Jewnited States of Americunts
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This article primarily covers the facts, history and other information about the country of the United States. If you were looking for the breed, please click here.
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The Jewnited States of Americunts, (pronounced by the local inhabitants as "Murka") is also known as the Confederate States of America, AmeriKKKa, Dumbfuckistan, The Zionist States of Israelistan, Theocratic State of the American Redneckistan, Fatty Nation, The Great Satan, the Black States of America, United Failed States Of America, United Rogue States Of America or just America (as if they are the only country on the whole continent) is a cesspool of rednecks, spics, jews, niggers and christfags on land stolen from the native Injuns. It is currently #2 on top ten fattest countries, just recently, in 2013, overtaken by the fat, fucking, beaner filthy sub-Spanish, also known as the Mexicans. Americunts are ugly, selfish, greasy fat cunts who love nothing more than fucking anything with a hole, sucking up all the planet's resources like it's a gallon jug of bacon grease and threatening anyone who doesn't let them have their way with total nuclear annihilation. They believe they are superior to everyone else, even though they have the collective intelligence of a bowl of pubes, the accent of a colony of faggot gorillas and an extreme case of baby-dick. The US is by far the ugliest, most cretinous civilization in all of human history and is hated, secretly or blatantly, by every other country on the planet. And America is one of the most hypocritical countries of the world, its self-perception based on lies and myths, the biggest myth about America is the thesis that it's a Democracy, de facto America is not a Democracy its an Oligarchy.
America likes to make the world think it's a free country, but whatever you do, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM WHEN THEY SAY THIS. It's a trap to get poor people who are looking for jobs who live in a bad place to come over only for their kids to be sent to Guantanamo Bay, be arrested for speaking freely, be forced to do all the crap labor no one wants like working in fields and slaughterhouses and being unnecessarily searched at airports, similar to how pedophiles lure kids into their vans with promises of candy.
In the Beginning...
A fat toothless redneck God created Americunts in his own image. America was founded by the ancestors of modern day Bill O'Reilleys, then known as Puritans, whose creepy anti-sex, anti-alcohol, anti-music, anti-lulz, anti-nigger religion was really annoying the Brits (who only wanted to fuck their livestock in peace without those whiny Puritans screaming how God hated them and they were all going to hell), causing the British to pile all their self-righteous and sanctimonious bitchasses on a boat and send it speeding in a random direction that just happened to be what is now known as New England. Butthurt about getting kicked off of the only good continent on the planet, they changed the story to make it look like they were being persecuted by those devilish sheep-fucking Brits and left on their own to save their own souls.
Puritan beliefs were very much like modern Islam, in that they believed women were the spawn of evil and must be punished, God rules this country and the government answers directly to him (which carried on into modern American politics as well) and if someone disagrees with you, they are ZOMGZ0RZ TEH DEVIL/WITCH!!1111 and will burn in hell for all eternity (which carried on into modern American political discourse). This is ironic because most of the founding fathers were, in fact, secularists. Being as strict and holy as they were, it's no wonder they freaked the fuck out and started killing each other over a bunch of moldy bread. Yes, folks, this is how it all started and is the basis for modern America.
As it happens, when they were kicked out of Europe, the place where they landed was full of injuns which they quickly dismissed as violent, barbaric and uncivilized, which is quite ironic since only a few hundred years later they would have all sorts of white people (mostly New-Agers and Hippies) defending their native brothers as wise, noble and peaceful (now that most of those savages have been wiped out, of course). In the beginning, the Natives pwned the fuck out of the first settlers which completely confounded the early Americunts into their shitty settlements until they realized that bullets were like kryptonite for people with red skin because they didn't know what the fuck guns were, they were susceptible to all sorts of crazy European diseases and alcohol rendered the injun completely incapable of fighting back (or getting a job).
They justified their bloodlust, slavery and land-grabbing as ordained by God through Manifest Destiny (which has carried over into modern Foreign Policy).
American Independence and Beyond
In the late 18th century, America (actually just the British in America) decided it wanted to rule the world. So the colonists (so called due to their tendency to talk utter shit) whined, begged and cried at the feet of the King of Great Britain for independence. After much deliberation the honorable King George decided he would grant the pathetic plea on the conditions that the colonists would throw a tea party in the King’s honor in his favorite city of Boston, and that General George Washington would fellate him, without question, whenever he so desired (which is why Washington ended up with wooden dentures; his teeth were eroded from all the cock he sucked). The world would be a much better place if a time machine was invented for one to travel back to 1776 and prevent America from ever happening.
America loves wars, and hasn't gone 5 years without being in one. The USA frequently attacks small countries like Austria, Afghanistan, Korea, Japan, Italy, Iraq, and Vietnam and devastates them but they frequently get bogged down by the native farmers with their terrifying rocks and pitchforks but doesn't have the balls to attack a real kickass country, like Canadia, Russizil or Chinastan. . And, no, Nazi Germany doesn't count because we all know it was actually those damn dirty commie Russians who defeated Hitler.
Like the Constitution, the American Flag, or "Flag of America", is subject to continuous alterations, modifications, and outright high contrast edition. Some postulate that, before the Martin-Zimmerman unpleasantness, the Flag consisted of only three colors: Red, representing the Bloods; Blue, representing the Crips; and White representing the Caucasoid population stuck in the middle of the conflict. After the unpleasantness, white was substituted by Judeo-Peruvian, and eventually the two prodigal ministers of black person, divided into a multitude of ministries with as many colors as the rainbow. The shape of the stars traditionally changes with the fashion and mood of the people representing the flexible nature of American Government and American Government Paraphernalia.
The current motto of America is "Eine Nation unter Allah"
Traits of the Common American
- Passive Aggressive
- Ironically hates freedom
- Easily offended
- In denial
- Uses too much fucking porn
- Watches child porn secretly
- Dirty Minded
- Lover of (their own) Fetishes
- Stupid Cops that shoot niggers 12 times and claim self defence
- Horrible speller
- Can't do Algebra 101
- Jew lovers and Zionists like all Christfags
- Uneducated (spending too much time around niggers)
- Closet Faggots
- Keeping their niggers happy by putting them on TV (the niggers are too monkey to realize that)
- Worshippers of money (their real God)
- Obsessed with violence they create, while decrying violence done to them.
- White (50-90% of them anyway).
- Christian...Protestant...Evangelical (mostly the flyover red states).
- 100.1% homosexuals.
- Obsessed with all things Lolcat.
- Overreacts to everything.
- Obsessed with the words shit and fuck, using them almost every minute.
- Loves McDonalds, Taco Bell, and all other fast food "restaurants".
- Can't live without a PS3(Penis Suckers 3) ,a Sexbox ThreeFixMe ,Facebook, and aids.
- 99.9% angsty, egotistical teen cunts.
- 99.9% infected with STDs and Autism.
- Always jealous of Asians.
- Always jealous of Canadians.
- Always jealous of Europeans.
- Always jealous of Mexicans.
- Always jealous of British accents.
- Almost jealous of everything.
- 00.000001% decent, respectable people. However, you'd be more likely to find a snowflake in hell.
