Marie Coyle||Big-chinned slut whom the IWC has a raging hate-boner for due to the fact that she's mentally retarded. Is best known for botching everything she does and being on WWE's shitty reality show, Total Divas.|
|Mickie James||Mickie James-Aldis||Some bitch that used to be in the WWE until they released her in 2010. 7 years later, she's back in the WWE after posing as a fake luchador for weeks on Smackdown.|
|Naomi||Trinity McCray-Fatu||Big-lipped nigress who is the object of the IWC's jungle fever. Her finisher is literally sticking her ass in her opponents' faces. Married to one of the Uso twins. Is the current SmackDown Women's Champion.|
|Natalya||Natalya Neidhart||Ugly bitch whom the IWC fawns over despite the fact that she sucks in the ring. The only reason she has fans is because she's related to Bret Hart and is married to smark's wet dream Tyson Kidd.|
|Nia Jax||Savelina Fanene||A landwhale who, like Roman Reigns and the Usos, is related to The Rock, which means that she'll probably have many undeserved championship reigns. Has nothing but Squash matches on Raw.|
|Nikki Bella||Stephanie Garcia||Another Ugly bitch with fake tits. She recently became the longest-running Diva's champion due to the fact that she sucks John Cena's dick.|
|Paige||Saraya-Jade Bevis||Goth britfag whore with an annoying voice. She's mostly known for dyking it out with AJ Lee before the latter got married to Semen Spunk and quit the WWE. Recently got her sex tape leaked which included Brad Maddox & Xavier Woods.|
|Sasha Banks||Mercedes Kaestner-Varnado||Ugly balding negress who, like Naomi, the IWC has Jumgle Fever forr. Was introduced as part of the "Diva's Revolution," which means that she mostly just stands around doing nothing.|
|Summer Rae||Danielle Moinet||Butterface cunt with a fake tan and even faker tits. Known for being one of the biggest cum rags in the WWE.|
|Tamina||Sarona Snuka-Polamalu||Samoan butterface who, like Charlotte looks just like her father, Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka. Has done nothing since 2010 except bodyguard the anorexic whore AJ Lee and get injured.|
WWE Announcers and Managers
|Byron Saxton||A Smiling Jiggaboo who was a contestant in the old NXT back in 2010. Now a Terrible and near Non-existant Commentator on SmackDown.|
|Corey Graves||The Savior of Misbehavior||CM Punk ripoff that was one a wrestler on NXT before he got a concussion from Sami Zayn, which was the only thing of value Zayn has ever done in his Career. Now suck the dick of every heel wrestler on commentary for Raw.|
|David Otunga||The Harvard Law School Graduate||The bizarre result of a mad scientist's experiment by tampering with genes derived from Black Jesus, Carlton, and Phoenix Wright. Like any black attorney from Chicago Otunga has a long list of black perpetrators and clients he must defend from The Man and score pity points and white women outside of the ring. Now he is a boring commentator that doesn't even talk most of the time on Raw.|
|Jerry Lawler||The King of CP||Senile pedo who used to obsess over women half his age, but now just lives to suck John Cena off under the announce table during commercial breaks. Had an IRL heart attack on-air in 2012, which was pretty lulzy. Unfortunately, however, he survived and continues to torture WWE's audience on a weekly basis.|
|John "Bradshaw" Layfield||JBL
The Longest reigning WWE Champion in SmackDown history
|A dumbass with dementia that can't say Michael Cole's name right to save his life, calling him "Maggle". Almost always gets his facts wrong and almost always laughs at every possible moment. His only redeeming quality is that he allegedly bullied some pukey radio-voiced faggot named Mauro Ranallo off of TV.|
|Lana||The Ravishing Russian
The Russian Princess
|Fake Russian whore who managed Rusev until he got cucked by Dolph Ziggler. She was the only reason people gave a shit about Rusev, mainly due to the fact that the fans loved to masturbate to her. Married to Rusev IRL, proving that she has no standards.|
|Maryse||The French-Canadian Phenom
The French-Canadian Beauty
The Ultra-Dangerous Superstar
|A French-Canadian whore who, like Lana, has no standards as she is married to The Miz.|
