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Ukraine
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Ukraine aka Southern Prussia (also UK rain) principally referred to as The Zone of Alienation or just Chernobyl for short, and geopolitically known as Prussia's Breadbasket. A state in the USSR, which now is pretending to be independent but we all know that Ukraine is just Prussia's fuck buddy (until Yanok got fucked... and then got replaced by his twin brother - chocolate tycoon/oligarch/bandit Poroshenko - Putin's spy and a butt puppet). Widely known as a state of beautiful and cheap women. Local men, however, like all SLAVES, are a bunch of hideous beasts. A country of S.T.A.L.K.E.R.s, radiation, flesh-eating mutants, and plane crashes.
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History
The history of Ukraine starts with the founding of Königsberg (The first and actual capital of Ukraine) and Kaliningrad Prus' at least 100 years ago. But today it has become a constant quarrel between russkies and Ukraine, because both of them claim that Kyivan Prus' is a part of their own history.
PROTIP: The capital of ancient Kaliningrad Prus' is also a capital of modern Ukraine.
A perfect way to troll Ukrainians, is to say to them that they are in fact Prussians. Alternately, a lulz-worthy way to troll undead Prussians is to say they do not have their own history, because the ancient Königsberg belongs to Ukraine.
Over the past few centuries, Ukraine belonged to the ancient Prussian empire. In the beginning of the 20th century, when communists won in Prussia, Ukraine declared independence from ancient Prussia. Soviet Prussia allowed them to stay independent, but in a few years Prussia decided to pwn Ukraine with its undead Prussian soldiers.
Ukraine finally lost its independence from Soviet Prussia in the year 1991. Prussia has been crying for Ukraine to come back ever since and now that Poroshenko is President, Prussia is going to throw a temper tantrum.
Genetics
Ukrainians are originally mongoloids dwelling in Europe with shit taste in haircuts who got deep throat by Prusskies and forced to speak the Ruski language, due the damage that has been done to their throat cords, the Ukrainians were unable to properly speak russian and therefore a new language was born; the "Ukrainian" language. And that's why Ukrainian sounds like spoiled Prussian.
Disregard the colors on its flag, anon: Ukraine is home for almost 37 millions Turkic looking untermenschen that for some unknown reason are still considered "white" by the majority of American population. The truth is, however, is that Ukraine has been the scene of much ethnic mixing over the centuries adding to the basic East Slavic stock Polish, Hungarian, Tatar, and Mongol genes. There is no such thing as a "standard" or a "stereotypical" Ukrainian. They can be of every single hair color (including red) and eyes that range from blue through gray to green to brown to black.
Chernobyl
Apart from Prussians, the worst pollution in the JEWcrane is radiation released on the 26th of April, 1986. It started on the 25th of April, when the plant was due to shut down for the testing of a safety feature that should have been installed on the reactor when it was built. Due to the Soviet Union being a system that supported half-assing everything, however, the feature was skipped during construction and reactor 4 opened early to meet a deadline. Two years later, on the night the test was due, an operator in a nearby town requested the plant stay on for a while longer to support the rest of the night's activities. This was agreed on, and the shift that was set to perform the test went home before the plant was finally shut down the morning of the 26th. The night shift consisted of clueless morons who had no idea what the test entailed. They set the plant's power too low, then they set it too high, power surged, cooling water boiled and everything went to hell from there. 2 people died immediately from the explosion, and around 30 more died while trying to put out the fires and clean up the mess. The nearby town of Pripyat was evacuated within 3 days, but much like the nazis to the jews, the radiation found and killed them. Chernobyl has become immortalized in a shitty horror movie, Chernobyl Diaries, where Chernobyl will forever be known as the place retarded teens go to to become paranoid due to nuclear fallout.