- Minions of Satan.
- 4chan users
- Loves 9/11. They even made a hotline out of it.
- Enjoys having the ends of their dicks snipped off.
- Twilight fans.
- Pregnant Teenagers
- Call of Duty fags.
- Prefers to have AIDS rather than education. Because being retarded is the best policy in Dumbfuckistan.
- Drug user (if you can snort it, they have it).
- Think the USA is #1! USA! USA!
America is filled with scumfuck white trash who widely populate every state from east to west coast. They are the most disgusting and fuck-ugly people you could ever encounter, except of course, for the jews. Though the sworn enemy of the American Redneck is the American Nigger, they enjoy many of the same hobbies - such as skipping out on child support, having diabetes and secretly having hawt homo-sex with one another.
This subset of the American population can usually be found in or around:
- Trailer parks
- Titty bars
- Welfare offices
- Meth labs
- Gay bashings
- Klan rallies
- Burning churches
- Front porches
- Anywhere south of the Mason-Dixon line
- Sporting events
There are no black people in America. Black people live in Africa and can actually sometimes be seen as respectable if not far more well-spoken than your average American Nigger. Black people who immigrate from their native African countries to America haaaate the American nigger and rightly sees him as being uncivilized and a waste of flesh. There are also no African American niggers because most of their ancestors were already here at least 100 years ago. It would be like the modern white decedents of Thomas Jefferson calling themselves British American. American niggers are well known for their love of fried chicken, obese white women and outrageously expensive shoes that none of them can afford, but buy anyway.
They are commonly found in or around:
- Child Support
- Always broke
- Basketball Courts
- Crack houses
- Government housing projects
- Liquor stores
- Rap music
- Gun stores
- Welfare offices
- Moar meth labs
- Drive-by shootings
- Beauty parlors (black women spend about 63% of their average lifespan getting their hair done).
- Discount Fleamarkets
- Maury shows
- Beverly Hills, only when they rhyme.
- The White House
American men are utter scum, which is why most American women find foreign (especially British) men so attractive. ALL American males are secretly gay. You can tell that they are secretly gay by the kinds of activities they participate in to try to make themselves look straight, such as:
- Football - Full body contact with other men.
- Gay bashing - This is the only way they can fulfill their desire to touch a gay man's sexy homo body without seeming gay themselves.
- "Working out" at gyms - Where they get to see other hot, sweaty male bodies, usually scantily clad.
- Wrestling - 'Nuff said.
Traditional American Male Names:
- Fatfuck McMantits
All American women are ugly, self-absorbed, dirty, cumdumpster whores who love any kind of cock they can get, especially nigger cock, which is why most American men find foreign women (especially Asians) so attractive. They spend 99% of their time trying to find a nice dick attached to a man that's willing to take care of them and buy them things so that they'll never have to lift a finger for themselves or anyone else again. Because of this, American women are known to be some of the dumbest and most air-headed women on the planet since they shun education in favor of
cock wimmins don't care about teh cock, only Jew Golds, cock is a bonus.
Traditional American Female Names:
- Marge Cunt
There are more than 14900 International Airports in America including the Biggest and Most Culture-filled Denver International Airport.
Most Americans however don´t own a passport and consider dining at the Olive Garden an exotic Cultural experience akin to watching a foreign film. Highly-cultured Americans don´t own a passport either but might take the tour of the premises of Denver International Airport.
Yanks are brainwashed ignorant simple folk that get told by their owners that America is the best country evar, despite all evidence to the contrary. To be fair, only 30 or so percent of Americans even own a passport, so "evidence to the contrary" is hard to come by for them.
Americans are programmed from childhood to forget the rest of the world exists so that they don't then look outside Yanksville and realize they are being shafted. This is a government method to ensure the notoriously dumb, easily manipulated yankEE populous think everything is just fine so they'll continue to work multiple low paid jobs, be satisfied with what little they have, and never think of doing anything so radical as speaking out against a system that is so obviously using them and just one fancy mustache away from utter fascism. Few citizens are able to remove this programming from their brains, but they are still Yanks, so boo-fucking-who. Decent Americans should just leave the country before they get raped by the rest of the world one day.
To most Americunts, the only country that exists outside of the United States is the one they are currently at war with. As such, Iraq is the only country that currently exists to Americans. Some also may know of Afghanistan or Iran, but not so much that they can place them on a map.
- Remaking books and films so that everything is set in America.
- Never traveling outside of
North Americawhichever state they were born in.
- Believing that the capital of Sweden is IKEA.
intentionallyobese to avoid air travel.
- Being really shitty at geography in Trivial Pursuit.
- Believing that anyone outside of America is "weird" and still act as if it was the 19th century (eg., the people of Europe still wear powdered wigs, engage in duels and occasionally don big, spiky helmets).
- Thinking that having a National Health Service is the equivalent to selling one's soul to the devil because it's 'socialism", despite the fact that it saves the people that the government SWORE TO FUCKING PROTECT.
- Speaking of socialism, all Americunts have a unquestioning hatred/fear of it. It is unknown why, and an attempts to reason with them or even explain usually lead to men in black suits in vans outside your house, monitoring for "terrorist activity".
- Re-Writing historical events (especially those involving war) so that America becomes the sole protagonist, notably Iconic British events in ([WWII] and Afghanistan(see the new Medal of Honour).
- Believing that American law is World Law, this means if they enter any other country the rules don't apply.
- The American people believe that the world loves America as much as they do, and that everyone in the world would rather be living in America.
- Bitching about gas prices, even though it's more expensive in the rest of the world because other countries don't invade people and genocide races to access petroleum.
America the Unoriginal
- Name - United States of America; United Kingdom of Great Britain. Questions?. The appropriating the name of the entire continent abusively, makes one of their national symbols is also abuse.
- America itself, after genociding the native population.
- English Language - which the Americunts butcher in their squeaky Jew voices and slack-jawed Southern drawls.
- Anthem - John Smith's British hymn, which Americunts didnt get permission to borrow.
- Flag - thieved from British east India flag.
- Pastime - Baseball. The English invented for girls, not for grown-up rich people in pajamas.
- Army recruitment - kiddie fiddler Uncle Sam "i want you", from Lord "(Kitchener) Wants YOU"
- Education - High school, (John) Harvard University (for immigrants only)
- Old Imperial units - Mile, yards, inches and shit. In this as in many things, they insist on being different, like some indy faggot in high school.
- Building - US Capitol 1850's built by Slaves, ripped off Chris Wren's concrete dome on St Paul's cathedral
- The US constitution, particularly the Bill of Rights, - from Iroquios Confederancy Agreement. WORD FOR FUCKING WORD. They learned freedom from the same people they called savage.
- Common Law - English, Trial by Jury - Americunts love a good lawsuit.
- National phrase The motto Life, Liberty, Happiness stolen from the English philosopher Locke "Life, Liberty, Possessions".
- Many of the quotes attributed to the Founding Farthers, particularly Benjamin Franklin, were again stolen from John Locke.
- Claiming they are Irish because one of their great great great great grandparents was. This is like saying you're a fish because you swam at the beach one time.