|Michael Cole||The Troll of the WWE Universe||The biggest troll in the WWE. Known for sucking the cocks of The Miz and Jack Swagger. Always shills the WWE app and the WWE Network every chance he gets. Talks like he's chewing on meatloaf and has to scream every word he says.|
|Tom Philips||Generic Male that has no business in an entertainment company. Because he is 6 feet tall, he has to spread his legs during backstage interviews to make vanilla midgets like Sami Zayn & Finn Bálor look taller than they actually are.|
The Boss Nigger of the WWE
Like any highly ritualized game of homosexual man-handling (a.k.a. being secure in your masculinity and not some immature fuck who makes gay jokes all day), wrestling is a tightly organized affair. Think the buttsechs you see on your TV is all that goes into it? lol n00b!!! There's a whole crack team of writers and gay artist types behind the scenes putting on the show. And on top of it all is the boss nigger of all this dying company, Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
Vince McMahon is the big ol' asshole behind the WWE, the main source of wrestling in the United States (except for TNA, but no one watches that because it's run by a Tennessee hick). He also owns it, therefore making him important. Also a frequent steroids user, Vince's main job is banning cool moves (the ones that actually look like they hurt people) and making himself appear as if he's more important than any wrestler, Championship, or RL event ever and getting other men to join his Kiss my Ass club (Srsly).
Last Thursday, Vince pissed a lot of people off by pretending to have been blown up inside his limo, faking his death. This pissed off wrestling fans as they saw it as making fun of wrestlers who'd actually died, which it wasn't, but Internet fan > real fan (law of wrestling), so what can ya do. The FBI were also pissed because they had some actor pretend to be an agent and question people, but they're still pissed that they didn't win a steroid-abuse case against him. However, he pussied out of this storyline and completely abandoned it after Chris Benoit murdered a skank and her autistic son and became an hero. He felt terrible, so he thought it was necessary to make a 3-hour tribute to the asshole that killed his family. Way to go Vince, nice way to get up the ratings!
He bought his daughter fake tits though, so he did something right. And he also wanted to form an incest storyline between his daughter and his son (for real).
Now with ratings in decline, Vince hoped that 90 minutes of bullshit and only 30 minutes of wrasslin' will improve Raw, along with making the show appropriate for teh kids by removing all of the swearing, blood, incest and shit that made it almost entertaining.
Wrestling as a whole is administered by its president (or "Nature Boy" in rasslers' carny talk), Ric Flair. Ric Flair started working as a male whore and sideshow dickgirl impersonator over 100 years ago. During the 1870's, he had a big drama with a fat black woman named Dusty Rhodes over who had the bigger man boobs. Surprisingly, both he and Dusty are still alive, making him one of the only wrestlers over the age of 16 not to become an hero, and thus the head of it all by default. He also hearts Huckabees.
Ric Flair's signature move is slapping a dude's bare ass with the back of his hand. This repeated act of unadulterated faggotry has earned him the title "greatest (homo) of all time". Last Thursday, Flair got tired of the manloving and decided to retire from the sport, and now spends his time getting into fights (and getting the shit kicked out of him) with his daughter and her boyfriend. It should also be known that RD Reynolds has a huge hard-on for Flair.
Extreme Championship Wrestling
ECW was a promotion ran by a lying,stealing self-aggrandizing kike whose poor booking and retarded gimmicks were documented for posterity in production quality so poor it would make the most kitschiest public access show host of the time blush. ECW was financially supported by the WWE who even gave them tips on booking a proper match throughout ECW's span, much like an older sibling taking care of their feeble-minded younger brother. ECW returned the WWE's favor by using them to grandstand and pretend their fans were elite and uniquely apart from the other trailer trash wrestling fans.