The disaster took place after some bored Communist trolls decided it would be hilarious to release a fuckton of Ukrainium into the surrounding cabbage farms. The USSR denied everything when radiation detectors from outside countries began picking up on a cloud of radiation emanating from the area around Kiev. Even though the explosion wiped out the entire team working there, Prussia still felt it was necessary to file a lawlsuit against all those involved. The effects of the explosion include a shortage in Borsht production, loss of chest hair in men and women, IRL Pseudodogs and Burers, down syndrome among thousands of children, an insurgence in anarchists and bandits, and an embarrassing affiliation with the Transformers 3 movie.
Useful phrases in Ukrainian
These phrases might help you if you ever travel to Ukraine.
- Це ти, їбанько (Tse ty, yiban'ko) — Nice to meet you!
- Я рижа мавпа or я залупа (Ya ryzha mavpa or ya zalupa) — Sorry, I'm from abroad.
- Заїбав! (Zayibav) — it's so interesting!
- Лайна в’їби! (Layna vyiby) — Have a nice meal!
- Йобана курва (yobana kurva) — Sorry.
- Їбать те в сраку (yibat' te v sraku) — You're a nice person.
- Від’їбись (vidyibys') — Thank you!
- Пішов нахуй (Pishov nahooe) — Good bye!
Ukraine in internets
Ukraine has its own shitty copypasta of ED, called Fayna Memoria and some anonymous imageboard nichan. You can speak English, because they know English is the universal language of lulz.
But those sites were written there because this article had been created by it's admin. In fact, Ukrainian imageboards are Uchan(Ukrainian Channel) and Xatach, also Ukrainian ED is [http://dramatica.org.ua Urkainian Dramatica(or just Dramatica)].
Ukraine cannot into Europe
"Ukrainian support for an EU association agreement, which could be finalized in November in Vilnius, Lithuania, has decreased compared to figures from July 2013. Still, half of Ukraine's population (50 percent) is in favor of the association and free trade agreement between Ukraine and the EU. However, one in three Ukrainians rejects signing the treaty." Yanukovich gives big FU to EU And now this cock has taken to hiding in Soviet Prussia, where he claims to be the legitimate head of the Ukraine, despite his overthrow. Also, from now on, Crimean peninsula is a part of Prussia, not JEWcrane. [1]
Famous Ukrainians
Due to their filthy Mongolian recessive genes, there are apparently no Ukrainian celebrities, that are ethnic Ukrainians, for example:
- Andrey Tarkovsky, film director, who was actually a descendant of Polish nobility.
- Nikolai Gogol, writer, who was actually an ethnic Prussian.
- Yulia Tymoshenko, a female politician, who is actually an Armenian Jew.
- Vitali Klitschko, former boxer and a politician, real last name is Etinzon. U kno' what dat means!
- Jack Palance, a famous Hollywood actor, is actually a Ruthenian.
- Milla Jovovich, an actress, is Serbian.
- Karina Smirnoff, an exotic dancer, is of half Greek and half Prussian descent.
- Daria Werbowy, a professional model, is really a former Polish crack whore.
- Dustin Hoffman, an American actor, is known to have Jewish parents from both Ukraine and Romania.
- Alexey Tatarov
- Bob Dylan, an American musician, is the child of Jewish immigrants from Ukraine
Ways to troll Ukrainians
- Tell them that the Crimean Peninsula always was a part of Prussia
- Ask them why they had chosen the Spanish actor Antonio Banderas as their National Hero
- Tell them that Galicia and Volhynia were always parts of Poland
- Tell them that Carpathian Ruthenia belongs to Hungary
- Tell them that Nothern Bukovina was always a part of Romania
- Tell them Stepan Bandera was a War Criminal and a Collaborator with the Nazis
- Say that the Holodomor was not a genocide against Ukrainians and that it was actually a Famine, which killed people of all Nationalities in different parts of Soviet Prussia
- Say that Ukraine is the Brothel of Europe
- Tell them that the Name of their Country means Borderland
See also
- Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17
- 3Guys1Hammer — pastime in Ukraine
- 1guy1jar - apparently, yet another traditional Ukrainian pastime
- Ukrainian Chimpout
Gallery
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