American English: The One True Form of English
For the limey idiots who say "colour" was originally spelled that way: look it up, dipshits. The "ou" dipthong originates from French, around the time of the Normans. The original spelling of "color" is "color," as are almost all Latinate/Grecian words (this discounts words of French origin, but most American spellings stick to French convention of using an "ou"). British dumbasses changed these words to make them appear more Latinate/Grecian by adding the u. Again, look it up, and look somewhere reputable, like a book. Noah Webster, an American dictionary writer, pushed for the American people to return to the correct, classic spelling of this and other words. He also pushed for the proper pronunciation of "schedule" as "skedule," as this is a Grecian word and all other Latinate/Grecian words with "sch" are pronounced "sk." Only Yiddish/Germanic "sch" words are pronounced "sh."
Furthermore, even British linguists state that most American accents (short of the accents which are closer to British accents, like East Coast accents) are closer to the "original" pronunciations of English. Strong vowels, rhoticism, and emphasis on syllables are all believed to be trademarks of Old and Middle English speakers.
And your talk about "y'all" shows how fucking stupid and ignorant you are. This is a Southern custom, you fucking idiot. And at least we don't call cigarettes "fags" you limey cocksuckers.
DISREGARD THAT, AMERICA SUCKS COCKS!!!
As you can see by the above display, Americunts will get a raging case of butthurt if you dare to criticize the way they talk/write. In reality, despite so many Americunts wanting to ban anyone from speaking anything other than English in their country, most of them can barely even write their name correctly, let alone pronounce anything with more than three syllables, due to rampant fucktardness in their shithole of a country.
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America is world-renowned for it's revolutionary, innovative, affordable, and amazing food. The staple diet of the American tribe consists of Burger, Taco Bell, McDonalds, crushed animal bones (see: Jello), feces-infested meats, experimental chemical Frankenstein foods, zombie fruit, pesticide-laced food crops, high fructose corn syrup, and even more savory meals!
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Since about 100 years ago, Dumbfuckistan has held the title of fattest nation on the planet (Among countries that anyone actually knows about). Indeed, being a massive fucking whale is a deep and cherished part of americunt culture, as now even kids can enjoy diabeetus and harpooning threats starting age 5. This title was recently stolen by Australia last Thursday (To be taken back after Australia realized they made an error of shifting a decimal place back). Americunts decided the only rational way to counter Australia's dominance over the fatty title was to expand and export their horrid fastfoods (i.e. McDonalds, Burger King, Krispy Kreme, etc). While Americans claim to enjoy a wide barrage of "fine" cuisine, the rest of the world has consistently dined on healthier fair until the Americunts came along. Seeing that their revenge against the Ausfags was now successfully being implemented, Dumbfuckistan has focused their invasion of fatness upon the rest of the globe.
America has several major religions, ordered by popularity:
Americans take their religion very seriously, often spending many hours per night deeply immersed in prayer. Or even more if there's something good on or if it's covered in bacon grease.
Besides these primary belief systems, American culture is deeply rooted in a paranoid and self-serving set of superstitions called Christianity. This superstitious system causes much butthurt and drama amongst the population, especially when used to justify such dumb, unnecessary or just plain insane acts as going to war, erecting ridiculously huge and expensive statues ( ), and cramming themselves into huge buildings full of other sticky, sweaty, slack-jawed Americunts every Sunday to compare clothing and talk to/about their imaginary friends.
Here's a problem in logic.
Something that should be told to every American:
Michael Moore has this thing about guns; people shouldn't own them if they don't agree with him-- ooohh, those white folks are Sooo terrible! Meanwhile, His Gross Obeseness wants you and me to pay for all the medical bills his 400 pounds causes him. He's a shameless provocateur that has no answers, only bilious sarcasm, and yet some people seem to think he has "talent."
The average American has an erratic, erotic bond with their Jew-box. This love for their televisions benefits the Jews, as the kikes use the television and the media they broadcast to gain loyal goyim slaves. Any content-rich program is acceptable in this moron paradise provided it has no relation to anything going on in the real world or that includes any intellectual content that could possibly fire up one of their two braincells (which would, theoretically, instanty cause a massive stroke and death, which is why they avoid it so avidly). For example, slapstick humor like some guy getting nailed in the balls or a child being hit by a car is generally well-received by critics and the general public; programs about art, science or any sort of history whose title doesn't end in "of the Bible" are not.
In American TV, "if it bleeds, it leads". If it bleeds a lot, set it on fire and stab it, then give it its own show and set it to a laugh track. And can we get some tits in there? Maybe add a sassy black woman in season 2? That'll play great with the 18 to 35 demo.
Americunts can usually be found watching:
- Programs involving fat southerners showing you how to make an entire Thanksgiving Dinner out of butter.
- Programs involving selling a house, decorating a house, cleaning a house, swapping houses or swapping wives.
- Talent shows full of self-absorbed, naive, shallow fags and bimbos that usually have about 0% actual talent.
- So called "reality TV" which involves about as much reality as an acid trip inside a Salvador Dali painting of the Neverland Ranch.
- CSI, CSI:NY, CSI:Miami, CSI:Akron, CSI:Disneyland, NCIS (which everyone only watches for the perky goth chick), and every other mindless carbon-copy cop drama that we've all seen a million times over the past 3 decades.
- An unusually excessive amount of advertising that receives more airtime than the shows themselves and often involve children promoting the products regardless of targeted consumers.
- Recycled pawn-shows that have names which are puns of porn
- Recycled repo shows.
- Fat fucks eating (an American past-time).
- Hundreds of programs about Alaska.
- Fake ass court shows that are about as real as the reality TV on MTV.
- Overplayed reruns of The Big Bang Theory that you've seen over 9000 times.
- Ex-prisoners saving pit bulls.
- Documentaries that vastly exaggerate the role the USA played in WW2 .
Handegg, (which only Americunts call "football") is a sport ONLY played by Americunts because of the cultural obligation of having invented it; there's no choice. With its use of tights, body armor, under-eye makeup, fanny pack-and-helmet-ensemble (and the Quarterback Snap), it is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals, as it is a required part of most young men's high school education.
American football is a bizarre game descended from rugby, but with much more padding, helmets and safety equipment lest the player break a nail. It caters to unskilled, fat non-athletes who can't play real sports. Since Americunts need a break every five seconds, it was tailored for them. If American football didn't suck, it would be played outside the nation in which it was invented, but it's not because it blows. The only football league that hasn't folded like all the others outside America (the low profile CFL) was culturally imposed by Americunts on those poor Canadians (actually Canadian "football" is less of a ridiculously boring shitshow than it's inbred 'murkan cousin, with less rules to protect the quarterback, reduced stoppage of play, playing fields 10 yards longer, 3 "downs" instead of 4, and felonies committed by black players kept at an acceptable minimum).
In the NFL (National Fag Lickers), everyone gets told what to do after every tedious, stop-start, mind-numbingly static boring play with no skill. If unfortunate enough to come across some cable channel this garbage is being shown on, you will inevitably shout "MOVE FFS" every twenty seconds, then end the misery and wisely change the channel. It's so boring that scantily-clad cheerleaders are required lest the attention span impaired Americunts get up during the play and go look for nachos.