Many internet geeks saw ECW as their safe-haven, causing erections in the pants of true wrestling fans for years back in the '90s, saying it was TEH BEST PROMOTION EVAR! Despite these claims, the company died because its owner, Paul Heyman, and his Jew buddies bankrupted it, resulting in several checks and payrolls bouncing like a superball and causing lulz in the process (that and publicly crucifying employees).
A lot of e-drama was sparked in 2006 when ECW was announced for the Sci-Fi channel. Without the traditional swearing, gore, and sacrilege, all nerds could do was cry and accuse wrestlers of taking it up the pooper. Extremely Crappy Wrestling (often abbreviated ECW)
is was the official home of wrestlers that nobody really gives a shit about. But with all of that aside, some people actually eat this shit up.
World Championship Wrestling
A now defunct company which tried competing with and actually beat the WWE in ratings for 84 weeks straight, but ultimately failed when people stopped giving a shit about it due to seeing the same oldfags like Hulk Hogan clogging it up. See Shit nobody cares about.
After closing, the WWE bought what was left of its rotting carcass and, even in death, continues to make WCW their bitch by selling all their shit while also owning all their former wrestlers' liknessess. Case in point:
Total Nonstop Action Wrestling
TNA (Tits N Ass) is the show for the ignorant fucks who watch it cause they believe it's better than the WWE in every single way, despite how the company was started by a former WWE wrestler and employs what is mainly former WWE wrestlers and staff and of it's past 10 world champions, only two of them haven't been WWE wrestlers. In truth, TNA is the new WCW, swarming the WWE like vultures, waiting for the moment to swoop down and take stuff that WWE discards. Because of this most of TNA's talent are old fucks who injure themselves by walking.
Infomercialist Don West, whom O&A did impressions of back in the day (see Shit nobody cares about), was an announcer for TNA for 7 years, but they got rid of him because he was awful and beyond repeptitive at his job getting people annoyed about shitty wrestlers, so they got a dirty washed up wrestler guinea pig named Tazz to replace him. "Be dialin', people! My only job is shilling shitty wresslin merch!"
Don West's and TNA's best moment, amiright?
TNA does nothing right, and this event is not spared. While WWE tries to figure out new ways to give the title to Edge and how to make John Cena likable, TNA just hangs a plastic X above the ring and watches at least 100 guys kill themselves trying to get it.
Ultimate Fighting Championship
See main article at MMA.
Mostly kickboxing then wrestling, the UFC (Ultimate Faggotry Competition) is a "freestyle" promotion where bald, flabby metalheads and frustrated handegg players kick each other in the shins before colliding in a frenzy of ear-biting and ass-fucking...for great justice. Where the contenders in other rasslin' promotions are mostly white trash, UFC fighters are goths or skinheads, and are always either Americunts, Franco-Canucks, Belgian, Russian or Brazilian. UFC fighters and fans believe they are more hardcore because they have black belts in several martial arts, but real wrestlers could easily pwn them, as they're all old, fat and drunk.
Despite what Dana White and fans of UFC will tell you, any UFC fighter would get their ass raped in a real fight. Want proof? Look no further than the pussified rules for their fights:
- No eye gouging.
- No weapons.
- No closed fists.
- No open fists.
- No biting.
- Nothing that involves your feet leaving the ground.
- No one is allowed to make the champion look bad.
- The only legal move is the Mongolian Man Fuck.
- No hitting below the belt.
- No hitting above the belt.
- No blowjob.
- No spitting saliva, phlegm or stored cum at the opponent's face.
- No movement what so ever, unless it involves stroking of the genitals during a passionate embrace.
- No items.
- Fox only.
- No wrestling finishers (I.E. The Undertaker's Tombstone; John Cena's STF-U; etc)
- Final Destination.
Perhaps some of the most easily (and amusingly) trolled boards on the internet dedicated themselves to the completely masculine art of wrestling. With the astonishing amounts of butt hurt generated by liking, disliking, or mentioning certain wrestlers, it makes for a fun and easy trolling.
