United Nations

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The UN get ready to pass ineffectual sanction after ineffectual sanction, until someone turns them off.
UN Peacekeeping Mission Negotiator hard at work.
DO I NEED TO REPEAT MYSELF?
   
 
No one shall be subjected to arbitrary rage quitting, e-psychiatry or flounceing.

Everyone has the right to color their Youtube channels in whatever fashion they deem eligble.

Everyone has the right to take part in the Internet, directly or through freely chosen representatives without being interrupted by nationalistic Russians.

Everyone, without any discrimination, has the right to administratorship for sufficient forum posts or edits.

Everyone has the right to flavour their food with spices however they like.

 


 
 

—U.N Decalaration of Independence

UN Cry baby.jpg
This peacekeeper is very excited about his job.

Although adored and fapped to by cosmopolitan leftards everywhere, the United Nations is the biggest name in fail since the League of Nations. It was created after World War II to try to keep the world together, help poor people in shit countries, and prevent wars, thereby making them enemies of the lulz. It is a union of corrupt diplomats who supposedly try and express their country's thoughts on current events and the economy. Even though it tries to keep member nations from doing bad things introducing peace treaties every other day, this still fails. Why? Who is going to give up fighting just because a group of pussy ambassadors said so? Fire away, good sir!

The UN has five permanent UN Security Council Member Nations, which include the:

  • People's Republic of China (Childmurderers);
  • France (egotistical bastards, who think the world revolves around them and their shitty dead language);
  • Russia (Nationalistic Soviet twats, who would conquer your lands and rape you if they could);
  • the United Kingdom (can't even sort out their own fucking mess of a country, let alone anyone else's);
  • the United States (land of fat cunts, brainless TV stars and serial killers.)

Further adding to the fail, most nations in the UN are either Communist countries or dictatorships. So, is it any wonder the UN can't do anything? If you are not a permanent UN Security Council Member you are required (on pain of death), to publicly goatse in the General Assembly thrice monthly. This leads to "lesser" member states becoming their bitches.

This is how international politics works:

  • 1: I have fucking oil
  • 2: You want it
  • 3: I say no
  • 4: You cry and have a tantrum at the UN
  • 5: UN members say I'm a cunt
  • 6: Epic Trolling
  • 7: UN Members are too fucking pussy to obey their own resolutions
  • 8: America invades a tiny oil-rich country and pwns it to Hell
  • 9: ????
  • 10: Profit!!!! (Literally)

Due to it's repeated attempts at undermining the Constitution of the United States of America, the UN is an agency that this country has no need of, and therefore should withdraw from immediately.

Current Leadership of the United Nations

Ban-Ki-Moon (Moar like Po-Ke-Mon, Amirite?)is now Secretary General of the UN, having replaced notorious UN failfag Kofi Annan. It remains to be seen if he can actually reform the useless and corrupt bitch that is the United Nations, or if they'll still be taking bribes from Middle Eastern countries hovels ten years from now.

A Very Brief History of the United Nations

FACT: The United Nations was first conceived by Disney.

Disney was even bold enough to mention "the United Nations" by it's supposedly not yet even selected name about 50 minutes into the 1943 movie "Victory Thru Air Power"! This movie, together with "Donald Gets Drafted" depicting how people wishing to serve in the Army Air Corps usually just end up on latrine duty, also played a central propaganda role in the creation of the United States Air Force in 1947.

For their contribution, Disney was allowed to brainwash German children into thinking Donald Duck was the holy container of sage wisdom.

HOLD IT!
This section may cause you to facepalm, because of its high level of fail. Feel free to go an hero.

In April of 1945, a group of furfags convened in San Fagcrisco with the stated intention of creating a new world body to replace the failfag League of Nations, which was started at least 100 years before by the smartest U.S. president EVARZ, Wilson. However, being furfags, they wasted much time having buttsecks and holding ponderous, day-long conferences on how it isn't really gay if two men have sex while wearing animal suits, as well as minting such dubious words such as "fursona" and "yiffing", and drafting page after page of official language condemning what they termed "fursecution". This was an ominous start to the organization and set the precedent of bureaucratic inefficiency and flaming faggotry that continues to this day.