The rise of professional football was actually part of somewhat successful and ongoing social engineering program employed by the global oligarchy to disengage man from his own destiny. The program works by essentially shifting a man's tribal focus (i.e. his need to engage in political and social affairs within the group of people to whom they belong) from their families and community to a substitute, "professional" sports team. Once a man has disengaged from his true tribal identity for this substitute, he becomes malleable in a political and social sense and is prone to complacency under despotic leaders. Indicators of this program's success include the overwhelming notion that an appreciation of football is the hallmark of manhood (or rite of passage to), tribal-esque body paint displays, and of course the inclusion of alpha-females as society inevitably progresses into its dieing stages (as in tribal society). Partly due to this success, the global oligarchy has effectively taken over The United States of America and re-branded it more accurately as the Jewnited States of America.
Baseball is played with sticks and balls. Oddly enough, it's a sport in which a team throws the ball at the opponent, more specifically the batter, who almost always fails to strike the ball hard enough for it to fly away to the crowd of fat morons and monopolizing Jews so they can catch it. Strangely, America is not the only country that takes this sport seriously. In one of their most tragic attempts to be more like America, Japan also has their own baseball league. There has not been an American baseball player in the past 20 years who hasn't used steroids.
Pedobear is an exclusive 100% American creation. From what has been observed, he can be generally found in Florida and has little interest to move to any other part of the world (except for vacations to Denmark.) Currently, even toddlers are being exploited by money grubbing American parents to appear TV shows such as Toddlers and Tiaras. Apparently, children don't find such shows entertaining. Guess who does? Pedobear sets his DVR to record the show.
It was Sinclair Lewis who said, "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross." Similarly, Pedobear is usually Americanized to make him more politically correct. A pedobear with the stars and stripes in the background is more likely to be accepted than a pedobear without them.
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—NonyaZ;Summing it all up
Known in America as "guv'ment," "gub'ment," "those bloated greedy conservative assholes that waste all our money on war," "those bloated greedy liberal assholes who waste all our money on blacks and Mexicans," or "that thing we all try to ignore." The American government is full of far more drama, lulz and even anti-lulz than any other nation on Earth.
American politics is like a delicately orchestrated simultaneous MMORPG of Russian roulette, bug chasing and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire played by thousands of obese 5th graders wielding those memory eraser things from Men in Black. Every politician's favorite pastime is blaming their political opposite for being non-partisan while simultaneously refusing to co-operate in return, and most Americans' favorite pastime (if they pay attention to it at all) is to watch this political drama on Fox News(more like Fox JEWS,amirite?) cheering on their favorite player like it's some sort of soap opera (that could potentially turn us all into dirt-poor slaves IRL). Despite every "United We Stand" bumper sticker you might see on the back of a rust and primer colored pick-up truck, most Americans are rabidly partisan and would rather tie their own daughter up in a sack and throw her in a river than let her date a boy who voted for McCain or kick everyone out of their own church if they voted for Obama. Americans love to hate those that don't think the same way they do.
Fueling this assault on the sanity of the few self-respecting, decent humans that inhabit scattered corners of this country (and distracting us all from the real enemies) are the "news" channels (Fox News, MSNBC, etc.) and radio stations and their very vocal and boisterous cast of ultra-partisan super-pundits whom the majority of Americunts regard as avatars of God himself, following every word to a tea. Very little actual news or verifiable fact is ever spewed forth from these wretched cesspits of political ire, which is why it's so horrifying how influential they are to the slobbering masses of brain-dead zombies who revere them.
It is a somewhat well known fact that American politics on the federal level are run in a fashion similar to that of professional wrestling. Opponents from both the Republican't and Democunt parties bash each other to no end during controlled debates to portray some sense of authenticity, and then get dinner together and proceed to engage in acts of sexual magick in accordance with the one true religion of American politicians: Thelema. Belief in this false left/right, Democunt/Republicant dichotomy is almost ubiquitous among residents in both the United States proper as well as those Dumbfuckistan. While the motives behind these politicians are up for debate, it is widely argued by actual sentient humans living in America that they belong to a secret cabal, such as 'the global oligarchy' or other such shadow governments.
America prides itself as having the largest prison population of all countries in the world. For every 100,000 citizens there are 762 prisoners (International Center for Prison Studies). The American government prefers to throw people in jail and have tax payers pay for their food and shelter, instead of making them contributing members of society. The American police force tries its best to maintain America's leadership in having the largest prison population of the world.
It's incredibly easy to get sent to jail in America. If you're ever visiting (or, god forbid, live) in this god-forsaken country, try to avoid these activities:
- For not liking the Jews (IN AMERICA IT IS MANDATORY TO LOVE THE JEWS)and pretty soon THE FAGGOTS !!
- Being black
- Not owning a TV
- Having an opinion
- Taking a picture that just happens to have a police officer in it
- Not watering your lawn (living in a desert where water is scarce is no excuse)
- Looking even remotely like a drug dealer
- Being black
- Going .002mph over the speed limit
- Being black
- Not being fat enough
- Not pandering to the Jews
- Being black
American police are also widely known for their propensity toward trigger-happiness. If they even suspect that you might have ever had drugs in your house EVAR, they will fucking kill you, your family and your pets and they will get away with it too.3
Besides breaking into your house and destroying it and everyone/thing you love, another favorite pastime of American police is to beat the shit out of children:
On September 11th 2001, a bunch of towelheads took over some planes and smashed them into a couple of towers, in what was to become the best act of trolling ever. In typical fashion, they didn't get the joke. But of course, you already knew this. You and every other sapient creature on the planet, and probably some of the lesser species of ape. Why do you know? Because this happened in America. When AMERICANS are attacked, EVERYONE must know. Oh, certainly, roughly 3 times the amount of people killed in that attack die EVERY DAY from preventable, poverty-related causes and far deadlier attacks are carried out in other countries every day, but of course, these people aren't American so they don't really matter. Despite Americans thinking everyone everywhere sounds and acts American, it's only the tr00 Americans that count for shit if they die. To this day one cannot mention the incident in question to an American without them acting TTLY SRS. Despite the consequent death and oppression of millions of completely innocent Middle-Eastern people, Americans still seem to think THEY are the victims in this affair.
Also, Jews did WTC. It's a fact. All of the Jewish workers in the Twin Towers stayed home on Tuesday, September 11, 2001, and not a single Jew died that day. All of the Jew-owned manufacturing companies made over 9000 dollars per weapon manufactured after America went to war with Eye Rack, even though they had nothing to do with 9/11 at all. All of the Jew-owned banks got tons of money from the government during the war, and all of the Jew-owned oil companies made lots of money once we took all of the oil from the sand nigger terrorists.
Much like its Eastern counterpart, Egypt, but without the culture, Cotton has always been and will soon revert to being the staple of American economy and way of life. American cotton and cotton products are recognized Worldwide for their durable fabric, perceived quality, and variety of leitmotifs ideally suited to dress any household's Central American or Filipina servant.
