Undesirable Number One

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Undesirable Number One was once the highest posted upon Harry Potter forum on FanFiction.Net, a position now claimed by The Reviews Lounge since Undesirable Number One vanished in either December 2007 or January 2008. Nobody who cares remembers. Nobody who remembers cares.

It had 21 subscribers and four Moderators (one of whom who was constantly MIA), and over 22,000 posts. It recently had its second birthday, which fell on December 23, 2007. It was started by Mrs Claire Potter and named by Heaven's Flying Fish when she won the 'Name the Forum Competition', held some time ago.

This "web site thread" was so awesome it was closed down by the Australian House of Representatives backbenchers, namely Peter "the whore" Costello. A reliable source says that he hacked into Mrs Claire Potter's FanFiction.Net account after one too many late nights with John "the sex" Howard.


Current Moderation Team

Administrator: Mrs Claire Potter
Moderator 1: Heaven's Flying Fish
Moderator 2: Mint Humbug
Moderator 3: seriouslykelsey

Mrs Claire Potter

Administrator: Mrs Claire Potter is a ruthless and witty Australian man of 40 years of age, according to fellow Moderator and friend, [1].

An alleged photo of Mrs Claire Potter.

However, according to her FanFiction.Net profile, she is a 15 year old girl. She set up the forum in an effort to best her friend Google Snook's forum, The Rotfag Conspiracy, which has since been deleted.

She has written a number of Harry Potter fanfictions, and a number of fanfictions which have been deleted. Her main genre is parody.

Mrs Claire Potter started her account at FanFiction.Net at "the tender age of twelve", a few months after [2]. She decided on her name out of a twelve-year-old crush on Harry Potter's father, James Potter. According to some statements she has made, the name "Claire Potter" was already taken by another user, thus forcing her to add a "Mrs" to her name.

Recently, Mrs Claire Potter made her debut on stage in a school production of Peter Pan, in which she played Wendy Darling.

Mrs Claire Potter's favourite Harry Potter characters are the following, in no particular order:

Harry Potter
Rubeus Hagrid
Lucius Malfoy
Fred & George Weasley
Draco Malfoy
Dean Thomas
Lord Voldemort
James Potter
Severus Snape
Barty Crouch Junior
Cedric Diggory
Stan Shunpike

Heaven's Flying Fish

Moderator: Heaven's Flying Fish is an equally witty Australian girl of 15 years of age.

Self portrait, by Heaven's Flying Fish.

Heaven's Flying Fish was voted the 'Most Nastiest Moderator', between herself, Mrs Claire Potter, and Mint Humbug.

"The Others"

Moderator: Mint Humbug. Real name Phoebe. Fifteen years old; Australian. If you are ever on line when she is posting, consider yourself blessed. Hardly ever seen. Played 'John' in the same school production of Peter Pan as Mrs Claire Potter.

Moderator: seriously kelsey, aka Kelsey, is the most recent addition to the Moderation team. Unlike the other three, she (also fifteen) is from America, and may be the only American Mrs Claire Potter and Heaven's Flying Fish can stand. The two prominent moderators took a shine to her immediately, and she didn't suffer under the barrage of insults that usually assaults newbies.

World Domination

Taken from the 'World Domination' thread:

"Here at 'Undesirable Number One' we have decided to do a spot of friendly WORLD DOMINATION.

Since we have already achieved FORUM DOMINATION, what else is there to do?

Here are some things to do to get us on our way:

#1. Sign up here using the form below.

#2. Post regularly on this forum to ensure we do not lose our FORUM DOMINATION.

#3. Advertise this forum on your profile page, your fan fictions, any other forums you may go on, your website, your MySpace, etc. Hell, I've even advertised the forum in fan fiction reviews I've written!

#4. If you are a member of MySpace, BY ALL MEANS FEEL FREE to add 'Undesirable Number One' to your friends list. Note: It will make you look more popular, so it's a win-win situation ... The actual MySpace site is ... [www.myspace.com/harrypotterssecretforum]

#5. Have friends that go on FanFiction.Net? Invite them here. You know they'll want to. Or maybe they don't. If that's the case, FORCE THEM.

#6. Create flyers and put them in your neighbors' letterboxes ... (This one is optional. If you have nothing to do, I suggest you get cracking.)

#7. Get a tattoo that says, "World Domination for Undesirable Number One". On your forehead. In fact, tattoo it all over your body. In blue ink. And conceal it in the blueprints of a prison. Yes. Do that.

#8. If you have friends who AREN'T on FanFiction.Net, pretend to be them and create false accounts in their names. THEN FORCE THEM ANYWAY.

#9. Create a chain email saying that if the person doesn't go onto this forum and doesn't send the email to all their contacts, then a child ghost with white skin, red eyes and no mouth will come and murder them."

Prominent Discussion Topics

Generally, the hormonal teens on this forum cover a range of pointless shit in their endless and often bitchy conversations, most which indicate that they have nothing better to do than post crap about nothing.

Former Moderators and Members

Moderator: Cosmic Chaos, a thirteen year old girl from Trinidad and Tobago was briefly a Moderator, assigned the job of fixing the spelling and grammar in member BoozeHound's posts. Mrs Claire Potter revoked the title soon after giving it, as Cosmic Chaos did not do her job properly. Is still a poster on the forum.

Moderator: Nero Cosine, (ageless) Sydney-sider was immediately liked by Mrs Claire Potter, and duly added to the moderation team. However, the title was revoked some time later, as she never actually posted on the forum and hasn't been seen for months.


Past Prominent Members:

Canon is dead long live fanfic: Sebastian was a long standing member of the forum. In his early twenties (assumed) and from Bristol, Canon was accused of being in love with Heaven's Flying Fish after he asked if he could "keep" her. Mrs Claire Potter made the accusations. It seems as if he has gotten a life since then, and has not been seen.

UnexplainableFear: A boy of Middle Eastern descent who lived in England. Wanted to be a psychologist. Has since gotten a life. Was assumed to be female by the forum population, which turns out to be false. The truth is that he is a tranvestite from the furture whos penis grows bigger and vagina gets tighter when ever he/she discoveres a deep secert of its patients durring routine apointments with its clients.

flowers of ice: An original poster. Lived in Singapore and took a number of advanced classes.

BoozeHound: A foul-mouthed, grammatically incorrect Brit in her late teens. Both Mrs Claire Potter and Heaven's Flying Fish attempted to polish her vulgar personality. Both failed.


Resident Paedophile:

Becca1717, aka Valentine Wiggin, who is assumed to be a fifty year old American man attempting to pass off as a sixteen year old Australian girl who longed for an incestuous relationship with her cousin. Started a second account to start afresh, but plans were foiled. Immediately.

It is possible that Becca1717 is actually Snapesnogger due to their similar discussion topics and conversational tone. And also the fact that they are both like herpes: repulsive, itchy, and continually returning.

It is imperative to note that neither Becca1717 nor Valentine Wiggin has returned to the forum since his secret has been revealed on this website.

See also

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[...and then there was a gay orgy.It was a dark and stormy night...]

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