The only board that is large and active enough to be trolled is an alleged wrestling site called "caws.ws", and it is one of the lulziest board to troll. Famous for having all the female members being lesbians and being run by a pedophile and his rectal pal and completely run by unpaid moderators and staff, it has been suspected to be its owner(s) main source of income.
One of the best (and easiest) drama generating techniques is to mention "JohnB", who was the former co-owner of the site, and was forced into hiding after exposing himself to a thirteen year old member of the forums, who also happened to be a global moderator. ( John Brunton has been alleged as old as 25 at the time ) It is widely suspected that he is infact still managing the site.
The only thing closest to sex if you're a wrestling fan boy is BOTCHAMANIA!
Invented by japanese sickos in the early '90s, this lulzy variant of professional wrestling is now performed by inbred rednecks, drug addicts and retarded teens all over the world. These guys tear each other apart with weedwhackers, cut their flesh with knives and scissors or throw guys off three story tall buildings to prove how tough they are. Used weapons include barbed wire, lighttubes, thumbtacks, razor blades, knives, swords, explosives, panes of glass, live piranhas, your mom, goatse, harlequin fetuses etc. CZW (Combat Zone Wrestling) and BJPW (Big Japan Pro Wrestling) are Hardcore wrestling promotions featuring lots of blood, gore and lulz.
Originally a rocker, Michaels quickly turned a heel to his butt buddy Marty Jennety's face and became Kevin Nash's understudy. He was then instrumental in recruiting Hunter Hurt Helmsley and introducing him to Macho King Randy Savage's used-up jailbait, Stephanie McMahon.
Jesse Ventura was a Navy Seal, and a member of the Mongols before he decided to turn to cartoon violence and playing roles in medicore 80ies Movies. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger he became a Us Governour (Minnesota) and is now trying to become the new Pres of the USA, a undertaking for which we wish him the best of luck since he would be a badass godless (atheist) President, able to pin down Trump and Hillary at the same time and win the intercontinental championship.
The only reason hes so big in the WWE is because he's sleeping with the bosses girl (after splitting with Chyna), and he literally is the bastard son of Vinnie Mac. Big surprise kissing the bosses ass HHH!
Other than that, all he does in the ring is he kicks people in the crotch, Puts their head in between his legs, and slams his face into the ground, and humps the body for about 3 seconds. The bastard also cheats by "smacking" a sledgehammer on someones skull when Stephanie gets all pissy and gives HHH a bad storyline where he loses. UPDATE: He's now the owner of the WWE after telling Vince to GTFO for being an oldfag.
Also, did I mention that he's a steroid user?
Once thought to be Vince McMahon's son, Hornswoggle turned out to be the result of McMahon's wife's fling with Fit Finlay, a drunken Irishman. Still, just in case he might be a brother-in-law, Hunter and Shawn invited him to be DX's mascot.
Hornswoggle is related to everyone. He is that deformed incestuous offspring you thought got safely aborted. He is Mark Henry's brother, and he is Brodus Clay's cousin.
Hornswoggle has suffered a slew of broken hearts. Pining after Maryse, once #Miz started boning her, he fled into the arms of AJ, Primo's discarded Rookie. Eventually though, Hornswoggle felt immasculated by his NXT rookie Titus O'Neil and ended up leaving her to go to Smackdown, after having a quick Valentine's fling with Maxine, whom Derrick Bateman would later dump for Katelyn (this trend was continued by Daniel Bryan).
But that was okay, because Horny found his true love, the 12 year old girl co-star of Triple H's comedy flick, Ariel Winters. Turns out she was just leading him on though, and Hornswoggle has not found love since. This has turned him into a TRUE Leprechaun, murderous in the spirit of Warwick Davis.
Yet another wrestler that Bam would not mind pole smoking for a few hours while Rodney G looks on and FAPs to. Once known for his long hair, band t-shirts and funny attitude back in the days of WCW became the serious business, Armani-suit wearing, egotistical WWE wrestler from the butthurt he accumulated.