Cotton was introduced by the British as a Cash Crop replacing the Native, unhealthy and less profitable Tobacco. The criminalization of Nicotine, the main active compound in dried tobacco leaves, has been slow but constant until it was finally outlawed for ever after the Nicotine-fuelled Presidential Scandal of 1998.
To pick the Cotton and solve unemployment in Western Africa at the same time, the American Philanthropist Association invited Savage Negroes to the Land of the Free-of-charge. And Free stuff is indeed what they found: The Negroes were kindly taught God's Language, English, and God's Word, the Bible. They were given lifetime employment with full health, education and retirement benefits, as well as housing. As this piece of American Vernacular attests the country was on its way to a pleasant existence
But in February 1861 the bloodthirsty Jews took advantage of Americans' tolerant nature and paid for everyone's Mint Juleps at the lobby of the Willard Hotel in Washington D.C. Then the nasty Jews proceeded to sweet-talk everyone into killing each other for a couple of years thus destroying the cotton industry and forsaking the Negroes to their own luck. By this the Hebrews achieved many purposes and commodities: separating the people from the Negroes, Gentile blood to prepare their Kiddush Wine and the creation of a proxy Hebrew party to infiltrate Government, but mainly keeping prices of Egyptian Cotton at Jewishly desirable levels.
Nowadays, as the aftermath of the War of Jewish Aggression is slowly fading, cotton accounts for 86% of the American GDP with the remaining 70% coming from Hemp farming. Conveniently the Federal Government created a statistical loophole to avoid the ordeal of dividing by zero. Hemp, cultivated more for its flower buds than its strong fiber (as not to compete with cotton), has already replaced Tobacco or Apples as the country's main cash crop, albeit destined exclusively for the domestic market.
A country of Farmers and Ranchers, and their dependants, America is in the process of shaking the last yoke of Jewish oppression off its Christian neck. For unlike the Jew's, HIS Yoke is easy and HIS burden is light (Matthew 11:30).
The Federal Reserve is a private banking cartel run by Jews which masquerades as a governmental body. It was created in 1913 to finance and manipulate America's addiction to overspending for entitlement programs, warfare and McDonald's. The Fed stands above American law, because it's accountable to nobody, except Israel.
This cartel of private banks prints dollars for a few cents per piece, then loans it to the American government at full-face value. Consequently, the American government gradually drowns in a sea of debt. Meanwhile, the international private banker Jews profit from the interest payments on the rising loans.
The international private banker Jews diabolical master-plan is to enslave American people through complete bankruptcy, then create a totalitarian regime in North-America, and gradually buy up the rest of the world for a despotic Global Government. Their end goal is to enslave all gentiles, and microchip them like cattle into obedience under the guidance of a global police state. It took a freaking documentary for the American Neanderthal economists plus a legion of super nerds to comprehend the national debt's dangerous implications - even as rogue Austrian Jews and even some Native Gentiles were warning us of it since the beginning.
The U.S Military, which couldn't win their way out of a wet paper bag with guns in their hands, is a bunch of homo fags that are too stupid for college, too lazy for a real job, or trying to avoid prison. These retards are actually trusted with guns and bombs which has resulted in an American invention known as "friendly fire". This event only occurs when they're around and basically consists of a fucktard shooting someone on their own side and going "sorry you had a gun and I just freaked out". Every time an American soldier accidentally shoots his buddy in the face a Muslim terrorist gets another heavenly virgin (two if they do it on purpose!). Americans only have the balls to attack others when they are armed to the teeth and travel in numbers. When captured alone, they are far from John Rambo and simply get beheaded on youtube.
The US Army also perpetrated Operation Oilraqi Freedumb, the dumbest military maneuver since the Maginot Line. In Op Oilraqi Faildumb, Halliburton's military wing spent a trillion dollars invading a country with no military and lost. The US Military like to scare brown people with their enormous budget, but in reality criminally insane politicians steal and waste 95% of it on shit that doesn’t work and nobody wants.
America also enjoys firing at British troops, and bombing British tanks. This has gone back as far as the Second World War, as shown in a British wartime joke; "When the Germans shoot, the British duck. When the British shoot, the Germans duck. When the Americans shoot, EVERYONE ducks!". It should be noted that this joke is a good example of American ignorance. The reason friendly fire is higher among American forces is because they're retarded and poorly trained. Others have argued that they are just flat-out retarded. Since America's army exploits every country, they build huge rockets to watch the pretty colors, but then they discovered that they actually kill people when a guy thought he could reach the moon on one and failed, which resulted in the modern nuclear bomb.
The main problem with the United States Army seems to be the inability to aim, or co-ordinate any form of attack that doesn't consist of blindly shooting until you hit something. This is not helped by the high incest rate of America, which results in the low IQ and fleeting attention span. Training in the American army generally consists of having your head shaved and being able-bodied enough to hold a gun, whereas other more traditional armies persist with the idea that teaching people how to use their weapons, something America did away with some time ago.
Fun fact: Many people believe New Jersey, Massachusetts and California are the US's next targets as they are all violating the US's strict "no freedom allowed" policy.
Everyone knows that the Americunt special/biological/experimental/homosexual weapons division is responsible for:
- The Black Mesa disaster
- Atomic bombs
- Satan Claus
- Homosexuality, and subsequently
All female soldiers must go through a routine breast exam before leaving for combat.
List of American Wars
For the 235+ years that Dumbfuckistan has been a country, 214 of them were spent waging wars. That means Americunts have only gone 21 years without going apeshit on people with bigger dicks than them.
