The Ultimate Warrior

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The Ultimate Warrior, aka James Brian Hellwig, was a batshit insane professional maniac who died in 2014, two days after an appearance at Wrestlemania XXX and his induction into the WWF Hall of Fame. The antics of his career as a legendary IRL troll within the sport are well documented but as this isn't Wikipedia, fuck you. In later life after burning pretty much every last bridge back to the big time he legally changed his name to Warrior and embarked upon a career of steroids, coke & USI fuelled IRL motivational speaking and ULTIMATE OTI faggotry; the One Warrior Nation and blog Warrior's Machete both being veritable goldmines for the prospective lulz connoisseur.

   
 
My name is Warrior. I live by a warrior philosophy of life conceived by unique physical life experiences, serious introspection, and many years of enlightened self-study. My Creator endowed me with naturally high testosterone levels, unusual self-discipline, stalwart refusal to compromise right with wrong, and a very low tolerance for hypocrites, liars, enablers, piecemeal practice of principle, emasculated males, political-correctness, and oppressive, anti-freedom caca that doesn’t work in the private backyard of my own individual life. I am a “Being” Created with the ability to judge, so I do.


 


 
 

— Warrior on being 'Warrior'

   
 
We brought the Ultimate Warrior to campus because we wanted to host a thought-provoking discussion from an individual who would appeal to a broader range of students than normal, given his background. Sadly, the Warrior's presentation accomplished none of these goals and we were horrified like most of the UConn community by the display.


 


 
 

UConn Republicans

   
 
A unhealthy looking, pasty-white, disheveled male queer with burgundy-colored spiked hair stood up and reminded me that I had said I did not know any queer with their emotional life act together. Obviously heartbroken and bothered by this, he enlightenedly added, “How could you say that? Because, you see, you do not know me.” Although it's always easily possible to misjudge someone without giving them an adequate chance to show their real self, I have to say that this queer said more than enough in 13 words for me to say, quite confidently, that he definitely doesn't have his emotional life act together.


 


 
 

— Warrior, on engaging with a student of DePaul University

Warrior Facts

For reason/s best known to himself he referred to his artistic output as "Weapons of Wisdom".
  • Warrior loved America.
  • Warrior loved Freedom.
  • Warrior loved typing walls of text as a Free American.
  • Warriors paintings were and remain over-priced.
  • Warrior didn't hate fags, he just thought they were all pathetic weaklings.
  • Warrior raped Santa Claus

The Death of a Warrior

It was reported by colleagues that Warrior appeared frail while in attendance at the WrestleMania XXX weekend and that he was "sweating profusely and breathing heavily" while backstage. Warrior subsequently clutched his chest and collapsed outside of a hotel in Arizona. He was taken to hospital and pronounced dead at the age of 54.

YouTube

Ultimate Warrior's Confession

Gallery

Weapons of Wisdom About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See also

Warrior Links

Fb-favicon.png OfficialUltimateWarrior
YouTube Favicon.png mrultimatewarrior

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Featured article August 22nd & 23rd, 2014
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