His initial achievements in the WWE including winning the Intercontinental from Chyna of Triple H's Degeneration X. Having the most title holds in the intercontinental title is one of Jericho's most frequently mentioned accomplishments. Then there was defeating the Rock and Stone Cold Steven Austin to become the undisputed unified heavyweight world title. At some point things sort of began to spiral and he cut his hair. Henceforth he became the one who claims to be the best at what he does only to be beaten later in the evening by an opponent who he claims can defeat without much difficulty.
Alongside his inflated ego, he is apparently now known for his supposed immense intelligence and his extensive vocabulary used to continually describe the physical composition and psychology of the audience in the arena week after week. He likes to shoot Gilette commercials with Cena and Cody and will be in Men's Fitness just like McMahon and Cena. He was also in this Albino Farm movie.
Like many good citizens, the best way to deal with this is to A) call him 'Christina', as Shaquille O'Neal did, B) shout at the top of the voice 'YOU SUCK', C) let Mike Tyson give him a punch to the jaw or just yell out some derogatory response as he continually denies his weaknesses and flaws despite his many accomplishments.
His signature moves are the Walls of Jericho which is simply reverse ass-to-ass buttsecks and the Codebreaker which is an instant one-shot blowjob knocking the opponent out cold with that satisfying hit
while they choke from his penis going into their stomachs. LOLOLOL DISREGARD THAT he has not got that big of a cock.
As of mid to late 2009 he was the tag team partner and former Unified Tag Team Champion with Big Show (after Edge became an hero after dumping Show's Vicky), claiming to be the most dominant tag team of this or any other era. They cemented their relationship on Raw by having an awkward conversation about their usual topic but later on broke up after Big Show realized he wanted to be a receiver but couldn't due to Jericho's ridiculously small penis.
To get revenge, Jericho hooked up with a British man in Florida named Wade Barrett. They are plotting their return to the top after Wade's former lover Jack Swagger stole his title after Edge hit the wounded Jericho with a SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR
He is currently out of action after Randy Orton knocked him out with his dick.
The son of "Cowboy" Bob Orton, after a period of being a pretty boy bitch of Ric Flair and Triple H in Evolution, Randall went through various stages such as being a "Legend Killer". He hung out with the throwaway son of millionaire-turned preacher Ted DiBiase, and the "Dashing" yet totally straight Cody Rhodes, well known for his love of Triforce and being the half brother of crossdressing Goldust, their father being an obese "American Dream". Their "Legacy" later ended after the marks started to think Randy's "I'm a snake" game was cute.
Randy stopped giving a shit after he wasn't getting adequately pushed, and revealed on a radio show that Kelly Kelly was a huge slut who gang banged 10 guys simultaneously. He then related about how he stumbled naked into his kitchen one night and shit all over the floor, describing intricately the pattern his shit made on the mat.
Randy frequently breaks character and randomly jumps into side splits, befuddling seasoned veterans like Christian and "Sexual Chocolate" Mark Henry.
Cookie Monster Punk is a tattooed tranny who was treated a golden God in the indies before being signed to the WWE. Forced to abandon the John Waters white trashed bleached blonde tranny look, CM Punk was given the task of dealing with junky Jeff Hardy (who Cookie Monster Punk defeated and ran out of town after exposing him as a druggy) and Randy Orton (who made Cookie Monster his bitch literally). Sadly, Orton kicked Cookie Monster in the head and turned him into a smug villain who hates drinking and drugs. Two haircuts later and CM Punk now goes around telling people how much they suck and ripping off Miz's bit where he reads printed statements off the internet about why Cena sucks. Ragequit the WWE in 2014 and is now in the UFC getting the shit kicked out of him.
A former pseudo-celebrity (he appeared on the Real World) and glove fetishist, The Miz spends most of his time being getting blown by and fucking Michael Cole hard in the ass before each match, then going out into the ring and then, off of printed pieces of paper, all of the mean things the internet says about John Cena. Because of this, people think he's awesome. This homo suffers from a severe case of unwarranted self-importance, though his lover Alex Reilly ended up dumping Miz after Miz proved incapable of killing John Cena.