Year-by-year Timeline of America’s Major Wars (1776-2011)
1776 – American Revolutionary War, Chickamagua Wars, Second Cherokee War, Pennamite-Yankee War
1777 – American Revolutionary War, Chickamauga Wars, Second Cherokee War, Pennamite-Yankee War
1778 – American Revolutionary War, Chickamauga Wars, Pennamite-Yankee War
1779 – American Revolutionary War, Chickamauga Wars, Pennamite-Yankee War
1780 – American Revolutionary War, Chickamauga Wars, Pennamite-Yankee War
1781 – American Revolutionary War, Chickamauga Wars, Pennamite-Yankee War
1782 – American Revolutionary War, Chickamauga Wars, Pennamite-Yankee War
1783 – American Revolutionary War, Chickamauga Wars, Pennamite-Yankee War
1784 – Chickamauga Wars, Pennamite-Yankee War, Oconee War
1785 – Chickamauga Wars, Northwest Indian War
1786 – Chickamauga Wars, Northwest Indian War
1787 – Chickamauga Wars, Northwest Indian War
1788 – Chickamauga Wars, Northwest Indian War
1789 – Chickamauga Wars, Northwest Indian War
1790 – Chickamauga Wars, Northwest Indian War
1791 – Chickamauga Wars, Northwest Indian War
1792 – Chickamauga Wars, Northwest Indian War
1793 – Chickamauga Wars, Northwest Indian War
1794 – Chickamauga Wars, Northwest Indian War
1795 – Northwest Indian War
1796 – No major war
1797 – No major war
1798 – Quasi-War
1799 – Quasi-War
1800 – Quasi-War
1801 – First Barbary War
1802 – First Barbary War
1803 – First Barbary War
1804 – First Barbary War
1805 – First Barbary War
1806 – Sabine Expedition
1807 – No major war
1808 – No major war
1809 – No major war
1810 – U.S. occupies Spanish-held West Florida
1811 – Tecumseh’s War
1812 – War of 1812, Tecumseh’s War, Seminole Wars, U.S. occupies Spanish-held Amelia Island and other parts of East Florida
1813 – War of 1812, Tecumseh’s War, Peoria War, Creek War, U.S. expands its territory in West Florida
1814 – War of 1812, Creek War, U.S. expands its territory in Florida, Anti-piracy war
1815 – War of 1812, Second Barbary War, Anti-piracy war
1816 – First Seminole War, Anti-piracy war
1817 – First Seminole War, Anti-piracy war
1818 – First Seminole War, Anti-piracy war
1819 – Yellowstone Expedition, Anti-piracy war
1820 – Yellowstone Expedition, Anti-piracy war
1821 – Anti-piracy war (see note above)
1822 – Anti-piracy war (see note above)
1823 – Anti-piracy war, Arikara War
1824 – Anti-piracy war
1825 – Yellowstone Expedition, Anti-piracy war
1826 – No major war
1827 – Winnebago War
1828 – No major war
1829 – No major war
1830 – No major war
1831 – Sac and Fox Indian War
1832 – Black Hawk War
1833 – Cherokee Indian War
1834 – Cherokee Indian War, Pawnee Indian Territory Campaign
1835 – Cherokee Indian War, Seminole Wars, Second Creek War
1836 – Cherokee Indian War, Seminole Wars, Second Creek War, Missouri-Iowa Border War
1837 – Cherokee Indian War, Seminole Wars, Second Creek War, Osage Indian War, Buckshot War
1838 – Cherokee Indian War, Seminole Wars, Buckshot War, Heatherly Indian War
1839 – Cherokee Indian War, Seminole Wars
1840 – Seminole Wars, U.S. naval forces invade Fiji Islands
1841 – Seminole Wars, U.S. naval forces invade McKean Island, Gilbert Islands, and Samoa
1842 – Seminole Wars
1843 – U.S. forces clash with Chinese, U.S. troops invade African coast
1844 – Texas-Indian Wars
1845 – Texas-Indian Wars
1846 – Mexican-American War, Texas-Indian Wars
1847 – Mexican-American War, Texas-Indian Wars
1848 – Mexican-American War, Texas-Indian Wars, Cayuse War
1849 – Texas-Indian Wars, Cayuse War, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Skirmish between 1st Cavalry and Indians
1850 – Texas-Indian Wars, Cayuse War, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Yuma War, California Indian Wars, Pitt River Expedition
1851 – Texas-Indian Wars, Cayuse War, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Apache Wars, Yuma War, Utah Indian Wars, California Indian Wars
1852 – Texas-Indian Wars, Cayuse War, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Yuma War, Utah Indian Wars, California Indian Wars
1853 – Texas-Indian Wars, Cayuse War, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Yuma War, Utah Indian Wars, Walker War, California Indian Wars
1854 – Texas-Indian Wars, Cayuse War, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Apache Wars, California Indian Wars, Skirmish between 1st Cavalry and Indians
1855 – Seminole Wars, Texas-Indian Wars, Cayuse War, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Apache Wars, California Indian Wars, Yakima War, Winnas Expedition, Klickitat War, Puget Sound War, Rogue River Wars, U.S. forces invade Fiji Islands and Uruguay
1856 – Seminole Wars, Texas-Indian Wars, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, California Indian Wars, Puget Sound War, Rogue River Wars, Tintic War
1857 – Seminole Wars, Texas-Indian Wars, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, California Indian Wars, Utah War, Conflict in Nicaragua
1858 – Seminole Wars, Texas-Indian Wars, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Mohave War, California Indian Wars, Spokane-Coeur d’Alene-Paloos War, Utah War, U.S. forces invade Fiji Islands and Uruguay
1859 Texas-Indian Wars, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, California Indian Wars, Pecos Expedition, Antelope Hills Expedition, Bear River Expedition, John Brown’s raid, U.S. forces launch attack against Paraguay, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1860 – Texas-Indian Wars, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Apache Wars, California Indian Wars, Paiute War, Kiowa-Comanche War
1861 – American Civil War, Texas-Indian Wars, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Apache Wars, California Indian Wars, Cheyenne Campaign
1862 – American Civil War, Texas-Indian Wars, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Apache Wars, California Indian Wars, Cheyenne Campaign, Dakota War of 1862,
1863 – American Civil War, Texas-Indian Wars, Southwest Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Apache Wars, California Indian Wars, Cheyenne Campaign, Colorado War, Goshute War
1864 – American Civil War, Texas-Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Apache Wars, California Indian Wars, Cheyenne Campaign, Colorado War, Snake War
1865 – American Civil War, Texas-Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Apache Wars, California Indian Wars, Colorado War, Snake War, Utah’s Black Hawk War
1866 – Texas-Indian Wars, Navajo Wars, Apache Wars, California Indian Wars, Skirmish between 1st Cavalry and Indians, Snake War, Utah’s Black Hawk War, Red Cloud’s War, Franklin County War, U.S. invades Mexico, Conflict with China
1867 – Texas-Indian Wars, Long Walk of the Navajo, Apache Wars, Skirmish between 1st Cavalry and Indians, Snake War, Utah’s Black Hawk War, Red Cloud’s War, Comanche Wars, Franklin County War, U.S. troops occupy Nicaragua and attack Taiwan
1868 – Texas-Indian Wars, Long Walk of the Navajo, Apache Wars, Skirmish between 1st Cavalry and Indians, Snake War, Utah’s Black Hawk War, Red Cloud’s War, Comanche Wars, Battle of Washita River, Franklin County War
1869 – Texas-Indian Wars, Apache Wars, Skirmish between 1st Cavalry and Indians, Utah’s Black Hawk War, Comanche Wars, Franklin County War
1870 – Texas-Indian Wars, Apache Wars, Skirmish between 1st Cavalry and Indians, Utah’s Black Hawk War, Comanche Wars, Franklin County War
1871 – Texas-Indian Wars, Apache Wars, Skirmish between 1st Cavalry and Indians, Utah’s Black Hawk War, Comanche Wars, Franklin County War, Kingsley Cave Massacre, U.S. forces invade Korea
1872 – Texas-Indian Wars, Apache Wars, Utah’s Black Hawk War, Comanche Wars, Modoc War, Franklin County War