In October of 1945, having exhausted the entire West Coast supply of lubricant, they finally ratified their Charter and the United Nations came to be. It would take them another two years to design the now-familiar official United Nations flag, mainly because some sissies whined about the original design being centered on North America (who pay all the bills, amirite? No really, iamrite. Look it up.), and because the furfags couldn't agree on which animal print to use. The deadlock was finally broken by Winston Churchill, who proposed mudkip blue, reasoning "Fellow furries, it is a most elegant solution that has the added virtue of making perfect sense. Who among us doesn't liek mudkips?!!!1!"

As a nod to their furry origins, The United Nations chose to erect Headquarters in Turtle Bay on the East River of New York. (Noted briefly: the Infamous Lolz Turtle has never been seen in Turtle Bay, nor will he ever be. UN are serious business.)

These fuckers do nothing at all but sit on their fat political asses and hug their money. committing any crime they please and getting away with it because of their fucking diplomatic immunities concerning that nation. FUCK THE U.N YOU LAZY BASTARDS! We're talking about a group that originated from the League of Nations which also didn't fucking do anything let Hitler and Hirohito get away with it.

Major Accomplishments of the United Nations

Gaddafi's Speech.

For instance one Colonel Gaddafi delivered a lulz worthy speech at the U.N. Mostly his suggestion that the rebels are actually drunk/hallucinating/Al-Qaeda/American/Israeli/Zionist/terrorist/mercenary/imperialists who are all high.

Other Examples

1. Managing not to put forks in the toaster

2. Giving Islam-O-Facists a place to advocate for a worldwide "criticism of Islam law"

3. MURDERING CHILDREN IN WAR

4. Managing to be pwned by the Americunts every time they try to make a decision.

Cyberviolence

Protecting women from cyberrape and cyberviolence:

   
 
The report also argues that “cyber touch is recognized as equally as harmful as physical touch,” suggesting that online harassment might be just as lethal as domestic violence or sexual abuse.
 

 
 

Time Magazine, comparing online trolling to IRL rape and abuse

Haiti Cholera Epidemic

Dirty UN Peace Keeping troops brought an antibiotic resistant strain of cholera to Haiti following the recent earthquake. The epidemic has killed thousands and could cost $2 billion and years to eradicate.

Srsly, How does the U.N. Work?

TL;DR, it doesnt. The United Nations is the user-generated content of world politics.

The Future of the United Nations

  • None.
  • Take a backseat to the League of Nations
  • Fail.
  • MoarFail.
  • Epic Fail
  • To protect the world from devastation, To unite all peoples within their nation
  • Collapse when a world war looms, as they can't do anything to stop it in the first place.
  • Profit????



United Nations
is part of a series on Politics.
Ideologies: [You are wrong!We are right!]

Alt-rightAnarchyCapitalismCentrismCommunismConservatismDemocratHippieLiberalismLibertarianismMiltopismNaziNihilismNeo-conPacifismReconquistaRepublicanSocialismTory

Issues: [Fuck it, Too lazy.Get it fixed!]

AbortionArab SpringBahrainBarron TrumpBirthCISPADeath penaltyDrugsEnvironmentalismGaysGeorge Bush doesn't care about black peopleGirlfriendsGround Zero MosqueMass ShootingGun controlGunsHealthcare (2) (3)• HomelessHousing CrisisHuntingIceslaveIranMarriageMiltopiaNAUPimpin'RacismShoesTaxesTerrorismUnemploymentWarWelfare

Politicians: [Rigging Elections is funVote for me]

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Parties: [No beer? Fuck that.Hell yeah, a party!]

America's Third PartyBlack BlocDramacratic PartyHard PartyLemon PartyLiberal Party of AustraliaNorth American DONG PartyOBAMACORNSocialist Workers PartyPirate PartyZapatistas

Tactics: [Rage Quit.How do I get elect?]

2013 US Government ShutdownBlaming ChinaCaptain Nigga DefendaCloward Piven StrategyCuckservativesDemockeryG20 Toronto LollercaustLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLiberal guiltMacaca#NotMySuperbowlChampsOccupy DemocratsOperation LemonpartyRaped StatisticsThe ResistanceUpworthyWunderground

See also: 2012 Elections2016 Presidential ElectionsInternet PoliticsPizzaGatePolitical communities