The Miz's chief inspiration is that of "Veronica Mars", as far as Miz being a former jock who fell from grace when he joined the WWE and had to enduring god-awful hazing and anal rape by John Cena, in order to get the chance to be top dog and (God Willing), landing a job as an actor like the Rock and leave the WWE behind once and for all.
Whilst with TNA he became World Heavyweight Champion and was taken seriously as a wrestler and not just a sideshow-clown as was the case when he was with WWE.
Some Armenian nobody whom the Internet Wrestling Community and ugly flat-chested chicks fawn over, Rollins made his debut as an on-screen softcore gay pornstar in 2012 when he along with a Richard Nixon look-alike and The Rock's cousin IRL whiteknighted CM Punk to beat up against SuperCena at Survivor Series. Despite the large "female" fanbase Rollins is a huge faggot who- like Punk- tints his hair blonde, not to mention having an effeminate voice.
Last Thursday he tweeted a topless photograph of a Diva in NXT developmental named Zahra Schreiber which appeared on WWE.com. Seth now wants to rename himself as "Trollins" but is too much of a male-model to be taken seriously. When Leighla Schultz (some actress he hires to act as his girlfriend since summer 2014, roughly when he won some ladder match no one watched) saw the tweet, she dug up pictures of Seth Rollins' cock and shared them on Twitter as revenge. She laughed about it when asked if it was her, and also bragged about it on Facebook, Schultz apparently having spied on messages Rollins sent to Schreiber like "I love you so much baby".
Killed another Luchador in a match... in Tijuana
Trolling Wrasslin' Fans
- Say that John Cena is the best wrestler in the world (tell that to old school wrasslin' fans and they will rage)
- Tell them that the Attitude era sucked balls
- Tell them that NXT sucks balls
- Simply tell them that wrestling is fake
- Say that MMA is better
- Tell them that only fat Americans watch wrasslin'
Greatest Match Evar
Moar proof that Wrestling is NOT GAY
Even more proof
- Chris Benoit - killed his wife, son and himself for teh lulz
- Chyna - IRL Dickgirl
- Hulk Hogan - hasbeen who wants to fuck his own daughter
- Insane Clown Posse - Nothing says "wrestling" like rapping wiggers
- Jeff Hardy - See: Otherkin
- John Cena - 99% of the "adult" fanbase hates him, which makes him the most successful troll in the industry
- Sgt. Slaughter - If wrestling were Fullmetal Jacket he'd be the Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann of the "sport".
- Not gay
- Rednecks - Makes up 90% of the adult fanbase
- Underground Forum
- Undertakerfreak1127 - Anorexic faggot
- TheArchfiend - Youtube douchebag who plugs said rexic fag's butt
- Tyciol- ED's resident pedophile from Canada
- Mariotehplumber, believe it or not.
- WWE Superstar Karaoke on Lopez Tonight
- Proof that wresling is gay!
- Hollywood Montage
- Subway terrorism Royal Rumble ad
- Triple H endorses Mel Gibson
- Cena Stingks, rapping it up
- Andre the Giant in Honeycomb's Big, Yeah Yeah Yeah
- Triple H in a sun burn commercial, wants a man to rub lotion on him
- Kurt Angle for animooted pizza franchise
Gilette's "Be A Superstar" Fusion Power campaign
- Chris Jericho #1 (July 20 2:04) "Razor Sharp Ripostes"
- Edge helps pair of boys unleash their spicy side by giving them Slim Jims so they can "eat it and beat it"
- Edge Slim Jim 1
- Edge Slim Jim 2
- Edge Slim Jim 3
- Macho Man Randy Savage
- ART THOU BORED?
- Macho Man blows up moar shit
- DX battling over weiner, Kane spurts white goup on diva, obese black dude on Chris Masters
- Jericho accidentally spills his hot liquid on Kane
- Kane sings about his nuts
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