1873 – Texas-Indian Wars, Comanche Wars, Modoc War, Apache Wars, Cypress Hills Massacre, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1874 – Texas-Indian Wars, Comanche Wars, Red River War, Mason County War, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1875 – Conflict in Mexico, Texas-Indian Wars, Comanche Wars, Eastern Nevada, Mason County War, Colfax County War, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1876 – Texas-Indian Wars, Black Hills War, Mason County War, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1877 – Texas-Indian Wars, Skirmish between 1st Cavalry and Indians, Black Hills War, Nez Perce War, Mason County War, Lincoln County War, San Elizario Salt War, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1878 – Paiute Indian conflict, Bannock War, Cheyenne War, Lincoln County War, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1879 – Cheyenne War, Sheepeater Indian War, White River War, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1880 – U.S. forces invade Mexico
1881 – U.S. forces invade Mexico
1882 – U.S. forces invade Mexico
1883 – U.S. forces invade Mexico
1884 – U.S. forces invade Mexico
1885 – Apache Wars, Eastern Nevada Expedition, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1886 – Apache Wars, Pleasant Valley War, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1887 – U.S. forces invade Mexico
1888 – U.S. show of force against Haiti, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1889 – U.S. forces invade Mexico
1890 – Sioux Indian War, Skirmish between 1st Cavalry and Indians, Ghost Dance War, Wounded Knee, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1891 – Sioux Indian War, Ghost Dance War, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1892 – Johnson County War, U.S. forces invade Mexico
1893 – U.S. forces invade Mexico and Hawaii
1894 – U.S. forces invade Mexico
1895 – U.S. forces invade Mexico, Bannock Indian Disturbances
1896 – U.S. forces invade Mexico
1897 – No major war
1898 – Spanish-American War, Battle of Leech Lake, Chippewa Indian Disturbances
1899 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1900 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1901 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1902 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1903 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1904 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1905 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1906 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1907 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1908 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1909 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1910 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1911 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1912 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars
1913 – Philippine-American War, Banana Wars, New Mexico Navajo War
1914 – Banana Wars, U.S. invades Mexico
1915 – Banana Wars, U.S. invades Mexico, Colorado Paiute War
1916 – Banana Wars, U.S. invades Mexico
1917 – Banana Wars, World War I, U.S. invades Mexico
1918 – Banana Wars, World War I, U.S invades Mexico
1919 – Banana Wars, U.S. invades Mexico
1920 – Banana Wars
1921 – Banana Wars
1922 – Banana Wars
1923 – Banana Wars, Posey War
1924 – Banana Wars
1925 – Banana Wars
1926 – Banana Wars
1927 – Banana Wars
1928 – Banana Wars
1930 – Banana Wars
1931 – Banana Wars
1932 – Banana Wars
1933 – Banana Wars
1934 – Banana Wars
1935 – No major war
1936 – No major war
1937 – No major war
1938 – No major war
1939 – No major war
1940 – No major war
1941 – World War II
1942 – World War II
1943 – Wold War II
1944 – World War II
1945 – World War II
1946 – Cold War (U.S. occupies the Philippines and South Korea)
1947 – Cold War (U.S. occupies South Korea, U.S. forces land in Greece to fight Communists)
1948 – Cold War (U.S. forces aid Chinese Nationalist Party against Communists)
1949 – Cold War (U.S. forces aid Chinese Nationalist Party against Communists)
1950 – Korean War, Jayuga Uprising
1951 – Korean War
1952 – Korean War
1953 – Korean War
1954 – Covert War in Guatemala
1955 – Vietnam War
1956 – Vietnam War
1957 – Vietnam War
1958 – Vietnam War
1959 – Vietnam War, Conflict in Haiti
1960 – Vietam War
1961 – Vietnam War
1962 – Vietnam War, Cold War (Cuban Missile Crisis; U.S. marines fight Communists in Thailand)
1963 – Vietnam War
1964 – Vietnam War
1965 – Vietnam War, U.S. occupation of Dominican Republic
1966 – Vietnam War, U.S. occupation of Dominican Republic
1967 – Vietnam War
1968 – Vietnam War
1969 – Vietnam War
1970 – Vietnam War
1971 – Vietnam War
1972 – Vietnam War
1973 – Vietnam War, U.S. aids Israel in Yom Kippur War
1974 – Vietnam War
1975 – Vietnam War
1976 – No major war
1977 – No major war
1978 – No major war
1979 – Cold War (CIA proxy war in Afghanistan)
1980 – Cold War (CIA proxy war in Afghanistan)
1981 – Cold War (CIA proxy war in Afghanistan and Nicaragua), First Gulf of Sidra Incident
1982 – Cold War (CIA proxy war in Afghanistan and Nicaragua), Conflict in Lebanon
1983 – Cold War (Invasion of Grenada, CIA proxy war in Afghanistan and Nicaragua), Conflict in Lebanon
1984 – Cold War (CIA proxy war in Afghanistan and Nicaragua), Conflict in Persian Gulf
1985 – Cold War (CIA proxy war in Afghanistan and Nicaragua)
1986 – Cold War (CIA proxy war in Afghanistan and Nicaragua)
1987 – Conflict in Persian Gulf
1988 – Conflict in Persian Gulf, U.S. occupation of Panama
1989 – Second Gulf of Sidra Incident, U.S. occupation of Panama, Conflict in Philippines
1990 – First Gulf War, U.S. occupation of Panama
1991 – First Gulf War
1992 – Conflict in Iraq
1993 – Conflict in Iraq
1994 – Conflict in Iraq, U.S. invades Haiti
1995 – Conflict in Iraq, U.S. invades Haiti, NATO bombing of Bosnia and Herzegovina
1996 – Conflict in Iraq
1997 – No major war
1998 – Bombing of Iraq, Missile strikes against Afghanistan and Sudan
1999 – Kosovo War
2000 – No major war
2001 – War on Terror in Afghanistan
2002 – War on Terror in Afghanistan and Yemen
2003 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, and Iraq
2004 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, and Yemen
2005 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, and Yemen
2006 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, and Yemen
2007 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Somalia, and Yemen
2008 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, and Yemen
2009 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, and Yemen
2010 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, and Yemen
2011 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Somalia, and Yemen; Conflict in Libya (Libyan Civil War)
2012 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Somalia, Syria and Yemen
2013 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Somalia, Syria and Yemen
2014 – War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, Somalia, Syria and Yemen; Civil War in Ukraine
2015 – War on Terror in Somalia, Somalia, Syria and Yemen; Civil War in Ukraine
2016 - War in Syria
Murica and Its Fuck Buddies Wage War on Iran
Like an out-of-control international, serial rapist, America and its BDSM buddies, the Eurofags, are allegedly suffering from too much chronic butthurt caused by Iran's ever growing nuclear capacity. They are afraid that the Poorsians will use their future nukes to wipe out the festering shitstain known as Israel off the map.
In actuality, the Americans have no concentrate proof that Iran is actually developing nuclear weapons. Even if Iran is developing nuclear armaments, cleaning up the festering Kike infestation known as Israel would probably be good for the world! The truth is American doesn't actually give a Flying Spaghetti Monster fuck about Iran's nuclear program (besides the fact that America has to protect its Jewish overlords in Israel from the scary Persians!). They actually want to invade Iran just to satisfy their insatiable urge to shove their military cocks down another brown-person country's ass (since raping Iraq beforehand wasn't enough to satisfy Amurikans horny military libido). The epic result would be some nice, black, gooey oil coming out of Iran's sorely penetrated arse!
