Tssz

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Tristan's just found his next story, guys!

TSSZ, or The Super Sonic Zone (I'm not even making that shit up, the name is actually that gay...) is a Sonic the Hedgehog news website. It is the hard work of furry weeaboo faggot Tristan Oliver, who's list of accomplishments include.... well, nothing. Oliver, whose surname is just so masculine that it oozes chest hair, started the site when he was 13 years old. Not much has improved in his life, while arranging a new form of journalism. He is a renowned internet tough guy and an insignificant human being. A pathetic, basement-dwelling ginger.

A JOURNALIST'S ASSAULT ON THE NEWS

Totally worth a beatdown, right? ALT TITLE: I'D HIT THAT

The truth is, however, Oliver isn't his surname, but rather Bresnen. Why the change? In order to hide a news article about him beating the shit out of some woman:


   
 
Bresnen was suspended last July for assaulting defendant Catherine Parrotta, a senior broadcast journalism major, and a companion while they dined in a local Bennigan's restaurant.
 

 
 

Berkeley Beacon, 03/29/07

After being suspended for the assault, Tristan sued his college's broadcast program for doing the absolutely-normal-at-any-place practice of using his SUPER SPECIAL EXPLOSIVE GRAPHICS even though he was kicked out of school. The court's response? lol, no.

Catherine Parrotta went on after the incident to become a successful anchorwoman at a CBS affiliate. Tristan went on to write IN-DEPTH EXPOSES on Sonic the Hedgehog websites.

FIRST @ TSSZ

Moar excremental newz @ TSSZ

The concept of "First @ TSSZ" is a common lul around the furries and weeaboos who still haunt Sonic the Hedgehog communities. Often reporting on forum drama, flame wars, and other shit anyone over the age of 11 doesn't care about. "First @ TSSZ" is interchangeable with "First Pasted @ TSSZ." Often times Tristan Luliver will take things from various forums and claim them as his own. Such things as leaked game shots, release dates, and furfag porn.


Sonic isn't Oliver's only relation to furry faggotry
Oliver the faghog using speedboost



Journalistic integrity.

TSSZ Prides itself in what it views as journalistic integrity. Unfortunately, these words are about as foreign to the site's administrator as bathing & sexual relations. Call him "tabloid" and he'll shit a brick, despite him being a trolling, tabloid fuckstick. TSSZ will report on things such as:

And furry faggotry.

When he's not digging for boring Sonic news, Oliver is making sure to fill the rest in with useless fluff. For example, an article about SEGA changing Sonic's eyes to green could easily spawn a 6-page borefest on the genetics of eye color.

FIRST@TSSZ


I'LL SUE YOU IN ENGLAND

As mentioned before, Tristan loves to sue people for no good reason. He threatens all those in opposition of him with lawsuits that would be laughed out of court. People who talk shit about him ON THE INTERNET get threatened for "libel" regardless of what that word actually means. To Tristan, this whole page is "libel."

Oh hey I just got sued.

Oh hey I just won.

THE FIRST FUCKING AMENDMENT

Tristan considers his reporting actual press. The fuck? He has had gay sex with the entire bill of rights but considers the first amendment the best because he got a facial. The other amendments don't play that shit. One time, he was such a douchebag that a site blocked him from viewing it so that he would leave them the fuck alone and get on with their discussions about a motherfucking blue hedgehog. Though websites are privately owned and people can do whatever the fuck they want because they own them, Tristan bled out his vagina and wrote 9000 persuasive essays about how the first amendment was important or some shit like that. Is this bullshit necessary?

   
 
Spitting in the face of the First Amendment and other freedoms the press enjoys around the world, [sonic site] administrator [some person who you don't care about], along with forum administrator [another person you don't care about], launched an effort to deny this reporter and this site from fairly covering affairs regarding [sonic site] by blocking access to the site's main pages.
 

 
 

—Tristan, being an asshole over a bunch of unimportant shit. Fix the economy, douchebag.

I think that he needs to be reminded that he runs a site about a character that has been irrelevant for more than a decade.

Tristan knows that he reports on nothing important and that he's a huge troll faggot

One day on a lame Sonic forum known as "Sonic Eats Rings," Tristan was trying to recruit idiots into reporting on the San Diego Comic Con for him.

   
 
If anyone here *is* going to the Comic Con and would be willing to do some writeups for me for the big gaming news site on what's going on with Sega's booth...I would be very happy.

Plus, it ensures no fan drama news for at least a couple of days. That can't be a bad thing.
 


 
 

—Tristan, owning himself at Sonic Eats Rings.

When there's no important Sonic news to report on, Tristan admits to willingly digging up garbage at Sonic fan forums to start shit and passing it off as "news" to fill the "void." He is a glorified troll and should die or at least get laid. Actually forget that, hes already proven he sucks with women. Just have him die.

Sonic fans organize to hack other Sonic fans. It's like shitting in a puddle of puke

UH OH! I'M ON ED. BETTER CREATE DURRRRSTRACTIONZ

The day after appearing on ED, the Bresnen bear posted lulz claiming the people who created this page are trying to hax0r you. Be careful. Sonic fans might have your password!

UH OH! I'M ON ED. BETTER BLANK THE PAGE

On July 22nd, Tristan made a profile on ED, brilliantly named "TSSZNews." He was banned for trying to blank this page. What a dumb motherfucker (except that he wouldn't fuck his mother, because he has said before that his mother beat him relentlessly).


Sonmanic @ TssZ News Exclusive =Slow News Day

For the past couple of weeks, the epic visionary Sonmanic, has found a soapbox in Tristan @ TSSZ with which to air his dirty diapers. As of this post, the grand total of articles is at four: Onecelebrating Kuta's latest "BRB quit fandom" post (along with a hilarious attempt at trying to raise an army to delete his ED page), and another where he explains a 15 year old kid's calls made him quit. The latest two are aboutsome call-in effort of one of the AB's minions and forum drama relating to another Sonic forum being fed up with Kuta's movie and threatening to rock out teh banhammer if mentioned. Lulz broke out for the latter given that Tristan resorted to pointing out that the admin responsible for the threat, Roarz/Roary Raccoon was a raging hard gay furry despite the fact that Kuta has a tendency towards annoying folks about his shit wherever he may go.


I DID NOT ASSAULT HER IN BENNIGAN'S! I DID NOT!!

I DID NOT!!
File:Dicks2.png
The door is wide open.

On September 28, someone hacked (yet again) into TSSZ. This time the attack is twofold: The original hacker breaks things down clear to the Wordpress login, and a second person installs a new version of Wordpress on the site (an option left wide open by the original hacker), giving it the classy title of "dicks." Meanwhile the main page pops up with a screenshot from The Room with the caption "I Did Not Assault Her In Bennigan's! I DID NOT!"

ALL Email DOX

Later that day all of Tristan Bresnen's email got leaked including messages about court orders in regards to him stalking various women. [1] And here is a copy of the website SQL database with all of the user's personal information and password hashes [2]











Gallery of Douchebaggery


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OOPS.
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[WAY PAST COOL!GOTTA GO FAST!]


Tssz is part of a series on
Sonic the Hedgehog

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