Tyler Weinman

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OMG THE CHARGES WERE DROPPED, THAT MEANS TYLER IS INNOCENT!!11!!11 This article now stands as a time-capsule for prior lulz and is proof that /b/ can in fact make mistakes.



Tyler, after having all his charges dropped.

Plenty of sick fucks abuse and slaughter cats. Some knock them around for fun, while other subhumans prefer to murder them in microwaves and stoves. A contender for the (alleged) ultimate high score in feline slaughter is Tyler Weinman, a creepy little suburbanite who was accused of mutilating and killing over a dozen cats prior to his recent arrest and exoneration.

Details

Weinman's parents are divorced, he likes dogs, and he acts like an innocent angel in an attempt to conceal his smartass persona. His standard M.O. is to gut and crush the skulls of his victims, and conveniently leave them on the front yards of their owners. He's also found the time to gouge out the eyes and cut off the snout of one of his earlier targets.

Experts speculate that his hatred of cats may be a result of being raepd by furries at an early age.

Tyler, looking chipper in his mugshot

BUSTED, FGT

In a lame attempt to appear innocent, Tyler joined a Failbook group devoted to catching him, which retroactively served to draw more attention to him. Undercover police arrested him during a party on his prom night, booked him while he was still wearing his faggoty tuxedo and made him miss his dance.


   
 
If they do get the wrong guy and it's not him, they've ruined his life as it is right now
 

 
 

—Kyle Hantzis, friend of Tyler.


   
 
Enjoy your party
 

 
 

—Undercover cop to Tyler's friends after arresting him.


   
 
this guy needs his ass kicked

even if he's innocent he should pay.

 

 
 

—Anon

Out On Bond

For whatever reason, a whopping $249,000 was collected to pay Tyler's bail. However, police have recovered knives and cutting tools hidden in his room that will be tested for kitty DNA, and with the use of a GPA device, have also determined that Tyler's car was near the scenes of the crimes around the times that they occurred, which he has desperately denied. The piggies have also found scratches on his body that might have been inflicted by his victims.

WHOOPS

Have you ever wanted to punch something as much as this in your whole life?

According to numerous investigating officers who have no reason to jeopardize their careers by lying, Weinman twice alluded to an admission while trying to make a deal with them.[1]


   
 
OK, so let me see if I understand. As long as I tell you about the cats that I did, you can get rid of the others?
 

 
 

Tyler, having not yet struck a deal


   
 
Help out. I don't really like jail [...] Though when it comes to violent things, I think they should...
 

 
 

—Tyler, when asked by detectives what should happen to the cat killer

/b/'s Reaction

"Is it safe to come out yet?"
AWWWWW, SOMEBODY HAS A BOO-BOO ON HIS WIDDLE NODE


   
 
If they catch him, they're probably going to give him 2 months in jail (if even) then set him out again on maybe like a $50 charge. AS WITH ALL ANIMAL ABUSE CASES. Fucking laws. All animal abusers should be put to death, simple as that.
 

 
 

—Anon telling it like it is.


   
 
Kill him first. Then if the murders continue, find another anti-social teenager to kill. Repeat.

Problem solved.
 


 
 

—Rinse, lather, repeat.


   
 
I hope you all get accused of a crime you did not commit one day.

This kid has not been convicted and the news articles offer no proof linking him to it.

Police often get the wrong guy just so they can product some sort of result for the case.

But keep up the attitude of "well he was accused so he must be guilty". When it's your turn, others will do the same to you.
 


 
 

Sources say this user might be the real killer.

Free the Cat Killer

To make matters more interesting, Tyler's butt-buddies, local sluts, and mom have established a Facebook group asserting his innocence. According to them, he's the OJ Simpson of cat killers, and must be innocent. The members of this group are reported to hate cats, and more notably tend to fap to pictures of dogs.

Exonerated

On the 26th of November, 2010, Tyler was cleared of all charges against him. According to Miami local news, the State Attorney's Office dropped all charges when "Medical testimony determined the cats were killed by predatory animals and not a human being." Apparently, these predatory animals are heartless monsters who can cut open animals with surgical precision and leave them in their owners' front lawns on 19 separate occasions. Here you were, thinking that the only monsters in Miami are Jews.

External Links

See Also


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