Too bad pwning Iran IRL for the American Spartans isn't going to be anywhere as easy as the 300 Spartans pwning the Puuu-rrrrrsians. The funny thing is that many Amurikan soldiers don`t think that.
Yep they think Iran is going to be another easy military-rape victim as I-Rack. Bad idea, dumbfucks!
Facts about America
Control, corruption, and the pursuit of stupidity. A look into some interesting factoids of the world's most embarrassing mess of a country.
- Virtually every American believes that, despite a corporate owned government, a deadweight economy, monstrous levels of prejudice and discrimination, rampant obesity, patent hypocrisy, a two-class society, cable news, growing politicization, and spray-on cheese, that this is the greatest country to ever exist. How cute.
- In America, everyone is fat and ugly and horrifically ignorant.
- 50% of Americans don't know the nearest star is called "the sun", how far away that star is, or how long it takes for the earth to travel around it.
- In America, it is wrong to criticize anyone based on their weight - even if they weigh over 500 fucking pounds.
- 90% of Americans know that in WWII 6 million jews died, but have no idea how many Americans.
- In entry to America, your IQ drops 20 points and your waistline expands 20 inches.
- In America you can get a pizza delivered to your house faster than you can get an ambulance.
- In America, you MUST love the Jews or else you're a Nazi.
- In America, niggers are either sent to prison, or the Presidency.
- In America, serial killers have fan clubs.
- In America, there are more fat people than there are people.
- In America, when a group of muslims kill civilians, they are called cowards. When an American soldier kills civilians, they are called heroes.
- In America, they'll tell you to "git out of America if you don't like it", even if you aren't in America. However It's illegal to commit suicide and you'll get shot if you do try to cross the border OUT. Truth be told you can't leave America if the government doesn't want you to.
- In America, people think that the reason they didn't win the lottery is because they didn't pray hard enough.
- In America, people get in their cars and drive to their mailbox.
- In America, all women believe they are entitled to date a 6 foot tall, millionaire fireman with two PhD's and a 10 inch dick.
- In America, all men think they are entitled to date a borderline anorexic supermodel with tits bigger than her head and a PhD in sucking what's left of their dick.
- In America, you must side with the opposite party of the president, and you'll have to change your political party every time a different president gets into office.
- In America, the sacred right of voting is so important you must wait until you are an adult of 18 to exercise it, but you have to be 21 to drink a beer.
- In America, it is mandatory to despise anyone who doesn't vote for a bought-and-paid scumbag politician.
- In America, they believe that voting will make a difference and that letting others choose for them somehow makes their votes more powerful.
- In America, there is no bigger sin than not owning a television.
- In America, media figures calling Obama a "Nazi communist fascist Muslim Antichrist" are taken seriously.
- In America they have drive-through ATMs with braille lettering.
- In America there are handicap parking places in front of skating rinks.
- In America, men believe removing 40% of the penis (roughly five hundred thousand nerves) will somehow not lessen sensation.
- In America, the military advertises in the help wanted section.
- In America anyone with a Spanish name is instantly demoted to "dirty brown Mexican" status regardless of how cold, bland, and pasty he or she may actually be.
- When traveling abroad, most Americans believe that the native population of whatever country they are visiting should speak perfect and unaccented English, even though the only thing they themselves know how to say in the native language is "Where's the bathroom?"
- In many countries in the world, people don't make enough money to eat. In America, people pay money to lose weight.
- In America, it's common to see a single person driving around in a giant truck/SUV that can easily seat 20 people and only gets 6 miles to the gallon.
- In America, having a huge, noisy, gas-guzzling vehicle makes other Americans think your penis is HUGE.
- In America, working 20 hours a week longer than the average European to uphold an equal lifestyle is seen as a virtue.
- In America, people with no health insurance rabidly protest the government wanting to give everyone health insurance.
- In America, if you question them dumping toxic chemicals into the food and water supply, they'll call you a dirty hippy and beat the shit out of you.
- In America, writing on the sidewalk with chalk is considered destruction of public property.
- In America, they don't know that the Film Harry Potter is in English.
- In America, You must Hate Arabs with all your soul and heart, or they'll think you're a traitor that needs to die.
- In America, they'll fucking murder you if you believe people shouldn't have the right to spew out a hoard of screaming brats.
- In America, they'll fucking murder you if you admit to being an atheist.
- In America, they'll fucking murder you for being a fag.
- In America, they'll fucking murder you for wearing a turban.
- In America, they'll fucking murder you for being more free than the average free man.
- In America, they'll fucking murder you for pointing out their hypocrisy, use logic and reality to prove them wrong, win an argument against them, or for telling the truth.
- In America, they'll fucking murder you for talking shit about their beloved taxes.
- In America, everyone is convinced USA won WWII, despite every serious historian knowing that USSR defeated the Reich, Americans just came over Europe to loot what's left before Soviets could.
- In America, they'll fucking murder you for pointing that the real reason of the end of the Cold War was a through systemic defences induced implosion of the Communism, so its historically incorrect to say the USA won the Cold War, actually the most US-Americans think that only because they are uneducated.
- The average penis size of men (of all racial backgrounds, including blacks) in the USA is only 5.1", the lowest on the American Double-Continent; probably due to unhealthy food.
- The USA waging a war against Terrorism and for Democracy, but ironically they are allied with Saudi Arabia, a totalitarian state which supports Terrorism
- The USA had always supported (in Southern Vietnam, in Chile, in Indonesia), and nowadays still support Dictatorships and repressive regimes, an other instance of their hypocrisy
- In America, they'll fucking murder you for talking about their lost (in Vietnam, in Afghanistan ect.) or their power political and economical motivated wars and military interventions (the Yugoslavian Wars, the War in Iraq or the Military Intervention in Libya)
- US-Americans are to stupid and/or to uneducated to realize that USA is not a Democracy any more
- In America 400,000 people die every year from the effects of obesity
- In America, they'll fucking murder you for talking about the Human Rights Violations, War Crimes and Crimes against Humanity committed by their Military
- In America, they'll just fucking murder you, okay?
America works to make the world a better place by:
- Instilling and Supporting the rise of democracy, by destabilizing Democratic countries and installing Dictators.
- Making once-great countries into terrorist shitholes; See: Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan.
- Using Political Assassins to murder people trying to get anything good done.
- Imprisoning the most people in the world, while trying to say its' the freest place.
- Murdering its own citizens.
- Censoring and spying on its citizens.
- Electing idiots like Reagan and Bush.
However, Russia works for the devil by:
- Instilling Traditionalist values, such as making women not act like whores.
- Invading innocent, perfectly peaceful countries for the lulz.
- Fighting against Homosexual faggotry.
- Hax0ring teh US intarwebz. Again, for the lulz.
- Trading with China.
- Beating up Pussy Riot members. Good job.
- Being evil commie atheist scum; even though most Russians are right wing, and very religious.
The Pinnacle of American Intellectuals
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A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II,
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
(look up 'vocabulary').
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u and the elimination of '-ize.'
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler, although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
16. You will all be required to unquestioningly love and admire Duchess Catherine Middleton. However since your media have already persuaded your love to her, less enforcement will be measured.
God Save the Queen!
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